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To everyone that cared...

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,256
Location
Looking-Glass Land
I woke up today sober and soo tired. I'd like to thank you all. Your comments did make an impact because I know myself I went off the rails. So it's just my pain meds and maybe some k. But I lost 8lbs in 4 days. I can't do this to myself again. I tried Tina for the first time this week and that and PTSD DO NOT mix. Last night was a nightmare. I was seeing friends that passed away and just bad memories resurfacing. I usually have my flashback and horriable thoughts under control and that drug caused me to loose that control I have And it was bad enough living it. So doing something that brings it on is nonsense
I'm not the crying type but woke up in tears knowing what I was fojng to myself I can't do that anymore. I'll still take my pain meds but I highly doubt I'll go on any more binges Who knows what would happen if I did. Another day of reliving some of my past wouod kill me
I really appricate everything you all said and thank you
I'm contacting va this week and trying therapy again. I always went in head strong thinking no way someone who wasn't there can understand so I never gave them a chance. After everything people always said I was so strong and in my field showing weakness is not an option. So a lot of it was pride. I didn't want to be seen as weak. But obviously I need help. Not doing a good job myself
There is a peer support group for people like me I'm going to wedensday people who have been where I am so they understand
Again thank you. Even a few words to a stranger online can be tgat little push they need xx
 
Keep taking a proactive approach as that's how we change things for the better. If your reliving the past might be there are some things you have not worked through. Might want to stop trying new drugs until you are in a better place.
 
neversickanymore said:
Keep taking a proactive approach as that's how we change things for the better. If your reliving the past might be there are some things you have not worked through. Might want to stop trying new drugs until you are in a better place.
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I used drugs rugs to not deal with everything. Now I'm unumb. Everything is there like a fresh wound. I will NOT do that to myself again
i fought so much to make it back from overseas and don't seem logical to fight so hard to live to just slowly killing myself
the pain Ned's I need and I'm prescribed pot. But Tina gave me a wake up call. Up for days and the last one was flashback hell
noone with bad things in their heads or like me ptsd should go near a drug like that
 
I too have had some things that happened in my past that left a stain on my soul. Going to see a therapist was incredibly helpful. I stil have hard times, but now I know I have someone I can turn too that looks at things objectively.

Relapses happen. If you learn something from your relapse it is worth it, and it seems like you did.

I am in your corner and cheering you on. Keep at it and don't look back.
 
I'm proud of you. Its very empowering when you realize you have a problem and need help. I've been there, for so long I thought I could do it by myself but after countless failures I sought help and succeeded. The help is there, you sound willing to accept it and I believe in you. Therapy was a wonderful experience and I urge you to find a therapist that you can pour your heart out to. They're beautiful people who understand that just talking about things takes so much weight off your shoulders. You CAN do it, I promise you. Keep telling yourself that can't is not an option, good luck buddy :)
 
Sounds like you have found you need to go forward, not back to where all the pain is. This is absolutely the right direction. So now make some plans....
 
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