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Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)

VastEmpty said:
Sixx -

...a month?!? Where does the time go? you are doing so awesome!

I'm glad that your program realizes how commendable it is for you to want to be there and not just have to be there. Congrats on moving forward in your recovery like a mother-fucking-pro!

I'm sure you have a bunch of people in your life (including us here at SL) who are really proud of you. Isn't that a good feeling? You are gaining trust and credibility every day just by making it to the end of the day sober. I hope you have time to celebrate your accomplishment with your wife and daughter!

- VE
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What VE said keep rocking sixx!
 
Sixxam said:
Thanks fellas!

Tpd, no, not quite a mini. It's just a small 9x20 manual machine. I have a couple specific uses in mind. I'll probably treat it as a project and make parts for it. With a lathe and milling machines I can't build new machines. That's fun!

Yeah, I'm just kinda jumping in and rolling with it for now. The therapist said I'm pretty much doing as good as I could hope. She said often people are court ordered to attend, so it's refreshing that I want to on my own free will.

I'm open to whatever to be honest. I know how likely relapse is, so learning to over come future occurrences is key..

Funny, this is my only kick, where I actually feel like if I ever relapse... I'd immediately kick again. I want this sober shit. It's tough but I want it!
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It really sounds like you're doing everything right. It's awesome to watch, man!
 
You guys sound the way I feel w makeup and makeup brushes. I received a brush set -limited edition- today I cried a little. You can drop me off at Ulta or Sephora when they open and still have to come get me out when they close. No. Seriously.

Good for you Sixx. Enjoy your lathe. Whatever trips your trigger-if it keeps you away from your DOC.
 
toothpastedog said:
Nothing wrong with that! =D

I kinda have a thing for Sephora myself. They have the best moisturizers ;)
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Indeed they do! Nice body wash, body exfoliator, a great body moisturizer and face skincare- ??- aah. Heaven.

Never underestimate how mood-lifting and good for your soul- a little self-pampering is.

Since there aren't many ladies on this thread- for the guys - a nice shaving kit- great clippers if your style is having facial hair. There's great stuff for men.

And if anyone needs any help w something to get your wife, girlfriend, partner - it would be my pleasure to help if need be.

I already have my cosmetology liscense, but I have thought about getting my barbers license. I think a barber shop would be cool to own. Just a thought.

Hope everyone is well tonight. Everyone is on my mind. Im having a tough night at home.
 
^ I'm sorry your night at home has been rough. I hope it got better with time. How have things been other than tonight? Was there anything at home that was a particular stressor that you could avoid going forward? I'm hoping for a better tomorrow for you!

Six - what's life like on day 33? Pink and cloudy I hope ;)

- VE
 
Just typed a huge response and lost it.... Headed back to bed. I'll touch base later guys... Having a moment.

Hang tough friends
Sixx
 
I'm late on this one...well, I'd recomend a quick taper. Altho, you may seriously want to consider suboxone replacement therapy, but that's for later. First, kratom is hard to measure, get proper pharmaceuticals. What I would do is change to methadone, then drop 5 mg a week, a slow taper, there is no need to ''man up'' and take the full withdrawal at once, your body has had a continous stream of opioids for 14 years, you can't break that in 3 days. Hydromorphone, just like morphine, codeine, heroin, demerol, oxycodone, hydrocodone, etc has a very short half-life, that means withdrawal is quick and extremely intense.
How much you drop the dose is very important. If you're taking let's say 60 mg and you drop to 30 mg, that's the same as dropping from 30 to zero, it's fucking brutal and what really worries me is you're taking a very large dosage, so once you go down you CANNOT go up, your tolerance will have diminished. This is how many addicts die. I noticed you wrote this after christmas, and you mention your family...you want to be better for them, but I want you to be better for you. Them having a better husband/father, awesome, but you have to do it for yourself. I tried doing it for others, twice, with years apart. But I'm writing on a post over a month old and I'm gonna look what has happened. I'm a recovering addict and a biochemist obsessed with pharmacology, so fuck humble, I know about this intimately and theorically. And I hope we can find something that works for you. Hugs!
 
Congratulations my man. So awesome you're getting creative. I really need to get off my ass and do the same! Been real busy here but glad you're still kicking ass.
 
Hey guys, thanks for touching base and leaving good words. Lately I've been having a tough time getting on the forum, or doing much of anything for that matter.

It seems if I'm not alone, working..... I'm pissed right off and fantasising about using or punching someone's face off. It's 50/50 lately. I'm definitely finding things increasingly more difficult as I get further into sobriety. The only time I'm really calm enough to sit and write is at 4am as I can't sleep anyway, and the day hasn't pissed me off yet.

I find smoking a little pot, calms me for a few, or makes me half stupid so I don't give a shit for a while.

I'm not going to use, for now...I got my babies birthday next weekend. But I find I think a lot about using shit other then my drug of choice. Like blow. And I freaking hate uppers. I think it's more just the escape from this exhausting fucked up mind frame. It truly feels like I've ran 1000 miles on no sleep while being annoyed, high on gravel. I'm just tired.

I dunno, just venting I suppose.....

VE, my partner is happy that I'm still sober. But I'm sure she sees me struggling. And yes I am proud of myself I suppose. But it's easy to get lost in this shit when you feel so low. At least I've got my beautiful kids (daughter & step son) to help keep my spirits up.

Random clean, thanks for your insight man. But I'm sporadic and just quit cold turkey. I get the whole danger involved but I still pretend I'm half super man :).

Sim, kickit, Ten years, the last dose and everyone else.. I hope you guys are still in the fight with me.... I watch the masses come to this forum and leave just as quickly.... This shits only cut out for the real mother fuckers.

I'm still in it guys, just real low right now.

Hang tough
Sixx
 
Wow, man, it does sound like we're in similar waters. I just wrote a huge screed about this shit on my own thread. It's an awful set of feelings...I particularly relate to the 50/50 split between wanting to use and wanting to punch a motherfucker. Also the blow, of course. FWIW, my recently dabbling in coke was completely useless. But I know that's not really the point...sometimes we just want.

Honestly, I don't know what the answer is, except to stay as right as possible and never give up.

We'll make it.
 
Sim, I hate to say it, but it's good to know I'm not alone. All though I wouldn't wish this shit on another. I think if sober folks could be put into the mind of a newly clean addict, for just one hour.... They would become drug addicts themselves.

It's such a mind fuck!

I haven't been sleeping much at all and I'm finding it difficult. I had a few nights where I was getting a good four hours a night but now I'm just not sleeping. I guess it's just all part of the game..

I'm hanging out sitting by my fire listening to tunes.. Not sure what else to do with myself.

Hope y'all are holding up.

Sixx
 
Hey, Sixx...misery loves company, no? :\

It certainly IS a mindfuck. It blows me away almost every day how grinding and hard this all is. Seems to me that a large part of the difficulty is that by necessity, we're really doing several big things at once...obviously there's quitting the drugs. But if this is ever gonna become a reasonable way to live, I feel like we have to also confront closets full mental/emotional garbage. Then we also need to figure out what/who we want to be once the fog clears and the pieces land. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Obviously, staying away from the dope is the main deal. But I do feel like I'm spinning plates.

Good luck, brother.
 
Sim, you're spot on man... It's just a nasty Roller coaster that's so up and down..I feel like a woman! No offence VE. You owning recovery like a boss.. ?

One minutes in About to cave, the next I'm like man I got this.. What a ride! What's helping immensely is that I have you tough fuckers in the fight with me.
 
Sixxam said:
Sim, you're spot on man... It's just a nasty Roller coaster that's so up and down..I feel like a woman! No offence VE. You owning recovery like a boss.. 

One minutes in About to cave, the next I'm like man I got this.. What a ride! What's helping immensely is that I have you tough fuckers in the fight with me.
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Im wit ya bro!! keep up the fight!
 
simco said:
Hey, Sixx...misery loves company, no? :\

It certainly IS a mindfuck. It blows me away almost every day how grinding and hard this all is. Seems to me that a large part of the difficulty is that by necessity, we're really doing several big things at once...obviously there's quitting the drugs. But if this is ever gonna become a reasonable way to live, I feel like we have to also confront closets full mental/emotional garbage. Then we also need to figure out what/who we want to be once the fog clears and the pieces land. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Obviously, staying away from the dope is the main deal. But I do feel like I'm spinning plates.

Good luck, brother.
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Sim, you are over thinking it one day at a time brotha!. Dont open the whole closet at once take what emotional shit comes out of the closet one day at a time and as the fog clears you will find your way bro.
 
I just wanted to pop in and express my more than pleasant surprise to hear how good all you guys are doing. Yes, I know it can be a brutal fucking struggles sometimes, but coming from my somewhat now more stabilized place in recovery (one week and I'll have three years - yay :)), you guys are doing really, really well. We all make mistakes and have hard days for a variety of reasons. What can I say, life is life, especially for those of us in recovery (particularly having become relatively newly sober), but your guys are fighting the good fight. Nothing can ask anything more than that.

And I must say, each of you is doing this rather beautifully in your own ways. Keep up the great work!
 
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