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Deleting Me Off This and That

^ maybe there's a lesson here? you word your posts in a way that makes it seem like you care more about validation that your feelings are acceptable than you do about an answer to the question you're asking. you talk in the second or third person when you're clearly talking about yourself...

there are a lot of interesting, compassionate people in slr with experience and solid advice - why not just ask the question you really want to ask and have a real discussion instead of dancing around the issues the way you appear to?

alasdair
 
mikumiku said:
Have any of you, ever been in a relationship with someone, and they had friends outside of your guys state, and your partner would go out to visit them, and then those friends wanted your partner to move out of state and move over to where they lived? Then your partner ended up moving away to be with those friends, and you guys broke up because you knew it wouldn't work out being so far away from each other. Would you break up with your partner, if you were in this situation or would you stay with them and try to work it out? What would you do, have you had anyone you know go through something like this before?
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dump his ass ffs

mikumiku said:
I give up.
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on the relationship yes you should. he isn't interested in making you a priority, move on
 
Lysis said:
I think it's more like the guy needs to dump her. lol
I think this is a troll, but if it's not jeeeeez. I wonder if he has any clue she's like this or if she hides it.
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you'd be surprised. i work with people very closely as my job and woah what varied and unusual patterns of behaviour can definitely exist.. i mean really weird bizarre shit- if anything this level of clingy neurosis is kinda common
 
Do you want your guy to be your protector?

Have you ever wanted your Boyfriend, Fiance, Husband to be your protector, body guard, be over protective of you, worried about you, like if you got attacked by someone and your partner found out, wouldn't you want your partner to go after them and kick their ass for hurting you, but yet your partner refuses to do that, because it was your battle to be fought, not theirs to be fought? Wouldn't you want that type of guy that wants to protect you and be your body guard etc.


Like me, I like going to concerts, and I will go into the mosh pit, where people push you around and have fun. And I was thinking if I went to a concert and into the mosh pit, my Boyfriend has told me, he won't go into the mosh pit with me, nor will he be on the side lines watching over me, to make sure I am alright. He rather be in the back, and if I get hurt in the mosh pit, thats my own fault. He is not going to battle my fights and go and kick the guys ass for hurting me, etc. To me, hearing him say that hurts me. I thought any man would want to protect their women.


But what do you think?
 
what are you really asking? to me, it sounds like you're upset about this and you're seeking validation for feeling upset about this?

are you upset about it? if so, why not own that? own your feelings. if you are upset about this, why on earth does my opinion matter to you?

i think you need to talk to your boyfriend about this and tell him how you feel.

but i'll also humour you. if you go willingly into a mosh pit and you get hurt, then that is on you. take some personal responsibility for your own actions?

:\

alasdair
 
Seems really archaic to be honest. Why would you expect/desire your boyfriend to either get hurt or hurt other people for you? That doesn't seem like an outcome anyone would desire for someone they love. Your attitude is quite immature.

I would definitely 'protect' my girlfriend if someone attacked her. I would hope to do that for any friend. I would really not appreciate her intentionally getting into shit solely to provoke a response in me. I also trust her autonomy and imagine she could look after herself anyway.

Don't fall for such maladaptive patriarchal nonsense. Men are not violent brutes, women are not fragile flowers. We've moved on from that shit.
 
Not a girl but I agree with the above. In fact I would protect any girl the same way. Doing otherwise would be "racist" against other people. Learn to respect all people the same, be it your family, your friends or whoever. You sound needy with dad issues, a girl who fears the world and needs someone always near to protect her no matter if she is right or wrong, i hope you are still very young or he didn't do a good job as a dad. Don't take it TOO personally.
 
I do feel good when my husband is protective, worries about me, etc. I do somewhat believe in traditional roles - not to a full on extent, I've always worked as well as raise the kids, we both do housework, he probably cooks more than me at the moment etc....but I do like him being protective of me and the kids and sometimes wish he was Moreso (with me) but I do know he would alway be there.

As far as the mosh pit, does he really hate mosh pits? I hate them, used to go in them a bit but always got scared of being suffocated. Maybe he just really hates them or has a legitimate reason he doesn't want to partake and I feel that should be respected too.

So my answer is, yes I do like and expect my husband to be my protector somewhat, but I don't expect him to do something he really doesn't want to do. Then it would be up to ME, an adult, to make the decision whether to go ahead without him, or not. It's all about give and take.
 
l33t said:
Not a girl but I agree with the above. In fact I would protect any girl the same way. Doing otherwise would be "racist" against other people. Learn to respect all people the same, be it your family, your friends or whoever. You sound needy with dad issues, a girl who fears the world and needs someone always near to protect her no matter if she is right or wrong, i hope you are still very young or he didn't do a good job as a dad. Don't take it TOO personally.
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You leave my parents out of this.
 
AnythingEverything said:
I do feel good when my husband is protective, worries about me, etc. I do somewhat believe in traditional roles - not to a full on extent, I've always worked as well as raise the kids, we both do housework, he probably cooks more than me at the moment etc....but I do like him being protective of me and the kids and sometimes wish he was Moreso (with me) but I do know he would alway be there.

As far as the mosh pit, does he really hate mosh pits? I hate them, used to go in them a bit but always got scared of being suffocated. Maybe he just really hates them or has a legitimate reason he doesn't want to partake and I feel that should be respected too.

So my answer is, yes I do like and expect my husband to be my protector somewhat, but I don't expect him to do something he really doesn't want to do. Then it would be up to ME, an adult, to make the decision whether to go ahead without him, or not. It's all about give and take.
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He has told me he doesn't like mosh pits, it finds them silly and not fun. He can't go into mosh pits because he can't hurt his body. I just want him to go in with me, so he can make me happy by showing me he is having fun with me, being there by my side, I always see couples huggin together running in the mosh pits. Thats what I want. Or I see couples hugging right there in the front row, protecting each other, or together in the back or sides, thats what I want my Boyfriend and I to do, but yet he can't do that.
 
mikumiku said:
He has told me he doesn't like mosh pits, it finds them silly and not fun. He can't go into mosh pits because he can't hurt his body. I just want him to go in with me, so he can make me happy by showing me he is having fun with me, being there by my side, I always see couples huggin together running in the mosh pits. Thats what I want. Or I see couples hugging right there in the front row, protecting each other, or together in the back or sides, thats what I want my Boyfriend and I to do, but yet he can't do that.
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Doormats aren't generally very good at protecting people, but you clearly want your partner to be both of these things at the same time.

I think that you're too immature and selfish to have a healthy, adult relationship. You seem to have no respect at all for your boyfriend as his own person, and some serious entitlement issues.

I suggest you start considering and respecting the wants and needs of someone other than yourself for once, before you get kicked to the curb and replaced with someone who is more reasonable and balanced.
 
mikumiku said:
He has told me he doesn't like mosh pits, it finds them silly and not fun. He can't go into mosh pits because he can't hurt his body. I just want him to go in with me, so he can make me happy by showing me he is having fun with me, being there by my side, I always see couples huggin together running in the mosh pits. Thats what I want. Or I see couples hugging right there in the front row, protecting each other, or together in the back or sides, thats what I want my Boyfriend and I to do, but yet he can't do that.
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Thank you for answering. It seems he genuinely hates mosh pits (as do plenty of people, it's not everyone's cup of tea getting sweaty with strangers and being knocked around and that's ok, everyone is different.). Without knowing more about your relationship and just going off this one post, it seems more like he just doesn't want to do something that you want to, not that he doesn't want to protect you or have fun with you or anything like that.).

Yes I like to feel loved and protected and do sometimes wish my husband would do more fun, spontaneous things, but things we BOTH enjoy, not just me.

I don't think you should put ANY weight on him not wanting to mosh as an indication of how much he cares for you. If you really like moshing it will have to be one of those things you do alone/with friends
 
mikumiku said:
He has told me he doesn't like mosh pits, it finds them silly and not fun. He can't go into mosh pits because he can't hurt his body. I just want him to go in with me, so he can make me happy by showing me he is having fun with me, being there by my side, I always see couples huggin together running in the mosh pits. Thats what I want. Or I see couples hugging right there in the front row, protecting each other, or together in the back or sides, thats what I want my Boyfriend and I to do, but yet he can't do that.
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Different to what you said earlier. You want to provoke him into fighting people who rough u up in a mosh pit. Thats what happens in mosh pits. If you cant handle yourself in that context, why are you even doing it? I think you are being immature and I feel sorry for your boyfriend. Why should he hurt himself or others to prove something to you? Its an unfair and childish requirement that you have.

Don't get me wrong, it is important for me that my girl feels safe but I would be furious if she started provoking people to prove my love for her. I don't need to hurt people to do that. I won't do that.

He doesn't like moshing- big fucking deal. I don't blame him. Sorry to sound harsh but this archaic, parochial issue you have is not going to lead to happines for you both. Let him be or leave him for some burly asshole that will happily beat people up, just don't pretend those dudes do that shit for altruistic reasons.

Good luck, I hope you understand what you are being told. No malice here, buy you deserve a reality check.

All the best :)
 
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