(~100 µg LSD & 4 MDMA caps & weed) - Semi Exp - Candyflip experience - DESTROYED ME

[kevin989]

(~100 µg LSD & 4 MDMA caps & weed) - Semi Exp - Candyflip experience - DESTROYED ME

Hey guys, hope this is the appropriate section in the forum for this, but i would like to share an experience that i feel i will never forget from a couple months back.
I will try to get the majority of my story in and put it in order but the day is abit of blur.

I had a music festival a couple of months ago and decided to change it up a little and try candyflipping, now before this i had already done lsd a couple of times in a controlled environment at a house and had no major issues from those experiences.
For the whole duration of the festival i had what i believe was about 100ug of pure lcd dropped in a sugar cube, along with 4 mdma capsules and some joints of weed.
I was excited for this experience, but at the same time nervous and unsure on how it was going to turn out.

The day started with some drinking before heading to the festival, where i then dropped my acid and first cap at the same time before arriving (i know, i fucked up the timing of a candyflip hard) , the rest of my mdma capsules along with the weed were getting taken in.
It was an extremely hot day which made the comeup even more intense than it already was, we sat down for what i believe was an hour or two, during this time i thought everything was going ok, at one point i called the guy up who i got the acid off as he was at the festival and met up with him while i was coming up, but when i ended up meeting him i basically said it was a false alarm and i was fine, and went back and met up with my mates.
By the way ill just put this here before i begin to share when stuff gets crazy, the remaining 3 mdma capsules i had, i have no idea the timing i took them, but by the end of the festival i had taken them all, id say i would have spaced each one out by a couple of hours.

So before heading to the first set to watch at one of the stages, me and a couple of friends decided to find a spot to pass around one or two of the joints, this was the worse idea ever, as soon as we had done smoking i knew that just intensified what i was feeling by 100, however i wasnt having any negative thoughts or feelings ... we then headed to the first set, once we got in a mosh and we were surrounded by people i believe this is when it all went downhill for the rest of the day , i was completely lost in my head and didnt even realise at the time, i was out of it! Now i cant remember if it was at this stage or at the next set we went to see, but i believe i got stuck in what is called the loop, i was continually hearing voices of people talking to/about me, this went on for the rest of the day until i calmed down when night came around, where it was happening but kinda fading at the same time, however if i got out of the mosh this would stop happening and then i would think that i am okay. This was seriously fucked up, the day was so confusing and full of paranoia, were there all these people looking at me and talking about me, or was it all in my head?

Multiple times throughout the day i also called the guy i got the acid off to meet up with him and get help, but everytime he answered the phone i would then tell him i was okay , and would have trouble getting any other words out. I would then get off the phone and then shit would just go crazy again.
Also just to quickly add here, during this whole experience i was not hallucinating at all... the trip was just full of confusion, thoughts, paranoia etc.

Anyway, i think thats enough to get the idea of how the experience went on the day, the reason i am posting here is because i am still fucked up from that day, which was about 5 months ago now, and i dont know what to do anymore.
I used to be an everyday smoker, i have now quit as weed was never the same for me after that experience, i guess because i smoked with the acid. If i smoked at home the highs would be shit and alot of the time i would think about the trip or have heaps of negative thoughts, and if i smoked around friends i wouldnt be able to chill and i would just had bad anxiety and think that they think im weird or that weed is affecting me differently now. by the way, i used to be a guy that could smoke as much as i want and still be able to function and do everyday things, my friends wouldnt even know if i was high half the time.
MDMA has never been the same for me since either, i didnt do it again until a month after the candyflip , where i did 1 capsule which went ok , but later on i took another 2 ecstasy pills and it felt like the same thing happened to me as the day of the festival. I was completely wiggin out
Have went on on to do mdma several times after that with ok experiences, but nothing like before my bad trip, until last weekend where i had another festival and took a couple of mdma capsules and after the 2nd one in i felt like i was back in my trip, my friend was with me all day as i believe he knew what was going on, but i basically sat down at the festival all day just wiggin out and did not dance at all, since then i have felt extremely depressed this week, my anxiety feels like i has gotten worse, i feel like i have PTSD which i thought was getting better but am now thinking about last weekend alot, just like how much i thought about the bad trip i had.

I dont know what to do anymore, i feel like i cant share this with any of my friends or family, i cant even follow or hold a conversation since this has happened , i was always a little shy sometimes while out in new environments, but i have never had anxiety like this before, im always feeling awkward and completely out of it even around my close family, and i feel like they think that somethings going on with me or that i have been acting weird, im getting so many different negative thoughts about myself and what people must think about me. After what happened last weekend now i have been considering going to a psychologist or psychiatrist, as im thinking thats the only thing that could help me, my parents have been asking me this week whats wrong with me and i havnt been saying anything, and its concerning them.
Im extremely worried after last weekend and am now worried that im going crazy and if im actually stuck in a trip.

I dont want anyone coming back with negative posts please, i know what i did was dumb, its one of the biggest regrets of my life, i think after last weekend i am giving up everything for a while, i was thinking of trying coke for the first time in a couple of weeks but am not sure if its a good idea and if it will just give me anxiety and shit feelings like mdma does now.

I have probably missed a fair bit, but if you guys have any reccomendations or questions, i will be sure to reply with any additional information, but i feel like i have gotten the main bits out. I hope most of it makes sense, i did kinda just chuck some bits in as i was typing and remembering stuff.

 

[DaLambsbread]

Exercise and eating healthy food and fruits and veggies is a great start - if you have any close friends that are willing to work out with you then that is even better. Also staying off the herb and even coffee should help you out - if you keep exercising and a healthy diet a habit then you will start noticing positive changes after 2 weeks - i also recommend warm lemon water first thing in the morning - 30 minutes before you eat. You will need to be tough but with exercise and good food you will be on track -- feeling and seeing major improvements - believe in yourself and bless up everyday mon - peace and love

 

[distortedglass]

It definitely gets better man, you just gotta stay sober for a while and let your brain balance out a bit. I had a similar situation where I took DXM one night after being fairly experienced with it for a while and ended up having a paranoia filled mess of a time. I had ridiculous anxiety for months afterwards but once I dropped all substances for a few months I ended up feeling much better. I definitely thought I was stuck in a perma-trip of some sort from it. Your mental health should definitely improve over time, just try not to overthink it as hard as that can be.

 

[kevin989]

Exercise and eating healthy food and fruits and veggies is a great start - if you have any close friends that are willing to work out with you then that is even better. Also staying off the herb and even coffee should help you out - if you keep exercising and a healthy diet a habit then you will start noticing positive changes after 2 weeks - i also recommend warm lemon water first thing in the morning - 30 minutes before you eat. You will need to be tough but with exercise and good food you will be on track -- feeling and seeing major improvements - believe in yourself and bless up everyday mon - peace and love

Thanks for the reply man, i have seen alot of people suggest exercise to people that have gone through similar experiences to myself, i might try and give this a go and at least start going on runs, as i pretty much do no exercise at all, and at work i am sitting down infront of a computer all day.

 

[kevin989]

It definitely gets better man, you just gotta stay sober for a while and let your brain balance out a bit. I had a similar situation where I took DXM one night after being fairly experienced with it for a while and ended up having a paranoia filled mess of a time. I had ridiculous anxiety for months afterwards but once I dropped all substances for a few months I ended up feeling much better. I definitely thought I was stuck in a perma-trip of some sort from it. Your mental health should definitely improve over time, just try not to overthink it as hard as that can be.

Thankyou for the reply dude Yeah i typically only use mdma and weed, ive only smoked a couple of times within past couple of months with below average experiences, im going to completely lay off it now for a long long time, and im going to try not to use mdma for a couple of months after last weekend, i have my birthday weekend coming up where i was planning to get super fucked up but i may just get some coke now and try that depending on how im feeling.

 

[Weltmeister]

This might sound counterintuitive but doing acid again might actually improve your situation but it can also make it worse. Maybe if you do it in nature around a beautiful landscape and with a few close friends youll have a good trip but its hard to say without knowing you personally.

You have to decide for yourself if its worth the risk. Whatever you do i hope you get better.

 

[Solipsis]

Just like other breakthrough therapies are not responsible to do without guidance before, during and after, doing acid again is inappropriate (in that it's risky like an unguided missile)...

For the time being avoiding all drugs is better. Sitting behind a PC is also my escape strategy (one of them), but that mostly pauses and pacifies stuff but solves nothing. I exercise every other day now (have been through lot of heavy shit) and it's helping.

Then some 'exposure' also helps to readjust you - not to overwhelm you of course, but gradually go into the world again so that you don't feel so afraid after a while.

I do plan on tripping again myself, at some point... but only when I have some more stable ground beneath my feet and support. It's supposed to be a tool in your healing, not a gamble to either fix or ruin even more. Often even if you do have insights and a breakthrough, in some way it often doesn't take complication away - answering questions but raising even more questions and confusion. That is doable when you're stable enough to do inquiries while leading your life responsibly and in health, but very tricky when you are not out of a crisis yet.

I've had a pretty long existential crisis - learned a lot in the end (or during), but it nearly ruined me - now what's ruining me is misfortunes..

Sorry you went through this, a lot of people are on the look out to trip balls - and preferably the ultimate balls. I've been through a phase personally when I called that as a verb 'fear and loathing', just going to challenging settings and taking way too much acid and other things. But I learned that this type of experimental thrillseeking carries many risks that are readily accepted, blinded - denying and underestimating.

I don't regret experimenting with drugs, I regret often not taking it easy.

 

[kevin989]

This might sound counterintuitive but doing acid again might actually improve your situation but it can also make it worse. Maybe if you do it in nature around a beautiful landscape and with a few close friends youll have a good trip but its hard to say without knowing you personally.

You have to decide for yourself if its worth the risk. Whatever you do i hope you get better.

This is something i have thought about however i dont think it is the ideal solution to my problem and i dont really want to do acid ever again, this whole experience has even turned me off from trying shrooms which i was eager to do for quite a while.
Besides, i only have 1 close friend that would do acid, and since he knows that i have been kinda messed up since my experience a couple of months back he believes its bad news now and doesnt want to go near it again .
If i went on and did it and it lead to me having a shit trip and i got worse after that i dont even know what i would do with myself.

 

[kevin989]

Just like other breakthrough therapies are not responsible to do without guidance before, during and after, doing acid again is inappropriate (in that it's risky like an unguided missile)...

For the time being avoiding all drugs is better. Sitting behind a PC is also my escape strategy (one of them), but that mostly pauses and pacifies stuff but solves nothing. I exercise every other day now (have been through lot of heavy shit) and it's helping.

Then some 'exposure' also helps to readjust you - not to overwhelm you of course, but gradually go into the world again so that you don't feel so afraid after a while.

Thanks for the reply solipsis
I think im going to try start going on runs and hopefully that helps my mind, and in regards with the exposure, i get what your saying... before this experience i had i would always look forward to going out and would have nothing short of a good time, now before everywhere i go im always feeling stressed and paranoid, and shitty anxiety, like i said previously, i always was a little shy around new people and in new places etc, but since this experience ive never had anxiety this bad in regards to when i go out and stuff

 

[Peacephrog1972]

FWIW it does sound like you have been taking MDMA pretty frequently which could for sure be a problem with the depression and freak outs.....you may want to take a minimum Of 8-9 months off of all drugs

 

[Xorkoth]

Yeah I was gonna say, it sounds like you're taking MDMA way too much. A lot of people have had really bad negative aftereffects when using it too frequently, because it releases serotonin (which depletes you) and causes dopapamine to be absorbed into the serotonin synapse which causes damage. Using it once every long while is pretty safe, because your body can replenish itself, but using it every weekend or even monthly is too much. I had an experience where I used MDMA frequently for about a month and it left me with a month of pretty severe depression and anxiety, and then it cleared up.

Like others have said, lay off the drugs until you feel better (you will start feeling better), adding more drugs is only going to make it take longer to feel better, and adding more MDMA will make it worse.

 

[kevin989]

Thanks for the reply guys, your right i am a frequent user of mdma, however before my experience a couple of months back i would never run into any issues with it and would be able to handle myself well on it and everytime i did it i had a great time, after what happened tho mdma just hasnt felt the same whenever i did it, just like how weed was ruined for me as well.
I completely understand what you guys are saying tho, and im going to have a couple of months off it now, i have my favourite music festival coming up in 2 months time and really hope i can do it then, but i dont want that ruined as well if i have another negative experience.

 

[kevin989]

Do you guys think it is work seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist, and maybe getting some medication to address some of the issues i am having, or is this something that i should try just beat on my own?

 

[mozaik0000]

Hey Kevin, the first thing that crossed my mind after reading your report is that you must find someone in real life to share this with. Ive been through similar bad trips, and it really helps to receive someones understanding and empathy, or a shoulder to cry on a little and get a good hug. Then theres a good chance you will even allow yourself to start laughing about what happened.
Laughing is great releaser, im sure you at least know a couple irresistibly hilarious stand up acts you could watch for example.

Whatever you do, please forget about doing coke, that stuff will leave you a jittery mess, believe me. Take your time with the weed also, it can really backflash you. And avoid cafeine in any form.
Youll get better fast if you respect yourself and communicate.

 

[distortedglass]

Yeah definitely don't touch coke if you're dealing with a lot of anxiety, it's gonna end up making it much worse. If you do go through with getting messed up on your birthday just try and be careful.

 

[DaLambsbread]

the blow might be fun while your on it but it will hurt you when its all said and done - moziak has a good point in talking to friends about the experience. If that is not possible and you feel in your heart that a therapist will be helpful then by all means give it a go. Everyone is different but in my experience it has been very helpful maintaining a sober lifestyle and exercising 3-5 days a week (ideally 4-5) and having a hobby or two. But yea going for runs are great and if there is a track near your living place you can do some interval training and sprints and stuff like that if you want to switch up the exercises - the endorphin stimulation will be great and should help you build you seratonin back - in due time you will feel better and be very proud of yourself - blessings and

 

[kevin989]

As hard as it will be i might have to try and just stick to alcohol for my birthday weekend then if coke is going to make me feel shitty, kinda sucks cause i was going to do it with a friend we have been meaning to try it for a while now. either way tho, ill definetly be staying off the M and weed.

 

[kevin989]

Hey Kevin, the first thing that crossed my mind after reading your report is that you must find someone in real life to share this with. Ive been through similar bad trips, and it really helps to receive someones understanding and empathy, or a shoulder to cry on a little and get a good hug. Then theres a good chance you will even allow yourself to start laughing about what happened.
Laughing is great releaser, im sure you at least know a couple irresistibly hilarious stand up acts you could watch for example.

Whatever you do, please forget about doing coke, that stuff will leave you a jittery mess, believe me. Take your time with the weed also, it can really backflash you. And avoid cafeine in any form.
Youll get better fast if you respect yourself and communicate.

Why avoid caffeine?

 

[Xorkoth]

Thanks for the reply guys, your right i am a frequent user of mdma, however before my experience a couple of months back i would never run into any issues with it and would be able to handle myself well on it and everytime i did it i had a great time, after what happened tho mdma just hasnt felt the same whenever i did it, just like how weed was ruined for me as well.
I completely understand what you guys are saying tho, and im going to have a couple of months off it now, i have my favourite music festival coming up in 2 months time and really hope i can do it then, but i dont want that ruined as well if i have another negative experience.

How long have you been a frequent user of MDMA? It will go fine for you at first but eventually you will become depleted and will need time to replenish/heal (that time has come for you now). MDMA can be a great drug but when overused it can be quite damaging. The longer it's overused, the greater the chance you'll experience what you're experiencing now.

Do you guys think it is work seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist, and maybe getting some medication to address some of the issues i am having, or is this something that i should try just beat on my own?

I would abstain from all drugs and wait a month. Exercise, and try to fill your days with things that bring you happiness. If after that month you don't feel any better, then I'd say if you feel called to it, talking to a therapist certainly couldn't hurt. I am wary of recommending to go on drugs for it, as I believe our own minds are capable of providing us with the best balance if we treat them right.

 

[kevin989]

How long have you been a frequent user of MDMA? It will go fine for you at first but eventually you will become depleted and will need time to replenish/heal (that time has come for you now). MDMA can be a great drug but when overused it can be quite damaging. The longer it's overused, the greater the chance you'll experience what you're experiencing now.


I would abstain from all drugs and wait a month. Exercise, and try to fill your days with things that bring you happiness. If after that month you don't feel any better, then I'd say if you feel called to it, talking to a therapist certainly couldn't hurt. I am wary of recommending to go on drugs for it, as I believe our own minds are capable of providing us with the best balance if we treat them right.

I have been a frequent user for just about a year now, but like i said i never got any negative feelings or effects from rolling before the bad candyflip experience, however you have made me open my eyes a little more on the situation, i just hope i havnt done any permanent damage

Definetly keen to try exercising out as i do believe it will help majorly, i just need to motivate myself to start.