LandsUnknown
Bluelighter
I've never been "crazy" in the sense of wilding out and going berserk for no reason, but I have some very strange thoughts at times. Not always or anything, but every now and then I get paranoid in a very strange sort of way......... thinking that there's somebody "after me" or something of the sort. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I have the sense not to tell anyone about my idea. Which in a way should be cue to me that I'm just making it up in my head, but sense I have the sense not to talk about my ideas and know there's nothing that I should do about it so I just kind of say fuck it and sort of go about my business, I pretty much act and seem the same while having these ideas. And it doesn't impair my function in any way. For example, once a job I applied to didn't call me back when they said they would (though they did hire me and called back a couple days later), I thought that some sort of secret agents showed up at the place and sandbagged me.
I have no idea who or why, just some sort of mysterious organization that controls the world sort of thing. I didn't tell anyone my idea because I thought to myself "no one would believe me and there's nothing I can do about it anyways". So, it never really affected me much, but the whole thing did bother me and caused me a lot of stress until I realized how absurd my "idea" was later in the day. I was totally sober at the time. I'm always paranoid about electronics and often believe that I am being hacked and often wonder if some sort of secret organization is spying on me on a very low level...... like not spying on me all the time but just kind of eyeing me because of some sort of gifts that I have that they want to suppress or something, even though like I said I know enough not to tell anybody as they'd just think I'm nuts....... and I also know it isn't true, but I get myself convinced of this sometimes but still have the thought to know how crazy and absurd it sounds.
I've always thought like this as well. What brings me here is that I had one of my ridiculous "ideas" this morning that's too idiotic and absurd to even mention, just more of the same kind of crap, and I was drug-free. Didn't do any psychedelics or anything real recently..... and I hadn't even taken my adderall script that I got several months ago and actually hadn't even taken that in days, while I get that binging on it is a bad idea of course and honestly I never did go on any stim binges with it, when I take it if anything I'm in a better mood and less likely to go into my paranoid headspace honestly.
Just me in my sober state. However, prior to any substance use of any kind, I had similar thoughts. In fact, from the time I was probably 13 until I was in my late teens/20 or so, every night I would re-arrange objects in my room thinking that I was putting them where the aliens wanted me to put them and that if I put them in just the right spot they wouldn't abduct me. Also, completely fucking stupid and retarded. At the time, I believed it fully yet I also had the sense on a strong enough intuitive level that it didn't really freak me out enough to really affect my behavior in any significant ways, just felt strongly compelled to engage in this OCD like re arranging out of this "idea". I knew that's how other people would see it that way, so when my Mom asked me why I would compulsively re-arrange stuff in my room prior to going to bed, I always had some bullshit reason to tell her.
The thing is this part of it seems like it's more in the "crazy" category (e.g. paranoid about very odd things). Weirdly enough, I'm not even necessarily more paranoid while on anything vs off anything generally speaking. While I have gotten into the paranoid type headspace while tripping, on stims, high, etc., I'm almost as likely to start unknowingly begin concocting these strange paranoid thoughts if I haven't taken anything.
The thing that makes me think I have a gift is that I also have developled the ability to see auras, which is quite incredible. I have had this ability for several years now, yet I still don't know how to use it which kind of sucks honestly. I can see them in full color and all, and while I suppose it does give me vague ideas about people...... I haven't been able to make practical use of this ability. I don't need drugs or anything to see them. I can see them while fucked up, yes. Though, alcohol makes it a bit harder for me to see them. Yet I can generally still do it as long as I'm not completely plastered. I hung out with a group of people who were very knowledgeable about the metaphysical, and they confirmed that I was in fact seeing auras and not just deluding myself on this.
Overall, I feel basically fine and all, and none of this interferes with my life. So, I certainly wouldn't "see someone" about this. Yet I'm not sure what to think. Sometimes, I feel like my experiences have to do with being in contact with some sort of very high energy/a higher power of some kind. I've always thought this even before I took any drugs, yet on the other hand I also wonder if perhaps my "experiences" are nothing more than having a minor tendency towards delusional thinking and essentially just a very mild form of being crazy. My thinking is that it's a combination of the two somehow, which I bet is rather common. However, most people either get lumped into either having a "gift"/"psychic abilities" or being "crazy" when really it's nearly always a sort of combination of both. At least, that's what I think from my experience.
I have no idea who or why, just some sort of mysterious organization that controls the world sort of thing. I didn't tell anyone my idea because I thought to myself "no one would believe me and there's nothing I can do about it anyways". So, it never really affected me much, but the whole thing did bother me and caused me a lot of stress until I realized how absurd my "idea" was later in the day. I was totally sober at the time. I'm always paranoid about electronics and often believe that I am being hacked and often wonder if some sort of secret organization is spying on me on a very low level...... like not spying on me all the time but just kind of eyeing me because of some sort of gifts that I have that they want to suppress or something, even though like I said I know enough not to tell anybody as they'd just think I'm nuts....... and I also know it isn't true, but I get myself convinced of this sometimes but still have the thought to know how crazy and absurd it sounds.
I've always thought like this as well. What brings me here is that I had one of my ridiculous "ideas" this morning that's too idiotic and absurd to even mention, just more of the same kind of crap, and I was drug-free. Didn't do any psychedelics or anything real recently..... and I hadn't even taken my adderall script that I got several months ago and actually hadn't even taken that in days, while I get that binging on it is a bad idea of course and honestly I never did go on any stim binges with it, when I take it if anything I'm in a better mood and less likely to go into my paranoid headspace honestly.
Just me in my sober state. However, prior to any substance use of any kind, I had similar thoughts. In fact, from the time I was probably 13 until I was in my late teens/20 or so, every night I would re-arrange objects in my room thinking that I was putting them where the aliens wanted me to put them and that if I put them in just the right spot they wouldn't abduct me. Also, completely fucking stupid and retarded. At the time, I believed it fully yet I also had the sense on a strong enough intuitive level that it didn't really freak me out enough to really affect my behavior in any significant ways, just felt strongly compelled to engage in this OCD like re arranging out of this "idea". I knew that's how other people would see it that way, so when my Mom asked me why I would compulsively re-arrange stuff in my room prior to going to bed, I always had some bullshit reason to tell her.
The thing is this part of it seems like it's more in the "crazy" category (e.g. paranoid about very odd things). Weirdly enough, I'm not even necessarily more paranoid while on anything vs off anything generally speaking. While I have gotten into the paranoid type headspace while tripping, on stims, high, etc., I'm almost as likely to start unknowingly begin concocting these strange paranoid thoughts if I haven't taken anything.
The thing that makes me think I have a gift is that I also have developled the ability to see auras, which is quite incredible. I have had this ability for several years now, yet I still don't know how to use it which kind of sucks honestly. I can see them in full color and all, and while I suppose it does give me vague ideas about people...... I haven't been able to make practical use of this ability. I don't need drugs or anything to see them. I can see them while fucked up, yes. Though, alcohol makes it a bit harder for me to see them. Yet I can generally still do it as long as I'm not completely plastered. I hung out with a group of people who were very knowledgeable about the metaphysical, and they confirmed that I was in fact seeing auras and not just deluding myself on this.
Overall, I feel basically fine and all, and none of this interferes with my life. So, I certainly wouldn't "see someone" about this. Yet I'm not sure what to think. Sometimes, I feel like my experiences have to do with being in contact with some sort of very high energy/a higher power of some kind. I've always thought this even before I took any drugs, yet on the other hand I also wonder if perhaps my "experiences" are nothing more than having a minor tendency towards delusional thinking and essentially just a very mild form of being crazy. My thinking is that it's a combination of the two somehow, which I bet is rather common. However, most people either get lumped into either having a "gift"/"psychic abilities" or being "crazy" when really it's nearly always a sort of combination of both. At least, that's what I think from my experience.
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