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So, I'm trying again.

Yeah, I thought about that too. Don't worry though, I have plans to manage my time with it all!


So, I am about to go to bed its 2AM out here almost and I start work in 8 hours... I wouldn't have stayed up so late before starting my first day but in order for me to work for UPS I had to turn in some sample work. That project took a lot longer than I anticipated especially since the power went out. Which had me freaking out btw because I lost all of my work. It's fine though because I wasn't doing such a great job at first and the power outage made me bust ass a lot more.


Tomorrow I head over to <snip> to turn in the work for my resume and after that I head over to my other job to start my first day... That will be a breeze I am not even worried about it, just crossing my fingers for this job at <snip>. Wish me luck guys I know you have already. Thank you all for the support! I am still amazed at this turn-around. I can't say I expected this recovery in the beginning.
 
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Hey JerryBlast!
Congrats on your second job! I am so proud of you ! Wow ........way to go ! You bring me hope.
Have a great day !
Trevor
 
TrevorStJohn said:
Hey JerryBlast!
Congrats on your second job! I am so proud of you ! Wow ........way to go ! You bring me hope.
Have a great day !
Trevor
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Thanks, Trevor! It feels like my whole life is changing around for the better. Well, I am off now. I just wanted to hop on and say that I am starting and extremely excited for my first day! I probably won't be doing much but reading a book and going through orientation.
 
Hi JerryBlast!
Just making sure your orientation went well and that you are doing well.
Sending positive energy your way !
Make it a great day!
 
Well, we are at 10 days now. I feel great it though it is very difficult. I don't want to go back to that lifestyle but it takes a lot of drive. Which is why I think this is why I will beat it this time. I always knew what I had to do I just didn't ever try or care before like I do now. Today these jobs are what keeps me busy so that I am not focused on the need to do drugs and if you really do want to quit you wont let your mind wonder about it all day long.

Update on the Jobs: The first job is going great. So far I am learning everything quick I work with a few friends though we all act like regular people who don't know each other. I am working the stations very well and both my manager and the two head owners were impressed with my performance after 2 days.. I am not lacking in any of my work and I am fully cooperating with the managers and making sure to follow company policy over anything, even a manager's mistake. I am seriously impressed too I had no idea I would be able to work this well at this point in my life. It just takes the mindset and due diligence. The second job is going good so far and I have not yet started working. I start probably next week and for those of you who don't know both managers have told me that they will schedule me to be able to work the hours for both jobs. I don't know how much I get paid but this second job was the one I was really pushing for so I hope it pulls through on the paying end. So far I have scored the job... The bright side? I make a little over 2 grand working both of these jobs and that will only go up depending on hours and pay grades. The other end of things show that I have barely any free-time. I am going to bed by 10PM at the latest and trying for 8PM. This is coming from a guy who was also staying up for days and partying too so it's not a regular change. I wont some of those out there reaching out to know that I was tossing between a lot of substances not just black and honestly this is a change I am making because I think if I don't I will either die or end up in prison... I feel that is important to note and maybe it will bring more hope to those trying to get the motivation and mindset they need to achieve success.

Alright guys, well I will update this more when I get a chance. I am somewhat paranoid of putting fourth too much information because too much detail on the internet could jeopardize my position at these jobs. However, I am really glad to be clean and working hard. Good luck everyone keep at it no matter what stage you are at you can still achieve your goals.
 
As someone struggling a great deal with half-assed sobriety, I find comfort and encouragement in your outlook.
 
KraziKat said:
As someone struggling a great deal with half-assed sobriety, I find comfort and encouragement in your outlook.
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I want to tell you bro in this 10.. Maybe 11 days so far I have done everything I possibly can to keep myself busy. That doesn't mean I haven't broken down crying over the attachment I had to drugs. I have to change my entire mind not to go back. Everything I phrase, "attachment I had" instead of "attachment I have" sometimes I say, "Fuck my life" and I have to immediately correct the mental state within that frame of mind and the words I am speaking and change it to something like, "Nah, I can do this!". It isn't easy. Eventually, when you see the proof that you can simply change your state of mind and ease the pain it gets easier. It literally takes everything though man otherwise I would be using right now... My old tactic? Switch from one drug to another. I went from meth to heroin. Before all that I was doing a lot of coke and extasy.. Physecadelics never really posed a problem to me in my world but then again none of them did until now and I may have gone overboard on that too... It's just one thing after another except PCP. Never crossed that off and I could care less today. Fact is I can feel my body.. I am in my 20's and I shouldn't be aching and having these problems. I am not overweight or anything and if I just exercise and eat right I should live long and be healthy. If I keep these changes I have made then I can do it.. For the past year my inner being has been ticking with, "Bro if you keep going this route your going to die" and I guess I finally take it seriously now.
 
I really wish others had the same support group I have right now and the same types of surrounding influence that helps me stay clean today..

I have an amazing partner who backs me and has been there for me for 5 years through everything. We communicate very well and that's why we push through. If it wasn't for her I don't think it would be as easy and I never wanted to do things behind her back. I was mostly honest throughout all my relapses but we had our ups and downs. I have told her the truth nowadays.

I have good hobby's and passions. I am a programmer and video producer and game developer... It's a lot plus I am an inspired comedian, lyricist, music producer/pianist. I am fairly talented in all these skills it's what I have spent my life doing.

I live with my family who helps me tremendously.

These two jobs are cherry on top of the pie and it's what I need to keep going. It wasn't anyone else forcing me to quit though, I had to make the decision on my own or I would have very well just left and not cared until I was just homeless or something.
 
Well done, OP. Like you, I've seemingly went from one drug to another. While you balked at IV heroin, it was me being offered H and considering trading my $100+ (150-200 mg) per day oxy habit for an H habit, be it snorting or smoking. My pill habit was unsustainable, and I knew it was time, but couldn't do it alone. Tired of living a lie, I told my wife. I am 41 with two little kids. I must live and be healthy for them if not for me.

Alas, the aforementioned one drug to another. I traded in my pill habit for an even more insidious drug – alcohol. Before I knew it, a month after my last pill I was day drinking, hiding booze, waking up at 2 AM and slamming liquor right from the bottle in order to go to sleep. A week ago today I woke up and saw the light. Haven't touched a drop since.

This week has been hard and unbearable at times, but happy to say I am finally feeling a little better. Part of my support is BL and reading stories like yours. Thanks.
 
KraziKat said:
Well done, OP. Like you, I've seemingly went from one drug to another. While you balked at IV heroin, it was me being offered H and considering trading my $100+ (150-200 mg) per day oxy habit for an H habit, be it snorting or smoking. My pill habit was unsustainable, and I knew it was time, but couldn't do it alone. Tired of living a lie, I told my wife. I am 41 with two little kids. I must live and be healthy for them if not for me.

Alas, the aforementioned one drug to another. I traded in my pill habit for an even more insidious drug – alcohol. Before I knew it, a month after my last pill I was day drinking, hiding booze, waking up at 2 AM and slamming liquor right from the bottle in order to go to sleep. A week ago today I woke up and saw the light. Haven't touched a drop since.

This week has been hard and unbearable at times, but happy to say I am finally feeling a little better. Part of my support is BL and reading stories like yours. Thanks.
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You are welcome KraziKat, I am glad you are able to kick the drinking. I can totally see how it that was done I even considered it. Quitting heroin was hell and I at times would have done anything to sleep. Thankfully, I am a huge pothead and I had roughly a QP laying around of some good quality so I was definitely chiefing it up. I still couldn't sleep. You want to know what is funny though? First, I couldn't sleep because of heroin withdrawal, now I can't sleep because I go to bed and close my eyes to hear beeping noises from my job lmao. It's a good toss-up and an easy fix with some good music.

I am glad I was able to help influence people in a positive way. If I didn't register on this site to have something that I personally created and felt interested in I don't think this would have been as easy. It made me motivated to tell you guys I succeeded even though I was worried about having to say if I failed. So far I am clean on everything except marijuana. I want to get off pot now too because I have my eye on this job that pays $35/h starting at a test site. Can't smoke pot or do anything and they have strict tests. I only make 8.50 an hour at one job and 9 an hour at my second... I am working like a dawg for less than 2 grand a month after taxes so if I was able to quit pot I would be a whole new man :D I am excited for these changes. My wife says, "Woah dear, slow down I don't thikn you should quit the weed just yet... Your an asshole when you don't smoke since you've been coming down off this stuff"

haha I told her I got to do whats best for myself but if it poses a problem maybe I am not ready and should toke a bit longer. Who knows >_> I think I can accomplish it and then focus the new energy and time gained to work on my mood lol.
 
Be VERY careful with the Gabapentin. I was prescribed that to help me with Benzo and Opiate withdrawals, and the nerve pain I was suffering from. On day 3 I felt like there was this awful pressure in my eyes and I couldn't open them without pain. I felt like I was under miles of ocean, the pressure was so intense and agonizing. I had my hubby call my doctor, and she advised me to stop immediately. Apparently alot of folks have trouble in this way, and they can't take it. It's like an allergic reaction, so beware of how you feel the first day or two if you choose to try it. I suffered needlessly because of this drug. I felt alot better with plain old clonodine (blood pressure reducer) and Kratom, a natural herb on the internet. Kratom for opiate withdrawals is AMAZING and it literally saved my life.
 
DoctorMolecule said:
^ my wife's opinion of my pot habit post opioid abuse. Does your wife smoke as well?
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She used to because of my influence but she has asthma so we quickly agreed that wasn't a good idea. Thinking back I don't know how we even let ourselves think that was a good idea. She is doing great now though. She doesn't smoke tobacco or marijuana. She can't do anything anyway she has a city job that tests. Another reason I am trying to stop smoking is because she makes bank and I would love a job like that haha.


Darqmom13 said:
Be VERY careful with the Gabapentin. I was prescribed that to help me with Benzo and Opiate withdrawals, and the nerve pain I was suffering from. On day 3 I felt like there was this awful pressure in my eyes and I couldn't open them without pain. I felt like I was under miles of ocean, the pressure was so intense and agonizing. I had my hubby call my doctor, and she advised me to stop immediately. Apparently alot of folks have trouble in this way, and they can't take it. It's like an allergic reaction, so beware of how you feel the first day or two if you choose to try it. I suffered needlessly because of this drug. I felt alot better with plain old clonodine (blood pressure reducer) and Kratom, a natural herb on the internet. Kratom for opiate withdrawals is AMAZING and it literally saved my life.
Click to expand...

I keep hearing a lot of good things about Kratom and although I haven't used it for withdrawal I have had experiences with it. I probably would have used it if I had it laying around when I was kicking the habit. AS for the Gabapentin I made sure not to use anything to taper off this time. I went cold-turkey and it was hell. I didn't stop shaking through the night for 8 days or if I was sitting still I was jerky. It was kinda wacky and it threw me off while I was trying to go for those jobs. The trick for that was to keep myself moving and if my nerves and joints were firing from being worked out, then they would calm down a bit. Not for long though lol, just long enough to get through the interview or until I was moving around again. If I sat still too long eventually I would get this insane urge to overextend my arms and legs or bounce it was totally messed up. I am at 13 days now though if not 14? I just checked and I am at 14 days. I don't really shake anymore and I think I am doing good. It's 5 AM and I spuradically got up at 4:00 AM this morning to chief it up but other than that I think I am doing alright. I don't go in until this afternoon so I have tons of free time :D
 
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