Hey opiates, FUCK YOU!!!

[Jabberwocky]

It really is a mind war. I get extremely depressed and go to ridiculously dark places in my mind and of course it's on steroids when in opiate withdrawal. It feels like it will never end. I know in time it gets better but fuck me it's rough!
I also have to hide it from everyone so that makes it harder. It's nice to be able to communicate my bullshit with people who are going through the same thing. Thank you

"Only connect"

 

[artiecosmo]

You have a strong command of the language and it seems like you like to write. I would encourage you to write and write and then write some more. You said you don't have anyone that is there to talk to, well talk to a blank page. Or this forum. Don't even worry if the writing sucks or is all over the place or doesn't have a through line. Just write what comes in your head. Write about those dark places you go to and I would bet once you reread you will only start thinking about how irrational it is. And how you can overcome those thoughts.

The more type you spend with your fingers on the keyboard and typing the thoughts you are having the less time you are sitting on the couch, or laying in bed, with the thoughts only ricocheting around your brain like a pinball. Get them down on the page and out of your head. And when more comes into your head write those.

It really is a mind war. I get extremely depressed and go to ridiculously dark places in my mind and of course it's on steroids when in opiate withdrawal. It feels like it will never end. I know in time it gets better but fuck me it's rough!
I also have to hide it from everyone so that makes it harder. It's nice to be able to communicate my bullshit with people who are going through the same thing. Thank you

 

[Erikmen]

You have a strong command of the language and it seems like you like to write. I would encourage you to write and write and then write some more. You said you don't have anyone that is there to talk to, well talk to a blank page. Or this forum. Don't even worry if the writing sucks or is all over the place or doesn't have a through line. Just write what comes in your head. Write about those dark places you go to and I would bet once you reread you will only start thinking about how irrational it is. And how you can overcome those thoughts.

The more type you spend with your fingers on the keyboard and typing the thoughts you are having the less time you are sitting on the couch, or laying in bed, with the thoughts only ricocheting around your brain like a pinball. Get them down on the page and out of your head. And when more comes into your head write those.

That's the spirit!

 

[CfZrx]

It really is a mind war. I get extremely depressed and go to ridiculously dark places in my mind and of course it's on steroids when in opiate withdrawal. It feels like it will never end. I know in time it gets better but fuck me it's rough!
I also have to hide it from everyone so that makes it harder. It's nice to be able to communicate my bullshit with people who are going through the same thing. Thank you

Just make it through this and then avoid the first one like the plague for the rest of your days. imho

 

[Erikmen]

^ That's true CfZrx, you've gone through this before.
Hope everything is okay with you now.

I find every step of the way quite challenging. I trust we get used to it eventually, though.
We tend adapt to the most unwelcome situations in life and learn how to deal with new feelings.
Our new 'self, so to speak. It's like we are testing our strength more than ever.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

Definitely testing my strength. I haven't been truly sober in over 4 years. I find it incredibly hard to just be me. There is nothing but negativity in my head. I don't remember what happiness feels like anymore. Opiates allowed me to suppress my shit outlook on life but now only magnifies the shit.

Day 4... I absolutely don't have another day 1 in me. Thank you for all of the kind words and advice

 

[aplumgirl]

Definitely testing my strength. I haven't been truly sober in over 4 years. I find it incredibly hard to just be me. There is nothing but negativity in my head. I don't remember what happiness feels like anymore. Opiates allowed me to suppress my shit outlook on life but now only magnifies the shit.

Day 4... I absolutely don't have another day 1 in me. Thank you for all of the kind words and advice

Instead of thinking of it as testing your strength think of it as finding your strength. It takes enormous strength to fight addiction, way more strength than to give in. You're finding it deep within yourself and doing SO well, especially considering you're doing it alone with no immediate support. Have you thought about going to an NA meeting?

I believe you have the power to get through this and be stronger because of this struggle. It's going to affect your outlook on everything from now on. We chose our journey with drug addiction and we can choose our outlook on sobriety. Refocus your mind on your reason for quitting and believe the future is going to be good, just different good.

Maturity comes in many forms. A shitty outlook is OK for a while but don't linger in it. I'm a realist and I don't forgo my shitty outlook, when it's warranted, I just know I'm the only one who can change my shitty outlook and so I try.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, I hope so. Good luck, keep posting so we can uplift you.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

It makes complete sense. Unfortunately I have been scared to accept responsibility and make changes for the better. Selfish and stupid when I see written out. I guess I've just given into the lies that opiates make me believe. Everything is manageable on the O train. Until it crashes.

How are you holding up, plum?

 

[Jabberwocky]

It makes complete sense. Unfortunately I have been scared to accept responsibility and make changes for the better.

It is one thing to understand something and entirely a different matter to accept it and take responsibility, let alone change one's behavior. The difference is in rationally understanding sometime in healthier ways but not yet having accumulated the experiences necessary to be able to emotionally engage with it in healthier ways that would otherwise reflect your healthier thinking. It is like someone knowing they are obese but not being able to manage their diet - obviously this is a fairly universe issue within societies where the economy revolves around consumption.

Selfish and stupid when I see written out. I guess I've just given into the lies that opiates make me believe.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you're already plenty good at that, I guarantee you! Silly, perhaps, but mistakes are mistakes. You can use them to grow or continue living in stagnation.

Try practicing learning to be kinder to yourself, give yourself more time and allow for mistakes that do not require hitting your head against the wall after you've already made them. The hardest part of the process is really learning how to break free of your colonized mind.

 

[VastEmpty]

Stick man -

you our are doing awesome! The fact that you are persevering and sticking with it is an inspiration to me. Keep it up.

- VE

 

[aplumgirl]

It makes complete sense. Unfortunately I have been scared to accept responsibility and make changes for the better. Selfish and stupid when I see written out. I guess I've just given into the lies that opiates make me believe. Everything is manageable on the O train. Until it crashes.

How are you holding up, plum?

I'm doing OK. My situation is a little bit different than yours. I have a pretty scrrwed up neck so I'll have to use opiates to some degree probably forever. I succumbed to the idea of taking them before I needed them. It really caused me to want to take them which I see now was me being out of control. I have to retrain my thoughts on pain as well as opiate highs.

The impetus for us coming to our struggle may be different but the struggle is the same. I wish you well. Find strength and hope in your struggle, it's there.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

This post might be all over the place. I apologize.

Day 6? 5? I wish I had a positive attitude about the whole fuck you opiates thing but I've never been more miserable in my life, mentally. Physically it's caught up with me but whatever, this depression is what I've been avoiding for all these years. Honestly, if it was possible I would dive into a few bags of H in an instant. It's not possible so we shall see what happens.
I also tried to quit smoking after 16 years of smoking everyday. Fuuuuck that! I've got to stop that for obvious reasons. Maybe I'll give it another go tomorrow.
I miss my wife. That's what it boils down to. The insane stuff that went down leading up to her breakdown. She's been clean for over a year now but lives across the country.
Anywho, thank you for all the replies. I really appreciate everyone's advice and encouragement. I should probably read more carefully and take some advice from you fuckers!

Fucking Restless ARM Syndrome! I can barely lift my arms and haven't slept in 3 days. It's strange, the physical stuff started happening around day 3.

 

[VastEmpty]

Stickman -

Hang in there, you are so close to being out of the woods. Your body/mind need sleep and it is so hard to come by in withdrawal. It was around day 5-6 for me that I finally turned a corner.

Just keep going. And know that using any opiates will simply give you a few hours relief and set you back. Also know that this is a hurdle you will have to overcome eventually - now is as good a time as any. I know it doesn't feel like it - but your body is healing and that's exactly what is necessary right now!

Ive been where you are and I will be there again. You aren't alone. Hang in there!

- VE

 

[VastEmpty]

Oh yeah...and I wouldn't recommend quitting smoking in the middle of opiate withdrawal! You might want to wait until you have stabilized to attack another demon. You need to regain your strength and gear up for another fight before taking on tobacco.

- VE

 

[Stickman Roxy]

Thanks, VE. Yeah, this is it for me. I won't be taking anymore opiates. I'm just tired.
I've never tried quitting cigarettes. Thought I'd give it a go but holy shit!
I know you're coming up on a quitting date, I wish you the best!

 

[bahamut-daemon]

Has the OP or anyone else tried Kratom? It's legal, easy to find, and works on the same parts of the brain that opiates do, even though it's not an opiate. They sell it at head shops and it's used pretty commonly to treat withdrawals and/or cravings.

If you're stressing about a relapse this could be a really good thing to try. My gf has been having serious WD symptoms for several days and it has helped her a lot with her cravings, energy, mood, back pain and other aches in her body. She said that even though it's not a cure for restless arms, it is helping a lot. We aren't that far into the experiment but we're pretty impressed so far, and the risks of Kratom use are low with moderate doses.

Mad respect and encouragement to OP and everyone who's kicking this shit! You are strong as hell for taking these steps

 

[Erikmen]

Oh yeah...and I wouldn't recommend quitting smoking in the middle of opiate withdrawal! You might want to wait until you have stabilized to attack another demon. You need to regain your strength and gear up for another fight before taking on tobacco.

- VE

I agree.

All of the times I had been through this, I was told to avoid things that can add extra energy and may get you a little unfocused. By all means, do quit. I strongly suggest that you do that. But I'd suggest you deal with this issue first. You'll get there!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Has the OP or anyone else tried Kratom? It's legal, easy to find, and works on the same parts of the brain that opiates do, even though it's not an opiate. They sell it at head shops and it's used pretty commonly to treat withdrawals and/or cravings.

If you're stressing about a relapse this could be a really good thing to try. My gf has been having serious WD symptoms for several days and it has helped her a lot with her cravings, energy, mood, back pain and other aches in her body. She said that even though it's not a cure for restless arms, it is helping a lot. We aren't that far into the experiment but we're pretty impressed so far, and the risks of Kratom use are low with moderate doses.

Mad respect and encouragement to OP and everyone who's kicking this shit! You are strong as hell for taking these steps

I second this advice, comfort meds would really benefit you Roxy. You have your whole life to recover from addiction, trying to force it to happen overnight generally doesn't work out so well. That said, you're doing AMAZING! Try and be as kind and gentle with yourself as possible.

What kind of distractions, aids or allies do you have in this? Nothing is harder than losing a loved one, the loss and grief there is very real, "even" if it's "just" a break up. I feel a lot of compassion for what you're struggling with right now my friend

Despite everything, know you're doing great!

 

[Stickman Roxy]

I've never tried Kratom. I've heard great things about it. I might give it a try. I think it's illegal in my state ?

Aids or allies? None. Well, there's all of you wonderful fucks but no one knows, other than my wife. I would love to tell someone but that is absolutely not an option. I have my son. That's all that matters.

 

[Stickman Roxy]

I'm going through the same situation atm.. feel like asss.... But a trip over to the best of blue light subforum gave me some pretty good laughs.... This one dude said when on drugs he stole a fire extinguisher from his college, gassed a random girl and then if that wasn't punishment enough, he threw the extinguisher at her and ran....I don't know why I found that so funny bc ifs so random probably.... Lmao.....anyways I've done fuck all but aurf the net since I quit.... Who knows how long it may take for us to get better , but one sure thing is that it will get better..... Progressively.....today is my first day clean like super duper clean not even a tylenol 1..... If fu kin sucks!!!!!! But it's the wd making u feel this way not permanent nothing wrong with u....MOS IMPORTANTO THING TO REMEMBER....THE MIND FUCKERY OS AN ILLUSION MATE TO SUCK YOU BACK IN TO UNHEALTHY LIFE STYLE

lol. There's definitely some funny shit on here. I was reading a thread about ODing in BDD where this dude said he woke up in the hospital to them "trying to stick a tube in my wanger"! I laughed, actually laughed for the first time in a while. He threw it her and ran?! ????