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Recovery My journey starts today (hydromorphone)

Sixxam said:
Oh and congrats on 60 something days... Fucking killing it bro!
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lol i think its 63 days i really dont count no more seems i only need to know when im on here. Everytime i figure out the days i cant believe its not longer sure fuckin seems that way! thanks sixx
 
Dude, I get it. Feels like I'm on my 5th year of sobriety. Shit I haven't hit 30 days yet.

Something positive that I noticed today... Probably boring to most of you. But, I have been machining specific parts for years.. These parts are tedious and boring to make. I often jump to the belt grinder to speed it up, which gives only satisfactory results. Well yesterday I randomly thought... Why don't I figure out the math in These parts and fully machine them for better accuracy. Again very tedious and complicated shit ( to me) . But I did it rather quickly, set machines up and this morning I'm producing parts that exceed anything I've currently done.

When I was high, I was fully content on the easy way and wouldn't have considered doing this. I have moments of clarity I suppose, where the easy way seems just so fucking lazy.

Sobriety is weird. But little moments like this make my feels all warm and squishy.. Ya know..

Man, I'm almost at 30 days...I have an appointment next week with drug counseling... Wonder how they will go.

Anyway, thinking of all you guys.. Hang tough friends

Sixx
 
That's an interesting observation. Yeah, when I was using I didn't give much of a fuck about anything. I think that's cool that you're a machinist...I've always admired the precision that goes into machining.

Keep it up, man!
 
30 days sixx congrats! but doesnt it feel like a long ass time! for me after doing oxy everyday for 20 years everything now seems weird ass hell especially time. Thank god for weed its been my crutch i smoked most of my life except during the urine tests years on oxy. I would smoke maybe twice a month after my appt and really i would get anxiety alot then because of weed well thats changed now i get anxiety relief from it.
 
Man, I got some weed, but I found it always made me paranoid.. I've been meaning to give it another shot though. I mean.. It can't hurt..

I know it may be counter productive, and maybe it's just paws.. But life is so dull and boring without opiotes. I'm gonna go have a couple puffs......

If ya need me I'll be in the corner... Paranoid ?

I must be feeling a tad better..I made a funny!
 
Sixxam said:
Man, I got some weed, but I found it always made me paranoid.. I've been meaning to give it another shot though. I mean.. It can't hurt..

I know it may be counter productive, and maybe it's just paws.. But life is so dull and boring without opiotes. I'm gonna go have a couple puffs......

If ya need me I'll be in the corner... Paranoid 

I must be feeling a tad better..I made a funny!
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haha haha yes you did! i only started getting anxiety and paranoid with weed after only being able to smoke two days a month. Now i can smoke at will and now that i do it really has taken away anxiety and made me more creative for example just got done burning one and i have my koss bluetooths on with queensryche rage for order album blasting in my ears!! im feeling very creative. It is definitely more boring without ops but i never said i was a quitter just quit ops its actually the only drug in my life that controlled me. I never had a problem with anything else but thats me im not saying bad patterns will not fuck someone else up.
 
I'm the same way man? Ops are the one drug that I just can't seem to control. Everything else I've used in moderation. Pot, blow, benzos.... You know, all the baby stuff lol.

I just smoked one. Probably just gonna eat and lay down haha.
 
Sixxam said:
Dude, I get it. Feels like I'm on my 5th year of sobriety. Shit I haven't hit 30 days yet.

Something positive that I noticed today... Probably boring to most of you. But, I have been machining specific parts for years.. These parts are tedious and boring to make. I often jump to the belt grinder to speed it up, which gives only satisfactory results. Well yesterday I randomly thought... Why don't I figure out the math in These parts and fully machine them for better accuracy. Again very tedious and complicated shit ( to me) . But I did it rather quickly, set machines up and this morning I'm producing parts that exceed anything I've currently done.

When I was high, I was fully content on the easy way and wouldn't have considered doing this. I have moments of clarity I suppose, where the easy way seems just so fucking lazy.
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This kind of clarity is whats sobriety and recovery so fucking worth it, and so much fun. It makes the pain easier to see and feel too, but nothing beats a balanced mind when it comes to problem solving! You're doing great Six (and you know that kind of talk never bores me :))!
 
Tpd, thanks brother! And your so right. It's still very strange, but one of the pleasant parts.

Sooner, I've been on at least 160mg daily oxy for 14 years. Only the last year or so I got into the harder shit. The dilaudid or the strong dilaudid (hydromorphone contin) is when my use got crazy. That shit is like being touched by the finger of God . I've had some clean patches in there too. Over a year at one point.

But once I fucked with the hydromorphone I couldn't turn away.

Stay away from that shit!
 
Sixxam said:
Tpd, thanks brother! And your so right. It's still very strange, but one of the pleasant parts.

Sooner, I've been on at least 160mg daily oxy for 14 years. Only the last year or so I got into the harder shit. The dilaudid or the strong dilaudid (hydromorphone contin) is when my use got crazy. That shit is like being touched by the finger of God . I've had some clean patches in there too. Over a year at one point.

But once I fucked with the hydromorphone I couldn't turn away.

Stay away from that shit!
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holy shit sixx! i didnt know you were on oxy that long we have alot in common i was daily for over 20 years 280mgs daily im sure if i did 150mgs right now i would get one heluva rush then probably die. Crazy i remember when i could do 150mgs and not feel anything more than normal.
 
Sixx -

You are doing it! For real!!! Keep it up, man.

How are things with the wife? How is the boredom/PAWS?

You are an inspiration to us all. Much love and mad fucking respect!

- VE
 
Thanks a bunch guys!

Today was a fucked up day.. So get this. I had my wife help me vacuume up my using area in my home. Which was everywhere but mainly in my home workshop. If you know hydromorphone, they're capsules filled with tiny white beads. Which I crushed and sniffed.

So I'm piddling around in the shop and the wife comes out to see what I'm up to. She sits at my work bench and is messing with the music on my phone.

She jumps up and says YOU'RE USING!

I'm like wtf are you talking about..... She holds up a bead of hydromorphone...... My heart skipped.... I'm not sure if it skipped because I wish I found it first or that she's accusing me of using when I'm not.

But I'll tell ya , being accused of it..... Fuck I might as well just use. But I know where that will lead. But talk about shitty luck. Just as things were staying to go smooth again. .....

Can't these damn drugs just fuck off already?? I took a .025mg xanax, said fuck it and got back to work.

Sobriety is truly some tough shit!

VE, sim, kick it, last dose...... Thanks for popping in to listen to my shit... It means a lot.
 
VE, the boredom is so hard. I still find everything so damn grey and dull. But I guess that's what you get for partying in the matrix?. I'm staying sober until my daughter's 1st birthday, no matter what.. She's deserves that. I'll set a new date after that... Or I'll get high and regret it, or stay high and forget it....I dunno yet.

But valentine's day is my beautiful little girls birthday and I will fucking BE THERE in mind and body.
 
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