I take a combo of oxycodone, and DXM most nights before bed. I have this fucking pain I have to deal with but that combo often makes things interesting. But frankly I'll never again likely find a high that can make living on the earth desireable.
Many years ago someone gave me two hits of perfectly pure MDMA, which I had no previous experience with and told me to darken my bedroom, get naked, create an ambient temperature, get a full length body pillow, which I had and have no music or any other auditory distractions. Just let it come on. Which I did. For six hours I went into a satori like state of empathy and compassion for myself and the whole world that made me more happy and alive than I ever thought possible. That's the one time in 63 years when I can honestly say I wanted to be alive on earth.