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Things never change.

LSDMDMA&AMP

LSDMDMA&AMP

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2010
Messages
12,827
Things never change for me. Whether or not I am on drugs, my life doesnt change. Drugs or not, i am a lonely loser with no life. Life hurts a lot. I dont ever feel good. I dont see anything good about myself. Noone sees anything in me, I dont matter to anyone. It hurts. I am so sad. I go through life being unloved. I get to watch everyone else/life pass me by and it hurts. I dont do anything for fun. I cant. I dont have anyone to do anything with. Noone cares about me. I feel so trapped. Theres no way out. Sometimes i just wish i had died from using. Sometimes i think about shooting myself. I guess i am not destined to ever be happy, nornal, liked, appreciated, etc.
 
There is someone for everyone. You just haven't found them yet. Put yourself out there. Go on some free sites and try to meet someone. No one will just come knock on your door.
 
What do u mean u cant do anything for fun. If you can walk and talk dont say you cant do anything fun. Start thinking positive and watch the change which will slowly stsrt occuring in your life. The negative mind is strong and will fight to keep you down in the cycle. The positive mind is stronger though. You can win. You will win
 
I do go for walks. Just being able to walk around alone isnt enough . I have no friends, no hobbies, noone to talk to, nothing. Theres nowhere to go and nothing to do, my parents wouldnt even take me to a NA meeting tonight. I have no love life, no friends, noone cares about me. I thought I had one person in my corner but it turns out that shes uncomfortable with being involved when it comes to me and my depression, and that really hurts
 
LSDMDMA&AMP said:
I do go for walks. Just being able to walk around alone isnt enough . I have no friends, no hobbies, noone to talk to, nothing. Theres nowhere to go and nothing to do, my parents wouldnt even take me to a NA meeting tonight. I have no love life, no friends, noone cares about me. I thought I had one person in my corner but it turns out that shes uncomfortable with being involved when it comes to me and my depression, and that really hurts
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I understand where u r coming from I have felt that way for along time I was in your exact same spot. Then I met someone who put up with my shit and all my issues now I wish I was alone again as I can't stand her and don't enjoy being a dad, sounds bad I know but it's the truth. I understand I don't get pleasure out of much. You have to just keep holding on and tread through the shit and eventually u come out of the pile. Trust me.
 
Ur not alone in having these feeling bro I can promise u that much...
 
Im in the same boat, however, i do get episodes of depression but they just turn to anger and me saying fuck everyone else and everything. And that right there is why i do drugs and exactly why i got into drugs in the first place. Was alone and angry. Still the same, havent changed yet and seemingly do not learn from my mistakes. Fuck it
 
The kind of self-driven loneliness you are experiencing is epidemic in modern culture so, ironically, you are not alone.:\ By self-driven I mean that this loneliness is created and reinforced every waking moment by self-judgment and self-hatred. This consumer culture benefits when you compare yourself to your inflated perception of others and find yourself wanting. You cannot truly love another person as a friend or a lover or even your own family when you are trapped in this state of self-loathing. Calling yourself a loser is the first thing that needs to change. I hope that you can turn and face these thoughts and find some strategies to begin to unravel everything that holds this soul-destroying trap in place. No one deserves to be hated by his or her self.

Once you were a child that could delight in the world regardless of how you looked, what you said, whether you produced anything or not, whether you were alone or with others. Try to work your way back to that person and find out what happened to destroy him. What messages did you take in from your school years? From parents and relatives? From social media? From the insidious world of advertising on everything from your cereal box to a beer commercial.

If you make it your goal to befriend yourself, to turn away from being your own worst enemy to accepting yourself, you will find yourself less alone. Where you are now is an extremely dangerous mindset and I hate to see you there. As trite as it may sound, loving yourself comes first. Some loneliness is always going to be a part of human experience, but the kind of emotional isolation that you are experiencing is neither healthy nor is it a given. It can be changed but only with intention and diligence. After all, it took years to build a negative self-image, so it will take time to undo those mental habits. The good news is that it usually doesn't take years to undo.

Be kind to yourself. Have empathy for your mistakes and don't gloss over your courage. I'm always available by PM if you ever need to talk.<3
 
^ A+ dude seriously.

Our modern culture is interesting in the fact posting and communicating here can give just enough contact to make one feel socially connected but there is no human to human contact makes it so all of that can disappear in the blink of an eye. This world does a good job at dismantling peoples self esteem especially in a society that places so much on the individual that once you lose your self confidence it can be hard to get back as , especially if your a male, the culture is one of "if you failed in life its YOUR fault and if your a guy you cant cry about it"

It took getting clean twice, was sober off suboxone for about a year and didnt get myself back, it was the second time i did. Couldnt explain it but i thought i lost myself too i thought i ruined all my potential, lord knows i tried with crack and heroin, but this time around i feel like the young me again. It took 12 months of methadone to get new friends and interests and about 6 months to rekindle my passions. Mind you this is the second time i got clean the first time i didnt learn shit. It will happen with time and effort and you will wonder why you questioned yourself and youll be glad you didnt die and got to see the other side.

It takes work and time but eventually you can fix it and be happy with yourself again.
 
As another poster said, how long have you been clean? I'm experiencing a lot of the same you are, OP. I once had friends and was very social. I was the life of the party. But my drug use turned me into a hobbit. I'd rather hang out with my drugs alone. When I chose to get sober, I felt disassociated and became even more of a hermit. Everyone stopped calling little by little and now it's just me,myself, and I. I blame myself, and I no longer enjoy the things I used to. I wanted to end it a few months ago but couldn't even do that because I thought it was too selfish. I knew if I killed myself like I wanted to that my mother would die too. It's a shitty feeling when you can't even end your own life. But I'm glad I didn't.

I used to be happy without drugs and I push on because I can get back there. You can too. It takes time, it takes patience, but we'll get there. Someone once told me "go get your life back, it's been waiting for you. "

PM me if you want to be miserable loners together :)
 
There's so many of us, it's just fuckin sad. It is ironic like herbivore said it's really ironic. I never really thought about the irony of it until herbie mentioned it. It's good we have a place like bluelight where we can all come together at least :)
 
I felt the same way when I got off Oxys, I had lost all my old sober friends while being an addict and then I lost all my drug friends getting clean. For me I got into weight lifting because of the buzz it gave me, plus I joined the Army where being a sarcastic asshole is an advantage. It took me about 6 months to get back to normal and not all depressed. If there's one thing the Army has taught me is how to deal with loss and how to be comfortable being alone, nothing will force you to learn about loss like seeing one of your friends get blown away by an IED and having to continue the 10hr mission like nothing happened. I feel like social media and smartphones have really ruined our society, when I was stationed in Germany from 2009 to 2012 no body over there really used their smartphones non stop like people here. Just take things day by day, excersize helps a lot and it does get better.
 
Just go through life thinking everything is shit and having 0 expectations or hope. Then you're always pleasantly surprised when things actually go well
 
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