Had a similar bizarre experience in my marriage that took me down the rabbits hole. My beautiful, vivacious, girl-next-door-good-looks wife of 7 years had an affair that lasted several months. I felt something was very off in her behavior and began to suspect her when she suddenly started needing to take out of town trips to see old girlfriends I'd never met, loss of libido, changed her hair style suddenly, began working out, passwording her phone etc. So, after tracking her car mileage to and from her friends house and verifying that she'd traveled far beyond her destination, I placed a keylogger on her laptop and of course caught her cheating. The sexting from the other guy was astonishingly juvenile and stupid in its wording ("I wanna break off my d--k in you my little f*ck princess..."). Hard to believe my intelligent and level headed wife fell for this idiot and his banter (said it made her feel wanted and sexy). Later I discovered emailed sex videos she'd made just for him. Evidently, my wife had started out just sending him nude pics of herself to keep him interested and also because she was very jealous of his wife. She later decided to further up her game by sending actual videos of herself masterbating while "their song" played in the background (cheesy I know). At that point I was about to lose it and stupidly thought that it couldn't get much worse, but I was not even close to seeing the end of this nightmare. So, with all evidence in hand, I decided to finally confront my wife and blow the damn affair completely up. I told her all that I'd discovered. She cried at first, then said she was so so sorry and ashamed, but that I just didn't understand how she felt. I asked her if she was in love with this guy and she said "Yes". She still didn't want to tell me his full name but I eventually was able to get it out of her. I told her that I suspected that this asshole didn't really love her and was just using her as a free prostitute, and that he'd never leave his beautiful wife and kids for her (they had shared family pics too -- all American family, pretty wife, etc.). She said she believed that he truly did love her and that he wanted a life with her. I told her that if he really loved her then please prove it too me by calling him up on speaker phone and point blank ask him if he is in love with her -- I wanted to hear it for myself I told her, and if he stepped up and committed then I'd let her go with the best wishes of luck to her (I felt certain he was not all in). She reluctantly did call him. The bastard was caught totally off guard at work when she called announcing it was an emergency. She told him that I had discovered their affair and she now needed to make some very serious choices and needed know where she stood in his life. She asked if he really loved her and wanted her or not. She was sure he would profess his love for her on the spot and come running to her rescue (she was still very deep in the affair fog). But instead he stumbled over his words, asking her why she needed to know "stuff like that" and why she was putting him on the spot like this. Eventually all he could say to her was that "well...you know I do care about you and stuff a lot but lately I've been thinking that I still love my wife". While this was going on, my stomach was churning, I used every ounce of energy I had to hold back a boiling rage to pick up the phone and let him know I was coming for him, but I didn't because it was more important to let her hear the truth. Besides, the look of utter despair and loss on my wife's face once she realized she'd been played as just a whore for him was enough for me, at least for the moment. She kept saying through tears over and over..."What the hell? But you told me I was the love of your life. I risked everything for you!". He told her he was sorry how things turned out and that at least they had some good times together that'd he'd never forget. He also asked her to please help do damage control and keep me from knowing how to reach his wife since no more people needed to be hurt than already were. After he hung up, I told her that his response didn't surprise me. That she'd meant nothing more than free sex for him. Hell, she even had paid for the hotel rooms on all their meetups because he said he didn't want to leave a money trail that his wife could follow (she bought into his reasoning of course and complied). So, next it was my turn to turn his world upside down. I tracked down his wife's workplace and left a message that she needed to call me regarding her husband. Since he'd turned off his phone to cut my wife off from calling him at work, his wife never could reach him and began to fear he'd been in an accident or something --- so she quickly called me instead to find out what was going on. I let her know all of what had happened in the affair and she was utterly devastated. Once she got control and stopped sobbing, she asked if I had any evidence and if I'd send it to her, which of course I did (hundreds of sext messages, photos, masterbating vids, hotel receipts, times, dates, all of it.). In her fury, she did her own digging before hubby got home and found his password hidden under his monitor stand along with his trove of emails and the videos my wife had sent him, but then...she found something else. Evidently, my wife's lover had begun telling her how great it'd be to have anal sex with her -- since this was something his wife never gave him. So, every time they were together, and at least on 6 or more occasions, she had allowed him to video her having anal sex with him, giving her facials, etc. She was extremely verbal and aroused and excited during the filming. She had a weird expression on her face. Her eyes looked glazed, almost like she was drugged (I know now that it was the fog-mind that adulterers get) It really surprised me because her lover was smaller than average (not what I had imagined or expected), and very over weight (which should have made me feel better..but didn't). She later said she only did it to give him something his wife wouldn't provide and because it was easier since his penis was small (evidently anal made him feel bigger/more dominate and manly according to her). She said she made him promise to erase them later and would have never let him made them otherwise. Well, he of course did not. Apparently he'd archived the videos in some folder in a dropbox account. His wife figured out his password was the same as his email and accessed them. She shared them all with me, along with texts he'd sent a close friend of his which he'd shared the videos with under the caption "My little ass whore". My wife and I were best friends, shared in child rearing, and other responsibilities. She always talked about other people who'd cheated on their spouses as being despicable people. We had a good life together. We communicated with each other a lot, went on dates, and supported one another. We had always had a great sex life until the last 2 years of our marriage when her sex drive seemed to vanish. We were adventurous and creative in bed together, lots of foreplay. I was just as interested in her having an orgasm as myself, in fact even more so. She blamed hormones and the stress of work on her dwindling libido. I believed her and thought it made sense, since many of my friends' wives with kids had similar experiences over time. But as time went on, she never seemed to want to work at a remedy in any significant way. I've never had problems with my own libido and have a strong sex drive, have always been considered attractive, and prior to my wife had other lovers with a relatively healthy sex life. I couldn't figure out where the hell I'd screwed up. Never the type to forget important dates. Took her away for short getaways, talked sexy to her, sent her love notes from time to time. What had I done to cause her to no longer desire me and treat me this way? It was maddening. I thought I knew her, her desires, her feelings. But, after watching those videos I noticed a different person in them. She was completely submissive and talking very dirty during sex. When I had ever tried to initiate anal sex from time to time, she'd often say she just didn't feel comfortable doing it, that it didn't make her feel sexy when I talked dirty to her during sex-- but now she was another man's "little ass whore", willingly giving him anal sex, and talking slutty with a smile on her face (at least in the videos I saw). I pressed her to tell me every thing they had done together, no more secrets. As she spilled the beans and answered my endless questions remarkably with brutal honesty, I told her that I'd have to think whether or not our relationship was worth it to me anymore. We went to counseling, which she said made her fell even more twisted and conflicted. She had also reached out several times a day, day after day, to her lover but he'd already cut her off completely -- his last message blamed her for wrecking his family and life (Actually it was all me. Not only had I informed his wife, but also every family member, co-worker, boss, church group members, and neighbors. He finally complained that now his teaching job was in jeopardy and that his neighbors had stopped inviting him to gatherings). During one counseling session, my wife finally broke down crying saying she couldn't understand why her affair partner just wouldn't at least communicate with her and explain himself and why had he lied to her, that she felt so alone and cold, and that she couldn't bear it with me knowing that I was still so angry and unforgiving. She made the huge mistake of admitting to our counselor that she was so depressed over her lover's dismissal of her that she had nearly acted on some suicidal thoughts, but had been able to hold on hoping her lover would change his mind. She had just stepped back into the session though after going to the bathroom and calling him one last time at work to plead and beg only to be asked to never call the school again. She started suddenly crying uncontrollably and shaking and was showing all the signs of having a nervous break, the full impact of his illusion crashing down. Fearing the possibility that she might do harm to herself, our counselor decided to commit her for 2 weeks to a psychiatric ward. When she was released, she said she had finally come to her senses and admitted to contacting her old lover during the weeks of our counseling. She said she actually knew now that he was not the man her mind had believed he was and that she was blown away at how crazy she had acted during the affair -- that she simply was not herself but just desperate emotional mess. I didn't know what to think or do, but knew I loved her and also didn't want to flush 7 years and our family down the drain. Over the next months, she completely changed. Focused herself on our relationship and the sex was like it was when we first met...passionate and lustful, yearning. We introduced some kink into the bedroom to spice things up and she begged me to give her anal sex and to "take this ____ back and own it..." etc., you get the idea. It was great and cathartic too. Things were fantastic for an entire year and are great even to this day 8 years later. But, there is not a week that goes by still that I do not have flashbacks of those damn videos she made with him. Its like a form of PTSD or something. If I let it, it becomes very debilitating. I sometimes have trouble sleeping and have to really try to block it out on bad days when something triggers the memory. That said. We are in a better place now and are very in love with each other, communicate honestly and fully. No more secrets at last.