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Xanax and benzos.. Can't stay off! Helppppp

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roryt10

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2016
Messages
2
Hi guys,

After reading threads on here hundreds of time for advice I decided to finally make an account and right my own thread. That being said, I thank anyone who can give me some guidance or help with my problem.

So basically for the last 10 years I've been addicted to opiates and benzos. First 3 yrs opiates, then got on suboxone for 3 years after I hit rock bottom. Doing 2 80mg OCs daily to feel "normal" subs saved my Life. I managed to taper off those after 3 years and was actually 100 % sober for nearly a year. I missed opiate high every day though like I'm sure anyone else in my shoes does. That's when I tried taking a xanax bar. Knocked me the F out but I loved it. Been on and off xanax and k pins for 3 years now, (practically always on). About 18 months ago I also rationalized I could control myseld and take opiates again. Yeah, right. Quickly went back to where I was and immediately got help and back on subs. Still am. All while taking bars.

My connections ran out and I had no. Bars, nothing around Christmas 2014. Day 3 off cold turkey,Taking 6-10mg/day of xanax basically 18 months straight)(lower doses in early months). I had a grand Mal seizure thst lasted 5 minutes on Xmas eve at my parents house right in front of them. My. Mom is a doctor and all I can say is God had to be looking out for me because I literally had just got to their home after a 2 hour drive. If that happened on the road I'd be dead.

So, I fessed up I was using. Got put on Lamictal to keep seizures at bay.. And went thru cold turkey w/D. You think nearly dying would make you quit. I thought so too. A week into it I relapsed again back to where I was. Was back on benzos an entire year. In September after picking 50 up I took a dab of weed (I never blaze) felt fine, drovehome then the dab hit me. Like a truck And I fell asleep at the wheel, luckily I had barley managed to pull over. DUI and felony for possession. Weirdly enough 5 months later I haven't been charged with anything yet.

Christmas 2015, my parents could tell I was not myself.. Forgetting things.. Etc. Called me. Out on it. And I finally realized all the bad shit that had happened was all related to me being on the bars. (there is more I won't get into).

Still on Lamictal for a solid year I was determined to quit when my connects ran out of course. I holed up 3 solid weeks and went thru every withdrawal you can find online except Lamictal kept me. From. Having seizures. Hands down worse than the worst opiate withdrawals I've ever had. I made it tho. I was 95% normal 3 weeks later. Made it 4 weeks sober. Then 2 weeks ago I'm w a friend who casually mentions he gets 60 k pins and doesn't take them. I couldn't resist. I asked for 8 0.5s. Took all at Once.. Then. The next Day my connect just happens to call Me cuz he owed me $300 for giving me fake bars by accident months back. " bro I got 60 legit ones for u for free" couldn't fucking say no. F***,**G IDIOT.

Been taking 3-8 bars daily (btw I pop them all at once, 1x a day) . I'll burn thru those 60 by Tuesday. I have 4 0.5 k pins I'm saving to "tape" with. 15days straight of using how bad will. My w/Dr be!? ??

I WANT TO QUIT SO BAD BUT I CAN'T GET AWAY.

Am I going to have the horrible withdrawals I just went through AGAIN or will they at least be not as bad.. Maybe just a week..?? Since it was a short stint. Not en entire year

Please weigh in. Thanks everyone
 
roryt10 said:
Hi guys,

After reading threads on here hundreds of time for advice I decided to finally make an account and right my own thread. That being said, I thank anyone who can give me some guidance or help with my problem.

So basically for the last 10 years I've been addicted to opiates and benzos. First 3 yrs opiates, then got on suboxone for 3 years after I hit rock bottom. Doing 2 80mg OCs daily to feel "normal" subs saved my Life. I managed to taper off those after 3 years and was actually 100 % sober for nearly a year. I missed opiate high every day though like I'm sure anyone else in my shoes does. That's when I tried taking a xanax bar. Knocked me the F out but I loved it. Been on and off xanax and k pins for 3 years now, (practically always on). About 18 months ago I also rationalized I could control myseld and take opiates again. Yeah, right. Quickly went back to where I was and immediately got help and back on subs. Still am. All while taking bars.

My connections ran out and I had no. Bars, nothing around Christmas 2014. Day 3 off cold turkey,Taking 6-10mg/day of xanax basically 18 months straight)(lower doses in early months). I had a grand Mal seizure thst lasted 5 minutes on Xmas eve at my parents house right in front of them. My. Mom is a doctor and all I can say is God had to be looking out for me because I literally had just got to their home after a 2 hour drive. If that happened on the road I'd be dead.

So, I fessed up I was using. Got put on Lamictal to keep seizures at bay.. And went thru cold turkey w/D. You think nearly dying would make you quit. I thought so too. A week into it I relapsed again back to where I was. Was back on benzos an entire year. In September after picking 50 up I took a dab of weed (I never blaze) felt fine, drovehome then the dab hit me. Like a truck And I fell asleep at the wheel, luckily I had barley managed to pull over. DUI and felony for possession. Weirdly enough 5 months later I haven't been charged with anything yet.

Christmas 2015, my parents could tell I was not myself.. Forgetting things.. Etc. Called me. Out on it. And I finally realized all the bad shit that had happened was all related to me being on the bars. (there is more I won't get into).

Still on Lamictal for a solid year I was determined to quit when my connects ran out of course. I holed up 3 solid weeks and went thru every withdrawal you can find online except Lamictal kept me. From. Having seizures. Hands down worse than the worst opiate withdrawals I've ever had. I made it tho. I was 95% normal 3 weeks later. Made it 4 weeks sober. Then 2 weeks ago I'm w a friend who casually mentions he gets 60 k pins and doesn't take them. I couldn't resist. I asked for 8 0.5s. Took all at Once.. Then. The next Day my connect just happens to call Me cuz he owed me $300 for giving me fake bars by accident months back. " bro I got 60 legit ones for u for free" couldn't fucking say no. F***,**G IDIOT.

Been taking 3-8 bars daily (btw I pop them all at once, 1x a day) . I'll burn thru those 60 by Tuesday. I have 4 0.5 k pins I'm saving to "tape" with. 15days straight of using how bad will. My w/Dr be!? ??

I WANT TO QUIT SO BAD BUT I CAN'T GET AWAY.

Am I going to have the horrible withdrawals I just went through AGAIN or will they at least be not as bad.. Maybe just a week..?? Since it was a short stint. Not en entire year

Please weigh in. Thanks everyone
Click to expand...
Each withdrawal tends to get worse, not better.

I've cold turkey'd off various Benzos & Opiates multiple times. Ending up in hospital on 2 occasions.

You really need to get some Diazepam (Valium) or another long acting Benzo and slowly taper, or else you could be in for big trouble, especially as you have a history of seizures during previous Benzo withdrawals.

If you can't get hold of any said Benzos then A&E is the place to go to be on the safe side.
 
You need to go to rehab. Like as long as your insurance will cover, and then move to a new city. If you can't do that you need to work some kind of recovery program. You have an addiction problem and it's not going to get better until you do something about it. If you've had such terrible consequences from benzos but can't stay quit you need to change something fundamental in your life. Also get a new cell phone number--the life you had is over, start fresh or you'll die soon enough.
 
Felonious Monk said:
You need to go to rehab. Like as long as your insurance will cover, and then move to a new city. If you can't do that you need to work some kind of recovery program. You have an addiction problem and it's not going to get better until you do something about it. If you've had such terrible consequences from benzos but can't stay quit you need to change something fundamental in your life. Also get a new cell phone number--the life you had is over, start fresh or you'll die soon enough.
Click to expand...

agree 100% with mr monk
no sense on asking for advice or us telling you what to do
you need to kick the addiction first before you can walk the road of recovery
maybe a detox then rehab? im sure there is gov funded options for rehab in your city just have to look
 
You say your parents are aware of your relapse right? Talk to them today. Don't wait! Your mom is a doctor and should be able to help get you into a hospital so you can detox safely. Those four .5 mg clonazepam will not help you taper. I agree with above posts, you really need to be into a rehab program. Left to your own devices, even if you were to get long acting benzos like valium you will end up abusing them. You can't do this on your own. Please ask for help.

(moving to Sober Living)
 
Ya, I would talk to your mom...You are taking high doses on a daily basis, which can lead to diaster if you don't have any as you found out on Christmas... I went through a benzo 'phase' of abusing them ( xanax was my benzo of choice, but klonopins would work to, also valium but would have to take soooo much...really any benzo,lol) But i'm at the point now where I feel like I don't need them to get buzzed up on daily, all the forgetting shit, the notorious benzo munchies which led me to gain some pounds, now I just try to take them when my anxiety gets really bad...having to quit them when your use to having them is so bad mentally...I get so deppressed, like no hope, worse than opiate w/d imo, because it just goes on and on. Now I just take them when my anxiety acts up, though I'm not perfect and will get buzzed on them occacionally with another gaba drug such as gabapentin or lyrica with my subs when I'm really bored. I get 30 1mg klons(not prescrbed though) which a few months ago I was getting like 50 klonopin 70 1mg xanax, and 10 bars or so in a month period...that's a guestamite. I decided I didn't wanna benzo habbit at all and just cut back because if I kept going like I was I woulda been hooked hooked 0n them...but as I said I do still take them for recreation every now and again, just not daily. But ask your mom for help! She's a doctor and am sure she would be glad ot help you!
 
^ benzodiazepines are becoming more and more unpleasant for me it seems. It used to be that I thought they were fairly "enjoyable feeling" (although I'd fall short of calling them euphoric or "recreational")...nowadays they just almost make feel depressed, though. I don't feel sad but I don't feel happy while on them, I just feel dead inside. While I'm on them I feel more or less completely emotionless and I don't care about anything, including myself.

Klonopin seems like it's the only one that I even like anymore.
 
Ya, I've been taking less and less honestly...I got bored with them and figured there best to take for there intended purposes(most of the time anyway)...the only way I get any enjoyable effects recreational wise off them is by taking another Gabageric such as Gabapentin or lyrica with them. First time in a long time tonight I've taken recreational doses of them, and it's enjoyable, but not worth getting hooked hooked on. And I can't deal with the week or two of not taking them after have been taking larger doses...I get unbeleibly deppresed and anxious when that happens, to the point of tears and just wanting to lay in bed all the time, chest pains from the anixety, not wanting to leave the house, barely able to talk to people at work...that's what made me stop eating xanax like it was candy all the time...
 
I would talk to your parents. Find a doctor that will give you a taper protocol and then give the tapering meds to your parents to dose you on the schedule. I had to do it this way. It helped quite a lot.

If you cannot do this, or do not trust your parents to be tough enough to watch you suffer a little each time you go down in dose, I would highly suggest you get yourself into a detox and then a long term rehab. This will take you away from the triggers and stress in your life that cause you to want to use.

The first stage is just stopping using. Anyone can do it. The hard part is understanding why you use, and getting to a place that you can say no. There is a lot of good advice here.

Stay strong and act on your desire to quit.
 
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