25 sober and things are looking up...

[RenneMaria]

Hey everyone! I'm sort of new...I used to post around here a lot on a different account a while back; but anyway, I'm 25 days sober from opiates and benzos and I'm feeling great, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well!

A little background: I'm 20 years old, I checked myself into rehab earlier last month. I wrecked my car on a cocktail of Morphine, Xanax, and soma...I'm shocked the drugs themselves didn't kill me, I was way over my usual dosages, anyway I walked away unscathed. (also shocking, the car was demolished) The police showed up and they ended up taking blood, the impact sobered me up briefly while they were interviewing me so I didn't really come off as intoxicated so they let me go home. I knew the blood test would come back positive and I'd be looking at a DUI and I also knew without a car I wouldn't be able to make the 45 minute drive to the city to cop again for a while and the withdrawals were going to be coming on soon. I decided I'd check myself into rehab (first time) because it would look good in the event I got charged with the DUI and I figured theyd probably get me on suboxone. I really didn't want to get sober if anything I figured it'd be a nice little vacation, I'd get my tolerance down and I'd go back out and start using in moderation or at best just quite opiates and benzos and continue to drink, smoke pot, use stims etc etc since none of those had ever really caused me the kind of headaches opiates did....little did I know that when I got out I'd have a completely different outlook on life

Long story short the highly recommended rehab center I was trying to get into couldn't take me in right away so I ended up detoxing in my own apartment for 6 days...6 awful days...

I got in on day 7, I spent about 12 days there, I met some of the most wonderful people I've ever come across, I did some serious self reflection/soul searching in there thanks to my amazing therapist who kicked my ass and didn't let me hide behind any bullshit, and I walked out of there a completely different man. I didn't think it was possible for a person to change on such a fundamental level so quickly but it happened to me.

Now I'm out and I've been going to AA meetings with all the awesome people I met in rehab (side note I don't necessarily agree with 100% of everything In the AA program but I think overall it's a really solid path for recovery). I'm working the steps, I'm learning to enjoy life sober, completely sober not just from my DOCs and it's all starting to come together. I'm doing things again that I completely pushed aside when I was using, things that I forgot how much I really enjoyed doing. I've got a solid group of new friends that are there for me day or night, fuck guys I forgot how good life is....and there's a girl...she's so intelligent, beautiful, funny...aright aright enough of that...


Well I've rambled on enough, I've probably bored all of you to death, I just wanted to share and I was excited to see that bluelight had a recovery forum, I missed that in my earlier ventures here haha.

I'll leave it at that for now, thanks guys!

 

[Chadd1]

Hi RennaMaria. I'm new here as well, it's truly heartwarming to see a young man getting it right.

 

[absent minded]

Wow! That is a great story. I'm really really glad that you were able to get something out of rehab - most rehab centers aren't so highly rated by their clients.

I'm also kinda curious - what kind of rehab program only lasts 12 days? In my experience most go for 25+ days..

Anyways, keep your head up, stay away from triggers.. enjoy sobriety

 

[ark9]

I really didn't want to get sober

or at best just quite opiates and benzos and continue to drink, smoke pot, use stims etc etc since none of those had ever really caused me the kind of headaches opiates did....little did I know that when I got out I'd have a completely different outlook on life

First - congrats, dude. Keep doin what you're doin.
I am also recently clean from opiates. I just have a question if you don't mind. What changed your feelings regarding recreational drug use (of non-opioids)?

 

[RenneMaria]

It was one of the higher rated rehab centers in the country and it just happened to be right in my back yard. I would've liked to stay a bit longer and yeah most people there were in for longer amounts of time but my insurance would only cover the 12 days, anything more and I'd be paying out of pocket which I just couldn't afford; I took what I could get you know. I guess I got pretty lucky that it was such a good place because I heard plenty of people there talking about shitty experiences they had at other places; being my first stint in rehab combined with my lack of seriousness going in it could have easily been a whole different story had I gone to a lesser institution.

But yeah thanks man, I appreciate it. I'm feeling good and I really feel that I've got this, I know every day won't be all peachy and shit but I've got some good tools in the toolbox now to work through all that shit without having to get high. This seems like a great little community, glad I found you guys!

 

[RenneMaria]

First - congrats, dude. Keep doin what you're doin.
I am also recently clean from opiates. I just have a question if you don't mind. What changed your feelings regarding recreational drug use (of non-opioids)?

Right on man!

Well let's see...basically I realized that I'd been using substances from a very early age for two major reasons; to ease my social anxiety/make me more sociable and as a means of escape from reality.

Since I started this at a very early age drugs became inseparable from my identity and since I was so young I really didn't give my own personality a chance to grow on its own merit, I had no real social skills. Drugs where my answer to everything.

So basically I feel like I'm at square one. I feel like I need to relearn all these things in a healthy, "normal" way. I just want to learn how to be content with life while I'm sober, yes I could smoke pot and drink every now and then and my life wouldn't fall apart but it also wouldn't really be benefitting me in an real way.

I'm not by any means saying this is how everyone should do it, I'm not even saying I won't have a few drinks or smoke a joint somewhere down the line, but that's going to have to be a long way down the road. I need to prove to myself that I can handle whatever life throws at me without having to inebriate myself.

Hope that sheds some light on my perspective!

 

[ark9]

I'm also kinda curious - what kind of rehab program only lasts 12 days? In my experience most go for 25+ days..

Maybe OP went to a detox?

The words 'rehab' and 'detox' are often used interchangeably. There's really only one difference between the two, IMO...

Generally I use 'detox' to describe a short-term, inpatient, medically-monitored program. I think of a 'rehab' as a long-term inpatient program (30 days & up). It may or may not begin with a medically-monitored detox. Unlike detox only, treatment programs such as these offer extended care.

Then there's out-patient programs. Ultimately, all of these are 'rehab'. Treatment of any kind is rehabilitation. It's just lingo.

My first inpatient experience was a detox. They told me 2 weeks (give or take), but due to insurance I only stayed for 3 days!(Granted, I was barely an addict back then.. had only been using for 3-4 months) Only went bc my mother found out I was using & freaked.. and I was a minor, so I didn't have much of a choice.

I did 40 days in rehab a year later.
These are my only experiences w/ inpatient facilities. Definitely liked rehab better. Detox felt like being in a hospital. (not bc I was sick. I'm talking setting) Though I can't say that's the case for all detoxes. It didn't help that there was only 3 other 'patients' on the unit. My friend, who also went to this detox, said the unit was full when he went. How weird.

Sorry for getting off topic!

 

[ark9]

Wow Renne - thanks for the insightful response
The same is true for me - I was 14 years old when I started smoking pot daily.

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Just one last bit of advice...be mindful where you're placing your happiness.
To place your happiness on something or someone outside of yourself is setting yourself up for failure. This is why relationships are generally frowned upon in early recovery. They can make people very vulnerable. They can also distract you from working on yourself.

Sooo please please please, just keep yourself in check! You come first. Staying clean comes first. Be honest with yourself, and with others. I suggest forming a relationship with a sponsor. Someone you admire, like, or connect with.

Sorry for the rant. I stress this bc I relapsed after 3 months (my longest stretch of clean time to date) because the relationship I was in took a turn for the worse. Typing that makes me feel so silly, but this is unfortunately common. It was a learning experience for sure. Prevent it by having a life outside of your gf. Having friends. Attend meetings regularly. And always, always work to better yourself.

This obviously takes time and work. Us humans (especially in the US) loveeee to form attachments to people and things. We are conditioned to do so. Well, I was.. my parents are clueless.
The good news is- we have the power to reverse these negative and destructive patterns.
It's called training your mind. Practice being the observer of your thoughts rather than BEING your thoughts. "Destroy negative thoughts when they first appear. That's when they're the weakest"

Ok I think I'm done rambling now....We got this!!!

 

[manboychef]

Congrats my man. Keep up the good work. I too started early and it does become a part of your identity. As time goes by you will learn to separate yourself from those feelings and realize you have so much more to offer people.

Just remember, it is true that in early recovery there is a pink cloud of motivation...be very wary of paws. It goes away and comes back.

ps. Kudos on the home detox. I have tried it so many times, and it took a very good detox and sixty two days of rehab for me to get my head on straight again.

 

[OxyWannaCracker]

Congrats! You're doing what I wish I was working on. Gonna be 25 in a few days and i just wanna get this off my back. Even moved states to get away, I found something within 5 days. I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut and not asked anyone. Oh well, I made my bed fucking with opiates the last 3-4 years now I gotta sleep in it. Hopefully one day soon I have a story like yours.