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Detox Finally stopped the methadone clinic

I made it to the cruise port! This was my goal, to be sober and feeling human. I did it!!!! I’m on a cruise
 
Man, take the xanax if things get bad. My heartbeat was crazy when I detoxed from methadone too
 
Had a wonderful time. The sun and warm air on skin was healing. I got so tired of being cold!
Did not drink much after the first day. Mild hangover, was not worth it.
I swam, snorkeled for hours most days. It made me feel human again. Energized me.
Tomorrow back to work.
 
I'm glad you had a good time on vacay Deb, you certainly deserved it. You're awesome.

Much love,
your friend,
Ash.

Debbie Combs said:
Had a wonderful time. The sun and warm air on skin was healing. I got so tired of being cold!
Did not drink much after the first day. Mild hangover, was not worth it.
I swam, snorkeled for hours most days. It made me feel human again. Energized me.
Tomorrow back to work.
Click to expand...
 
Day 71
feel great
time to stop the benzo.........so small amount. .25 don’t know why I even bother hopefully I will not be awake all night
 
90 Days
It’s been a ride.
First 30 was physical
Next 30 was mental ( for me the hardest part)
The last 30, the edges rounded off. Blood pressure normalized, sleep returned, motivation coming back, no cold to the bone feeling.
No opiates. Life is better. Trying to control pain holistically.
I never could’ve gone through without the aid of this website. Would’ve freaked out when things got bad and they did get bad but was told it will pass and IT DID! Comfort meds are a must. The second phase is the mental one and it’s the most difficult. Realizing what you have done, years wasted, still not feeling great, tired all the time, just absolutely no motivation. Aches in muscles still lingered it seemed to drag. It made me feel absolutely void of soul at times. Scary. Again was told it’s part of it all and it was, it passes.
Still have things to work on, mainly working on myself within. Finding myself again, knowing what I want, dealing with emotions that had been hidden for years with opiates, but it’s getting there.
Good luck to ANYONE kicking an opiate. Just do it and don’t look back. It DOES GET BETTER
This will be my last post on here. Thank you everyone who posted. Every comment meant something. People reaching out, support, advice, just all of it. THANK YOU
 
I’m baaaaaacck!
Still opiate free after 6 mo and 19 days.
I retired from USPS on the first of May. After cruise my mom got sick and I needed to take care of her. Job got fired up again about documentation. It was time to bow out gracefully. 31 yrs is enough. I slid right into another job working more hours than before.( Probably too many)
So.........I’m still having bouts of depression, and fatigue. The worst is my temper, where did that come from? No patience, irritable.....just yuck, I don’t even like me. How can I be social? It seems to be a cycle. Good days, bad days.
My blood pressure has stayed high.
I’ve lost 20lbs
Life is almost normal.
I reread my own thread. Several mention NA. Now that I have different hours maybe a meeting? I know it’s been awhile since I stopped but depression is getting the best of me. I wonder if others feel this way too? Apprehensive as crap about going though, I’m ashamed.
 
I enjoy meeting very much!! The trick is to not go in and expect that it is a silver bullet to Fix Everything in ones Life!! Its just one more toll in the tool box. I find that it has many uses with this disease of addiction, and great way to meet people and get involved.
Thanks for coming back :love:
 
Hello my dear friend,

Lovely to hear from you.

I am so happy you are doing well and carrying on. Sorry your mom wasn't well.

Re the meeting tonight, just go and you don't need to say a lot if you don't feel like it. There is no harm in going and checking it out, who knows you may like it.

Here if you need anything.

Let me know how it goes tonight if you end up going.

your friend,
Ash.
?

Debbie Combs said:
They have one tonight at 8. I’m seriously nervous as crap. I’m not good with people anymore.
Click to expand...
 
Hi Debbie,

Health wise I have been managing fine, but one of my friends from here passed away (aihfl Aaron) and I haven't been the same since, I guess it will take time. Sorry to be a downer.

I am happy you are doing well and I am very proud of you.

Please let me know how it goes tonight if you end up going.

Ash.




Debbie Combs said:
Hey Ash, hows it going? Been ok?
Thanks for encouragement.
Click to expand...
 
Hey there Debbie! Super congrats on all the great progress you have made. Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit for the shit we go through. Sure, some of it is self-made, but you
might want to give yourself a break and a big pat on the back! Look how far you have come!!!

In regard to NA meetings: I was initially reserved myself about going. I certainly qualified. But I went to meetings years ago and always found excuses for why they just didn't help. That was
truly just my addict brain at work...trying to keep my sick. Anyway, in my addiction I became quite the recluse. I eventually went back to meetings for the social aspect, and I am so glad I did.
Do I appreciate every thing that is said? HELL NO! But it is absolutely uncanny how every meeting I drag myself to, usually ends up being exactly what I need to hear in that moment.

What do you have to lose by checking one out?

Keep up the fantastic arduous work!!
 
Thank you Lovemissile, like you, I have found myself being a recluse. I did go to a meeting tonight. I was last one in and first one out. Didn’t say a word, listened. Seemed everyone knew each other.....there was a routine. I did not know they past a hat. I did not know about standing in a circle at the end........
Funny, I have a hard time with “My name is Debbie and I am an addict”. I’ve never uttered it and that is the first time I have wrote it. That’s what I am “an addict”. I’ve never thought of myself like that before. Gives a keen sense of self. I’ve been denying it for years. It’s awakening and brutally honest.
Maybe I can get something out of these meetings. I plan to go again next week. Folks there were everyday folks. Some shared. I noticed the common denominator was pain.
I’m assuming there is a book. They talked about steps. A higher power. it was more spiritual than religious. That was my take on it anyways.
Ash.........I remember reading some of aihfl post. I’m sorry to hear he past. Thank you for giving me a push to go tonight. I probably wouldn’t have but I thought about what you said. “Just go”. I am glad I went.
 
Hey Debbie! Glad to hear you made it to the meeting. I have been back "in the rooms" for about 4 months. In the beginning, it felt like high school all over again:( Very cliquish. I really
felt like an outsider. I didn't show up early, but I definitely high-tailed it out of there as soon as the meeting was over. I just felt so awkward standing around, not knowing anyone.

Now, after hitting a bunch of meetings, I have a better understanding of why the group is a little hesitant to just throw open their arms. The people that show up on a regular basis, are watching
the newcomer. Watching and waiting to see if this person will continue to show up, or just bail after a few meetings. I imagine it is a bit disheartening to try to get to know a person, only to have
them disappear. Because I have been showing up regularly, I am starting to get to know some of the folks on a personal level. It feels good.

That being said, I am cautious about the men! I've had to watch out for predatory guys. The ones who show up just to pick up women. I would like to think that most people are going for
the right reasons, but sadly not all.

Bottom line: I'm glad I'm back in the program. There are absolutely nights when I DO NOT WANT TO GO!!! And those are the times when I sit there and hear something that rings true for
myself and its just a great feeling. I have an issue with the God stuff, but my higher power is not God. And that is the cool thing, it can be whatever you want.

Hope you are having a peaceful night.
 
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