Pah! Dry January my arse! How dare you part time drinkers flaunt your ability to not have a drink for a whole MONTH in the faces of us serious alcoholics. Boohoo, "I've been drinking far too much recently, so i'd better stop for exactly 31 days and constantly bang on about my 'detox' for the whole time". You make us dedicated boozers sick. 31 fuckin days - do you know how unattainable that is for someone who breaks out into a cold sweat at the mere thought of not being able to get ratarsed until after work? No. Of course you don't, you shandy suppin shit stabbin southern soft shite you. I bet you'll be there with your other smug bastard mates who make up the local dry January temperance movement, mincing in and out of Wetherspoons and Yates Wine Lodges banging your tambourines and chanting "boozers are for losers, I'm a winner not a sinner", or summat.
However, on the stroke of midnight the 31st January, I guarantee you'll be down the local 24 hour garage for a bottle of Glens. You mark my words...
Fuckin ginseng...