In real-life Shelby.
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2019
- Messages
- 3
Brief Background
Guess my first memories of being high, I would have been around 7 and it would have been my mom giving my Xanax to sleep, always remember going to the doctor for something then, little did I know that I was being set up to fail. When I was 11 I smoked pot for the first time, 13 one of my friends was learning from his dad how to cook crank so I learned that too... Never really into BC meth makes me slow. But I have been there. Experimented with MDMA, DXM, DMT. But when I was 15i was in a four-wheeler wreak and that is what took the cookie, they gave me lortabs to take home, tramadol and gabapentin. That was 11 years ago. Oct 1st of 2012 they past a law and then they wanted me to go to the pain clinic, I was only 19 at that point I was like ya know I don't need that shit, little did I know that it needed me more then I knew BC I was "dependent" which I had not the slightest clue that whole time I took it right so why was this happening,went the doctor instead of just taking me down off of those meds. He sent me to a Sub clinic and told me it would be easier to get of off. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. That was 7 years ago and now i couldn't get help from a doctor now if I tired haha. BC of it and the stigma it brings
Substance(s)
Everything I could try, I thought I was cool. It was very normal in my child hood for adults shooting their meds into their arm, and I thought that's what you did when you were unhappy.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
Not sure the age my mother started giving me Xanax to sleep but by the time I was 13 I had my own that I took every night I am now 26 and I still have 1-2mgs of subs, gabapentin. Every now and then I'll take something extra but I don't party anymore nor do I feel cool.
Adverse Effects
Omg, how do I start, it took my first son away from me. But that wasn't enough, it takes something Everytime I get strung out. Now I just wanna take my dose and be happy with my job and honest I kinda did life alittle backward, as I seen and been threw some horrible times as a child I had to re-learn how just to be a person, how to just take my dose and no more, how to ba happy when I dont have it and how to do and be a human with the beast inside me.
Warnings and Advice
There isn't some kind of magic word or even pill to make the want of Addiction go away, but I have learned that there are all kinds of sober and as long as I am holding a job taking care of my kids and not taking everything from us, then I am doing good, but it took me years to get here, alot of pain and heart ache. I wish I would have learned from my family that drugs were bad, but I didn't I had to learn on my own. How to deal with it. The want is still there but my brain is clear and I am OK. This doesn't happen for the millions of us who are dealing with it, I have no clue how I am still alive.
Miscellaneous
Please if you do get high, keep it to your self, it's like spread aids when you are doing it to other people. And addicts don't be ashamed BC the result of that is even more devastating then the act. There is so much knowledge that we have and should tell. I am a smart person but my eight year old know drugs are bad, I took him to my aunts to see how she is and lives. I want him to know that his brain is set up to be the same way. I'll keep allowing them to know of what it takes and how everything can change in an instant, we all die, and we NEED to be able to see there is more the life then finding my next fix. Just hope I stay this way. Ive let Down everyone in my life to the point where it's just my mom and husband left. I look into my kids eyes and I know I need them more then they will ever need me.
Guess my first memories of being high, I would have been around 7 and it would have been my mom giving my Xanax to sleep, always remember going to the doctor for something then, little did I know that I was being set up to fail. When I was 11 I smoked pot for the first time, 13 one of my friends was learning from his dad how to cook crank so I learned that too... Never really into BC meth makes me slow. But I have been there. Experimented with MDMA, DXM, DMT. But when I was 15i was in a four-wheeler wreak and that is what took the cookie, they gave me lortabs to take home, tramadol and gabapentin. That was 11 years ago. Oct 1st of 2012 they past a law and then they wanted me to go to the pain clinic, I was only 19 at that point I was like ya know I don't need that shit, little did I know that it needed me more then I knew BC I was "dependent" which I had not the slightest clue that whole time I took it right so why was this happening,went the doctor instead of just taking me down off of those meds. He sent me to a Sub clinic and told me it would be easier to get of off. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. That was 7 years ago and now i couldn't get help from a doctor now if I tired haha. BC of it and the stigma it brings
Substance(s)
Everything I could try, I thought I was cool. It was very normal in my child hood for adults shooting their meds into their arm, and I thought that's what you did when you were unhappy.
Duration of Addiction/Dependence
Not sure the age my mother started giving me Xanax to sleep but by the time I was 13 I had my own that I took every night I am now 26 and I still have 1-2mgs of subs, gabapentin. Every now and then I'll take something extra but I don't party anymore nor do I feel cool.
Adverse Effects
Omg, how do I start, it took my first son away from me. But that wasn't enough, it takes something Everytime I get strung out. Now I just wanna take my dose and be happy with my job and honest I kinda did life alittle backward, as I seen and been threw some horrible times as a child I had to re-learn how just to be a person, how to just take my dose and no more, how to ba happy when I dont have it and how to do and be a human with the beast inside me.
Warnings and Advice
There isn't some kind of magic word or even pill to make the want of Addiction go away, but I have learned that there are all kinds of sober and as long as I am holding a job taking care of my kids and not taking everything from us, then I am doing good, but it took me years to get here, alot of pain and heart ache. I wish I would have learned from my family that drugs were bad, but I didn't I had to learn on my own. How to deal with it. The want is still there but my brain is clear and I am OK. This doesn't happen for the millions of us who are dealing with it, I have no clue how I am still alive.
Miscellaneous
Please if you do get high, keep it to your self, it's like spread aids when you are doing it to other people. And addicts don't be ashamed BC the result of that is even more devastating then the act. There is so much knowledge that we have and should tell. I am a smart person but my eight year old know drugs are bad, I took him to my aunts to see how she is and lives. I want him to know that his brain is set up to be the same way. I'll keep allowing them to know of what it takes and how everything can change in an instant, we all die, and we NEED to be able to see there is more the life then finding my next fix. Just hope I stay this way. Ive let Down everyone in my life to the point where it's just my mom and husband left. I look into my kids eyes and I know I need them more then they will ever need me.
