Mental Health Selfharm!

[starting_over]

Well you are rubbing super hot chilis into your razor blade cuts....

Take a look at the rest of your post history... suicidal, trying a myriad of drugs... seriously get professional help man please.

 

[badfish45]

I think you need help because you are suffering and don't deserve to do so..it may seem there's no solution to your problem but an outside perspective will at least help you see things differently. This doesn't sound like something you can or should do on your own. I have friends who suffer from severe autism who are able to live normal lives because they received the help and treatment they needed. You're 17 and still have a lot ahead of you and it's best to deal with this now before it keeps progressing on and finding help gets more difficult.

 

[benzoboss]

I think you need help because you are suffering and don't deserve to do so..it may seem there's no solution to your problem but an outside perspective will at least help you see things differently. This doesn't sound like something you can or should do on your own. I have friends who suffer from severe autism who are able to live normal lives because they received the help and treatment they needed. You're 17 and still have a lot ahead of you and it's best to deal with this now before it keeps progressing on and finding help gets more difficult.

Im not suffering i just have some bad moments.
My autism isnt severe.
Moderate i geus.
I've had to much help imo.
I've been in 23 diffrent places for help.
There "help" is killing me from the inside.
the only thing they gave me is a good benzo addiction.

 

[badfish45]

I'm certainly not trying to make claims about your life or severity of your autism , but self harm is very serious and dangerous, and I'm just trying to relate what I know.

Im.sorry you've had such poor experiences with professional help (many have) but there's definitely some out there, no matter how far and few, who genuinely care enough to find something that works for you. It seems from what you're saying that drugs/psychologists might not be your best choice. Have you ever looked into cognitive behavioral therapy?

 

[benzoboss]

I'm certainly not trying to make claims about your life or severity of your autism , but self harm is very serious and dangerous, and I'm just trying to relate what I know.

Have you ever looked into cognitive behavioral therapy?

Why is cutting so dangerous
Can i get gangrene from it?

Yea im on the waiting list for cbt.
I've tried other therapy's they didnt work but i think that cbt works better for me.

 

[dopemaster]

You can bleed out.

Look when I was about 19 I had a medical professional tell me I would never get better if I kept cutting and burning myself.

I would rather not post about it other than why I did it. I was having trouble coping with panic attacks & anxiety as those prolems where holding me back in every aspect or life that led to depression. I felt so isolated and I often found myself in such a bad place I would cancel social things I enjoyed, even dates that would lead to sexual intecourse.

So I had a mental pain and I was switching to physical pain and it felt better. I don't know if it was endorphins or whether I only had to feel the physical pain.

I almost did bleed out a few times and I never let anyone know because I didn't want to be committed. Anyways it sucks to be covered it cuts and still depressed. I suppose seeing how I hid it I was doing it in places that would hurt more afterwards.

So when I had a therapist that didn't want to commit me and instead got me in with a psychiatrist to handle the root problems I started making progress. That took a bit of patience and I was suicidal.

Things got better after I stopped cutting. I still have problems and they are a different type but I have learned to cope better.

You probably need some hobbies or to find what in this world you are passionate about. That will give you a sense of purpose and satisfaction. For me I enjoyed learning so even though university didn't work out I continued my studies via distance learning and community college and I could actually afford it.

I found my passion in a class and it turned out to be art. There are plenty other classes I enjoy so I may study other majors as well. I enjoy taking classes so more I am close to several degrees.

Life is worth living if you make it so and for me just being on a path to a life I want was and is enough to keep going.

After my anxiety got under control things got better for me.

So you need to be speaking with a therapist and psychiatrist. You need to work towards something in life and to work on your health.

So cutting does change the reward system in your brain and continuing to engage in self harm doesn't help.

I have a friend who I used to date and she didn't stop and it is hard as someone who cares about her to see new scars. She used to get sad when she saw new cuts and burns on me. We were both engaging in self harm when we were dating but it wasn't something we did together but she asked me to.

Anyways we stayed friends because we could talk and understand each other. She is finally doing better these days a decade later. She had a tough time with her sexuality and I guess she finally decided she would be happier to be openly bisexual. I am happy for her. I already knew because we were having sex with other women together but she hid it from other men she dated.

So her feeling ashamed was negative for her mental health. We both had drug and alcohol problems which we both stopped.

I am using my friend as an example because it illustrates my point is the reasons we did it were somewhat different.

She was the only friend who I felt ok with discussing self harm. The only other friend I told punched me in the face when he found out but he always acted like an older brother and still does.

It is good to talk about it in the right places. The general concensus in most cutters is that it feels better than how they feel.

So shame, mental illness, and substance abuse where the causes in my experiences.

I also was active in the body modification community and it was regularly talked about and I often saw people get painful work done at times of emotional distress which personally I don't agree with.

I get tattooed and have had many piercings over the years but never found it to be a good coping mechanism and I did find up tattooing myself later down the road and I did one I really did not want but luckily I had the money to get it inked over.

Anyways hurting yourself will hold you back from making progress and trust me I went from suicidal to being grateful for being alive and my life recently went off track.

When shit hit the fan I had the urge to cut myself but I didn't. I proceeded to go about changing things.

So you should stop. It only gets harder and I know this because I saw how much harder it was for my friend to stop and she has some scars she really regrets and I told her it didn't matter and the old scars didn't make any less beautiful but new ones were made me feel bad and I was being honest.

It is also is where you are going and not your past that matters. I have very bad scars from iv drug use and am ok with them but find a fresh track disgusting on myself.

I hope some of this helps. It's not easy for me to talk about. Life can get better but it takes work sometimes.

 

[badfish45]

^ thank you for sharing that.

I certainly can't relate, but besides bleeding out, septic shock (blood infection which can result in death) is a real threat due to infection even if you practice harm reduction. It's also a psychologically abusive relationship with yourself which will even further degrade your self worth. But I don't want to speak too out of turn here... just concerned and want the best for you, and I think the general consensus of self harm is regret, and we just want to see you find a healthy way to start dealing with your problems.

 

[benzoboss]

I think that i will stop cutting.
I dont havee that many cuts and just a few deeper cuts so the scars wont be that bad.
I can take a little bite of a carolina reaper if i get the urge.
It wont be easy.

Thnx for the suport.