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Not understanding why some people come on here

Lol yea I pretty much did em everywhere but I had a favorite spot in the kitchen. The best is the straw ! When you run out the straw can save your life for a couple hours especially with the dope. You can get a big rail out of a good straw. F$ck! I wanna snort something now.. hmm kpins are sortable right? ?
 
Justinmoore78 said:
Lol yea I pretty much did em everywhere but I had a favorite spot in the kitchen. The best is the straw ! When you run out the straw can save your life for a couple hours especially with the dope. You can get a big rail out of a good straw. F$ck! I wanna snort something now.. hmm kpins are sortable right? ?
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SO did I always love straws. I actually still have all my pink ones...lol...not the pills though (God, I'm obsessed with pink...haha!) so I guess I should ditch them too since I never used them for their normal purpose:).

I seriously thought it was just me. Sometimes I feel like I miss the snorting more then the drug. It's getting easier though. I went outside, blasted some music and detailed my new vehicle and honestly didn't once think of drugs. Next up I'm going to go out and detail my other vehicle which I intend to sell. The dealer was actually HONEST....he told me I'd get more money for it through a personal sale (triple the amount) then what he was going to give me. I never knew a dealer could be so honest. How ironic is that statement? And, lol, it was totally unintended:)!

And yeah, Klonopin is snortable but why bother. Just my thoughts on it. I never desired to snort my xanax just the oxys and occasionally the methadone but that burnt like fire!!

Lastly, I want to add it's getting easier for me to speak of my useage or anyone else's without feaning terribly which to me is a very good sign:)
 
there is a private message function for when you want to have a conversation with someone in a thread. helps with forum clutter.
 
I've seriously responded to this time and time again. SORRY, I HAVE A LOVING HEART! NOTHING I wrote on my thread was condescending and if anyone took a moment to scroll through this thread they'd realize that I ADMITTED I WAS WRONG!

As for private messaging? This thread led up to that and even a moderator I speak to said that it's common for a thread to go from one direction to another.

Sorry, but not sorry, this is MY thread and if you don't like it? Either don't read it or don't respond if you've not seen that I wrote; "I WAS WRONG"! I think we pretty much all are from time to time so if this insulted someone? It WAS NOT intended and I sincerely apologize. Whether it's someone I know personally or someone I do not, if you write a very long thread, all the while speaking of suicide, I'm going to respond and if I get no answer? I fear the person may have succeeded but on page one someone put me into place, explaining why that may occur (non answering) and it made full sense to me.

I also see no "clutter" within this thread. What I DO see all too often is "drug seeking". NOTHING I wrote was seeking because I've been clean now for 22 days. So, if nothing else either end my thread or else switch it to Sober Living. Talk about a place with no judgement or no seeking??? Look at page one in which a MODERATOR speaks that it's pretty much ok to speak to people here, meet up and so your "drugs of choice". That's NOT why I came here! I came to give support and receive support.
PEACE! Nothing I wrote was bad or judgemental.....being a new member it just SCARED me!!!
 
ok, i didnt mean my post as a personal attack.
my understanding is when you want to have an off topic conversation then use pm.
but really it is just my thought and what i have observed in the past here. i could be incorrect when it comes to nmi.
 
Mysterie said:
ok, i didnt mean my post as a personal attack.
my understanding is when you want to have an off topic conversation then use pm.
but really it is just my thought and what i have observed in the past here. i could be incorrect when it comes to nmi.
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Mysterie, this really wasn't aimed at you because I agree that much that was spoke of could've been saved for private messaging but at the time (via my phone), I was only a "green lighter" and couldn't send p.m's (I'm not sure if it was because I use the phone app or because I wasn't yet a "blue lighter".)

What I don't understand is the few people who condemned me for writing this thread. I feel it was written kindly and nicely. Again, I suppose I'm just extremely sensitive but when it comes to someone PLEADING for "help", I'll do the best I personally can. But obviously, that's all I can do and I now understand that. I merely wrote it on nmi because I had responded to many on this forum (one in particular who has the same disorder as I do) but then they were just "gone" after BEGGING for help.

It's truly just a heart felt, nonjudgemental opinion of mine. If you take the time to write an autobiography of yourself, post it, someone replies within 5-10 minutes (me), then I would just love to hear back from that person to know they're ok. This isn't a suicide hotline, nor is it a "I think I overdosed, what should I do"? website. And again, it just tears at my own "heart strings". Perhaps it's because I am a nurse (not currently working though) and I worked in psychiatric wards. Yet my occupation has nothing to do with anything.....addictions can happen to anyone at anytime, sadly.

I'm TRULY SORRY if this thread insulted anyone as it was not my intent to do so. I had actually already written a thread of my own in "sober living" before writing this because each day IS a struggle if you're trying to remain sober (which I am).

BUT, I also do NOT want anyone to be unsafe if they so choose to continue using. I KNOW how hard it is. 3 years, myself, on oxycodone and methadone. So again, I DID NOT mean this to come out harshly and from quite a few people I learned why some never come back...yet that saddens me:(....but again, my thread was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings or to be a "put down" to others as I'm in no position to do so at a mere almost 23 days "clean".

So if anyone reads the "title", hopefully then skim through the thread because I then immediately (as a new member) understood.

While going through acute wd's, I wouldn't have answered anyone, no doubt. And if I was a hardcore addict (was)...if I had my "fix", I then probably wouldn't answer because I'd be like "f" it, I'm fine now. Who needs bluelight?

I'm not going to delete my thread because I feel valid points were made within it (as for the "in betweens", it was because what they said made a shit load of sense to me as I've went plenty of days not answering my phone or returning a text.

I hope this better clarifies my thoughts because I'm the furthest thing from a heartless woman. I always say if I can just help one person........yet I've learned that's not always going to happen.

Much peace and love,
Bernadette
 
Mysterie said:
ok, i didnt mean my post as a personal attack.
my understanding is when you want to have an off topic conversation then use pm.
but really it is just my thought and what i have observed in the past here. i could be incorrect when it comes to nmi.
Click to expand...
Lastly, Mysterie, I feel like I took out all of my inner emotions out on you (since your post was the last I read) due to my emotions being an up and down "roller coaster ride". I'm sincerely sorry.
 
Mysterie said:
its alrite, no hard feelings :) .
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Thank you. At the beginning of my sobriety I felt that by helping others it would somehow help me. Not so. It just depressed me more because I'd feel a connection with someone and then they'd just "vanish". But in all actuality the same thing happens in "real life" too and I've just always been (and I'm quite sure will always be) an ultra sensitive person who cares if others are hurting in any way....whether I personally know them or not. All too often I even put myself on the "back burner" to help another which is why I feel I became an addict. Sometimes I feel I care "too much".

Anyway, though, I'm grateful that you accepted my apology:)
 
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