I think I'm gonna get a career and IT and fund some hip hop projects later when I got the cash. but right now I just want to get the fuck out of this loop
I'm a programmer and musician... really glad I made that choice because I actually make good money and eventually got into a position where I work from home and can work from anywhere so it's allowed me a ton of freedom so I can pursue music, and go on the road and still work. Whereas if you rely on music for your income, it's gonna be hard to support yourself. Making it big is a great thing to aspire to but the reality of the musician life for most is that you work very, very hard, and love what you do, and get paid a little, if you're lucky, enough to make a modest living just doing music and nothing else... this generally takes a long time of putting in your dues. It's not that people don't make it big... but it's really good to have a backup plan for income. My good friend who used to be in my first band joined another band over 4 years ago. They have a big following, play 4 or 5 shows a week (or more), work SO hard, they're amazing, they won a state-wide battle of the bands competition, got featured in a magazine, throw their own festival every year... and all of them have side jobs doing random shit that they hate, so that they can afford rent. If you love music, do it, and love it, and it's its own reward. And if you get a big break, awesome, you can just focus on that then. Just some advice about being a musician.
Man, I'm 36, and I've wanted to die, and I've been truly, deeply happy, and I've been in between (usually in between), a number of times. Your early 20s are hard, but shit starts to chill out towards the end and especially into the 30s. It might seem a long way off but it's not, really. Life is a rollercoaster. One thing I will say is that my darkest times have coincided with my worst drug addiction. Drugs start out helping but when you rely on them to feel okay long-term, they start to make everything worse.