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New guy from england.

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dapperdandy

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 14, 2017
Messages
6
Hello people of bluelight, I'm a 30 year old misanthropic loner. Been using since I was 14 and tried everything I could find, was particularly fond of methadrone, ketamine and acid. Been been smoking weed daily for 15 years. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and clinical depression. Because of this I have a constant supply of vallium, xanax, temazepam, pregabalin and tramadol for my fake bad back. Don't work and spend my days popping pills watching Netflix and playing my guitars. I literally have no real life friends since moving back to my home town.
Thanks for reading.
 
herbavore said:
Wow. Have you ever wanted out of the life you've created? Sounds pretty dismal tbh.
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I was thinking it sounds quite nice. I hate going to work, no one believes me about my bad back or anxiety concerns so no good scripts for me. I also play guitar but barely have the time for it due to my wage slavery existence. I must admit the no friends part doesn't sound nice. Welcome to the forum.
 
Yeah I've wanted to end things before but don't want to put my family through any drama or upset, plus too much of a pussy to actually do anything.
I'm slowly getting back to normal with meds & therapy.
 
I don't think that Herbavore was talking about ending life, but about finding one. It sounds like you have yourself in an isolated and lonely place, no friends, and lying so much you seem to doubt yourself. Do you want to CHANGE your life? That is what she meant. Why lock yourself into such a lonely life? Take a trip to the pub, a coffee house, something!
 
What about options other than your present life or killing yourself? Have you ever wanted to do anything else?
 
I was diagnosed as borderline at around 16 and been on anti depressant and anxiety meds for 15 years. I had a great life in Leeds a year or 2 ago working as a chef, lots of friends and a finance everything ended when I got dumped and I retreated into my depressing lonely life and wish I could get out if it but I freak out anytime I have to go anywhere and can't really control it ATM.
 
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