TDS What an idiot (me)

[Flowerpotman]

I?ve posted my story a few times here. In a nutshell I have chronic pain that isn?t so bad. Over Xmas I was put on tramadol, took more than I should and I went mad. Like really fucked up mad. I went back onto codeine but the dose didn?t cut it any more. I took more. Augmented with CWE. Recently switched to Loperamide cuz I found it worked amazingly for pain with 30-40 2mg pills a day. Had that for a month now but I feel like I?ve hit rock bottom and want to stop. I get my codeine once a week but I generally take 2 days worth it on go at night so it doesn?t last long. 4 days if I?m lucky. All the while having my lope.

What happened was I had too much lope one day. I stumbled through town like a drunk. I got on a bus into the city but had to jump off at a random stop so I could be sick in some bushes. Then I had to wait to get picked up by a family member. I told them all it was motion sickness. They believed me

my partner knows what?s going on. She sympathises and will help lots.

Ive made a taper plan. About 4 months ago I did a taper and quit my gabapentin. That was hell lol. This time I?m thinking about stopping the codeine full stop and every 3-4 days removing a box of loperamide (box has 6 pills). I haven?t been on this too long and never ever more than 8 boxes a day. Usually 4 to 6 boxes of 6 pills. I?m prepared for a bumpy ride but considering the short usage and not too high a dose it might not be too bad? My other taper plan is to just drop 2mg (a single pill) each day until I jump off at 2mg to 0. Would that be a good idea?

i feel horrid just thinking of this. But I need to stop.

(2 years ago I stopped a tramadol and codeine 4 month fun time as that too was fucking with my head but I did that fully cold turkey. Those 2 weeks were nightmarish. I don?t think it?ll be that bad this time.)

((I know I?m fucked because I just keep mouthing HELP ME to myself. ))

 

[Flowerpotman]

My family are really good though. I’m thinking I might tell them about this. I could just tell them I’ve quit the codeine since they know nothing of the lope. My partner will no doubt be an angel and help me out constantly. As will her family too. My hope is that in 1 month I’ll be the old me again. You should meet the old me I was a fucking dynamo - which is what caused my pain to begin with

 

[Chon]

How are things going? Have you started the taper?

I haven't had any experience with lopermide personally, but would expect that you are going to be sitting on the toilet a lot.

Some people don't understand and will judge, but I find it pleasantly surprising how many people can relate. Being completely open and honest about how much and why you used might help people who are close to you understand some of the strange behavior related to drug use. They may have noticed something but haven't said anything. Dealing with chronic pain isn't any fun and I think most people can understand why people use pain killers.

But honesty doesn't mean you have to give everyone a full disclosure of your situation. I don't talk about my struggle with drugs with most people. Part of it being that I don't want my drug use to be the central theme or topic of discussion, and part of it is that although people can be understanding doesn't mean they can relate. Conversations where I"m answering the questions and divulging a lot of personal information aren't very fun or useful.

 

[Flowerpotman]

How are things going? Have you started the taper?

I haven't had any experience with lopermide personally, but would expect that you are going to be sitting on the toilet a lot.

Some people don't understand and will judge, but I find it pleasantly surprising how many people can relate. Being completely open and honest about how much and why you used might help people who are close to you understand some of the strange behavior related to drug use. They may have noticed something but haven't said anything. Dealing with chronic pain isn't any fun and I think most people can understand why people use pain killers.

But honesty doesn't mean you have to give everyone a full disclosure of your situation. I don't talk about my struggle with drugs with most people. Part of it being that I don't want my drug use to be the central theme or topic of discussion, and part of it is that although people can be understanding doesn't mean they can relate. Conversations where I"m answering the questions and divulging a lot of personal information aren't very fun or useful.

Hey. A few funny things happened. Yeah I began to taper. I would switch to loperamide when my weekly codeine ran out after 2-4 days. With lope I was having 8*6 2mg pills a day but I?ve got that down to the same amount of codeine but with just 3 packs of 6 2mg tablets a day. I hit a low point one day when I had like 10 packs of lope and simply was too dizzy to function and spent hours and hours vomiting all over the city centre.

anywho. Back in feb I noticed my codeine CWE wasn?t working and I had a whole host of bad stomach problems. I stopped taking vitamin supplements and BOOM everything goes good again. Dunno which one in particular was fucking me up I just stopped em all. BUT a week back I started taking tyrosine again. Next day I feel fucking amazing. Like.... back to normal mental health fucking amazing. I felt so good I was back to the normal dose of codeine for a while.

So i only take these meds to improve my mood now. I got depressed from various things but the tyrosine just made me happy again so I didn?t take as many opiates!

but I got greedy. I don?t have addiction to these things..... like I came off tramadol once without once going back to them sat by my bedside table and I quite drinking and smoking with no psychological addiction. But my mood though... that trumps all so that?s why I take them. I got greedy and wanted to feel better than just being normal again so a few nights I had more and more, obviously put me back in a slump.

sorry I?m waffling now pal but maybe someone will search and find this and it might help them. L tyrosine fixed my brain but I broke it again by taking large doses of codeine. That?s recently and when I get my next refill I?m just gonna commit to the taper and see it through. Tyrosine, CBD oil tincture, and a shit load of good quality TV and films will get me through this. All the while I just gotta tell myself at least my lope, when I?m on that, is just like 36mg a day and I can lower that easily. It?s not as bad as stronger painkillers. Or fuck not as bad as when I came off Lyrica. (First time= 600mg to zero cold turkey and fine. 4th time= had to taper through gabapentin because fuck me it made me sad and anxious for months)

my gf knows about all this. She understands. My folks know I?m withdrawing from medicines on top of emerging mental health issues. Well things I?ve had all my life but only now realised I should do something about them, and time to stop pretending I?m fine because it?s so tiring. She helps so much. Sometimes she?ll get cocodamol from pharmacies for me if they start to recognise me. She doesnt judge either because she knows I?m trying to get off all meds. She doesn?t take anything, no vices at all that woman. Honestly she?s perfect.