Issue with a friend of mine and a threesome we had

[TeeCee]

Hi, a friend of mine stopped talking to me recently. I tried to get in contact but she wasn't returning my calls. I could tell something was up but gave her some space.

Anyhow, she called a few days ago to tell me that she was unhappy about something we did about 6 years ago. The two of us went away for a week with another friend. We drank a lot during this time. This other friend suggested we have a threesome, and we ended up getting into bed together. It wasn't something particularly enjoyable as we were all drunk. In retrospect I think it was a really dumb thing to do. But my friend called to tell me she felt like she was manipulated into getting into bed with us. I said that it's not something I would have done. I really don't believe in getting into bed with anyone who doesn't want to get into bed with me. I also said, had I known that she wasn't wanting to do it, I wouldn't have been a part of it.

I'm a bit shocked that she said this to me. We've been friends for quite some time. I feel for her that's she's obviously experiencing something around this, but I feel a bit angry/sad that she would even think this of me. As far as I knew we did it consensually, and she didn't have to be a part of it if she didn't want to.

It sounded like what triggered it for her was discussing it with her latest boyfriend, and it's snowballed for her from there.

Anyone got any ideas around this?

 

[kicsicsillag]

Hi TeeCee, what is the question? seems like it is a bit late in the game to bring up an issue form 6 yrs ago.. why not earlier?

 

[zephyr]

Something has happened recently to bring this back up in her life. Has it been a topic of conversation between her and her boyfriend and/or the 3rd party?

Maybe some talk about it has been skewed to make you and maybe the 3rd party out to be something sinister and might be best to insist on you three talking about it in person for the sake of the friendship.

It is a weird thing to just randomly drunkenly happen if no one was into it at all.

No idea if you are male or female and if the third was male or female. If men involved the boyfriend could just be jealous and shes choosing him over you in which case shes not your friend anymore.

 

[Lacquerman Steve]

People have an amazing ability to tell themselves whatever they need to believe. All I can say about your situation is that for some reason, this girl now needs to believe that she was tricked into having sex with you and your other friend. And, it must be something really important in her life now, because she's apparently willing to sacrifice a friendship and manipulate her recollections in order to redefine her "truth" and believe what she feels she needs to believe.

I'm sorry this happened to you! But, you know how you remember the events, and if your conscience has always been clear as to what happened, you do not need to believe her new version of them. You also don't need to correct her or compel her to admit that it happened the way you remember - apparently, she isn't capable of that now, anyway. Just let her go... maybe someday she'll get through her current situation and re-examine her feelings about you when she can be more honest with herself. Maybe she won't. Either way, it will work out the way it's supposed to - just let it work.

 

[TeeCee]

Thanks everyone for responding.

No idea if you are male or female and if the third was male or female. If men involved the boyfriend could just be jealous and shes choosing him over you in which case shes not your friend anymore.

I'm a gay male, and the third was a straight male, but I think we had both ventured to the other side on occasions. The third party we know longer speak to. She started a relationship with him straight after that week away, and then broke up about 10 months later I think.

I know since she's been in this current relationship it's been chaos at times, because she's often come to me for support. Her boyfriend is the jealous type. He doesn't want her to be friends with anyone she's ever had sex with. So that says something. She has told him what happened during that week we were away, and it sounded like since then it has become an issue for her. It was never brought up over the last 6 years.

When the boyfriend went away last year she almost had me convinced he was having an affair, but that turned out to be totally false. There were all sorts of things she thought he was doing that turned out to be false. It's like she gets these things in her head and it becomes the truth for her.

I know that if I ever manipulated a friend into having sex with me, that it would weigh heavily on my conscience. I have no doubt I would remember that, and I would find it very hard to live with.

Just let her go... maybe someday she'll get through her current situation and re-examine her feelings about you when she can be more honest with herself. Maybe she won't. Either way, it will work out the way it's supposed to - just let it work.

I've been thinking that's probably what I'll have to do. And I've got other people in my life saying the same thing basically. It's a shame because I considered her one of my best friends. We've spent a lot of time together and up until now everything was going just fine. But I know things can change in life, and people can come in and out of your life for all sorts of reasons. It feels pretty shitty, but I'll get through it.

 

[zephyr]

Sounds like you have been a good friend to her over the years and its her loss. Not that it would help you right now.

Sorry you feel shitty. It does pass. Just spend time with those who care about you and dont involve you in their relationship dramas

 

[TeeCee]

Thanks zephyr. Definitely will be spending more time with those that care, and will be staying out of those relationship dramas!

 

[l33t]

haha textbook scenario. Girls get drunk gets horny does weird shit and SUDDENTLY EVERONE TOOK advantage of her so as we don't look her as a whore.... wtf girls get your head straight. Don't feel bad about it , you did the right thing and nothing wrong. It's the girls mind thats fucked up.