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☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: Firly Swolks Discussing Mitillating Tatters Fithout Wilters

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psy997 said:
Huh? There's nothing ending here, except her not knowing that I am, in fact, attracted to her. She is possibly my favorite person I've ever met, we're best friends, etc. There's no chance of not talking ever again. I'm just worried about it changing our relationship and us not being as close as before.
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Oh.

When I tell a chick I like her, it's usually when I stop talking to her for the rest of forever (because they almost never reciprocate). I'm also unfamiliar with the concept of non-sexual female companionship though. To me, it simply doesn't exist, but that's based entirely upon my life experiences.

I don't see why you should say anything at all then. I thought the whole idea was to say "Hey I'm madly in love with you!" and her be like, "Oh..." and you're like, "Okay, goodbye forever!", to sum it up.

To be quite frank, I don't see why you would desire further companionship from a person who you love who doesn't share your feelings. It's definitely 100% going to change things.

Xorkoth said:
If she has a boyfriend, it could make her feel uncomfortable remaining that close to you.
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Most definitely. A guy I was friends with in college who was also friends with my girl was madly in love with her, and used to try to undermine our relationship (not that psy is the type to try that). Eventually he confessed his affection and things deteriorated so quickly between us. Eventually my girl stopped coming to our social gatherings for fear of him getting drunk and making things awkward, to the point that I eventually only saw my friends if I was sans-girlfriend that night.
 
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Fortunately she considers me one of her favorite people as well, we have extremely similar interests and goals, and she is as much as about authenticity as I am. I'm sure things are going to change, but I can't see it going any worse than her being distant for a bit while she reconciles that I do have feelings and/or me being awkward at times around her because I know she knows.

Best case scenario, she feels similarly and is interested in keeping things open and possible for the future.

She's definitely showed signs of being attracted to me as well. If I wasn't so self-defeating in the hopes of not raising expectations I would say almost without a doubt there's something there.
 
I have been making music like it's my job. I absolutely love that my roommate 's purpose is also to make music, so we keep passing it back and forth on the daily. The collaborative efforts have been consistently synergistic. 30-something songs to finish, but half are nearly there.
 
Thank you swilow. :)

psy997 said:
She's definitely showed signs of being attracted to me as well. If I wasn't so self-defeating in the hopes of not raising expectations I would say almost without a doubt there's something there.
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Oh man that part sounds all too familiar. Though I think Xorkoth and Cream Gravy? do have a point that it could lead her to want to distance herself from you, in my experience I can say the biggest regrets are not about the things I did, but about the things I didn't do because I was too afraid. Better to take a risk, than to always ask yourself what might have been.
 
tokezu said:
I can say the biggest regrets are not about the things I did, but about the things I didn't do because I was too afraid. Better to take a risk, than to always ask yourself what might have been.
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True, but as with any risk, accept the fact that things can go in ways you never anticipated.

Still, always worth it to step out of a situation that is making you feel constrained and "not like yourself".
 
Oh man what a weekend. Last night I went to see Dopapod with some friends. Took some AL-LAD and a bit of 2C-C later on, then afterwards went to hang out with some people we met. Ate some mushrooms someone gave us. Had a blast, next thing I know it's 7am, so I went home. Went to bed at 9am, then woke up at 5pm. Probably the latest I've ever slept in. Then I woke up to my friend asking if I wanted to go to this bar/arcade where you pat $5 for unlimited arcade games for an hour. Did that, hung out, went to dinner with my friend, went to pick up my instruments because tomorrow at noon or so I'm gonna go jam with my friend and his band. Now the trick will be getting tired at a reasonable time...
 
Had a chill time last night - my friend on acid, myself on 2cc, and my two friends who are a couple on 2cc + 50mg 2cd.
Messed around with my essential oils, hit the volcano relentlessly while watching a movie called Perfume in hysterics.
Woke up sitting on the couch thinking where the fuck am i and what happened last night?Have a nice drive ahead of me soon... i was the first to pass out at around 5am.
Nice to chill with psychedelic loving friends who I know can handle it and not do anything to crazy.
 
Nice, yeah I had one of those "what the fuck" moments this weekend too, I stayed up after a show at my friend's house with 4 people I had just met, but they were super cool, and we tripped and laughed and talked until 8am... I went to bed at 9, woke up at 5pm. Probably the latest I've ever slept in in my entire life. I didn't know what day it was or anything when I woke up, I was so confused.
 
Well I told her and we spent four hours together yesterday talking about it. As I intuited, nothing romantic is going to happen between us - she doesn't feel that anything could/should ever happen, we're too similar and fiery together, and we would burn each other out, she's not willing to do that with someone again, I agree - but we mapped out our relationship and what it's going to take to continue going to depths we do, while not having sexual energy fuck it all up. This girl and our relationship is amazing, gah... I always kind of knew nothing would ever happen, I couldn't ever really imagine us together, which is pretty new for me for someone that I'm so similar to. In ways I could, in the long term relational aspects, but I couldn't even imagine kissing or being sexual with her. I mean, this girl is maybe the most similar person to me I've ever known besides family. But yea, we're even closer than before.

Unfortunately we decided that because I'm going through a large life transition right now, relatively unstable, and still trying to build a new life here, it's better that we slow things down and stop spending all day every day talking on the phone when we're not together. She is the kind of friend that when we're together, hours pass in the blink of an eye, and then when we're apart, we're always wanting to share with each other. And while that's fine for her, her life here is big and developed, mine is not. Not communicating after parting ways last night was incredibly hard for me, and super reminiscent of when my last ex-girlfriend cut off her friendship with me, almost six months after we'd stopped dating - so no romance there - and I felt so alone having lost a super intimate companion to share with.

But alas, all is as it should be. I've felt the imbalance and the danger that's been showing it's head in how we've been interacting, the need to balance her with other parts of my life, etc. So it's not like I'm surprised at all. But still, it's hard having to place limits on a friendship that just feels SO damn good. I look forward to the day that I am stable and grounded enough in my own life and existence here that explicitly limiting our friendship becomes less necessary.


I hope everyone had a great weekend, I know I did. The new moon energy really showed it's head, it's time to do a lot of growing up and life creating.
 
I got food poisoning last night/into today. I've been up all night puking and having ass piss. I haven't felt this shitty since I had pneumonia... please let it end soon. I had to call out of work, and that just means I'm one days wage poorer this month...
 
Damn man, that sucks CG. I've never had food poisoning but from what I hear it's absolutely awful. Hope you feel better soon.

Psy, as long as you're satisfied with what happened, then cool. :) At least everything is in the open. That's pretty intense you were talking on the phone with her all the time and she has a boyfriend. My girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend of 5 years (the one before me) are really close, they're some of each others' best friends. She goes to spend 2 months at his house trimming buds every year. I've got no jealousy about it at all, it's simply not a concern, because I have never felt like I came in second to her. She talks to him on the phone maybe once a month, and if I'm around she puts it on speaker so we can all talk (he's become my friend too). But I'd probably not be able to help feeling weird about it if she was talking to him for hours every day and hanging out with him without me all the time.

Man I love where I live. :) I was driving home from the gym just now, and turned my radio on to someone giving a talk about how we're all one, the universe experiencing itself through the lens of subjectivity. I don't think you get that on the radio in too many places.
 
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Hey psy, I think it's impressive that you are able to handle the situation in such a mature way. That's great and all, but still it's gotta be tough for you. I hope you will feel better soon! Your last sentence also hit pretty close to home for me, I have been having similar thoughts. I want to embrace change, but sometimes it's really scary. Oh well, not getting a weed re-up today will have to suffice for now. Crazy intense dreams here I come. :D
 
Bagseed said:
holy shit I love emancipator! thanks for sharing!

btw have you ever heard of Erothyme? my new favorite producer in that genre right now.. check out their album "Sound in the living Current". amazing stuff!
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I had heard 'Sound in the Living Current' once, back when it was released. It proved to be an excellent album to wake up to this morning.
His album 'Circadia' changed my life in a DPT trip. Amazing music, it brings me back when I hear it.
 
crosspost from elsewhere. several PDers represented.

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My new job practically necessitates tripping out. Not only is it wonderfully enjoyable and truly a lovely experience that is really quite trippy, but I am helping a lot of people too.

Since I work with asians, I need to be up all hours of the night as well, and sleep during the mornings if or when I can. I am gradually working on getting a part time day job at a lovely health related shop that I visit frequently and am very passionate about what they do there, well, I think there are three chicks I have met there as well. The manager is the sexiest to me, and very knowledgable, but the new gal is the cutest, younger and def most compatible (at least as my brain on 2C-C interprets the predicament) as we have common alternative interests that are outside of this work environment where I'd already expect those things, and which are tough to find all in one package.

Today for example, after family dinner I have to do some debugging at midnight and then start my actual (insanely psychedelic, ridiculously technological to the point that it defies all sense of logic completely) work at 4am. It is a great thing for me right now as for one, I am tripping out a lot on 2c-c and now 2c-d (as I have almost gone through a couple grams of 2c-c at this point), and I am an insomniac still recovering from a nasty addiction to sniffing that H (at least subconsciously but definitely physically too... only been three weeks since I blew through 200 oxy's over a week.)

It is amazing how far I have come as well. It is like seeing the world for the first time, everything in my life is perfect at this very moment. I sorta kinda want a cute girlfriend but I am definitely working on that lol... at least subconsciously, I've made connections with enough ladies lately that something is bound to happen. Apart from that, I can't really see anything missing and I don't even really need that. Got my herb got my diaz got my psychs... oh do I ever got them psychs.

Thanks China! Time to give something back in return. I get to trip out and help you people out for money... just keep sending the pure shit my way and we will be forming a beautiful and complex interconnection.

Seriously having the time of my life these days : ) and to think I wished I was dead as early as a couple weeks ago. Still a long way to go, but when it gets that fucking bad you may as well be dead if you don't just fucking stop the abuse and self harm. I am so done with that fucking garbage... brings me to tears sometimes from a passing thought of the error of my ways. Not that it's a bad thing, I think that is what it took to wake me up. Now if only I could get a number from one of these several very beautiful ladies I have attracted into my life somehow, through being positive and paying attention to my appearance as to reflect my personality within, and heading out to places where I know there will be chicks with virtually guaranteed commonalities to start.

Met the cutest short young lady last night, pale white skin and vivid red hair... nice contrast with my darker skin and subtle shade of crimson red. Chatted with her for like an hour casually (but not really) and actually got to know each other a bit while she was working at a store I adore and visit rather frequently. Maybe next time I'll ask for her number... hell I should have this time... you see what is on my mind I suppose... H suppresses sexuality completely so it is nice to have that back. It is very emasculating when that pernicious effect creeps up on ya. WTF was I thinking I almost fucking died so many times.

I think I am finally losing my mind a little bit but nobody seems to notice and I am attracting so much positivity and beauty and really what I want out of life, that I gotta go with it... I am going to be quite proud of myself when I notice at some point that I have a month clean time but I am not really counting the days... my job makes it so confusing. I don't even know what day it is half the time or whether it's 5am or 5pm...
 
I've said it elsewhere, but I'm proud of you for all the progress you've made, Shroomy. :) Getting off of a years-long opiate addiction is no small thing. Good luck with the job and the ladies, I hope something falls into place naturally there. Regarding the psychedelics, I'm glad they've been helping you to have a positive and proactive frame of mind, which you definitely need right now. Be prepared for some serious long-term tolerance for a while.

pharmakos said:
crosspost from elsewhere. several PDers represented.
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Haha nice, I made it into the top 10 even. =D
 
Xor commented on his 16 i/o recorder and uses cubase
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"digital preamp" is more an a/d converter with volume control. Errr I guess a mic pre with phantom power leading to a converter gets called " preamp." I act like I think I'm some snobby producer.

But I've just revealed why my recordings sound "lo-fi".... I still use (cheaper) tube based mic pres and compressors. I love the distortion of a tube. One day I'll have nice things again...an expensive grade class A mic preamp and an LA-2A.

Xor...you on SoundCloud?

Ps...cubase is the bomb....I mix with it too...and am still learning all it encompasses even after using it for 7years.
 
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Man... I have no idea what you are talking about but I am intrigued; I jam with a tube. Gotta have those tube amps for breaking out into natural overdrive. I can't use anything but tube amps with 2 dials on them for volume and tone... and analog pedals... and my guitars I suppose haha.

My setup for hardcore lately has consisted of an analog system chain (Maxon super metal -> Maxon analog delay (short delay times, mainly used for a more melodic tone... adds a new dimension and I can switch between a simple repeat and this rolling double... an AD-9 I think) -> clean boost where I mainly control bass and treble and to get that natural distortion on or off when I'm using a compressor and my telecaster instead of my super amp with my fat strat. I unfortunately sold my recording pedal that worked really well for heroin money so it isn't in my collection anymore, but I need to find bandmates anyway.

I'm guessing you are talking about guitar or something and recording... gotta catch up on this thread lol as I am super interested in recording samples in the near future. I just moved all my equipment into the darkest corner of the basement where I can play in the dark with cement walls surrounding me and the sound is very different... like natural reverb.

Xorkoth, thank you as it hasn't been easy as you know. I guess blowing through grams of 2c-x's I should expect to take a couple years off after this is over but I need to keep clean. I'm going to stop tripping all day and night at least. I have residual insomnia plus I work all night so I am only sleep on average 3 or 4 hours a day max, sometimes zero. My enthusiasm for life is so powerful these days that I don't even want to go to sleep.

Thanks for good luck with the ladies... it is not so much good luck as when it will happen as I know that it will. I am attracting too much beauty and creative expression into my life, in so many ways, and that is just another very special way. It is like, finally, I am somehow a magnet to them... my enthusiasm, creative expression, the way I communicate with no filter, and fiery spirit seem to be contagious to everyone around me, it's just crazy.

I have the idea for a new tattoo (I had a bunch, but selected this one randomly yesterday, it's perfect) - I am getting the molecular structure of 2C-C with the chinese symbols for its chemical structure surrounding the structure in a circle (finally found them from the list of 112 banned compounds or however many it was last year)... but I'm not quite through with it yet. i was thinking perhaps a lightening bolt to symbolize sudden transformation or something like that within the benzene group. (my second tattoo and a year after my first! Which is quite dark as I was in the depths of Hell at the time).

I'm even picking up a little Chinese... learning the symbols I'm always seeing while working. I'm exploring every lovely avenue I can think of to explore, it's all about creating my destiny and I have never been happier in all my life. It's not the 2cc or how I got clean... it's how my life has completely transformed in 3 weeks from something miserable to something completely damn beautiful. I have met so many random new friends, had so many unbelievable experiences, creativity is fluorishing... nobody seems to notice I'm not really on this planet half the time. Man, I'm gonna fuck my tolerance so bad lol and already have (I even have tolerance to pupil dilation?) but this is the time that I really actually need to use them to save my life, so let it be! There are times I went many years without a single dose in the past, with my new life and all even as it is, I have so much to keep myself busy with that I'm going to be and already am really, really happy.

Xorkoth,

May the wind always be at your back and the sun upon your face;
And may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars
 
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