As for the cravings those might not exist because you seem be surrounded by people who love you and you seem to have a life which you can live without being unhappy all the times.
I have struggled with cravings a lot because I didn't at first have things to do and my social life wasn't too good either. Now I have been dating a girl who I have known for few years and she finally noticed that I might want to try if something deeper than friendship might work for us. At the same time a long time friend of mine and a former subordinate is staying at my home for a while as she is currently quitting drug use after an amphetamine binge which ended a bit badly. I have also started again some hobbies of mine such as Warhammer 40K, playing bass and fixing cars.
Currently my cravings are pretty much gone during days but at night when I go to bed and try to sleep I tend to stay awake and think about drugs and how I would feel after taking more than my tapering schedule allows and how I could get more. It doesn't help at all that on these latitudes sun won't get lower than 12' degrees below horizon so there is just dusk instead of a real night until fall and soon there won't be even dusk for a while.
I remember reading that someone on bluelight was about to go to detox for three months which cost 120.000 USD and he would get a new Camaro if he finishes his detox without using and his family was paying for all that. I would say that your parents are doing a lot better than that guys parents as your parents seem to give time for you as they are taking care of dispensing prescribed amounts of drugs to you and such instead of just trying to deal through those issues with money.
I hope you got some sleep after all. Hydroxyzine (not hydrazine as I accidentally wrote, which is rocket fuel
) along with beer caused pretty rough feeling atleast for me and I try to avoid using alcohol at all these days.
Hey my father owns and autobody shop and I play drums and guitar! Those are great hobbies to keep your mind off of things. Instead of cravings, I'm battling boredom. I would just get a job, but my family wants me to wait for my court date (yeah, went six years with no run ins, but it caught up to me). I'm not mad I got pinched though, although being naked for three days in solitary withdrawing off of heroin wasn't my best few days. It did however make me decided to bite the bullet when I got home and just do it. That was somewhere around 62 to 65 days ago! (Sorry, go me, I'm trying to keep complimenting myself).
I'm sorry to hear that you are going though cravings like that, I can't even imagine how much harder that makes the whole process, because it's hard enough. Actually, it's probably the hardest thing there is. But since you said you're feeling cravings, does that mean you're clean? If so, great job my friend! You're a machine! Look at how far you've come then turn arouond and look forward and what you can do now. Like, get on a plane without freaking about TSA (I will not elaborate on how I did that once).
I'm a gamer too, if you game on steam, hit me up I'll give you my handle. We can play some games and stuff. And as for fixing cars (or anything) you have a mind like mine I'm guessing. You liked those things, but now they seem a million miles away. If you make yourself do them for an hour a day, for 28 days, that's how long it takes to create a good habit and have your brain remember it. I've been forcing myself to play guitar or video games for one hour a day, then exercise or read a book for one hour a day. So far I've kept it up for a week and I must say I do feel better, although it's VERY hard getting started.
You must live way up there, I'd invest in some black out windows. I actually got some and I don't live so far North. That way, if I have a panic attack or something (I have GAD), I close the blinds, put on calming music, and get as comfortable as I can. Even if you can't sleep, it's important to rest during that period. Eventually your mind will pick on on it's circadian rhythm again.
You could not be more right in your fourth paragraph, yes I am so very lucky. My parents are not super rich, but we live comfortably on a farm with lots of land. There are two houses, normally I'd be more on my own, but they're keeping an eye on my because when I was an addict...well...I was a wily bastard for sure. And yes, my meds are in a gunsafe that only my dad can open. He leaves out my morning dose of Clonazepam each morning, when he gets home around 5PM I get my night time dose and Halcion. I try to take as little as I can, but I must admit I sometimes take the full prescribed amount.
I actually got great sleep, I lifted weights until about 3 a.m. and crashed like a baby. My arms are killing me, haha, but I gotta say best sleep I've had in 65ish days (wish I could remember the exact number). Haha, yeah I caught that and it was pretty funny. Thanks for the laugh, it left like I drank rocket fuel after I took that hydroxyzine pam though for sure. And I do plan to avoid alcohol. I've never had a problem with any drug but opiates, but I am aware of the "switching addictions" phenomenon and right now, your right it's just not worth it.
Now to you, You've done great man. You have the right mindset. I think you can pull it off, just be careful of being around users at all. I had to cut almost all of my friends out of my life, which to be honest was harder than quitting the drug. I cannot be around them. During my taper, my only relapse was because I got back around those friends, and even just the environment made me want to use. Like, just sitting in his house, is that possible?
Thank you for the earnest and caring responses guys, again, this is why I'm a bluelighter, much love and respect,
FRF
P.S. I was studying Spanish/pharmacology/neurology/biochemistry and cellular molecular biology for a years in college actually (but I sure as hell don't know everything). I was more into what illicit drugs did and they actually let me study that in University as well. My "knowledge" eventually bit me in the ass though, I was a big psychedelics user, and started using opiates for the comedown and the rest is a long painful history. If I can help out, or just give people some encouragement, I'm happy to do so.
Cheers to all us crazy bastards, and I mean that in an endearing way.
