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Meth is my man

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StrongerThanGravity

StrongerThanGravity

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
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Location
United States
Hi.. I have been using meth for the last 3 years almost every day. I would say I’m a functioning addict. I had a lot of fun the first year almost two. However, I have been noticing that my life is slowly going down the drain. I used to be codependent on a man but now I am dependent on this Drug. What used to give me confidence now makes me insecure. What used to make me look skinny and my eyes big and beautiful has now made me look tired and strung out. I have scars that won’t heal, my innocence lost without realizing how sacred it is to have. Morals lost for money. Fake friends for life. What used to mask the pain now makes me want to die. Stuck between living fast and dying young makes no time for life at all. I think I’m dead already.

Meth is my man and he’s unforgiving....
3 year junkie from an alcoholic...
Needle in my vein since November 2018...
Girl who’s used what she’s got to survive...
Something’s gotta give...
Juice wasn’t worth the squeeze.. .
Addicted to the lifestyle since idk when....
 
Hey StrongerThanGravity - Welcome to Bluelight.

You may want to check out the sub-forums The Dark Side and Sober Living, in the Recovery Forums.

There you can vent and get great support from great people.

I used to dance with meth. It was my girl. Giving it up is hard, but f you're strong enough to admit your problems your part of the way there.

BTW - do you have any hobbies? Work? What else moves you?

<3
 
StrongerThanGravity said:
Hi.. I have been using meth for the last 3 years almost every day. I would say I’m a functioning addict. I had a lot of fun the first year almost two. However, I have been noticing that my life is slowly going down the drain. I used to be codependent on a man but now I am dependent on this Drug. What used to give me confidence now makes me insecure. What used to make me look skinny and my eyes big and beautiful has now made me look tired and strung out. I have scars that won’t heal, my innocence lost without realizing how sacred it is to have. Morals lost for money. Fake friends for life. What used to mask the pain now makes me want to die. Stuck between living fast and dying young makes no time for life at all. I think I’m dead already.

Meth is my man and he’s unforgiving....
3 year junkie from an alcoholic...
Needle in my vein since November 2018...
Girl who’s used what she’s got to survive...
Something’s gotta give...
Juice wasn’t worth the squeeze.. .
Addicted to the lifestyle since idk when....
Click to expand...
Meth should make u get shit done use it as a wepon of good learn new things improve every aspect of your life think grow be a student of all things have patience lifes long and sweet if got gratitude. But real prob and ive got the same prob is the gear isnt meth and the i blood sucking retards
 
StrongerThanGravity said:
Hi.. I have been using meth for the last 3 years almost every day. I would say I’m a functioning addict. I had a lot of fun the first year almost two. However, I have been noticing that my life is slowly going down the drain. I used to be codependent on a man but now I am dependent on this Drug. What used to give me confidence now makes me insecure. What used to make me look skinny and my eyes big and beautiful has now made me look tired and strung out. I have scars that won’t heal, my innocence lost without realizing how sacred it is to have. Morals lost for money. Fake friends for life. What used to mask the pain now makes me want to die. Stuck between living fast and dying young makes no time for life at all. I think I’m dead already.

Meth is my man and he’s unforgiving....
3 year junkie from an alcoholic...
Needle in my vein since November 2018...
Girl who’s used what she’s got to survive...
Something’s gotta give...
Juice wasn’t worth the squeeze.. .
Addicted to the lifestyle since idk when....
Click to expand...
Hey life is a roll of the dice there's good days and bad days, I wake up with pain that makes me want to rip my fucking head off, but that doesn't stop me from not neccesarily being "happy" but the fact is, that precisely is life, you're dependent on a drug and that's a fact, you can work with your dependency to instead of feeling trapped to feel free once again, I'm not going to tell you anything regarding your use, what I can say is you need to assess your mindset and some how find a way to tell yourself that tomorrow is gonna come and it doesn't matter if it's a shitty day because you're gonna get through it, and shitty days can become good days.
You'll never be happy until you realize how happy you were unhappy is what I once said while completely blitzed to one of my friends that was saying similar things to me and he reminds me of that to this day. Let the clock tic and you'll tic too, you can't expect to wake up happy, you have to make your happiness and it's never easy. Addict or not, stop looking at yourself as an addict throw that out the window, you're a drug user who's gotten a little lost on the way, you'll find it your way. Whether you rely on meth for " happiness" take a moment to think about it and not take the meth itself for granted.
 
Hi. I relate to much of what you said. First danced with meth 7 or 8 years ago. Had a few years of abstinence. Relapsed right around 3 years ago. Picked up the needle Summer 2016. It turned from fun to fiendish much like you said. Spent the last few months as "dat shot out gal".

But... I have to tell you. You may feel dead, but you're very much alive. Some days the storm of addiction rattles you to the core, the night before last I was in tears and certain all the good in my life had dissolved.
Lately I've been managing my addiction a bit better. I bet you can get going in a direction with your use where one day you can live in peace with this habit we have.
I've managed to cut my daily dose down by 1/2 to 2/3 of what it was.

I don't know your daily dosage or pattern of use. But never give up. Don't let the lifestyle make you feel too insecure or feel ashamed... No one knows your story or your struggles like you do. To hell with the strangers and even former friends who judge you. I hate the battle scars on my arms with a passion. One look at what was once like porcelain and there's no doubt I'm a pincushion. Huge insecurity for me, but I fight it. I wear short sleeves and frolic.

You are an addict I'm sure. You're also from what I gather in your wording and the attitude in your post-
A woman who has morals. A moment of weakness or breaking your creed doesn't change that one bit.
A woman who does what is necessary.
A survivor.
A human.
And like all of us.
A work of art.

I read your intro and felt almost like I was reading the last few chapters of my life up to date. Simply revamped and revised. Where I was recast as a stranger.

Before my marriage fell apart, I came to the conclusion meth was my mistress.

Be safe. Be good to yourself and try not to get down on yourself because you have a struggle. Every person on this earth has one.

And finally, welcome to BlueLight.
I hope the sun shines through the dark clouds you are facing soon.
 
Vampier hunter said:
Meth should make u get shit done use it as a wepon of good learn new things improve every aspect of your life think grow be a student of all things have patience lifes long and sweet if got gratitude. But real prob and ive got the same prob is the gear isnt meth and the i blood sucking retards
Click to expand...
the reality is meth actually turns you into a lazier person i know it doesn't seem like it would.but trust me when all you care about is getting home to hit the pipe as long as possible. You dont get much done on it
 
I bet you did good in school and never saw this coming. There's something about the way you describe meth that is methmerizing like it was written by a Professional of some kind
 
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Cateturry3turrycan said:
the reality is meth actually turns you into a lazier person i know it doesn't seem like it would.but trust me when all you care about is getting home to hit the pipe as long as possible. You dont get much done on it
Click to expand...
I think the social ritual around smoking may indeed cause laziness. However slamming is different. Load the syringe, do the shot and after you recoup from the rush, the day begins.
 
Meth is not your man..
Babe,dude,w,e i kratom turkeyed itl,
I wanted to kill myself.
Im still alive?
Welcome to BL.
 
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