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Welcome How Are You in One Word vs wait! Just one?!

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I should kick this Gabapentin down the street. It makes you feel downright awful the longer you take it. Praying to get klonopin tomorrow. Holidays are coming up and I'm expecting to see someone over the weekend, can't afford to be frozen in place with crippling anxiety.
 
I od'd a few days ago. Still nauseated, vacant, like I've got Mexican jumping beans in my solar plexus. In short. Bad. I figure I don't really want to live anymore, and ill keep doing this until I don't wake up.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
I od'd a few days ago. Still nauseated, vacant, like I've got Mexican jumping beans in my solar plexus. In short. Bad. I figure I don't really want to live anymore, and ill keep doing this until I don't wake up.
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I am sorry you had to experience that, and that you feel this way. I haven't OD'd yet, but I see it inevitably coming in my future the way things are going. I also wish I was dead, and I am going about it the same way. Can I ask... did it hurt when you OD'd? Was there any pain
 
^ Hey Shroomy, I don't mean to butt in, but didn't you say that your plan was to take a low dose of ibogaine if you started feeling suicidal? That would be better than heroin, right?

I'm sending you all my good vibes! Please hang in there.

- VE
 
That was my plan, but I did a line of coke 5 days ago that was cut with what I believe to be meth. I have been suffering from much worse panic attacks than usual ever since. I couldn't tolerate ibogaine right now, because I feel like I really messed up my heart, stressing myself out with a stimulant that I am hypersensitive to and having an adverse reaction to it. It is really just residual anxiety but still. My blood pressure has been higher ever since from the stress. It is normally 120/80, but it has been 150/90 or higher lately - so I wouldn't be able to touch ibogaine for a while, being a stimulant itself (just one that I can handle at those lower doses I was taking, since I don't freak out about what I am putting in my body). I am trying to relax myself as much as possible and make smarter choices.

You are not budding in; I appreciate your concern really a lot.
 
I od'd on morphine this time, so it was the world's slowest od. It started with a lot of vomiting, very cold, difficult to breathe, like your diaphragm stops working, but not breathing doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, I was in and out of consciousness then. Very distressing actually. Very upsetting for people dealing with my bullshit. The panic is there, like drowning....it's scary, even if you hate life, it's scary.

And you make it, thanks to a friend slapping you around, walking, cold baths, and you wish they would call the damn ambulance. But they won't because it would be...Bad...

I'm sorry you feel like that, schroomy. It's not totally pain free. A bit like being hit over the head with a bag of wet sand. You and I both know an iv overdose is quick. For the people I've lost that way, I hope they got the best ride ever.

I can give up on life for me, but I'm a fucking middle aged disaster zone, friend. I see your posts, you have so much to give yet, more fun to have.
 
Im stragely anxious today with out a spesific reason actually. Like a have a bad feeling that something bad is gonna happen. I hope it's nothing.
 
I.miss.you.phoria said:
I od'd on morphine this time, so it was the world's slowest od. It started with a lot of vomiting, very cold, difficult to breathe, like your diaphragm stops working, but not breathing doesn't hurt. Unfortunately, I was in and out of consciousness then. Very distressing actually. Very upsetting for people dealing with my bullshit. The panic is there, like drowning....it's scary, even if you hate life, it's scary.

And you make it, thanks to a friend slapping you around, walking, cold baths, and you wish they would call the damn ambulance. But they won't because it would be...Bad...

I'm sorry you feel like that, schroomy. It's not totally pain free. A bit like being hit over the head with a bag of wet sand. You and I both know an iv overdose is quick. For the people I've lost that way, I hope they got the best ride ever.

I can give up on life for me, but I'm a fucking middle aged disaster zone, friend. I see your posts, you have so much to give yet, more fun to have.
Click to expand...

Oh no, that sounds like when I was overdosing on poppy seeds by accident a while ago. Feels like shit!!! My body was slowly shutting down and becoming cold. I couldn't make myself swallow. That scared me. I kept splashing cold water on my face and pacing around the house, trying to stay alive and praying to come down from the high before it killed me. I kept praying and eventually the awful feelings subsided hours later. My hand even went into a claw position for a minute. My brain was all messed up feeling after that. Not fun. Facing death, I realized I didn't want to die.
 
Wow. Overdosing doesn't sound as pleasant as I thought it would be. I thought you just drifted off to oblivion...

That sounds horrible. Whenever I used to fuck around with heroin a little much and do bigger lines of raw #4 than I typically would, I occasionally would pass out and wake up several hours later, not remembering what happened and just feeling like I took a nap. I was alone whenever this would happen. I figured an OD would be like an extension of that... just never waking up...

Today I feel better than yesterday, been getting some good guitar practice in. Just an hour so far, but maybe I can make 4 today.
 
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