Does quitting some drugs count? When I joined, I was pretty much sober except some booze. I dont think I could ever become an alcoholic as I just dont like drinking enough but I had just moved and knew no one so took solace several times a week getting anywhere from a little buzzed (usually) to piss, stinking drunk. I still consider this period as one of my longest streaks of sobriety because I didnt touch my real problem drugs which are opioids, primarly oxycodone but any really would do.
Because I was bored, I dabbled in RCs and is why I joined BL. The RC forums are more likely to get you killed than keep you safe but sourcing is rampant as well. I needed better info basically. But again, this was rather infrequent and tried to pick the safest and least moreish type things (some of the novel lysergamides and MXE. Ethylphenidate too, but that shit was toxic to me). Even with the booze and RCs, was still feeling soberish as I didnt use daily.
But I moved back to where I was from originally and quickly fell back into old habits. In addition to the opioids, I added a fair amount of stimulants to the mix (I had done this before but usually when I was trying to decrease or stop my oxy use). I admit, I still love oxycodone and very well may still be using it had it not started to tear my marriage apart. It wasnt the use per se, but the lying and numbing effects opioids had towards my expression of any emotion towards my wife. I also was kind of tired of having to take so much just to feel not deathly ill, the constipation (fuck that, my god it was miserable) and how my sleep was even more fucked up than ever.
So five weeks ago I quit. I used a quick bupe taper but wish I hadnt. I see how wonderful it may be for those maintaining on it, but the day I stopped I had plenty of WD symptoms (the physical was a bit less than cold turkeying completely). But the emotional. Holy shit. Im pretty level. Not prone to much anxiety or depression. But the days and weeks immediately stopping bupe were probably as close as I will come to knowing how sufferers of those afflictions truly feel. Even contemplated suicide which I never really did in my life.
Thankfully I didnt act on it and have been getting better with each day. I think I got it this time (I know 5 weeks isnt a ton of time) because although on 3 other occasions in the past twenty years I did kick and a million other half ass attempts where maybe I made it 48 hours before deciding using was better, I never really wanted to stop. If I was off oxy for a month or a year, I still fantasized about it and surely would have used it if I could have gotten it. But this time, I can get it and still am abstaining. Things are more important now.
I still use stims. Too much really but not that worried. My energy is getting back to normal and hopefully will drop them, too. (I was planning to stop opioids and stims simultaneously but that didnt work out). I will still use psychedelics when I get them as they are no big deal and fun as hell. But neither stims or psychs make me want oxy again. So, I feel rather accomplished as of now that I have stopped opioids, even if I use others. I think most of the OD and BDD boards would understand that.
Why do I stick around? First, it isnt triggering at all to me. Second, I love talking about drugs of all kinds and not necessarily the fun ones. I post all over, even in places where I havent even personally used the specific drug like PE because I find it interesting. If we had a diabetes or asthma forum, I would just as easily post there as in BDD. And last, I credit BL for giving me a place to commiserate and goof around with like minded people, engage in discussions I dont always get to IRL a lot, and renewing my interest in my profession at a time I wanted to leave it. There are also some really great people here I genuinely like and would consider friends even if we never met. I doubt I will ever leave.
I think once people quit, they leave... no?
