Can't take no more. And FU ANXIETY

[~kira~]

I don't know what more i can actually take. Like man i don't even know where to begin. Ive spent more on my pos car in the last month than what i bought it for. Fucking piece of junk. Water pump and timing belt went out. Fixed. Flat tire. Fixed. Ran good for 2 weeks. BOOM alternator!! Boss told me where to bring it. Brought it, now 1 day...1 fucking day later the alternator fails amd the car completely dies! And while on a date!

During the date my anxiety SKY ROCKETED. i mean it got so bad where i thought i was having a seuzure. Whole body...WHOLE body was tingly and fuzzy feeling and especially my stomach. I had to "go to the restroom" just to get a beather. This lasted for like an hour. After i could barely talk. Sbit sucked.

Feel like people hate me or take me for granted. Stepmom doesn't talk to me. I piss her off daily because i keep forgetting to do STUPID shit. Last week i forgott to clean the lint out of the dryer. I told her i forgot and it's not a big deal. Took it as i meant that if i don't do it she would. We haven't spoke for 6 fucking days! OVER LINT!!!!! This is my daily fucking life.

My job depends on my car. I drive all shift. I've been off more days than working in the last 60 days.

Feel like my friends are nowhere to be found. Alwaya busy or having the times of their lives or jjst non exsitent. Feel like im only good to talk to when its beneficial for someone else.

I just. I don't know. I really don't know what else to say. So much shit. To much going on. I don't expect anyone to actually read this. The way people are in my town, i would almost expect negative snarky comments.

I think ill be ok. I always say it, and i always am. For now!

 

[Xorkoth]

Keep telling yourself you'll be okay... the mental game is so important. Your perception becomes your reality.

Lately I've been experiencing so much anxiety. MY dad is nearing death (and has been slowly succumbing to ALS for the last 5 years)... and I'm visiting my family as we speak (or I type, I suppose). My ex-wife is trying to fuck me over... my best friend is a meth addict... one of my other oldest friends I fear has killed himself. And I just got a DUI a couple weeks ago, and my mortgage refinance is about to fall through because my ex is fucking with me. It feels like my entire life is exploding. Yet, all I can do is tell myself it'll work out. Because it will. Unless I stop believing that. At that point, it might not work out because I will stop trying to make it work out. I have to tell myself 20 times a day as I nearly have an anxiety attack that this will pass. And it will, I know it will.

How old are you? Can you move away? Sounds like you don't like where you're at. Have you been anywhere you do like? I used to live where I grew up, and I never fit in there. Many years ago now I moved somewhere I visited that I absolutely love, and my life has improved greatly. Even though I have a lot of stress now, I relate to the people around me and I have great, amazing friends. That makes a huge difference. Sometimes when things aren't working, you get depressed and anxious, and rather than a mental problem, it's just your own mind/body's way of telling you something needs to change.

 

[~kira~]

Keep telling yourself you'll be okay... the mental game is so important. Your perception becomes your reality.

Lately I've been experiencing so much anxiety. MY dad is nearing death (and has been slowly succumbing to ALS for the last 5 years)... and I'm visiting my family as we speak (or I type, I suppose). My ex-wife is trying to fuck me over... my best friend is a meth addict... one of my other oldest friends I fear has killed himself. And I just got a DUI a couple weeks ago, and my mortgage refinance is about to fall through because my ex is fucking with me. It feels like my entire life is exploding. Yet, all I can do is tell myself it'll work out. Because it will. Unless I stop believing that. At that point, it might not work out because I will stop trying to make it work out. I have to tell myself 20 times a day as I nearly have an anxiety attack that this will pass. And it will, I know it will.

How old are you? Can you move away? Sounds like you don't like where you're at. Have you been anywhere you do like? I used to live where I grew up, and I never fit in there. Many years ago now I moved somewhere I visited that I absolutely love, and my life has improved greatly. Even though I have a lot of stress now, I relate to the people around me and I have great, amazing friends. That makes a huge difference. Sometimes when things aren't working, you get depressed and anxious, and rather than a mental problem, it's just your own mind/body's way of telling you something needs to change.

Hey man. First off. I am SO sorry to hear about your father ❤ That all sounds horrible. I couldn't imagine going through even half of that shit. I don't know how you are making it through that. But I'm glad you are. Try and styq strong. Here if you neeed anyone. A friend of mine is going through vaguely similar issues with an ex. He told me tonight in 2 weeks he was planning on killing himself.. Im the only one that knows. I am heart broken as fuck to hear that. I don't know how to stop him. And no2 this is constantly on my everlong list of thoughts.

To add to my car shit. My dad went to get the battery so we could charge it. I got a phone call from him saying "hey your car is gone" i left my laptop. Headphones and more importantly all of my keys..house keys business key etc. Found out it was towed and they won't let me get any of it until i pay the $300 fee that goes up by $45 every day. After all the car troubles bills and other things that have been owed i am left with a whopping $9 in my account.

So i might as well say bye to all that shit. I probably won't have a job for much longer.

Im only 27. But i can't get away unfortunately. I started a small business in January. It hasn't made its own money yet. Just able to keep it going. So nope. I can't leave even if i wanted to.

Hate rambling but i feel like im at the dead end
Don't know what i need. I feel empty and alone inside. I just. Feel like Ive already lost. Shit sucks.