It seems you've found the perfect mix. I love the Amp/Opiate combo myself but I'm not prescribed Adderall and I sniff bags rather than taking Oxys. Sometimes I wish I could be on both drugs at the same time FOREVER lol. The two drugs complement eachother perfectly for me, although I know it effects everyone differently. Adderall COMPLETELY kills my appetite, but if I sniff a bag with it I can eat again. I have no problem eating while on H, it actually increases my appetite quite a bit. Sometimes when I nod on H, I end up falling asleep for like 20 min and realize I just missed the best part!! But with adderall it's like I'm more aware of the euphoria from the H and can enjoy it without falling asleep. One thing I should add is that IME, the combo is best with smaller doses of adderall (40mg or less). Anything more than that makes it pointless to take any H with it because the Adderall overpowers it greatly... I'm basically too Amphed up to feel or care about anything else. Anything over 40mg + H makes me sick to the point where I'm puking every 30 min... No fun ?. At least I know better now and have done enough experimenting to know what the perfect combo FOR ME is. I've definitely found the "sweet spot" ?
... But it scares me that I seek this drug combo to combat depression and feel normal rather than getting to the root of my depression. I think if I had the ability or funds to stay on Amps/H 24/7, I would eventually become WAYYYY too dependant on the mixture, to the point where I would be a huge mess without them. Even if I had a reliable daily supply of both, at some point I'm GOING to run out, and then I'd realize how much of a shell of a person I am without them. The depression I have now is NOTHING compared to the kind of HELL I would face while quitting both Amp/H after 8 years of daily use! I'm pretty miserable for a few days after just a WEEK of using lol. So It would take me a LONG time to feel anything even close to normal after 8 years. But to each their own. You know yourself better than anyone, and as long as you're happy and healthy then you should take whatever combo works best for you!
Just curious though, have you ever run out of one of the two drugs during the last 8 years? Or both at the same time? If so, what was it like going without them, I mean does it make you feel like a zombie?
Oh dear. It certainly sounds like you're well on your way to become a poly-drug addict. Are you actually physically dependent on the heroin yet? I might be interpreting this wrong, but your post seemed to suggest that you're not actually totally addicted to either substance yet, but you love the combination and are beginning to binge on them. Am I reading this right here? It also seems to me like you're not grasping quite how awful it will be if you have to come off a serious daily habit. You will wish that you were merely "feeling like a zombie" and experiencing intense depression if you have to go through *serious* heroin withdrawal. The added element of coming off of the Adderall simultaneously won't even be that significant if you've become physically hooked on heroin, quitting the adderall too may just make the awful depression that accompanies heroin withdrawal that little bit worse, but honestly - like the reverse of how adderall overpowers the heroin high, heroin withdrawals will completely overpower the negligible adderall "withdrawals".
A little while back, me and a friend decided that we were going to both get sober at the same time. I had been taking heroin daily for a little over four months whereas he had been taking UK "base", which is the stronger form of amphetamine that you can buy on the street here, for over a year. We went away to my auntys summer home out in the country to do it, and figured that since we'd be quitting together that we could be a source of strength for each other which would make it easier. WRONG. I HATED having him there, because I was insanely envious of how fucking EASY he had it. I was throwing up, insanely physically uncomfortable, all my muscles ached, I was running to the bathroom every ten minutes, I would have hot flashes and be pouring with sweat and then the next minute be shivering with chills, I couldn't stay still but I had absolutely no energy, and my emotions alternated between being irritable and angry and pissed off at the world to completely suicidally miserable, and to make it all worse I couldn't even get a minute of sleep, no matter how much I tried & despite being totally exhausted, so I didn't even get a break from it. While I was going through this, my friend was sleeping like 12-14 hours a day whilst my insomnia was driving me crazy and during the time he was awake he wouldn't stop eating, to the point where at one stage I even accused him of sneaking some weed up and not sharing it (turns out that this wasn't what happened & that this is just an effect from coming off speed), so while I was throwing up with the added fun of stomach cramps thrown in, this guy was just pigging out eating constantly. Whilst I was curled up in agony, really battling through with this horrible, horrible sickness, thinking of nothing but just how completely shitty I felt and how badly I wanted to use, my friend when he wasn't sleeping was just laying there on the sofa watching TV. Sure, he seemed a little "flat" and wasn't exactly upbeat, but compared to what I was going through his "withdrawal" looked like a fucking walk in the park.
I figure you've never gone through heroin withdrawal based on how you spoke about coming off of it and because too much adderall and heroin makes you throw up, and in my experience that is something that would only happen to an inexperienced user - mixing heroin and a stimulant when you have a tolerance to the H shouldn't cause any nausea, as Adderall alone doesn't usually cause it. If you were mixing the heroin with alcohol or something then I'd relate but as an experienced user, heroin hasn't made me nauseous when I'm ON it for a long time - ironically, now it just makes me vomit when I HAVEN'T had any - and I've mixed heroin with coke, crack, base etc.
This post is already kinda long and I realize the rest of the advice I have to give may be a little redundant if you already have a heroin habit and get WDs, so I'll save that unless I'm right about my initial assumption. However, I would add that it's a little concerning that your only problem with regular combining of Adderall & Heroin seems to be the potential for feeling shitty when you come off of them. Whilst heroin use can obviously cause a lot of problems in your life & there's the risk of overdose, if you're not injecting it heroin is actually a really safe drug for your body & mind. It's not toxic to any organs and doesn't cause any kind of long-term structural brain changes that are indicative of damage - IMO, most of the problems are associated with addiction, and specifically with not being able to fund your addiction. If hypothetically you were very rich and taking heroin daily, then indeed you could say that you are "happy & healthy" and to continue taking it as it works for you.
However, this isn't the case with Adderall. It is not as benign to your body as heroin - with long-term use comes an increased risk for high blood pressure, heart attacks & stroke and an extremely higher risk of developing mental illnesses like psychosis, anhedonia and depression. Most worryingly in my opinion is that amphetamine is neurotoxic. In this respect, you'd actually be better off taking Ritalin or even smoking crack. While it's not as neurotoxic as meth, amphetamine has still been shown to cause damage to dopamine receptors, and this is
not just a case of temporary downregulation in response to the elevated levels caused by amphetamine - amphetamine has been repeatedly shown to cause fundamental structural changes in the brain & permanent damage to your dopamine receptors. This has always especially frightened me, because you can get clean from any drug, and with most side-effects of most drugs your body can recover. If that drug has permanently altered your brain though, there's no going back. Many long-term chronic amphetamine users are left with varying degrees of anhedonia - an incapacity to feel any pleasure in normal day-to-day activities, as well as symptoms resembling depression due to the reduced capacity for the brain to register dopamine. This can permanently alter your very personality, leaving you without the ability to get truly excited like you used to, making you less talkative, more introverted, more easily fatigued, and just lacking the animated, joyful "spark" of life.
I have personally met quite a few people who are clearly "burn-outs", those who have been taking speed for a very long time, and they are a worrying sight. Though long-term heroin junkies aren't the greatest advertisement for heroin, at least (as long as they're not sick) they still have some happiness & joy in them and it seems as if behind the opiate haze there's still a normal person there, waiting to come out. With the long-term speed users, they just seem like total zombies. Studies have also found that in long-term speed users, IQ, cognition & motivation is significantly reduced. Bear in mind that all these effects associated with neurotoxicity have been found in many users to persist
years after stopping using speed, with strong evidence pointing towards the structural & functional changes to the brain, and especially to the ventral tegmental area, are permanent.
So, please don't think the only issue with using this combo every day is how bad it's going to be when you stop. Every binge, you're increasing the chance of the adderall causing neurotoxicity that you won't bounce back from, so though it's an extremely pleasurable combination, by no stretch of the imagination can it be described as "healthy. Was I correct in assuming that you don't have a real heroin habit yet?