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Any one else completely lose all free will on cocaine?

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mirrorgirl

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 26, 2010
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I am a binger when I use I use a lot, several g and then ring the dealer at 4am for more. I just completely lose all sense of free will....it's like I have no say in the matter i have to use it all up....I have even done things like tried to save some by putting it somewhere I can't reach, behind heavy fixed wardrobe... only to be fishing it out with a coat hanger two hours later.

I always convince myself I'll only use a bit which is the addiction talking as i never do...but it's like I can't admit I have absolutely no control.

I am trying to quit now, as it's gone way past the point of pleasure to compulsion

Worst time was when I made my partner hide some, then woke him up and demanded he get it out...he will no longer hide stuff for me now as he knows if it is in the house it will get snaffled.
 
I was like that with crack, only I didn't convince myself I would only use a little bit. I knew that once I started smoking it I'd smoke all I had, which is why I would buy it in limited quantities at a time. The worst thing would be when I'd run out and then ring the dealer for more. He'd say no problem be there in 15 min but of course in reality it would take him closer to 2 hours to show up and by then I'd have come down and not really want any more. But I couldn't turn him away or he might get mad and not sell to me anymore, so I'd have to buy more and then the whole cycle would begin again.
 
I got like like on cocaine, mostly when smoking it as crack, but also when IV'ing coke. I would get about an 8 ball at a time and would go through it in one night, usually injecting it every 20 minutes or so, but sometimes rocking it up into crack and smoking out..I had to quit messing with coke because I would get so high that I did not give a damn about anything but doing coke, and ended up blowing a lot of money on binges, with nothing to show for it after it was all gone. Coke compulsion was worse for me than crystal meth use or heroin/ opiate use as far as compulsive behavior goes, good luck with quitting coke, it can be done, but sucks doing so!
 
That compulsion you're experiencing with relation to the cocaine is one of the behavioral aspects of addiction. From the sound of it you are still early in your addiction or habitual usage enough to begin curbing this behavior.

The cause, most likely, of your compulsive using is the moving past a need for triggers telling your brain that you need some cocaine before you are already searching for it. Otherwise, most people only get cravings for their DOC once they encounter people, places, or things that remind them of that drug.

Perhaps somebody else can give suggestions on how to curb your usage, i have never been very good at doing it though. Good luck, friend. Be safe.
 
I heard cocaine is stronger for woman in the horniness department, which would make you feel less in control. But I absolutely finish my shit or just put it away and pass out at 3am after jerking off 8-times and being paranoid. Maybe you should tell your BF that he needs to control your actions a little bit, and you can do something nice for him in return.
 
Curb your usage now. If you ever read any info about cocaine, you already know the answer to your question.
Ever hear the term Crack Whore?? That's where this behavior can take you.
 
I don't understand how a thread essentially asking the question "Does anybody else find Cocaine addictive?" has stayed alive this long. Yes, almost everybody likes Cocaine, finds it addictive and has a hard time controlling their usage once they get started.
 
Keif' Richards said:
I don't understand how a thread essentially asking the question "Does anybody else find Cocaine addictive?" has stayed alive this long. Yes, almost everybody likes Cocaine, finds it addictive and has a hard time controlling their usage once they get started.
Click to expand...

Not really what I was asking... I was asking about the loss of control that leads to a binge... plenty of other users I know can use the amount they originally planned for without having to call the dealer out at 4 am every time.
 
mirrorgirl said:
I was asking about the loss of control that leads to a binge... plenty of other users I know can use the amount they originally planned for without having to call the dealer out at 4 am every time.
Click to expand...

Are you using by yourself or with others? Using by yourself would make this worse as there's no one else there to distract or help moderate usage.

I've seen groups of people struggle with cocaine, but by using as a group they all moderate their usage cause it looks dirty to be the one asking everyone to throw in for more at 4am.

And i disagree with Keif, not everyone likes cocaine. I objectively like the feeling, but I get such weird/unpleasant physical side effects even with small doses of high quality powder that it's incentive enough not to use it. Not sure how you could force this on yourself but it works for me haha
 
Shit!! I've beat on my dealers door in the early hours more than once to get more Coke. I'm so glad I don't use that anymore. After a near overdose and two years of anxiety due to the overdose I was finally done with it. Coke is the main reason I don't drink. If I catch a buzz I'm going to want some.
 
Many years ago I lived with some friends that grew up with a guy who became a coke dealer. He would "donate" a 1/2 oz for the four of us every few weeks and sometimes not even stay for more than an hour or two. It was basically self serve and use as much or as little as you wish. Somehow knowing it would be there for at least several hours, changed the compulsive behavior that would typically come with gram or even eight ball quantities.
 
I relate almost entirely, i'll tell myself "im only gonna buy this gram and ill be good" nope. im hittin up my guy for more later that day, the lack of self control is frustrating. Waking up the next day and regretting the money you spent is embarrassing to say the least. I guess its what i get for the choices i make. Be safe.
 
Keif' Richards said:
I don't understand how a thread essentially asking the question "Does anybody else find Cocaine addictive?" has stayed alive this long. Yes, almost everybody likes Cocaine, finds it addictive and has a hard time controlling their usage once they get started.
Click to expand...

Why do you gotta be so rude ?
 
Keif' Richards said:
I don't understand how a thread essentially asking the question "Does anybody else find Cocaine addictive?" has stayed alive this long. Yes, almost everybody likes Cocaine, finds it addictive and has a hard time controlling their usage once they get started.
Click to expand...

Partially agree, but I feel like this is more or less HR, but not suited for OD
I'll move it to Drug Culture, hopefully it's suited there
 
That's a sign of abuse and addiction. It is quite common with coke for people to crave it or use it both by buying it, and by using it when it is available and if other people offer it.

I never got this way on coke but I have been this way with alcohol and cannabis. With coke I tried it once, loved it way too much that I decided to never use it again and disposed of the small amount I had. For months, and years afterwards I would obsess about using coke and dream about it, but I never used it even when it was offered to me in social situations or at parties.

Good luck quitting coke. The sober living forum here may be helpful to you. Some people find NA meetings helpful. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and have a safe new year.
 
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