TDS Use drugs because I can't connect to people

[Synaps3]

I've kind of always known why I use drugs, but I think I was sort of lying to myself for a long time.

I have a problem with 'connecting' to people. When I was young (maybe less than 14 years old) I didn't have this problem, but as I got older I turned into a robot. In high school I had a lot of 'friends', but none of them where real friends. I honestly didn't give a fuck about them. I have always been disconnected from society based on my weird interests.

I came to the conclusion that I use drugs to simulate what normal people get from relationships (never been in a relationship). I know I am depressed, but I think there is more to it than that. I have seen three psychologists and one thought I might be on the autism spectrum, but I think it might be something else.

Does anyone else have this problem? Do you know what it's called?

 

[Jabberwocky]

It is called becoming an adult! I have and am going through the same struggles exactly. It is hard, hard work, but it is so, so worth it

 

[Moreaux]

I can relate. For as long as I can remember I was never comfortable around people, and always had difficulty socializing with anyone but my closest friends and family. I don't have issues online ironically. I too have wondered if I fall on the autism spectrum, and have recently learned that there are tests available to find out.

I used to use substance as a social lubricant and I must say it is not sustainable. You are young, you have many options available to you. If you are curious about the autism see a professional and get tested. I would also recommend seeing a professional about what you wrote here as they can help you explore this at a more granular level, you will learn much about yourself and how you can better relate to others. In the end, substance is just a bandaid and at some point you have to learn to exist with others in your own. Take it from me, do it sooner rather than later - life will be a lot more enjoyable and comfortable. You do want to be 40 and still trying to figure this stuff out

ETA - I just reread your post and saw that you have been working with professionals- my apologies, it's been a long week. Are they going to test you for autism? What does your gut tell you, meaning, what do you think it may be?

A lot of hormone changes and growing happens around the age of 14, and many people do begin to feel differently. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

 

[MrRoot]

Moreaux and Synaps3, I am curious about this autism speculation as I am trying to figure out a thesis about some of the mental disorders being in a same spectrum instead of separate disorders.

Do you feel like you don't know how other people react and how you should react to them?

I am not a professional but I have lately been thinking about if autism would be in the far end spectrum of a line which has schizophrenia in the other end.

I mean like this:
Schizophrenia - Bi-polar - "Normal" - Aspergers - Autism

In the autism one doesn't react nearly at all to social stimuli and in Aspergers one doesn't perceive social stimuli well enough to cope "normally" with others while "normal" people react "normally". Bi-polar people react too well to social stimuli and schizophrenics react way too much to social stimuli as they think everything is directed to them.

I am bi-polar type II and I often have used substances to get rid of these ever present thoughts of how other people see me and how I should react to get a reaction I want out of a person. Some phases I can even think discussion as a chess game in which I go through multiple "turns" of discussion and in the end the discussion goes how I have thought it might go. This obviously is very good "skill" while trying to sell something or when trying to get in someone's pants but in the end of the day it feels like cheating.

 

[herbavore]

Moreaux and Synaps3, I am curious about this autism speculation as I am trying to figure out a thesis about some of the mental disorders being in a same spectrum instead of separate disorders.

Do you feel like you don't know how other people react and how you should react to them?

I am not a professional but I have lately been thinking about if autism would be in the far end spectrum of a line which has schizophrenia in the other end.

I mean like this:
Schizophrenia - Bi-polar - "Normal" - Aspergers - Autism

In the autism one doesn't react nearly at all to social stimuli and in Aspergers one doesn't perceive social stimuli well enough to cope "normally" with others while "normal" people react "normally". Bi-polar people react too well to social stimuli and schizophrenics react way too much to social stimuli as they think everything is directed to them.

I am bi-polar type II and I often have used substances to get rid of these ever present thoughts of how other people see me and how I should react to get a reaction I want out of a person. Some phases I can even think discussion as a chess game in which I go through multiple "turns" of discussion and in the end the discussion goes how I have thought it might go. This obviously is very good "skill" while trying to sell something or when trying to get in someone's pants but in the end of the day it feels like cheating.

We went to a support group for parents when my younger son was young and had been diagnosed with various things from ADD to possiblybipolar to possibly being on the autistic spectrum. The very first thing that struck me as all the parents related their kids' struggles was that all these diagnoses had so many overlaps in the behaviors that supposedly defined them. I came away feeling that the diagnoses were unhelpful in the end. What mattered was that our son had a harder time navigating the world with his unique mind and it was up to us as a family to recognize that and try to work with it without stigmatizing it with a label of any kind. Knowledge is good but being able to hold questions comfortably rather than latching on to concrete answers that may or may not be the whole picture (due to developing science, awareness etc) is, in the long run, a way to gain more knowledge.

 

[Moreaux]

MrRoot - it's a very interesting theory and it certainly seems to have some validity, however, my knowledge about all of the conditions listed is far too limited to educate a guess. For me personally, if I read descriptions of different disorders it would seem that have symptoms or traits or just about everything lol. However, some I can unequivocally rule out as I know I don't have the predominant features. I suspect that is the case for many of us, and think the bigger question is how much do these symptoms regardless of diagnosis interfere with day to day functionality in life.

While other people have asked me if I am on the autistic scale, and I do have traits that fit within the definition, I have to wonder how much is environmental as well. We moved to a foreign country when I was a baby, I was an only child, growing up I didn't have friends over there and when I moved back to American we moved to a rural area where I was a target for harassment because I didn't fit in. I was also quite spoiled by my parents, who were much older and already established in life. I think it's also quite possible that I didn't take advantage of learning socialization during my formidable years as I was comfortable by myself, and my parents provided everything I needed and felt safe. That coupled with not fitting in, socializing didn't end up being a priority to me.

I guess I'm on the fence, which is why I didn't get tested. I can see a lot of my social awkwardness being a product of environment and also a lack of interest. If there isn't an engaging topic for discussion, I would rather sit in the silence of my own thoughts than force conversation. Not liking groups or large groups of people is my OCD, people are unpredictable and the more of them the less control I have over my environment. Hell, the OCD is most likely a favor as well.

Sorry for the extremely long response that didn't answer your question. I'm hoping the extra detail gives you perspective into my situation enough that maybe you can answer your question for me lol. I will say outside of addiction the only diagnosis I have received is OCD, as an adult, and I was very OCD even as a young child but people let it slide because they thought I was spoiled and artistic. I had seen psychiatrists as a child but there was nothing remarkable outside of their perception of my intelligence.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Autism tends to be something you know you have...it's not something like anxiety which can range from very subtle to severe. If you're wondering if youre autistic, you're probably not. Forget being nervous about talking to people...many autistic people simply don't speak, period. It's a serious developmental disorder.

Also worth noting is that autism, even "aspergers syndrome", shows distinct signatures on an MRI exam

 

[MrRoot]

Seems like some scientists have already thought about the same things as I.

With the ongoing consideration of the diagnostic criteria for mental disorders that is active in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) and International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) revision processes, it is timely to review the phenomenological overlap between autism and schizophrenia. These disorders have at various times been regarded alternatively as closely related and as non-overlapping and incompatible. Nevertheless, there are several reports in the literature that have described individuals with both autism and schizophrenia, and the broader phenotypes of these disorders clearly intersect. Recent studies reveal theory of mind deficits in both disorders, and mirror neuron impairments also appear to be shared. There also may be similar connectivity deficits emerging in functional imaging studies, and both disorders share several genetic signals that are being identified through detection of copy number variants. Taken together, these data suggest that it may be time to revisit the possibility that these disorders are related.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21078305

new, in-depth genetic study, published in JAMA Psychiatry, finds a potential link between bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and autism. Although the findings are tentative, they open the door to new avenues of investigation.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/309963.php

Thank you Moreaux for sharing your thoughts. I'll write more detailed response when I have consumed some amount of studies