I need help deciding between partners or friends wb

[Junkyard Dawg]

So I'm in somewhat of a conundrum. I've met three lovely ladies with whom I have different relations. I'm trying to decide which one I should pursue as I don't want to two-time or be a sleezy cheater. If you can help me think this one out and decide on which direction to take, that would be awesome

One is 19, and I met her randomly out and about. She is 10 years younger than me, but she is a little lost in life and doing some stripping and escort work. She seems really intelligent, and I am getting an awesome vibe from her. She was just chilling with me at my pad and we were talking about possibly getting her away from that work and on a better path. She's totally honest and up front about everything with me. She said she's in for a road trip and setting up in a different city for a while. I can take her out and teach her how to do things in one of my areas of work. It would likely be a friends with benefits kid of set-up, but who knows where that one could go. We were just discussing taking off overseas for a while on an epic trip somewhere.

The second is a girl I met at a BBQ. She is from South America and here on a working visa. She wants to go on a road trip with me up the coast and has been bugging me to plan with her, hiring a motor-home and just taking off on a likely equally epic adventure. I've been communicating with her for ages via text, as she is currently in a different city. But we are both so like-minded and she is a similar age to me. She is more with it, regarding work and study and seems to have a direction in life. She has offered me a place to stay if I go to the city she is in as well, so that could definitely work out for future plans and the like.

The third girl is currently on a different continent, but we had a relationship that was really fiery. She has been in constant contact with me about how she wants to come live here with me and work things out. But we have a history of fighting and basically either wanting to explode, or being so into each other that we end up in bed together for days, not doing much else except going out for coffee and grocery shopping. She has a stable profession and a good direction in life, though she seems very unhappy where she is and wants to come here. I'm always in two minds about whether to ignore her or to embrace the whole let's get together vibe.

I'm confused and need some guidance.

Any input would be appreciated

 

[BeachBum4u]

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what each of the girls bring to the table. I think it would be a good idea to do the old tally sheet and see where they stack up. Go through each girl checking off the pros and cons, good traits/bad traits etc. and when you're finished see which one has the best "sheet". The whole process should help you sort out which way to go and help you identify the things that are important to you. Good luck!

 

[pofacedhoe]

3rd girl no

1 and 2 = make your own mind up

 

[SamanthaB]

Hi,

Well, from what you have said, the #1 and #3 women seem like they want, or need, to be rescued and you may also want/need to be the rescuer. One from "the life" and the other one from whatever country she is in and wants to get away from. I think both of those two need to do those things on their own without your help and perhaps contact you later when they are in a different place either literally and/or figuratively. Now, #2 seems to have her shit together, but you have not spent actual time with her, so you do not really know her and hard to tell how things would go with her if you did. I think it would be good if you could meet and spend some time together without being together 24/7 to see if you guys click when you are together. If you go to her house to get to know her, it seems like it is putting the cart before the horse. You need to date her, and if things work out between the two of you under those circumstances first, then go for the adventure if you two like one another and want to do the trip together.

 

[bomber]

Im stuck in a case similar to the 3d one but I can't say if it is a bad or a good case, so I want express any opinion on that one.
I'd most likely choose the second one. Roadtrip, a place to live somewhere else, I mean this is gonna be one of those things that make life better than death.
About the first one, doesn't realy seem to have many pros. I mean, I know the idea of being the "rescuer" feels realy good, but think, why does she need YOU to take her out of that life?Cause you are going to pay for her living? But that doesn't seem like a good base for a relationship.If she awakens your "father" mode, making you feel responsible for her and stuff, that should ring some bells.
Pretty sure if you count the pros and cons of both 3, second would win.But third contains passion, and passion can't be realy counted. It's enough to ruin your life, but it is the meaning of life after all.

 

[Junkyard Dawg]

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what each of the girls bring to the table. I think it would be a good idea to do the old tally sheet and see where they stack up. Go through each girl checking off the pros and cons, good traits/bad traits etc. and when you're finished see which one has the best "sheet". The whole process should help you sort out which way to go and help you identify the things that are important to you. Good luck!

The good old excel spreadsheet, hey

I use them regularly for rational decision making at work

Funny how when i venture into private life, I am so intent on winging it

Yeah, i have to watch the whole rescuer mentality. It's so easy to try and solve the problems of someone else, while neglecting one's own life struggles

I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that she only has a few grand saved, and, even though it seems to me like a waste of a beautiful, young intelligent female to be selling herself like that, i have a tendency to pay the way of whomever I have along with me on my adventures

We had a pretty nice chat today, and she was telling me her dad is a pilot. I had been thinking of getting some more lessons for a while now, so that is a convenience, though i am sure there are more pilots out there who will teach

I think it could be fun, but yes, the second really is the optimal choice for me at this stage, since she's really cool and a lot like me - think throwing caution to the wind for a little while to have some fun, but being able to reign it back in along with that established life direction

3rd girl no

1 and 2 = make your own mind up

Yeah, you're correct, they both have the best qualities at this stage. I still have feelings for number three, but I think that ship has sailed. I could always put her up for a while when she comes back here, as I know she will, regardless

Hi,

Well, from what you have said, the #1 and #3 women seem like they want, or need, to be rescued and you may also want/need to be the rescuer. One from "the life" and the other one from whatever country she is in and wants to get away from. I think both of those two need to do those things on their own without your help and perhaps contact you later when they are in a different place either literally and/or figuratively. Now, #2 seems to have her shit together, but you have not spent actual time with her, so you do not really know her and hard to tell how things would go with her if you did. I think it would be good if you could meet and spend some time together without being together 24/7 to see if you guys click when you are together. If you go to her house to get to know her, it seems like it is putting the cart before the horse. You need to date her, and if things work out between the two of you under those circumstances first, then go for the adventure if you two like one another and want to do the trip together.

That seems like a rational strategy. She's invited me to come down for a weekend and stay with her, so I'm thinking maybe that's going to be a good way to go. Can do some planning and see if there are any alarm bells which ring - or fireworks fly. I had intended the opposite, inviting her up here to come and see this part of the world, which is quite beautiful, but she is busy with work and study, so going there is probs the best choice.

Good point about us being on the road together and the opportunity for something to blow. I will have to keep that firm in my mind while I am in this planning stage.

Im stuck in a case similar to the 3d one but I can't say if it is a bad or a good case, so I want express any opinion on that one.
I'd most likely choose the second one. Roadtrip, a place to live somewhere else, I mean this is gonna be one of those things that make life better than death.
About the first one, doesn't realy seem to have many pros. I mean, I know the idea of being the "rescuer" feels realy good, but think, why does she need YOU to take her out of that life?Cause you are going to pay for her living? But that doesn't seem like a good base for a relationship.If she awakens your "father" mode, making you feel responsible for her and stuff, that should ring some bells.
Pretty sure if you count the pros and cons of both 3, second would win.But third contains passion, and passion can't be realy counted. It's enough to ruin your life, but it is the meaning of life after all.

Yeah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. I mean, I didn't go out of my way to meet this first girl and become her rescuer. In fact she has been messaging me and making it clear that she is wanting to catchup. We've discussed no-strings-attached sex and how that is appealing to us both at present.

Passion is fantastic, but keeping it within bounds is definitely an important part of being a responsible adult. Last time I spent a good chunk of time with the third woman, things were great one day, but the next we would end up throwing our dinner at each other lol

I think 2 it is, though i always find it hard to say no - it must have something to do with my values and the emotions which come with embracing feelings of lustful hedonism :D