A month and a half ago I took a pill of MDA and since then my life has been hell. The majority of the time, I can't feel anything - this isn't limited to complex emotion, i literally just don't have any kind of overwhelming feelings brought on by brain activity. You know how when you're eating something, and when you get full, your mind makes you less interested in the taste of what you're eating? I don't have that. Exercise doesn't make me tired the way it used to, the voice that used to tell me to slow down is muted. I never feel tired but never really energized either, not in any kind of genuine way. I wake up and I'm just there again. Frustration, sadness, happiness opinions, abstract thought, etc - they just have no depth or actual physical feeling in my mind behind them. Some of these issues have only gotten worse. Does anyone have any explanation? I do believe during this time I've suffered from dp/dr, but so many of my symptoms aren't explained by this (i.e. The body-related, rather than emotion-related numbness). This is no way to live, I had to pull out of school and can't handle anything anymore and I just need to know what I can do.
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I just need answers, please help me
- Thread starter Hellome
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My friend tested it with a kit and said it was fine, it was .1g MDA
CosmicG
Bluelighter
Do you take any other drugs? Do you have prior experience with psychoactive chemicals? What was the experience itself like? Seems odd to be having such adverse side effects after doing .1 g MDA a single time.
I smoked weed for years before this with 0 problems, only have once since this occurred and I'm definitely not going to again (had bad Dp/Dr the day after). I'd used LSD twice in the past, that went fine no weird effects except for the next-day hangover. Only one tab, once two years ago and once two months prior to this incident. I did use MDMA once prior, only .1-.2g three years ago. During this time, I experienced intense euphoria and an "enlightened" feeling, like I had the answer to everything. However, as the euphoria dwindled things started to get bad. I couldn't respond to my friends questions/statements with any substantial answer, it was like when they were speaking I knew exactly what I wanted to say but when it was my turn to speak it all disappeared. My jaw was clenched extremely hard and I was shivering, it was by far the most on-edge feeling I've ever experienced and I didn't sleep for the entire night/next day. I had these obsessive, somewhat negative, cyclic thoughts that drove me insane. Finally I took a hit of weed the next day and it calmed them just enough to be bearable. I've felt horrible in many different ways for the entire time since.
Hi, wow that's interesting to hear. No, I haven't. Honestly as of right now i'm a little afraid of real medication - I started an antidepressant about 3 weeks after this all began and had horribly debilitating panic attacks because of it. I've also experienced an extreme existential/identity crisis during this - because I can't identify with my natural emotions, I feel as if i've literally forgotten how to function as a person. I can't keep myself entertained or look forward to/even think about my future or responsibilities. I had to pull out of college for the semester because I can't handle anything anymore. Just a little background - I took the MDA a week before moving away to college for the first time, had a horrible comedown/felt like I never recovered, and then was completely on my own in an unfamiliar environment. When I was young in middle/high school, I had a not-so-positive attitude about academics, hard work, etc. I basically lived in the moment and really enjoyed partying and not behaving in the most responsible manner. Then, I met my current boyfriend. He is so intelligent, serious, and hardworking, that I initially felt embarrassed of my "who cares" tendencies. I completely changed my behavior - I got straight A's throughout the rest of high school and first year of college (I went to community freshman year). I basically made myself into an entire different person, which felt great - right before I took the drug, i'd honestly never been at a better point in my life. However, since the MDA incident, during which I had pretty intense emotions and memories of my negative past, and the complete life change after, I've basically completely lost sight of who I truly am. While I was incredibly happy with my life before all of this, I do wonder if I suppressed my anxiety about the future/ability to compete for a spot in grad school/the fact that some of my goals were unrealistic, and now I'm unable to suppress those sides of my thoughts. I feel that something is constantly interfering with my ability to make strong goals/choices/decisions, probably due to both being out of touch with my genuine emotions, and due to the existential/identity crisis. I'm sorry, I know you can't really help me out with all of this, I should really be telling my therapist this and not posting on the internet, but basically I wanted to explain all that to say that until I address and understand all of my underlying issues that the experience brought out, my emotional issues aren't going to heal. I hope that if you think you're struggling with anything underlying that you can address it as well, sometimes MDA experiences can have a traumatic impact on people psychologically and is not something that can be just wished away/waited out.
8BitTrip
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2016
- Messages
- 64
I am also afraid of medication - for good reasons, I think it's wise to air on the side of caution when it comes to antidepressants. Besides, since I took it I can't tell whether I'm closer to recovery, or further away. I definitely feel better on the Mirtazapine, 'complete' again, but this is little comfort knowing it's artificial and unsustainable.
You are welcome to vent, I think it's an important part of the healing process. In my opinion the problem is two fold - I was allured by the drug experience due to underlying psychological factors which provided a highly effective albeit temporary resolution. Now we have gone the other way and are further back than where we started due to withdrawal type symptoms. However there is a new understanding of ourselves and potential for much greater change in time.
I am reflecting quite profoundly on what you have said as your temporal circumstances again, quite bizzarely seem to mirror mine. I will pm you for further discussion.
You are welcome to vent, I think it's an important part of the healing process. In my opinion the problem is two fold - I was allured by the drug experience due to underlying psychological factors which provided a highly effective albeit temporary resolution. Now we have gone the other way and are further back than where we started due to withdrawal type symptoms. However there is a new understanding of ourselves and potential for much greater change in time.
I am reflecting quite profoundly on what you have said as your temporal circumstances again, quite bizzarely seem to mirror mine. I will pm you for further discussion.