• Philosophy and Spirituality
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Threads of Note Socialize
  • P&S Moderators: JackARoe | Cheshire_Kat

Social The Delphic Oracle - Know Thyself: P&S Social Ampitheatre of Doom

That's not what I meant, I mean it's not like it's such a harmful drug in small doses it's something that is critical to wean yourself off.

Yea, technically it is a benzo, but it doesn't have any of the relaxing effects of a benzo, or really any kind of psychological effect, so it's kind of pointless to treat it like an addictive or abusable drug. Its only use seems to be as a sleep-aid, and of course it's a lifesaver in benzo withdrawal.

The point is, oxazepam is an addictive and abusable drug. Its a benzo, all benzo's are physiologically habit-forming. Not trying to scare you or antagonise because I understand how helpful benzo's can be for sleep and anxiety, but they are all very powerful and should be treated with extreme caution. If you do have to come off it, promise me that you will taper- you've come off benzo's before, I think?

There is a principle at play in the Cnetral Nervous System called kindling. For me, this effect has been absolutely true. My original and epic benzo addiction and taper had me off the planet, but I had been prescribed various GABAergics and anticonvulsants since I was a child for epilepsy. IMO, I was already primed to experience severe w/d and I did. But I got through. And about 3 years later, decided to get some diazepam and relax for a week or two, and entered a mild but still alarming and unsettling week of withdrawal. Its happened a few times since, even from taking 250mg of temazepam spread over 3-4 days. If I don't have 2-3 days where I have 20mg/10mg/5mg, I experience heightened anxiety and lots of weird symptoms. I've kinda got this happening right now.

Oxazepam is definitely mild, like temazepam but even weaker, but is a benzo and so it is habit forming. Just be careful, this re-experience of withdrawl (albeit mild) really startled me when it happened. I say taper. <3
 
I think I've posted this album before. Its by Biosphere who is a Norwegian ambient composer. He has heaps of albums, some are hit and miss, but this one is his best and most revered. Great for headphones and relaxing on a sunny day.




Nixiam said:
I was going to pump myself full of opioids tonight, but now I kind of don't want to.

I has 8 hydros left, 7.5mg. Saving for a rainy day I guess.

Its always calming to me, in a really deep way, to know that I have a stash of mood stabilising drugs, such as methadone or temazepam. I almost feel like how a hunter/gatherer may have felt 100,000 years ago when they encountered a particularly ripe and bountiful fruit tree or something, a really deep feeling of contentment and certainty or something. Holding onto good drugs is satisfying on the very few occaisions I actually do it. :)
 
The point is, oxazepam is an addictive and abusable drug. Its a benzo, all benzo's are physiologically habit-forming. Not trying to scare you or antagonise because I understand how helpful benzo's can be for sleep and anxiety, but they are all very powerful and should be treated with extreme caution. If you do have to come off it, promise me that you will taper- you've come off benzo's before, I think?

There is a principle at play in the Cnetral Nervous System called kindling. For me, this effect has been absolutely true. My original and epic benzo addiction and taper had me off the planet, but I had been prescribed various GABAergics and anticonvulsants since I was a child for epilepsy. IMO, I was already primed to experience severe w/d and I did. But I got through. And about 3 years later, decided to get some diazepam and relax for a week or two, and entered a mild but still alarming and unsettling week of withdrawal. Its happened a few times since, even from taking 250mg of temazepam spread over 3-4 days. If I don't have 2-3 days where I have 20mg/10mg/5mg, I experience heightened anxiety and lots of weird symptoms. I've kinda got this happening right now.

Oxazepam is definitely mild, like temazepam but even weaker, but is a benzo and so it is habit forming. Just be careful, this re-experience of withdrawl (albeit mild) really startled me when it happened. I say taper. <3

Yes, I know it needs to be tapered, they want me to taper off it. I'm just not very optimistic about how it will affect my sleep schedule after 15 years of using benzos for sleep. I struggle enough with sleep as it is so I don't see how it's really necessary, it's not like I'm getting high on them.
 
I've scheduled an appointment next Wednesday. I only started buying benzos off the net when I was out of prescription for Zopiclone. Then you couldn't buy Zopiclone and I started buying Etizolam, etc.

But they don't really care so much about problems you have with sleep or stress or whatever. Especially if you're a former abuser, they think it looks better if they can get you completely off them.

Kind of a stupid system that leads many to buy illegally, as having abused benzos doesn't necessarily mean you have no legit need for them, it can be that you really have.
 
I've scheduled an appointment next Wednesday. I only started buying benzos off the net when I was out of prescription for Zopiclone. Then you couldn't buy Zopiclone and I started buying Etizolam, etc.

But they don't really care so much about problems you have with sleep or stress or whatever. Especially if you're a former abuser, they think it looks better if they can get you completely off them.

Kind of a stupid system that leads many to buy illegally, as having abused benzos doesn't necessarily mean you have no legit need for them, it can be that you really have.

It is a stupid system. I think more research should be done on finding less addictive sleep meds. My initial plunge into benzo-shit was preciptitated by insomnia from breaking up with my first girlfriend and life and ensuing anxiety. I had a panic attack during class and my dr gave me a sample pack of xanax which totally removed all my sorrow and I could sleep. This was dangerously alluring.

I guess doctors get concerned, they have a duty of care. They are too keen to see us as drug seekers though.
 
Sorry for this double post.



I get a two hour class everyday to learn welding. I just started at the beginning of the week, and already my welds are looking pretty okay. Still need MAJOR work, but it is mainly with pace.

Now, the equipment I work with is no kids toy. I operate a standard 90amps (half an amp can kill a grown man) stick welding machine (aka arc welder).

The way it works generally is that the arc welder creates a circuit consisting of a few parts. The piece you're welding on, the electrode you use, and the weld clamp you hold the electrode with. When all three touch, the electrode melts away, as well as some of the metal you weld on. As this happens, it is necessary to move closer to the weld in order to keep the electrode burning (called maintaining an arc) as well as move across the surface you are welding at the same pace, all while not touching the surface.

If done properly, a trail of "beaded" metal should be left behind. This can be used to (com)bin(e)d two metal things.

My beads are rather fat from moving too slow.

Just like in life, beauty comes in stability and consistency, but perfection comes when you can make mistakes work to your advantage.

I call that "loading dice".

Anyhow, when I first started, I would get my electrode stuck on my weld, then try to rip it off. It would stay on and I would end up welding the table through the 3/8th inch of steel plate I had cut.

Slinging it around like a mad man, trying not to catch my welding suit on fire, as well as trying not to go blind from flash burn or get shocked.

At least that stopped happening. Just picture me dragging a plate of metal connected to an electrode, connected to a clamp that I'm holding, sparks flying EVERYWHERE, smoke going everywhere, 15 kids peeking in my booth trying comprehend my action, and my shop teacher in awe at my ability to weld his electrically charged table through another piece of metal.

This happened two days ago. I'm MUCH better now.

Had to get this off my chest. Also why my appearance has been more sparse. School and all. 2 and a half more years till graduation.

Then college. Damn.
 
When everybody has short hair,
The rebel lets his hair grow long.
When everybody has long hair,
The rebel cuts his hair short.

When everybody talks during the lesson,
The rebel does’ n say a word.
When nobody talks during the lesson
The rebel creates a disturbance.

When everybody wears a uniform ,
The rebel dresses in fantastic clothes.
When everybody wears fantastic clothes
The rebel dresses soberly.

In the company of dog lovers ,
The rebel expresses a preference for cats.
In the company of cat lovers ,
The rebel puts in a good word for dogs.

When everybody is praising the sun ,
The rebel remarks on the need for rain.
When everybody is greeting the rain ,
The rebel regrets the absence of sun.

When everybody goes to the meeting
The rebel stays at home and reads a book.
When everybody stays at home and reads a book,
The rebel goes to the meeting.

When everybody says , yes please!
The rebel says , No thank you.
When everybody says: No thank you,
The rebel says , yes please!

It is very good that we have rebels
You may not find it very good to be one.
 
B_d, another codeine question. Do you even get a really unpleasant sort of weak feeling when you take it? Sometimes, I simply need to lie down- I go all pale, red eyes, all shaky, anxious thoughts. I think its low blood sugar but... It doesn't happen every time and eating sugar things doesn't really help. Thoughts?

Sorry for the late reply. No, I have never really noticed that. Have you tried to isolate the cause of that (as in try to find a pattern for it, outside of just when you take codeine)?
 
Had a crazy day yesterday. My brother's wife gave birth to their daughter at 9am via caesearian. Baby girl was born with a decent size tumour on her bottom, though they were pleased to tell us the tumour was not connected to organs or digestion becasue she pooed everywhere.

Then suddenly my sister-in-law started bleeding really severely, was rushed to ICU, intubated and had emergency hysterectomy. She is this tiny little thing, it was shocking to see how ill she was- it was touch and go according to doctors. And my brother, who is medicated to the hilt, was incredibly stressed and frightened, and ewanting to help everyone and helping no one. I tried to get him to come for a walk but he did not want to leave his wife's side. I got him out for a ciggy and he was so frustrated, so tense, I felt terrible for him- he was shaking his fists at the sky, cursing our poor genetics, eventually giving up and lying prostrate on the pavement. Fuck he is a dramatic dude.

Anway, baby is well. Will have her tumour removed on Monday and will be in hospital for a month or so. Mum is okay too but out of it, confused and saddened that such a beautiful day has been tainted forever.

B_d said:
Have you tried to isolate the cause of that (as in try to find a pattern for it, outside of just when you take codeine)?

There's usually a few common factors. One is if I haven't eaten properly; I try to snack a bit when on codeine cos it makes me feel weak/hungry. But, if I get this weird feeling I describe, eating nasueates me and it feels like it takes hours upon hours to digest food; I know if I have a meal, in two hours I will feel really bloated.

The second factor seems to be anxiety. If I've had a really anxious day, this sensation often creeps in. I think it is partly physiological but probably mainly anxiety, but something about it is very unsettling. I hope it is not some manifestation of another problem. I wonder if it is kidneys. I've taxed those poor fuckers mightilty over the years.

I also do not get this feeling if I have taken a benzo before codeine. Or if I am having a break from cannabis. Cannabis causes free-floating anxiety for me if I overuse it.

Codeine has gotten weird for me in the last 18months. It hardly causes that opiate euphoria anymore, just a sort of stunned lifelessness. I used to drink my juice and within ten minutes feel so fucking good, but now it just sort of numbs me.

This may be a weird question, but is there any reasons why paracetemol may cause a strange taste after ingestion? I did a really crude CWE a week ago and, in a fit of nihilism, just drank it. Afte 5 mins, I started tasting this weird, burnt thing. It reminds of times I used to pop 6g of paracetemol at a time (with codeine of course). I had the same taste. It makes me wonder if I am tasting excessive paracetemol or some metabolite in the blood passing through my taste buds.
 
I've always loved this piece of writing and have spammed it on Bluelight before. I do not know the origin of it, but I think it is a good allegory for the times we are in.

Buck young said:
Where Did all the Elves, Gnomes & Fairies go?

An Historical Overview of the Whereabouts of Gnomes, Elves, Fauns, Faeries, Goblins, Ogres, Trolls, Bogies, Nymphs, Sprites and Dryads, Past and Present.

by Buck Young




A long, long time ago, the Earth belonged to the creatures of the wood. By creatures of the wood I mean gnomes, elves, faeries, etc. They tended it and took care of it, played in it, danced and sang in it, cared for wounded animals, worked out disputes between species, sat on mushrooms discussing matters of importance and drinking Labrador tea, rode down streams on leaves and bark, parachuted from trees on dandelion seeds. This was the world into which mankind was born. These early days, when man was but a newly arrived dinner guest who hadn't yet taken over the house, are fairly well documented in the literature and folklore of the world, so there's no need to go into it here. What I am interested in, and what I am asking you to be interested in, is the question, "Where did all the gnomes, elves, faeries, etc. go?"

The friction between man and the wood creatures began with the discovery of agriculture. With this discovery civilization arose and spread. The forests were cleared to provide wood for shelters and fields for pastures and crops. Mankind had set up camp. No longer just a visitor in someone else's world, he pushed the wild back from his newly built doorstep. At first, this wasn't a problem. There weren't that many people and everyone else felt that it was only fair to allot them their own half-acre to do with as they wished. Some of them even decided to help out. Gnomes moved into the barn houses and helped with the gardening chores. The devic spirits of the vegetables helped humans better organize their crops and plan rotation; taught them the correlation between planetary and lunar cycles and the agricultural year. They taught them to plant radishes when the moon is in Cancer, harvest when the moon is in Taurus. Many trolls felt that the heaping piles of manure were a change for the better, and decided to stick around too.

The rest of the wood creatures just backed off into the wood, occasionally playing tricks on the new settlers, like turning the milk sour, rearranging furniture, tipping cows, tickling people's faces in their sleep and once in a while stealing babies and leaving bundles of wood in their place.

But man's dominion spread (and spread and spread and spread) and the forests got smaller and smaller and smaller. Things got real crowded in the woods, and things were getting worse in civilization. Most farmers weren't listening to the devic spirits anymore. People found they could increase their output by disregarding the needs of the earth. They were raising productivity and killing the soil. Petrochemicals were just a step away. Most of the devic spirits and gnomes fled. The trolls stayed. Today, they live mostly under bridges and in the shallow mucky ditches beneath the metal grating on farm roads that cows are afraid to cross. Be sure to honk your horn before driving over one of these. A troll may be hanging from the grate, swinging over its living room, as they are apt to do after rolling in muck and manure. If you don't give a warning honk, you may run over its fingers, and it's not a great idea to get either your name or your license plate number on a troll's shite list.

Now, there is little wild land left at all, and even that is shrinking at an unprecedented rate. There is simply not enough wild space for all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads.

So where are they?

Are they dead?

No.

So, where did they go?

The answer is a bit surprising. They didn't go anywhere. We did. Early humans had an intuitive knowledge of their role in nature, just as bears and raccoons and mice and every other critter does. They understood, from the ways of the wild around them, that nothing ever comes from nowhere and nothing ever just disappears. Things change form. Death is necessary for life to continue. They offered up their kills as sacrifices to the gods of nature. They offered praise, prayer, sacrifice and song to the spirits of the wild, to brother buffalo, brother deer, and brother tree.

Now we know that everything that ever existed continues to exist, in one form or another, and as far as we can tell, they were more aware of that back then than we are now. So, the sacrifice, song and prayer did not ensure the immortality of the slaughtered, either in body or spirit. That was already taken care of. What it did ensure was the continuance of the connection between the spirit of the slaughterer and the spirit of the slaughtered. Killing is risky business. The membrane separating the internal from the external is not necessarily as thick or as clearly defined as we have come to believe. Every time we kill, we risk killing the reality of that thing inside ourselves as well as outside. We risk breaking the connections that lead in and out of the membrane. Taking a life to feed life requires a keen understanding of the natural law of give and take. When we lost that understanding, gave up the songs, the sacrifice, the prayers, we lost the connection. Saying grace is not enough.

When we lose those connections, everything becomes dead - fish, rivers, frogs, mice, even each other. There is no way they can reach inside us any more. The five senses we are left with are not enough. We have given up those connections in exchange for the freedom to clear-cut forests with skidders, turn cows into milk machines and chickens into egg factories. We can experiment with animals, club seals, wear fur, and exterminate entire species. Not a twinge of guilt. The lines have been severed.

And we are all under the impression that it is the forests, the creatures, the spirits and the wild lands that are disappearing from the universe and not us. This is not so. Thinking like that is like thinking that if you stand on the end of a limb and saw that limb from the tree, that the tree will fall and you will remain standing. Bugs Bunny might be able to get away with that, but we can't.

It is we who have fallen away from the real world into a world where we may carry out our twisted sterile dreams without threatening the earth and its inhabitants. Ever wonder why the trees, stones, rivers and streams, birds, bears, frogs and snakes no longer talk to us as they did in the early tales of Native America, the Hindu, the Africans, the bible? It's because we're not around to talk to anymore. Every clear-cut, every vivisection, every mechanized slaughter of cow, pig or chicken moves our dream world further and further from the tree, making a reunification, which is still possible, more and more difficult.

Somewhere not so far from here, in the real world, the ancient forests are still standing, the buffalo roams the prairies, the sky is full of condors, the deer and the antelope play, and dodo birds still wander the sandy beaches, bumping into things.

Where there are still wild lands in our dream world, strong connections still exist. Bridges, tunnels, portals. Occasionally a traveler will get lost in the wilderness and find himself in the real world, returning the next day to find that a hundred years have passed, or never returning at all.

There are more ephemeral connections as well - brooks and waterfalls where you can still here voices from the other side, if you listen carefully enough... When they sit by these waters, they hear loud clanking and screams. When they eat magic mushrooms, everything STOPS glowing and condos rise where forests stand. Our children can see their world in their dreams. Their children see our world in the nightmares.

And there is another connection. Sometimes agents from the other side infiltrate our world in an attempt to expedite reunification. Believe it or not, they miss us over there. Sometimes - more often than you might think - they send souls over to our world to be born as human babies. There are quite a lot of them actually - gnomes, elves, faeries, sprites, etc. running around in human bodies, doing crazy things like writing on walls, working in co-ops, running inns in the mountains, talking to themselves in the streets, making pottery, practicing witchcraft. They are planting biodynamic gardens, sitting in the back yard naked, arguing with satan. They are in asylums pumped full of Thorazine, in a classroom on Ritalin and lithium. They live with Indians. They run recycling centers. They are starting revolutions, corrupting the young, inventing paranoid conspiracy theories, making up religions. They're directing movies, gobbling acid, drinking heavily and writing poetry.

The transition from their world to ours is not an easy one. It's not easy on the soul and much is lost. They may have no idea who or what they are at first. They may or may not find out. They WILL know they are not like other people. They will know that this world is not theirs. They will faintly remember something better, where things made sense and worked like they ought to, where love and magic had the power to heal.

They will know what makes other people happy does not make them happy, and that what makes them happy makes them happier than anyone else alive.

They will see things others cannot see, hear things others cannot hear, feel things others cannot feel, and know things others do not know.

They will laugh a great deal or cry a great deal or both.

They will love humans individually, but have a hard time with humanity as whole, and that will occasionally approach loathing.

They will have a handful of very close friends, and often be very lonely.

They will be unhappiest when forced to act like a human and do things that humans do, want what humans want, or when they are convinced that they actually are one.

Things will not be easy for them. Because of their memories of the other side, the world will seem to them a wondrous calliope with just a few teeth missing on one of the cogs. Because of this tiny deficiency, the music is off key, the horses are crashing into each other and the children are frightened, bruised and crying.

The solutions will seem obvious, but no one will listen.

They will repeatedly be punished for shouting FIRE! in a crowded theatre, when the buildings really are in flames but no one else can see....They will get slapped on the wrist for pointing to the EXIT signs when everyone else is running around screaming and trampling one another.

They will be zealous, fanatical and didactic in their beliefs. They will feel utterly confused.

They will have ecstatic visions and babble incoherently. They will be extremely articulate.

They are prone to long periods of silence. They have no idea how to say what they really mean.

They spend a lot of time with children and animals.

They will become drunkards and dope fiends, organic gardeners, soap makers, carpenters, madmen, magicians, jugglers and clowns, lunatic physicists, painter and scribblers, travelers and wanderers...

They will dress in bright colors, frumpy sweaters or all black.

They will smoke too much and drink too much. They will eat only macrobiotic foods. They will develop addictions to Mountain Dew.

They will often be accused of living in their own fantasy world.

They will make great lovers. Yeah, even the trolls.

They will spend too much time either making love or thinking about it.

They will speak to inanimate objects. They will have much brighter eyes than everyone else. They will expect their magic to work in this world and their love to heal, and will be crushed by this world, and often won't expect it.

It will come close to killing them.

They will visit the places where the connections still exist: the waterfalls, the mountains, the oceans, and the forests. They will draw on all the power they have, and sometimes, sometimes, the magic will work. And everything will be wondrously easy. The teeth will grow back on the cog on the calliope, the tune will right itself, the horses will bob gracefully up and down, around and around, and the children will giggle and sing with cotton candy stuck to their cheeks and noses.

They will spend their days trying to reconnect a branch that millions are busy sawing away at. Often it will be more than they can bear.

While the rest of humanity is busy working on new and more efficient ways to lay waste to the Earth with the push of a button, they are saving it. A handful at a time.

They will share a common conviction that they are the only sane individuals in a world gone mad.

They are right.

http://www.metatech.org/07/fairies_elves_gnomes_trolls.html
 
Fuck, I am sad to hear of the recent Bluelight deaths. Psoodonym was something of a poster in P&S back in the day. I'll miss the fuck out of him and Bardeaux.
 
Wait, what? Bardeaux?

Psoodonym died??

Gee swilow, sorry to hear about your bro and his child. Was he the semi psycho?

At least the kid is okay.

I'm concerned right now. Let me go check the shrine.
 
Oh my god.

I don't know how to feel.

So much anxiety. So much. They knew way more than I do about drugs. They knew how to be safe. They were pros.

Now they're gone.

I don't know what to take now. I don't know if I can do much else and feel okay with myself.

Can't we all just wallow in misery together?
 
Yeah, I am really shocked by this. I don't know why, I have seen many Bluelighter's die, including some in ways that I would never have thought. No matter how much you know, no matter how safe you think you are, you are probably not as safe as you think.

If anything, just take some meaning from what these guys contributed here as it was almost always quality and admirable stuff.

I 'know' a lot about drugs but I still make stupid decisions constantly.

Gee swilow, sorry to hear about your bro and his child. Was he the semi psycho?

Hmm, that's one way to put it I guess. :\
 
Indeed. Their contributions will be remembered.

Btw, I read the thing you posted about the woods creatures. It is intelligent of you to take it as an allegory, I'm already turning several interpretations over in my head.

Swilow, you're not planning on up and dying anytime soon, are you?
 
Last edited:
I think that little tale can apply to anyone who feels a bit...on the outside of society.

Nix said:
Swilow, you're not planning on up and dying anytime soon, are you?

Weird question dude :D But, no, no immediate plans. Still, death is like my reserve chute.
 
Well, good.

I think a man's reasons to live are the same as his is reasons to die.

The difference in that death is what his intent is.

Not exactly original, but I've always felt that way.

I'm going to be on bluelight more in the next few days, I'll have some time to write out quality posts. School isn't THAT hard, it's just a drag because of all the work I have to do.
 
Last edited:
Top