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Getting Caught Looking At Breasts On Display

A

|~~ANT~~|

Ex-Bluelighter
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Oct 11, 2018
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(formerly) ForEverAfter, TheDeceased & sounygordna
This happened to me the other day, and I was conflicted about it, so I thought I'd get some opinions.

A friend of my wife came around when she wasn't here and she was wearing a skimpy costume, with her tits pushed up (and nearly out) of her top. I wasn't expecting her to come over and I was pretty stoned. A number of times, I found myself glancing at her cleavage and then forcing myself to look away. The glancing was basically* involuntary because of a combination of the way she was dressed and my headspace / level of intoxication at the time... I'm not remotely interested in her. But, she saw me looking and moved her arm over her chest at one point nervously to block her cleavage... I wasn't staring at her. The glances were split second... I'd prefer it if her breasts weren't on display (so to speak) because I can't help but looking at women sometimes and I honestly don't want to look at them... Maybe that makes me a creep or a chauvinist or something? I don't know. I just don't understand why some women dress the way they do, if they don't want attention... Don't get me wrong, women can dress however they want.

*I could train myself to repress my sexuality to such an extent that I have no subconscious interest in looking at breasts, but I don't want to do that... I don't think it's healthy (psychologically) and I don't think I should have to repress myself any more than a woman should have to repress their desire to dress however they like.

Am I a creep?

Thoughts?
 
You're not a creep. You were high and she was showing off her breasts.

That being said, have you brought it up with your wife and told her, "Hey your friend came by and I was super stoned and now I feel like a pervert." Your wife could then, if the friend brought it up, say, "Oh yeah he told me that and he was so embarrassed." Alternatively, if she is close to both of you, you could apologize to her and explain the situation *if* she would be cool about it. I wouldn't say, "You were practically falling out of your top." But you could say that you were stoned and that you thought she looked uncomfortable and was there something in particular that you did that made her uncomfortable? Or you could, if she's a good friend to both of you, like a really good friend, just bring it up and laugh it off. Or you could just leave it alone.

Although, if that happened with my wife's friend... I'd definitely communicate it to my wife because, yenno, she's my wife.

It doesn't make you a chauvinist just because you looked at what she went to your home in. You're fine.
 
I'm glad I'm not a creep, but I'm not sure I'm going to bring it up with my wife... I don't think she'd care if she found out I was looking at some tits. But, either way, I don't see why I should have to be accountable for this when I don't think I did anything wrong? If I went over to G's (the woman) house in a g-string, I'd expect her to look at me. Partly because I have a sweet ass (that no heterosexual woman can resist), but also because I'm inviting her to have a peek... I don't feel like a pervert and I'm not embarrassed. I'm more annoyed about the situation. I'm pretty sure she thought I was being creepy. But, why should I apologise? I'm tired of being apologetic to women for being a man.

Or you could just leave it alone.
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Is there a fourth option where I say something like: "If you dress like that, you've got to expect me to have a look." I've heard a lot of female friends who dress provocatively complain that men ogle them sometimes. I don't understand this complaint. Like I said, with the G-string comment, I would expect people to ogle my sculpted ass cheeks.
 
I would only say that to a female friend that I was very close to and I would put it in with other stuff. When you put it that bluntly, it could come off as rude/misogynistic. I don't know how close you are with this woman, but a comment like that could damage a friendship.

Bringing it up with your wife wouldn't make you accountable in the sense that you mean. I was saying that it could prevent issues for her with her friendship with this woman should she bring it up with your wife. Also, it gives your wife a way to defuse the situation without your involvement. It would be much easier to ask your wife to say, "ANT was so embarrassed when you came by the other day... He didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

The way it sounds to me... I would leave it alone unless it comes up. If it does come up. Be straight forward. Apologize if it made her uncomfortable. And hopefully she's a big enough person to move on. Yenno?
 
I don't see why my wife should say I'm embarrassed if I'm not, though... and I don't think I should apologise since I didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure she'll get over it. But it will happen again at some point with someone and I'm just tired of feeling like there's some kind of social pressure to apologise when it happens... My sister in law (half my age) walks around the house in her underwear. Maybe I'll talk to my wife about it. But, it's a pain in the ass.
 
|~~ANT~~| said:
This happened to me the other day, and I was conflicted about it, so I thought I'd get some opinions.

A friend of my wife came around when she wasn't here and she was wearing a skimpy costume, with her tits pushed up (and nearly out) of her top. I wasn't expecting her to come over and I was pretty stoned. A number of times, I found myself glancing at her cleavage and then forcing myself to look away. The glancing was basically* involuntary because of a combination of the way she was dressed and my headspace / level of intoxication at the time... I'm not remotely interested in her. But, she saw me looking and moved her arm over her chest at one point nervously to block her cleavage... I wasn't staring at her. The glances were split second... I'd prefer it if her breasts weren't on display (so to speak) because I can't help but looking at women sometimes and I honestly don't want to look at them... Maybe that makes me a creep or a chauvinist or something? I don't know. I just don't understand why some women dress the way they do, if they don't want attention... Don't get me wrong, women can dress however they want.

*I could train myself to repress my sexuality to such an extent that I have no subconscious interest in looking at breasts, but I don't want to do that... I don't think it's healthy (psychologically) and I don't think I should have to repress myself any more than a woman should have to repress their desire to dress however they like.

Am I a creep?

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

People dress how they dress for all different reasons - there is no single answer to that, and it seems irrelevant here anyway.

Some woman wore a top that showed some cleavage, found herself in a situation where a man who is married to her friend was high as fuck and looked at her tits more than she felt comfortable with, and she ended up feeling awkward and covering her chest with her arm at one point. I'm failing to see why you're so troubled by this, especially since you've gone on to say that you do not feel as though you've done anything wrong and are not embarrassed in the slightest?

|~~ANT~~| said:
I'm tired of being apologetic to women for being a man.
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It sounds like you find yourself in positions where you feel the need to apologise to women for your behaviour quite a lot if it's to the point that you feel "tired" of it?

|~~ANT~~| said:
But, either way, I don't see why I should have to be accountable for this when I don't think I did anything wrong?
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Sounds fair enough to me.

|~~ANT~~| said:
Is there a fourth option where I say something like: "If you dress like that, you've got to expect me to have a look."
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If you do not feel that you should be held accountable for the fact that you were high and looking at her cleavage over and over, why would you think she should be held accountable for the fact that she appeared to feel uncomfortable because of it? I mean, you did say she can dress the way she likes, and it doesn't sound like she did anything other than cover her chest "nervously." This comment of yours makes no sense to me, and does sound, imho, like something a creep would think to say to a woman under these circumstances.

|~~ANT~~| said:
But it will happen again at some point with someone and I'm just tired of feeling like there's some kind of social pressure to apologise when it happens...
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Again, it sure does seem like you're experiencing this sort of thing more often than the average bear m8. In your OP you asked whether you were a creep or not, and well, it's hard for me to say from here, but you struggling with this sort of thing enough for it to be such a concern for you is a bit of a red flag I must say.

It could however just be a stock standard male fragility flare up though. With all the visible feminism stuff going on atm, a lot of people are feeling quite triggered.

Anyway, hope you get to the bottom of it and resolve it so you can feel better soon :)
 
Mel, I think you have an image in your head of what happened and you're way off. Your whole post was a response to somebody else. I'm not struggling with anything. I'm not troubled by it... It's annoying, that's all... There's a difference between showing a bit of leg or a bit of cleavage and showing as much as possible. Why put yourself on display if you don't want people to look? Doesn't make sense to me. That was my point about the g-string. If I did that, I wouldn't judge people for looking because I'd obviously be inviting them to look.

What if she turned up topless to my door or only wearing underwear?
 
|~~ANT~~| said:
Mel, I think you have an image in your head of what happened and you're way off. Your whole post was a response to somebody else. I'm not struggling with anything. I'm not troubled by it... It's annoying, that's all... There's a difference between showing a bit of leg or a bit of cleavage and showing as much as possible. Why put yourself on display if you don't want people to look? Doesn't make sense to me. That was my point about the g-string. If I did that, I wouldn't judge people for looking because I'd obviously be inviting them to look.

What if she turned up topless to my door or only wearing underwear?
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Can you help me understand where I'm way off exactly? I have quoted you and responded directly to your words...could you point out where the confusion is for me?

If I'm understanding your latest post here correctly, this is now all about you feeling annoyed at the fact that some woman wore something that showed her cleavage? Or is it that she awkwardly covered her chest at some point after you looked at her tits repeatedly because you were very high and you could see some cleavage? You did ask very different questions in the OP though, and I responded to them, but now they are not the questions you want to discuss?

I'm really struggling to understand what you're actually trying to say here. You're now back to asking why a woman would show any part of herself if she does not want men to look? Talking about you wearing a gstring and "inviting people to look?" Asking "what if" she turned up totally topless?

I'm genuinely happy to try and discuss all of this with you and try to answer your questions, but if you could please clarify before I do so, just to make sure we're on the same page here as we clearly haven't been so far.

Thanks :)
 
A revealing top and push up bra equals the equivalent of a flashing neon sign pointing to the tits.

I too would look at the area that is enhanced but not then quickly dart my eyes away with guilt.

Maybe I would say something to her that is complimentary to her assets on display.

It's not a big deal to look at anyone and just notice the area that is clearly on display for the usual human type social status and preening purposes.

Heaps of other animals do the equivalent with their feathers. Horns and other display features with not a care in the world (seem a baboons bum lately?)

If breasts are looked at and the lady is offended then maybe suggest that it is quite impossible to not notice her breasts so they are and if this is not what she wants then a turtleneck or other type of clothing that does not draw the eye to that area might be the look she should wear.


People wear clothes because being nude is not the way we are, clothes worn to enhance features to appear attractive and feel good to yourself do just that. Uts not realistic to expect no body look as much as it is to expect offense at looking. Gawking and being a pervert us not really good form, but dont apologise fir just noticing, God srsly who cares
 
Mel, I'm not going to continue with you on this point by point. No offence. I will respond to one thing though. What I mean by what if she turned up in her underwear applies to what I said about my sister-in-law walking around the house in her bra and panties. Is that the line of acceptability? If my sister-in-law was walking around topless would it then be unacceptable (for me to look) but underwear is okay? Or, should she be able to walk around butt naked?

Maybe I would say something to her that is complimentary to her assets on display.
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Yeah but you're a girl aren't you? I can't do that.
maybe suggest that it is quite impossible to not notice her breasts
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I think that would come across wrong.
 
Yeah but blokes have eyes and "hey that's a great outfit on you , my wife must be so pleased you have come over as she would look fab in it" would be both a compliment and also a kind way of saying "I dont think my wife would appreciate me noticing your tits " thing.
 
|~~ANT~~| said:
Mel, I'm not going to continue with you on this point by point. No offence.
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None taken bud. If you ever do feel like discussing any of your statements in your OP or the rest of your posts in this thread, I'm all ears.

Anyway, have a good day and I hope you feel less annoyed and less tired of whatever it is that's bothering you soon!
 
OP, what happened to you sounds totally normal, but you feeling "annoyed" about it is not.

What exactly are you annoyed about? The fact that you felt guilty in the first place, or the fact that you felt like this, partly, because of the decisions someone else made about how they dress?

Either way, the "solutions" to your annoyance are the same. Either you accept the quirks of the culture in which you live - in which we are generally OK enough with sex and sexuality that we don't mind showing off some aspects of it, while simultaneously being repressed enough to still feel somewhat ashamed and embarrassed by this - and this goes for both men AND women - OR you move yourself to a place and a culture where you will never be put in this position.

Perhaps you would be happier if women were required to wear burkas in public. Or, alternatively, a tribe somewhere in Africa where everyone just walks around either topless or completely naked.
 
Vastness, I don't see why I have to go to either extreme of the spectrum (nakedness or burka). I'm a regular at Confest (a hippy nudist festival here in Australia). I have no issues with this, there, because they women have no issue... I never said I felt guilty. Why should I?

Either way, the "solutions" to your annoyance are the same. Either you accept the quirks of the culture in which you live - in which we are generally OK enough with sex and sexuality that we don't mind showing off some aspects of it, while simultaneously being repressed enough to still feel somewhat ashamed and embarrassed by this - and this goes for both men AND women - OR you move yourself to a place and a culture where you will never be put in this position.
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Not ashamed or embarrassed.
 
The fact that you even felt the need to start this thread points to some kind of uncomfortable emotional response, so substitute the words "guilty", "ashamed", "embarassed", for whatever alternatives you like. Let's just say "annoyance", since that's a word that you've actually used, and I will re-word myself as quoted above to suit.

Either way, the "solutions" to your annoyance are the same. Either you accept the quirks of the culture in which you live - in which we are generally OK enough with sex and sexuality that we don't mind showing off some aspects of it, while simultaneously being prone to uncomfortable emotional responses, including but not limited to guilt, shame or even annoyance and anger - and this goes for both men AND women - OR you move yourself to a place and a culture where you will never be put in this position.
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For the record though I don't really believe that you yourself are entirely immune to the influence of the Western culture in which you are immersed, I'd venture to say that there are a bunch of situations in which you could be made to feel embarrassed or ashamed about your own sexuality even if these situations are fewer than the average. I would also venture to say that your feelings of annoyance are just as likely to be a redirected emotional response to suppressed shame or embarrassment here, but that's not something I can prove, just a judgement based on my own armchair understanding of human psychology.

Anyway, you have just clarified that your issue is with the fact that women might have an issue with you looking. So your "uncomfortable emotional response" is a result of your awareness of the impact your actions have on the feelings of others (not "guilt" ;), OK - "annoyance" - at them? at yourself? at Western culture?).

But keep in mind also, your well endowed friend might have been quite aware that your glance didn't mean anything, she probably didn't think you were a creep, or even actually sexually attracted to her in any definite way - she was just aware of the cultural implications of such a glance, and not aware of how your wife, and her friend, would take it. So the guilt and shame that she felt was simultaneously a response to uncertainty about what her friend might feel about this, and (probably) a triggering of conflicted social conditioning that women should be both free to wear revealing clothing, but still, in certain circumstances, keep their sexuality hidden.

We could continue to unpick this tangle of unhelpful emotional responses from everyone involved here, both those present and those who weren't, but my point is that these uncomfortable emotional feelings come from social conditioning and culture - they exist to some extent and in some variation in everyone who has been exposed to this conditioning. Many of them are no doubt not helpful either to the individual experiencing them or to society at large, and in the right situation you can attempt to challenge them, but for the most part all you can do is be aware of them, both in yourself and then in others.

None of these emotions really make sense objectively, but "annoyance" is a quite specific extrapolation, and if you allow yourself to go down this road without clarifying exactly what you're annoyed about and why, then there is nothing good at the end of it.
 
I honestly don't think I'm repressing any shame or embarrassment. I'm a sexual freak and I'm quite proud of it. I do feel like men have to walk on egg shells at the moment, somewhat, and it's annoying having to cage myself. Are you male or female? (I'm curious.)

But keep in mind also, your well endowed friend might have been quite aware that your glance didn't mean anything, she probably didn't think you were a creep, or even actually sexually attracted to her in any definite way - she was just aware of the cultural implications of such a glance, and not aware of how your wife, and her friend, would take it.
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That's actually a helpful way of looking at it. Thanks.
 
I'm pretty sure your wife would look at attractive men, women, etc and also notice ugly features, just not appreciatively.
 
I do feel like men have to walk on egg shells at the moment, somewhat, and it's annoying having to cage myself.
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funny how it always comes back to the persecution complex. poor men :D
 
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