Fraggot456
Greenlighter
Hello, I'm going to explain my situation first and then go on to ask a few questions, if you could offer some feedback on whether my concerns are legitimate/have a basis or any advice you have relating to my situation I would greatly appreciate it 
Background
In the past, I have used Adderall, Ritalin, and Vyvanse, either as a tool for learning or recreationally. If if had to guess I'd say 4-6 times within the last 2 years. I have enjoyed them quite a bit (especially during sex) but have never felt the need to get my own prescription or take them more frequently as a medication until recently.
Context
On the 11th of this month, I went to see my school psychiatrist (boarding school), with the intent of obtaining a prescription for Vyvanse. Both my mother and brother currently have a prescription for either Adderall or Vyvanse, and both have reported great improvement. My mom saying it helped with her "ADHD"*1 and my brother saying it helped with his Sensory Processing Disorder (think a mild type of autism). Although my father has always made sure to instill a sense of skepticism surrounding modern medicine from a young age, I began to wonder if I had ADD or a type of autism since we've stopped talking 4-ish months ago. Furthermore, if taking medication could make my life easier.
Reasons I Asked for a Prescription
Result and My Subsequent Actions
The doctor thought all of my complaints*2 warranted a prescription. Unfortunately, not Vyvanse but 5mg of Adderall with the instructions of 1 pill for the first 3 days, 2 for the next set of 3, and 3 for the final if I felt I still wasn't achieving the desired effects. Fortunately, I now hold Adderall in a higher place than Vyvanse. Unfortunately, I am concerned this may be because I haven't stuck to my doctor's dosage instructions and have been misusing the medication. The Wednesday I got the prescription I snorted*3 10mg, the effects of energy and sociability lasted for only a few hours while the euphoria even less so dissipating within the first 45 minutes. Thursday I parachuted*4 20mg, 10mg after breakfast around 7:30 A.M and another 10 mg after lunch at 12:30 P.M. This gave me noticeable effects all day that started to fading at 11:00 A.M. and then again around 4:00 P.M. Friday I kinda went out of control using 25mg or 30mg throughout the day, can't quite remember, and then 10mg more around 12:00 A.M. this morning. *5
Positives of Current Situation
Although I was initially disappointed with the type of medication and the low dosage, I have been happy with the results so far. Focusing in school has been 100x easier as if I'm always genuinely interested no matter what the subject is. I feel extremely motivated and have started taking participation very seriously in the recent school meetings. The journal that I used to keep has evolved into day to day action plans which have been very helpful in keeping me organized. And by far the most meaningful difference is how much more sociable I am. With my new found confidence I've begun to initiate conversations as well as be more open and less embarrassed about asking others to clarify their social cues that I think I might be missing, this brings me a lot of happiness knowing that I'm connecting with other people and we are communicating clearly as opposed to my usual anxiety that I am misinterpreting something.
Notes
*1 "ADHD" because I believe she is just using the medication to do paperwork for court and semi-often she'll stay up all night
*2 I exaggerated them to him because I was nervous that he would be skeptical if I wasn't and not give me medication that I honestly think helps me
*3 That was my preferred ROA for Ritalin but with Adderall it really made my nose hurt, I do not plan on doing this ever again
*4 Preferred ROA
*5 I dorm with an International student from China and I cannot stand the Mandarin language, it feels like someone is assaulting my ears. This leads to me just laying in my bed while he and his 3 Chinese friends play League of Legends until 3 A.M. I just wanted to be productive during that time instead of just suffering in my bed trying to fall asleep.
Concerns
Final Words
I just want to say that I am 95% sure that Adderall has helped and will help me in the future, especially going into college next year which is sure to be a shock due to my very low intensity classes that I take now. I also believe I have an above average amount of willpower and reservation when it comes to drugs and using them, but as I have never taken any stimulants regularly before so I am worried of any unforeseen consequences. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I wrote this on the Friday night I didn't sleep and am kinda coming down now so I am just realizing I could have just been slightly paranoid but I would still appreciate feedback if you agree with this or disagree with this. Also, it's my first post on this website after visiting threads for the past few years so I'm sorry if this in unconventional or there are similar threads. I also want to apologize if I am under the age limit, I couldn't find it listed anywhere for this website.

Background
In the past, I have used Adderall, Ritalin, and Vyvanse, either as a tool for learning or recreationally. If if had to guess I'd say 4-6 times within the last 2 years. I have enjoyed them quite a bit (especially during sex) but have never felt the need to get my own prescription or take them more frequently as a medication until recently.
Context
On the 11th of this month, I went to see my school psychiatrist (boarding school), with the intent of obtaining a prescription for Vyvanse. Both my mother and brother currently have a prescription for either Adderall or Vyvanse, and both have reported great improvement. My mom saying it helped with her "ADHD"*1 and my brother saying it helped with his Sensory Processing Disorder (think a mild type of autism). Although my father has always made sure to instill a sense of skepticism surrounding modern medicine from a young age, I began to wonder if I had ADD or a type of autism since we've stopped talking 4-ish months ago. Furthermore, if taking medication could make my life easier.
Reasons I Asked for a Prescription
- Even though I've always been a good student (disregarding my freshman year when I had to be hospitalized for depression) I've had problems focusing in class on subjects that I wasn't 100% interested in.
- (Despite this, I am still an A/B student who doesn't have to work that hard to get his marks)
- I am anti-social, mainly due to my lack of self-confidence and seemingly being unable to discern body language and tone.
- I would forget my head if it wasn't attached to my body, I'm constantly losing things, forgetting obligations.
- (So much so that I've started to keep a journal with me of these things)
- I'm often unable to remember keywords that I need to say to be able to convey what I'm thinking to others clearly.
- (Very inconvenient and awkward when I get frustrated at myself and have to change the topic until the word I was looking for pops into my head)
- I've long since had a lack of motivation which I had associated with my depression.
- I have a tendency to blurt out things as soon as they come into my head
- (Relating to this I speak and figure out what I'm going to say as I go along, I'm not sure if this is what everyone does but I feel like I'm improving every times I open my mouth)
- I've generally been a disorganized person for the entirety of my life even though I prefer things neat and orderly.
Result and My Subsequent Actions
The doctor thought all of my complaints*2 warranted a prescription. Unfortunately, not Vyvanse but 5mg of Adderall with the instructions of 1 pill for the first 3 days, 2 for the next set of 3, and 3 for the final if I felt I still wasn't achieving the desired effects. Fortunately, I now hold Adderall in a higher place than Vyvanse. Unfortunately, I am concerned this may be because I haven't stuck to my doctor's dosage instructions and have been misusing the medication. The Wednesday I got the prescription I snorted*3 10mg, the effects of energy and sociability lasted for only a few hours while the euphoria even less so dissipating within the first 45 minutes. Thursday I parachuted*4 20mg, 10mg after breakfast around 7:30 A.M and another 10 mg after lunch at 12:30 P.M. This gave me noticeable effects all day that started to fading at 11:00 A.M. and then again around 4:00 P.M. Friday I kinda went out of control using 25mg or 30mg throughout the day, can't quite remember, and then 10mg more around 12:00 A.M. this morning. *5
Positives of Current Situation
Although I was initially disappointed with the type of medication and the low dosage, I have been happy with the results so far. Focusing in school has been 100x easier as if I'm always genuinely interested no matter what the subject is. I feel extremely motivated and have started taking participation very seriously in the recent school meetings. The journal that I used to keep has evolved into day to day action plans which have been very helpful in keeping me organized. And by far the most meaningful difference is how much more sociable I am. With my new found confidence I've begun to initiate conversations as well as be more open and less embarrassed about asking others to clarify their social cues that I think I might be missing, this brings me a lot of happiness knowing that I'm connecting with other people and we are communicating clearly as opposed to my usual anxiety that I am misinterpreting something.
Notes
*1 "ADHD" because I believe she is just using the medication to do paperwork for court and semi-often she'll stay up all night
*2 I exaggerated them to him because I was nervous that he would be skeptical if I wasn't and not give me medication that I honestly think helps me
*3 That was my preferred ROA for Ritalin but with Adderall it really made my nose hurt, I do not plan on doing this ever again
*4 Preferred ROA
*5 I dorm with an International student from China and I cannot stand the Mandarin language, it feels like someone is assaulting my ears. This leads to me just laying in my bed while he and his 3 Chinese friends play League of Legends until 3 A.M. I just wanted to be productive during that time instead of just suffering in my bed trying to fall asleep.
Concerns
- Would my overall usage (Wednesday and Thursday) be defined as recreational? Specifically looking at the effects of confidence and sociability?
- If no, then will the confidence and sociability I am experiencing eventually fade out completely?
- I realized the euphoria will, but the confidence and sociability are really making my life better and I could see them being my main reason for continuing taking the drug non-recreationally.
- Is it abuse if I felt like 5mg wasn't enough and started taking more disregarding my doctors plan? Even though I've had some experience with these types of drugs in the past?
- (I strongly think Friday was abuse because I was taking it to be social and avoid other problems instead of solving them head on and ended up not falling asleep, hence my anxiousness of abuse and my 4 hour research marathon)
- By using other methods besides orally taking the intact pill (like parachuting) have I warranted concern for possible abuse?
- How often can I take more than my prescribed dose without seriously risking addiction?
- Or can you become psychologically addicted to Adderall from prescribed use?
- I'm confident my doctor will prescribe me a higher dosage this Wednesday if I ask for it, should I?
- (I feel as though that 2 15mg IR, 1 after breakfast and another after lunch, should be all I need but I don't want to do this if there is a serious chance of addiction)
- Do I really need medication or have I deluded myself into thinking that I do and that it works?
- (I guess no one else but me can answer this question...)
Final Words
I just want to say that I am 95% sure that Adderall has helped and will help me in the future, especially going into college next year which is sure to be a shock due to my very low intensity classes that I take now. I also believe I have an above average amount of willpower and reservation when it comes to drugs and using them, but as I have never taken any stimulants regularly before so I am worried of any unforeseen consequences. Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I wrote this on the Friday night I didn't sleep and am kinda coming down now so I am just realizing I could have just been slightly paranoid but I would still appreciate feedback if you agree with this or disagree with this. Also, it's my first post on this website after visiting threads for the past few years so I'm sorry if this in unconventional or there are similar threads. I also want to apologize if I am under the age limit, I couldn't find it listed anywhere for this website.