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How to want to change

E

ElegiesOfDeath

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2016
Messages
19
Location
USA
I'm not ok at all. My drug use is taking everything from me. I'm unhealthy. But I have no desire to change. It's hard to explain, I know I should fix this, and I know I need to fix this. I just do not want to. I have no desire to be sober, even when I'm sent to the hospital, even when it destroys my family. When I've wrecked, when I've been arrested, when I've been lying in my own puke for hours. And it scares me.

How to I get the desire to change? People say "when things get bad enough you'll want to change". But things have been bad. Very bad. I just don't care...
 
At the fear of sounding a bit cliché, I gotta put in my 2cents. You have no desire to change because you haven't yet hit rock bottom. Once you do, the desire will be there, I guarantee you. It's gonna get pretty bad but it's the only way
 
I don't believe in the whole aspect of rockbottom. The only rock bottom I have ever imagined is death.

You have already taken your first step on the road to recovery. You realize that your use has become a significant problem in your life. The next step is to actively seek help. I can feel the desperation in your post...this is actually a good thing. You have to be willing to try anything if you want to stop. I will say it again because it needs to be said. Chances are you will need to seek help. Rehab may be a good fit for you if only to be away from your triggers and stressors. Once you have at least a month you will be thinking clearly enough to be acting in your own best interest.
 
It was purely my own opinion about rock bottom, I apologize if that was inappropriate. For me it took losing everything I own and living under an overpass, getting twisted in half by withdrawal wrapped in a grimy blanket. Gave me the desire and motivation to get clean
 
Everyone has a different definition. In recovery whatever definition gets you treatment and feeling better is the right one. I would call what you had...well what I refer to as "the holy moment". The time when all circumstances line up that you are willing to try something new and take advice from someone else. I had mine in jail. It was horrible.
 
You are coming from a perspective that a desire for change is essential to achieve change. I don't think it is. As a child you do stuff that you want to do, as an adult you do things that need to be done (not necessarily what you want). Waiting for a desire to happen could be some infantile thing. People change not because they want to. They change when they condition themselves that it has to be done, it's the only option to move forward, there is no other way. You might hate it, but you'll have to do it, because it's the only way - no other way to continue with your life is available.

And assuming that you need to want to change could be the very thing that is stopping you btw. It's not a playground, not a game. Change is not fun. There will be no reward, no cake. It will be boring, painful, greasy, smelly and you might need to drag yourself through it screaming and kicking (or in a zombie state). Don't expect desire to happen, it's not going to happen.

+1 seek help and support from others, find people who can give you a hand. And take full responsibility for your life. Tell someone a story about it all from a 80-year old perspective. Imagine in full detail how you have managed to recover and share your story to help others that are in the place, in the position you've been to. Things like that help.
 
I didn't want to change for a number of years. I eventually got tired of always having drama I my life, moving from one crisis to the next, and always feeling like shit. I loathe hospitals, and finally decided to go to rehab after ODing 3 times in one week. It wasn't rock bottom, I still my house and car, but I could tell I was going to lose everything if I didn't change. The first time I went to rehab I wasn't ready to quit, but I learned a lot and it made quitting easier when I was ready. To clarify because I know this sounds contradictory to previous posts, I did want to be healthy, I thought that I could learn to use in moderation, which doesn't work for me.
 
xekc said:
You are coming from a perspective that a desire for change is essential to achieve change. I don't think it is. As a child you do stuff that you want to do, as an adult you do things that need to be done (not necessarily what you want). Waiting for a desire to happen could be some infantile thing. People change not because they want to. They change when they condition themselves that it has to be done, it's the only option to move forward, there is no other way. You might hate it, but you'll have to do it, because it's the only way - no other way to continue with your life is available.

And assuming that you need to want to change could be the very thing that is stopping you btw. It's not a playground, not a game. Change is not fun. There will be no reward, no cake. It will be boring, painful, greasy, smelly and you might need to drag yourself through it screaming and kicking (or in a zombie state). Don't expect desire to happen, it's not going to happen.

+1 seek help and support from others, find people who can give you a hand. And take full responsibility for your life. Tell someone a story about it all from a 80-year old perspective. Imagine in full detail how you have managed to recover and share your story to help others that are in the place, in the position you've been to. Things like that help.
Click to expand...

Money! You sound pretty depressed OP.
 
Thank you all for the responses, I honestly do appreciate it. The idea that a want is needed to change is something that I've been told over and over by everyone. Mainly professional help. Even time I've been in the psych unit, or the hospital, every psychologists, friends and family.

I know I come off as... lazy? Selfish. Childish.
But how to you push yourself through anything if you have no desire? Everything in my life is driven by desire. Even when it comes to doing things I don't want to. Yeah, I don't WANT to mop the floor. But I WANT to have my floor clean. Get what I mean?

So whats the mentality you hold when it comes to forcing yourself to do thing? What do you do? I'm asking in complete honesty. I have several psychiatric disorders, and I just feel like my logic and rationality doesn't work the way it should.
 
You come off as depressed, unhappy IMHO

Willingness to try try and try again, that honest with yourself, handwork and imagination are all great places to start, but IMHO willingness to try no matter what, try to be more, try to be smarter, try to work harder, that's what is the most important.

Lay off the depressant drugs like booze and benzos perhaps?
 
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I think you've already started to 'want to change', just by looking for ways to want to change ;). Something in you has noticed that what your doing is wrong and it's not how you want to live. Continue to question that.
 
Usage for me is like a sad song. You listen to it when your low, and it relates. You feel understood. Cared about.

When I'm down, drugs have always been there. And honestly? I know they put my mind in dark places... but I feel like it helps. Like it relates. Understands. It brings me down to a level where I know I can't feel any worse, and there's comfort in that.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
You have to figure out why you're using.
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This is so true. Even if you get sober, if you don't address the problems that led you there to begin with, you will again start using...or have a miserable sober existence.

Desire is 90% of it, while the other 10% is pure willpower. Your first step would be getting into some kind of treatment. It will light a fire under your ass.
 
ElegiesOfDeath said:
Usage for me is like a sad song. You listen to it when your low, and it relates. You feel understood. Cared about.

When I'm down, drugs have always been there. And honestly? I know they put my mind in dark places... but I feel like it helps. Like it relates. Understands. It brings me down to a level where I know I can't feel any worse, and there's comfort in that.
Click to expand...

Reality happens between people. What I read here is that you are lonely. Find the others? Soulmates? People you'd care for enough to die for and to do things for.

Just throwing in thoughts. In my opinion some situations and conditions just can't be fully reversed or fixed or even patched up. Maybe that is you. Maybe all you need is to reduce harm to your body and to close ones as much as possible - but allow yourself to use without guilt, while reducing the harm and not being a jerk to the ones you love.
 
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