long time reader, first time poster- ice advice

[S.greenmann]

Im the slightly older girl going to buy meth off the young boys in the western suburbs. I standout and feel very misplaced yet simultaneous feel a since of belonging. I preach and instil my insightful knowledge on addiction and attempt to sprinkle awareness onto their life's.

i know my patterns, I know my triggers, I'm only but too aware of my cycle of addiction. All this knowledge, education and insight into addiction is somewhat a hinder to my recovery.

I'm able to hold down a full time job while using meth, well at least for the time being. Im no fool to the nature of addiction and its rapid decline.

I seek advice, opinions and perhaps an avenue of logic which I've perhaps so naively overlooked with my complicated analyse and over filled folders of recovery notes and strategies. The same folders that never seem to get a mention when the decision to score has been selected, the refresh buttons is blurred and the back button is nonexistent, the world goes black, the blinkers come on, I'm aware in that moment, although feel as though I'm on autopilot, I tell myself to turn the car around some times or look at my recovery quotes, but in that moment, all that mattered, just doesn't matter anymore. That 'hit' matters. And that is all.

 

[Drderms]

i worked full time and used meth friday until sunday for 2 years , so it is possible to hold down a fulltime job and not spend every last cent on meth , meth is more mind addiction not physical like heroin , so at the end of the day its totally upto you what you want to do with your addiction . i cant say do this or do that because im not in your shoes but meth addiction is really bad especially if your a girl with no income , most drug dealers are guys and you will most like catch alot of std's just for a hit , just my 2 cents . i use once in a blue moon once every 3 months and that keeps me incontrol . using meth more then once a week is not good IMO. good luck

 

[afriendoftina]

I know what you're going through I'm there too.

As my name would suggest, I'm pretty much a meth addict - I would be being kind to say I'm in control of it but I've learnt a lot about it and most of the time I am a smart user.

[Sidenote: It's strange that nowhere else seems to call it Tina, it's the total standard on the east London gay scene (the only scene I know).]

I LVE Tina, I just fucking LVE her - but don't ask me why because I literally have absolutely no idea whatsoever. I don't get like crazy high off it, I get a buzz and feel alert and that all my concerns in the world are focussed into one place and it's great for mixing with sex (but the chemsex scene is another addiction level altogether). But it's not like doing pills or whatever, someone described Tina as a satisfying high - kind of like an extreme form of cigarettes/nicotine. You're not sure why you like/NEED it but you do and when you get it, that accomplishment feels so great. I do get rushes from Tina but I usually need to do a blowback seesaw (where you swing the tina clouds between you and a partner back and forth in and out of each others lungs. You get more of the tina, a bigger hit and the asphyxiation intensifies the high ) or even better when your partner inhales amyl nitrates (poppers) or solvents first then you mix the two airs and it sends your off your fucking face (Fuck, I miss Tina).

People considering it for the first time, be VERY careful with Tina, she starts out with a puff here, a puff there and then she creeps up on you and takes hold of you and then you find yourself caught completely unawares by how much you need her to feel normal again and the binges - oh god, the thought of coming off it and sleeping scared the fucking shit out of me. I would binge until I collapsed usually balling with tears and screaming at my Beekeeper who is also like my closest friend and we have a real connection so I am literally always around the stuff and there's like pretty much no cost to it financially. But I had rarely done drugs until about 18 months ago when I started with meph then 11 months later I'm on quarter a gram a day, having 8 day binges and crashing in an emotional wreck rocking back and forth on your beekeeper's floor, stunned and speechless for hours unable to move or think and holding in your hand a lethal dose of Zopiclone that you prepared earlier, (all nicely purified, powdered, weighed and capsuled up and even decorated with a little RIP sign - thats the sort of boring mundane shit I do on Tina: craft projects, I once spent 12 hours decorating my blowback pipe), sores on your face, gaunt and skin to the bone. I didn't even recognise myself in the mirror. That's when I had the epiphany of Tina's hold on me and decided then and there to reduce.

I've still do it, but it has been cut back massively, its like two days a week - just at the weekend. But to avoid the Tina I am distracting myself with coke, ket, scripts and smoking like a chimney. And even then I'm still doing it, I heightened my hit the other day by taking 200mg of Phenyleprine. It worked yes, but I took half my face off trying to "get it all out" now I am confined to my room with sores all over my face. Beginners, DON'T PICK, but you will...everyone does. Just have a friend come get you if you've been in the bathroom too long or set a timer to jolt you out of what you are doing. I actually haven't successfully solved this side effect of T but will keep you posted

Tina's a beautiful thing but she has reduced me down to a shell of human - she'll tear you apart through malnutrition, paranoia, lack of sleep and worst of all, the picking. The goddamn picking. I have reduced massively but can tell I'm still addicted, I think about her so much.

I'd really like to hear about other people's relationship with this drug and how they manage it.

AFRIENDOFTINA

 

[Iceydamsel]

i worked full time and used meth friday until sunday for 2 years , so it is possible to hold down a fulltime job and not spend every last cent on meth , meth is more mind addiction not physical like heroin , so at the end of the day its totally upto you what you want to do with your addiction . i cant say do this or do that because im not in your shoes but meth addiction is really bad especially if your a girl with no income , most drug dealers are guys and you will most like catch alot of std's just for a hit , just my 2 cents . i use once in a blue moon once every 3 months and that keeps me incontrol . using meth more then once a week is not good IMO. good luck

I agree with this - it's completely mental. I think the main thing is not to be stupid enough to think you're the special person that addiction won't touch. Addiction can get its claws into anyone.

One thing I asked myself was why do I need to give it up completely? If I can control my use then why not have some and enjoy it. Since I have changed my mindset I've found my drug use very easy to control. I suppose in the same way I've dieted in the past or not drunk during the week. You just have to work out what works for you and make sure that drugs are not negatively impacting your life - ie, jobs, relationships, bank balance.

 

[Iceydamsel]

I know what you're going through I'm there too.

As my name would suggest, I'm pretty much a meth addict - I would be being kind to say I'm in control of it but I've learnt a lot about it and most of the time I am a smart user.

[Sidenote: It's strange that nowhere else seems to call it Tina, it's the total standard on the east London gay scene (the only scene I know).]

I LVE Tina, I just fucking LVE her - but don't ask me why because I literally have absolutely no idea whatsoever. I don't get like crazy high off it, I get a buzz and feel alert and that all my concerns in the world are focussed into one place and it's great for mixing with sex (but the chemsex scene is another addiction level altogether). But it's not like doing pills or whatever, someone described Tina as a satisfying high - kind of like an extreme form of cigarettes/nicotine. You're not sure why you like/NEED it but you do and when you get it, that accomplishment feels so great. I do get rushes from Tina but I usually need to do a blowback seesaw (where you swing the tina clouds between you and a partner back and forth in and out of each others lungs. You get more of the tina, a bigger hit and the asphyxiation intensifies the high ) or even better when your partner inhales amyl nitrates (poppers) or solvents first then you mix the two airs and it sends your off your fucking face (Fuck, I miss Tina).

People considering it for the first time, be VERY careful with Tina, she starts out with a puff here, a puff there and then she creeps up on you and takes hold of you and then you find yourself caught completely unawares by how much you need her to feel normal again and the binges - oh god, the thought of coming off it and sleeping scared the fucking shit out of me. I would binge until I collapsed usually balling with tears and screaming at my Beekeeper who is also like my closest friend and we have a real connection so I am literally always around the stuff and there's like pretty much no cost to it financially. But I had rarely done drugs until about 18 months ago when I started with meph then 11 months later I'm on quarter a gram a day, having 8 day binges and crashing in an emotional wreck rocking back and forth on your beekeeper's floor, stunned and speechless for hours unable to move or think and holding in your hand a lethal dose of Zopiclone that you prepared earlier, (all nicely purified, powdered, weighed and capsuled up and even decorated with a little RIP sign - thats the sort of boring mundane shit I do on Tina: craft projects, I once spent 12 hours decorating my blowback pipe), sores on your face, gaunt and skin to the bone. I didn't even recognise myself in the mirror. That's when I had the epiphany of Tina's hold on me and decided then and there to reduce.

I've still do it, but it has been cut back massively, its like two days a week - just at the weekend. But to avoid the Tina I am distracting myself with coke, ket, scripts and smoking like a chimney. And even then I'm still doing it, I heightened my hit the other day by taking 200mg of Phenyleprine. It worked yes, but I took half my face off trying to "get it all out" now I am confined to my room with sores all over my face. Beginners, DON'T PICK, but you will...everyone does. Just have a friend come get you if you've been in the bathroom too long or set a timer to jolt you out of what you are doing. I actually haven't successfully solved this side effect of T but will keep you posted

Tina's a beautiful thing but she has reduced me down to a shell of human - she'll tear you apart through malnutrition, paranoia, lack of sleep and worst of all, the picking. The goddamn picking. I have reduced massively but can tell I'm still addicted, I think about her so much.

I'd really like to hear about other people's relationship with this drug and how they manage it.

AFRIENDOFTINA

You have described my experiences pretty well too. I don't know why I like it... I just do. I find it a weird high to describe to people. It's not a rush it's just a sense of pure satisfaction and... contentment?!

And oh my God the PICKING. I am so bad for it as I have always been a picker before I even touched drugs. So I have to try very hard not to start or I just won't stop. I think I once sat in the bathroom for SIX HOURS. I have vowed never to do that again!