Asexuality

[Cyanoide]

Some background information. I'm a 34 year old bisexual male. However in reality I have no sexual feelings at all.

I'm completely fine with being asexual now, although I have had periods when I thought there's something wrong with me. There's a certain societal pressure that men should be sexually active. Most people understand that if you're gay, straight, bi or whatever, you feel some kind of sexual desire to that gender. I have none.

I'm not born asexual. I've had sexual relationships with both men and women. For the last 4 years, I have had no sexual feelings at all. This happened after using SSRI's for over 10 years. I am certain I suffer from Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. However, for me this is permanent.

Are there other people here who are asexuals? Are you born asexuals? Are you also aromantic?

Asexulity seems to be something many have problems to understand. People here are completely fine if you are e.g gay, but having no sexual desire at all seems to be something that many can't understand. I get satisfaction from music, yoga, exercise, reading books, playing records, psychedelics...But not sex.

I'd appreciate som input from you.

Edit: Just to clarify, this is not a problem for me, I'm completely fine being asexual now, I'm just interested if there are other asexuals here. And if you are born asexual, or have become asexuals at a later age.

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Don't worry I've walked in those shoes. Just be yourself and be happy, that's all that matters.

 

[pofacedhoe]

if anything this is a stark warning on the dangers of SSRI's

i think if i suddenly didn't enjoy sex i would be pissed off. its extremely fun and satisfying and to have that removed from my life would be shit.

for someone who never had it its one thing to be asexual, but its another to now no longer get pleasure from sex

is the mental desire there? cos if its not then thats not as bad

 

[Cyanoide]

if anything this is a stark warning on the dangers of SSRI's

i think if i suddenly didn't enjoy sex i would be pissed off. its extremely fun and satisfying and to have that removed from my life would be shit.

for someone who never had it its one thing to be asexual, but its another to now no longer get pleasure from sex

is the mental desire there? cos if its not then thats not as bad

There's no mental desire.

But I have a theory why the SSRI's caused this. If I use stimulants, I get hypersexual, I can watch porn and masturbate for 12+ hours in a row. It's absolutely obsessive. Sex is the only thing in my mind. I suspect the cause of me having no sexual feelings is some kind of down-regulation of dopamine by the SSRI's, and stimulants activate my dopamine receptors, just flooding my brain with dopamine. Stimulants is the only way for me to get horny, but I don't use them anymore as the obsessive hypersexuality results in risky behaviour.

Of course, I could try taking e.g. Tyrosine as a supplement just to see if it has any effects as it should increase dopamine levels. Not that I have any need for changing my state of mind. But I strongly suspect low dopamine levels may have a key role here.

 

[szuko000]

I'm not born asexual. I've had sexual relationships with both men and women. For the last 4 years, I have had no sexual feelings at all. This happened after using SSRI's for over 10 years. I am certain I suffer from Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. However, for me this is permanent.

I think it largely depends on sex drive and self view. I have a lower social drive then most and as best i can tell a lower sex drive, its hard to say but I clearly do not care anywhere near as much as most. I think for me its more of a feedback loop, id refer to it as neutral because really whatever but, i havent tried to have sex or meet people so i dont have sex or meet people so i fill my time with solo hobbies that reinforce that. Completing and advancing in these hobbies is more rewarding to me then anything so thats what i seek out the most.

My guess is sex is a lot like social interaction, there are people that go "dude wtf how can you have 2 friends and only talk to them never see them" just like theres people that go "wtf how can you be ok with (low amount) of sex?" People often misconstrue the idea that "humans are social animals" and "sex is enjoyable" to mean that they are flat everyone has them and must be the same view. I have found that to not be the case.

I am far from full of social anxiety or no desire its just not as powerful as my other drives so they are easy to over look. What I will say is there is a huge difference between "lower priority" and "not existing," id rather have lower priority because i can in theory raise it... though in practice it is not as easy as it seems. I would not consider myself anywhere near asexual as i do find women attractive and have tried to meet some a few times but usually i just figure its not worth the effort.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've kinda wondered about asexuality before, whether it consists more of a set of mental attitudes and beliefs about sex or is more of a hormonal/brain chemistry thing. I took Prozac for 6 months and couldn't get an erection after a while. I remember feeling emasculated by the whole thing and even more depressed by my sad state of affairs. Even though my body said no to sex, my mind still held a lot attitudes of worth about the importance of sex in my life. I imagined meeting a girl I like and having to explain my dick didn't work due to SSRI's and feeling waves of sadness about that. Despite not being able to ejaculate and not getting significant erections while on Prozac I still tried in spite of my body failing me; really depressing.

A self-identified asexual might not care, they may welcome not having an erection/sexual arousal for whatever reason, maybe because of their attitudes towards sex. The last year or so I've dabbled off and on with celibacy but that is completely different in my mind. My attitudes about sex haven't changed. I still want it. I still feel sexual arousal daily but I choose not to indulge in it. It's really challenging for me. When I quit using dissociatives more recently my will power decreased and I started wanking it again, but I'd like to go back to being celibate while I'm not in a relationship. I liked the way I felt when I didn't indulge, like I'm in control of my urges and the energy of orgasm isn't being dispersed on fantasies.

I'm also really curious about your comment relating to meth. I wonder how many self-proclaimed asexuals would regain a modicum of interest in sex if administered meth. Anyways, interesting topic. Thanks for posting

 

[pofacedhoe]

There's no mental desire.

But I have a theory why the SSRI's caused this. If I use stimulants, I get hypersexual, I can watch porn and masturbate for 12+ hours in a row. It's absolutely obsessive. Sex is the only thing in my mind. I suspect the cause of me having no sexual feelings is some kind of down-regulation of dopamine by the SSRI's, and stimulants activate my dopamine receptors, just flooding my brain with dopamine. Stimulants is the only way for me to get horny, but I don't use them anymore as the obsessive hypersexuality results in risky behaviour.

Of course, I could try taking e.g. Tyrosine as a supplement just to see if it has any effects as it should increase dopamine levels. Not that I have any need for changing my state of mind. But I strongly suspect low dopamine levels may have a key role here.

well if there is no mental desire then you wont feel like you are missing out. look into fava beans.

i became a bit obsessesd with fava beans and they do definitely increase the sex drive or how attractive people appear