Please help. Suicide issues

[R.mdma]

Hi guys. I'm new and stumbled across this forum while searching for "MDMA and cushing syndrome". I really need some help, because i'm scared i will commit suicide in the future, srs. My MDMA use caused me to get very severe stretch marks on my shoulders, chest and thighs. I'm a male and athletic build, i go to the gym alot and developed some stretch marks because of working out. But after my MDMA use my stretch marked tripled!!!

MDMA usage show "in the laboratory, acute ecstasy/MDMA use can increase cortisol levels by 100–200%, whereas ecstasy/MDMA-using dance clubbers experience an 800% increase in cortisol levels, because of the combined effects of the stimulant drug and dancing. Three-month hair samples of abstinent users revealed cortisol levels 400% higher than those in controls. Chronic users show heightened cortisol release in stressful environments and deficits in complex neurocognitive tasks".

HIGH CORTISOL leads to the development of STRETCH MARKS!!! It is not a well known side effect of MDMA, but it is one! Stretch marks are scars and they are there for life and there is nothing i can do to erase them. My girlfriend doesn't give a fuck about them, but i continuously think that she deserves much better then me and i highly regret that i ever took MDMA. Sometimes i feel like i'm living in a dream because i just can't comprehend that MDMA had such a impact on my life. I feel like i maimed myself by using the drug and now i contemplate to commit suicide every day, srs. I've cried alot about this and by the thought that i will be leaving my girlfriend behind by committing suicide but i just feel devastated. Please i need some help!

 

[garygroundwork]

How long have you used MDMA for? How often?

Do you use steroids?

 

[R.mdma]

Hi, thanks for the response. No, i have never taken any steroids, srs. I've used MDMA since oktober 2015. Frequency was one a month with doses like 400/600mg MDMA at one night/festival. I think the doses of MDMA combined with dancing on festivals raised my cortisol levels. Due to the frequency of once a month i think that my cortisol levels didn't had the time to normalize, causing damage to the collagen in my skin with rupture of the skin as a result.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi, thanks for the response. No, i have never taken any steroids, srs. I've used MDMA since oktober 2015. Frequency was one a month with doses like 400/600mg MDMA at one night/festival. I think the doses of MDMA combined with dancing on festivals raised my cortisol levels. Due to the frequency of once a month i think that my cortisol levels didn't had the time to normalize, causing damage to the collagen in my skin with rupture of the skin as a result.

You didn't stretch marks from MDMA.

The cortisol increase from MDMA is about equal to a panic attack. And the cortisol returns to baseline in a few hours.

Stretch marks are from weight gain that occurs faster than your skin can stretch.

 

[R.mdma]

no, that is the whole misconception about stretch marks. Stretch marks are not the results from ONLY continious or increased tension of the skin due to rapid growth. Multiple factors play a role in the creation of stretch marks; growth, cortisol, vitamin deficiency etc.


Also cortisol after MDMA use does NOT return to baseline within a few hours, in fact cortisol levels can remain elevated for 3 months (at least). Also heavy use can change cortisol reactivity and cortisol baseline levels.

Study https://www.researchgate.net/profil...l_research/links/0c96052a97c6cc346e000000.pdf

"The regular use of MDMA can lead to changes in cortisol reactivity. Gerra et al. (1999 ) reported a significantly reduced cortisol response to a d-fenfluramine challenge, in drug-free recreational MDMA users"

"The heavier Ecstasy/MDMA users (more than four occasions) demonstrated significant increases in 3-month cortisol, when compared with both the other groups."

"Gerra et al. [88] noted that the baseline cortisol levels were significantly lower in drug-free ecstasy users compared to controls, along with significantly reduced cortisol responses to a psychosocial stressor"

"We conclude that ecstasy/MDMA increases cortisol levels acutely and subchronically and that changes in the HPA axis may explain why recreational ecstasy/MDMA users show various aspects of neuropsychobiological stress."

-----------------------------------------------------------
Stretch marks and the link with cortisol "Stretch marks are a product of ruptured collagen and elastic fibers in the epidermis. Collagen is a fibrous scleroprotein in bone and cartilage and tendon and other connective tissue. This explains why you are prone to getting stretch marks when your body experiences intense levels of cortisol. Several studies have linked the release of stress hormones such as GC to changes in collagen in the skin"

Study: https://www.researchgate.net/profil...conditions/links/0deec51a268b677937000000.pdf


So stretch marks are not the result from weight gain only and cortisol plays a major role in the formation of stretch marks, even without significant weight gain (search for cushing syndrome). People with cushing syndrome not only develop stretch marks on their stomach (due to weight gain) but can also develop stretch marks on the underarms, arms, shoulders, chest, back etc (without significant weight gain).



Sidenote: I also would like to notice that i'm not fat and not huge in a muscular way. I'm 186, 85kg @ 10% BF. Never used any kinds of steroids or medications known to cause stretch marks (like prednison), yet i have almost as much stretch marks as Trey Brewer (known for his severe stretch marks (twice as big and used steroids)). My theory is that my MDMA use raised and altered my corisol secretion and baseline cortisol levels to the point that it damaged the collagen in my skin for a certain amount of time. This resulted in the thinning of the skin and since the skin around my shoulders/ chest area is already thinner than other areas it is more prone to getting stretch marks. Due to the stretch marks i stopped training and became depressed --> lowers testosterone and heighten cortisol levels --> again, creates more stretch marks (yes i created stretch marks even when i didn't work out at the gym for 2 months). I also get easy bruising and sucking for 2 seconds on the skin results in a hemorrhage. I already tested on bloodcancer, but the results were negative.

The point of this all, is that it made me very depressed to the point i would like to put an end to it all. For some it sounds superficially, and maybe it is, but this shit totally disfigured me

 

[LTCsufferer]

First of all don't worry about the stretch marks. If a few stretch marks is all it takes to put you in a suicidal depression you have bigger problems. It's sounds more like mdmda triggered severe depression wich is causing you to fixate on a vary minor problem. I have had stretch marks since I hit puberty and up until my mama use I had a great life. You just have to accept them and then ignore them. In time they fade and can be barely noticeable. If I were you I would focus on getting a healthier body image. If stretch marks bother you so much chances are you are fairly atractive to begin with and a few stripes won't matter too much. Sriously stressing your self out about such a minor detail is only going to cause you more harm then good. Also try to put this into perspective. There are people out there who actually are disfigured through an accedent or birth defect. Things could be a lot worse.

 

[Jabberwocky]

The point of this all, is that it made me very depressed to the point i would like to put an end to it all. For some it sounds superficially, and maybe it is, but this shit totally disfigured me

Highly unlikely.

But call a suicide prevention hotline.

Look on the bright side -- you could have bitch tits, and your girlfriend still wants to fuck you, so whats the problem??

Buy a fuckin dermaroller and quit bitchin http://torontodermatologycentre.com/dermaroller/ scroll down to the before and after pics for stretch marks

they cost $15 on AMAZON

Ansd start taking 3000- 5000 mg vitamin c every day -- vitamin C lowers cortisol

 

[1ohtrix]

. . .

 

[ADubbs]

I would pay 10 grand to only have stretch marks. Is this your only symptom?

 

[Clocktower]

Jeez people, take it easy, we don't need to be telling suicidal people they're just bitching narcissists with nothing to be unhappy about.

 

[R.mdma]

First of all don't worry about the stretch marks. If a few stretch marks is all it takes to put you in a suicidal depression you have bigger problems. It's sounds more like mdmda triggered severe depression wich is causing you to fixate on a vary minor problem. I have had stretch marks since I hit puberty and up until my mama use I had a great life. You just have to accept them and then ignore them. In time they fade and can be barely noticeable. If I were you I would focus on getting a healthier body image. If stretch marks bother you so much chances are you are fairly atractive to begin with and a few stripes won't matter too much. Sriously stressing your self out about such a minor detail is only going to cause you more harm then good. Also try to put this into perspective. There are people out there who actually are disfigured through an accedent or birth defect. Things could be a lot worse.

Hi thanks for the response. Yes, i also think MDMA has something to do with my depression. I thought of that yesterday, because my moodswings are bad (i also noticed that my short-term memory declined). I've cried alot about this, and i'm not the type of person that usually cries in other hectic situations. I've tried to put everything in perspective, but every time when i have peace with the situation in which i find myself, after a few hours i'm struck by emotions and find myself in a situation where i do not seem te get out.

Worrying about stretch marks is superficial, i get it. I wouldn't leave my girlfriend if she got pregnancy related stretch marks and it wouldn't bother me if she got stretch marks and was lean. But 90% of pregnant women get stretch marks, so she is not alone and can relate to others.
For me it seems like i'm one in a million. I know people who inject pure testosterone, gain allot of mass and only have a few stretch marks. I'm doing it the natural way and i'm literally covered by them. I will upload pictures in the next 24 hours so you can see it for yourself.

And having stretch marks is not the only problem. I also find it hard to forgive myself that i put myself in this situation because it is not only a genetic problem. If i had done my research about the effects of MDMA and cortisol i must have known that it is a potential risk factor in developing more stretch marks, but i still wouldn't have guessed that the impact could be this high. There is not much information about it and besides one source i found who links MDMA use with the development of cushing syndrome, i seem to be the only one who links MDMA use with the development of stretch marks altough MDMA is linked with high cortisol levels and high cortisol levels are linked with the development of stretch marks.

Highly unlikely.

But call a suicide prevention hotline.

Look on the bright side -- you could have bitch tits, and your girlfriend still wants to fuck you, so whats the problem??

Buy a fuckin dermaroller and quit bitchin http://torontodermatologycentre.com/dermaroller/ scroll down to the before and after pics for stretch marks

they cost $15 on AMAZON

Ansd start taking 3000- 5000 mg vitamin c every day -- vitamin C lowers cortisol

Thanks for the response, i already have a dermaroller, vitamin C, Vitamin D3, Omega 3 and even tretinoin cream. The effects are minimal.

Since you're so narcissistic don't you have some pictures that could be used as before and afters? I wanna see these hideous stretch marks you speak of.

believe me, i'm not narcissistic at all. Ofcourse, i will upload pictures in the next 24 hours.

Jeez people, take it easy, we don't need to be telling suicidal people they're just bitching narcissists with nothing to be unhappy about.

I doesn't bother me that much. A year ago i've tried some mushrooms. What must have been a beautiful experience ended in a terrible bad trip where i experienced a level of depression i never experienced before. I always thought of suicidal people that they were drama queens who tend to exaggerate because i couldn't imagine what it feels like. I've experienced some difficulties in my childhood (physically abusive father towards my mother, cocaine addicted stepfather, my mother who overdosed with medications and ended up in the hospital, robbed etc) but that never bothered me that much and to be honest my mother had it far worse than i had and in the end i did ok. I am the only one in my family who went to an university and got a bachelor degree and will be the first one that will also get a master degree. I never experienced a level of depression, but with mushrooms i entered that state of mind and all i could think of was jumping in front of a train. I knew it was just temporary so i just rode along and the moment i came out of that depressive state was one of the best moments of my life (i never did mushrooms after that). Some people just can't relate to the feeling and others simply don't understand that stretch marks could have such a great impact on a persons life. I agree with those who say "don't let it bother you because there are worse things", because they are right. I know that. It just seems impossible for now.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Pics?

 

[R.mdma]

Sorry for the late response. I'm trying to upload pictures but this seems only possible if i upload my pictures online and insert the image via de link? Is it also possible to upload directly from mine computer?

Edit: (please don't mind the tattoo, i'm planning to get rid of it.)

links : http://imgur.com/V8f0S0a http://imgur.com/8sqHvlH http://imgur.com/Sp6lHmg http://imgur.com/HDaYXrC


Remember, i have NEVER used any anabolic steroids or medications like prednison known to cause stretch marks. My stretch marks literally doubled after repeated MDMA use over a period of 6 months.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Sorry for the late response. I'm trying to upload pictures but this seems only possible if i upload my pictures online and insert the image via de link? Is it also possible to upload directly from mine computer?

Edit: (please don't mind the tattoo, i'm planning to get rid of it.)

links : http://imgur.com/V8f0S0a http://imgur.com/8sqHvlH http://imgur.com/Sp6lHmg http://imgur.com/HDaYXrC


Remember, i have NEVER used any anabolic steroids or medications like prednison known to cause stretch marks. My stretch marks literally doubled after repeated MDMA use over a period of 6 months.

steroids DON'T CAUSE STRETCH MARKS -- yo-yo weight gain and loss, quick mass gains (not all steroids help with that), and super pumped muscles do


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJTPR5RIfGw

You have gym stretch marks -- either you were a chub when younger and now you can see them -- or you had rapid gains --- or you yo yo---- lots of guys have that
quit your whining get a 1.0 cm dermaroller and fix the problem (it will be a bloody mess and hurt like hell but it WILL get rid of them)

MDMA did not cause that -- it would be systemic, not just at the deltoid/pectoral junction

If you are in the gym and gain any size you can get stretch marks -- where heavy lifting and lots of creatine will cause huge pumps which will give you stretch marks

 

[R.mdma]

steroids DON'T CAUSE STRETCH MARKS -- yo-yo weight gain and loss, quick mass gains (not all steroids help with that), and super pumped muscles do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJTPR5RIfGw

You have gym stretch marks -- either you were a chub when younger and now you can see them -- or you had rapid gains --- or you yo yo---- lots of guys have that
quit your whining get a 1.0 cm dermaroller and fix the problem (it will be a bloody mess and hurt like hell but it WILL get rid of them)

MDMA did not cause that -- it would be systemic, not just at the deltoid/pectoral junction

If you are in the gym and gain any size you can get stretch marks -- where heavy lifting and lots of creatine will cause huge pumps which will give you stretch marks

I know steroid use doesn't cause stretch marks directly, but the associated increase in muscle mass does.

Again, i know that my stretch marks are associated with an increase in muscle mass but you totally ignore the fact that MDMA usage can lead to :

"The regular use of MDMA can lead to changes in cortisol reactivity. Gerra et al. (1999 ) reported a significantly reduced cortisol response to a d-fenfluramine challenge, in drug-free recreational MDMA users"

"The heavier Ecstasy/MDMA users (more than four occasions) demonstrated significant increases in 3-month cortisol, when compared with both the other groups."

"Gerra et al. [88] noted that the baseline cortisol levels were significantly lower in drug-free ecstasy users compared to controls, along with significantly reduced cortisol responses to a psychosocial stressor"

"We conclude that ecstasy/MDMA increases cortisol levels acutely and

subchronically and that changes in the HPA axis may explain why recreational ecstasy/MDMA users show various aspects of neuropsychobiological stress."

Unlike steroid use, high cortisol is directly linked with the formation of stretch marks and MDMA CAN be a causal factor. And saying that if MDMA caused the stretch marks it would be systemic is bull. People with cushing syndrome (increased cortisol secretion) develop more stretch marks, but mostly only on places where there is minimal weight gain like the stomach. Only some develop stretch marks on places where there seemed no significant weight gain present. I'm not saying that all my stretch marks are due to MDMA usage, i'm saying that i noted a significant increase after MDMA usage.

also: A fking dermaroller won't do shit in getting rid of stretch marks. Suggesting that it will is nonsense. Using a dermaroller will lessen there appearance but it will not make them dissapear.


Edit: I would like to note that i'm currently not in a depressive state anymore (luckily), although i still suffer from moodswings. There also seem to be an improvent in my short-term memory and overal brain function but my view on this can be biased. With my post above i would still like to inform people about the possible side effects of MDMA usage. I'm not stating that MDMA causes stretch marks directly, but just that studies showed that heavy MDMA usage is associated with changes in cortisol reactivity and increases cortisol levels acutely and subchronically (by 100-200% to 800% (MDMA combined with dancing and music)) and that in heavy users an increased cortisol activity is still present after 3 months of MDMA abstination and that chronic increased cortisol levels are directly linked with the development of stretch marks. Everyone is free in linking MDMA usage and increased cortisol activity with stretch marks, but ignoring the fact that MDMA does has an effect on cortisol levels, cortisol reactivity and that this effect can remain for a long period of time while scientific studies show that it does is just stupid.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dermarollers have been clinically shown to reduce or eliminate stretch marks


http://www.vbfacialaesthetics.co.uk/before-and-after/

And you mis-interpreted the study;

It said 3 month hair samples had up to 400% higher cortisol than controls

That does not mean that cortisol was elevated for the entire 3 months, as there is no way to tell when during the 3 months covered by the 1.5" hair sample the cortisol was elevated

 

[bobby1978]

I hope you feel better soon OP. Please don't do anything drastic over this issue, I'm sure you can find a viable solution.

I have stretch marks like yours, but I think they are just from growing a lot when I was younger. They were never even a consideration to me, but I guess we all have our different ideas of what's important.

 

[Deleted member 290563]

I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing early 20s. Don't worry and another 10 years your physical form will go to shit in several other ways also and you'll realize that it doesn't matter at all what you look like (as long as your health is decent).

I really regret the permanent damage that I did to my body to try and look good when I was in my early 20s. Not because it looks bad but because it actually damaged my health. Your hormones are peaking at that age don't worry when that T level starts to decrease the Peacock syndromeyou are going through will calm down. and once you are that age all the girls will care about is money, you could have a six pack and barely get laid if you are not making money at that age

 

[Mmm2223]

Hey there, I have been reading this thread from top to bottom and saw great people saying amazing things.

I hope adding this extra bit can help you in coping.

You need to forgive yourself for having tried MDMA, you were right about the fact that you should have done more researches on MDMA before actually start trying it, but To be honest, who doesn't make mistake? Everyone does, and we usually only find out that we made a mistake after seeing an undesired consequence happening.

No one can go back to change a mistake they have made, but instead of feeling depressed about it, you CAN forgive yourself for having done it, try and find ways to diminish the marks and move on, keep in mind of the fact that MDMA did this to you and therefore you'll not do it again. Also I saw you said you have become more depressed and have mood swings, I'd suggest you to try and find a way to identity them, so that when it comes back you'll know and knows what to avoid e.g. getting agitated on trivial.

It does take time to digest what you're going through as I'm sure you prioritise your body image over a lot other things, but once you get out of it on the other side surviving, You will become a much stronger person than you are right now.

Hope it helps. This is actually something I've learned myself from Lucy. I got out of depression because of it.

 

[R.mdma]

Hey there, I have been reading this thread from top to bottom and saw great people saying amazing things.

I hope adding this extra bit can help you in coping.

You need to forgive yourself for having tried MDMA, you were right about the fact that you should have done more researches on MDMA before actually start trying it, but To be honest, who doesn't make mistake? Everyone does, and we usually only find out that we made a mistake after seeing an undesired consequence happening.

No one can go back to change a mistake they have made, but instead of feeling depressed about it, you CAN forgive yourself for having done it, try and find ways to diminish the marks and move on, keep in mind of the fact that MDMA did this to you and therefore you'll not do it again. Also I saw you said you have become more depressed and have mood swings, I'd suggest you to try and find a way to identity them, so that when it comes back you'll know and knows what to avoid e.g. getting agitated on trivial.

It does take time to digest what you're going through as I'm sure you prioritise your body image over a lot other things, but once you get out of it on the other side surviving, You will become a much stronger person than you are right now.

Hope it helps. This is actually something I've learned myself from Lucy. I got out of depression because of it.

Hi, thanks for the reply. I agree that i probably will be a better person afterwards, but at this moment i still suffer from moodswings and believe me, they are bad.

On topic: depression is back. Went on vacation with my girlfriend and totally fucked it up by being in a depressive state. Cried again, my girlfriend tried to help me but it seems nothing is working. Thought about suicide allot, not by actually killing myself, but just by imagining ways to die. I made a appointment with a psychologist today to talk about the things i'm currently going through and with a dermatologist to see what i can do about those marks. At this point i use this forum just to ventilate and talking about my problems seems to help.