Spiraling down

[Sapphiresun]

Well, it's finally time that I'm ready and want to get sober. My opiate addiction has blown out of control. I IV at least a bun a day of really good dope. Sometimes I'd even have half of a 100mg fet patch in my mouth as I was shooting dope. I want to be clean I really do.ive managed to get myself down to about 2/4 bags a day for only a couple days then had a miserable attempt at cold turkey after that.... In about 10 hrs I had gone into withdrawal. My 12hr point was unbearable. I barely made it to 24 hrs without having to do 2 bags. I didn't try to use anything to alleviate any withdrawal except for some really good pot and I don't smoke at all anymore so at first it was very helpful since I was super hi. I'm probably going to have to join a program/clinic I've all ready made the calls. But I'm so bummed about it cause I don't want to be ruled by anything and my withdrawals are so server I couldn't stand up on my own or anything. Is it realistic for me to get clean by tapering from heroin on my own ? I really did try but I had never experienced w/d so bad in my life until that night. I'm 25 and have been on and off heavy opiate usage for 9 yrs with a bad heroin IV habit for all most a yr.... As bad as it sounds doing a small shot made me feel normal, human again. I didn't get hi and I don't want to. I want this train wreck to end before it totally burns everything I have .... Am I just prolonging the withdrawals or will anything make this easier considering how fast I went into full blown w/d? I all most feel like I need to get my physical dependence lowered before I can go cold turkey... Please any thoughts ?!

 

[manboychef]

going to a clinic or sub doctor would be a good choice for you considering the amount and length of your habit. That way you can get your life on track again.

 

[Sapphiresun]

I was thinking the same thing. My physical dependence is just sooo high. I'm def ready to quit tho. I've been going to drug and alcohol therapy for about 5 months just learning about why I'm an addict and setting goals and boundaries and it does help me limit my drug usage but I'm ready to be free and with going to a clinic it's like I'm still addicted to setting but I'm just hopeful that my withdrawal will be a lot easier since I'll be tapering down. It's just got to the point of just being tired of having to get something to function. And looking at me honestly people would never know unless I got stuck in a binge or something. Even when I go to therapy or parole office ppl think I'm a probation officer lol. I've lost too many friends and I'm losing the love of my life cause of dope. I keep telling him I want to be clean but I need to go somewhere to help and he thinks that isn't me actually getting clean .... But I know taking an actual medication is much better than gripping shit on the streets..

 

[What was it?]

Well, it's finally time that I'm ready and want to get sober. My opiate addiction has blown out of control. I IV at least a bun a day of really good dope. Sometimes I'd even have half of a 100mg fet patch in my mouth as I was shooting dope. I want to be clean I really do.ive managed to get myself down to about 2/4 bags a day for only a couple days then had a miserable attempt at cold turkey after that.... In about 10 hrs I had gone into withdrawal. My 12hr point was unbearable. I barely made it to 24 hrs without having to do 2 bags. I didn't try to use anything to alleviate any withdrawal except for some really good pot and I don't smoke at all anymore so at first it was very helpful since I was super hi. I'm probably going to have to join a program/clinic I've all ready made the calls. But I'm so bummed about it cause I don't want to be ruled by anything and my withdrawals are so server I couldn't stand up on my own or anything. Is it realistic for me to get clean by tapering from heroin on my own ? I really did try but I had never experienced w/d so bad in my life until that night. I'm 25 and have been on and off heavy opiate usage for 9 yrs with a bad heroin IV habit for all most a yr.... As bad as it sounds doing a small shot made me feel normal, human again. I didn't get hi and I don't want to. I want this train wreck to end before it totally burns everything I have .... Am I just prolonging the withdrawals or will anything make this easier considering how fast I went into full blown w/d? I all most feel like I need to get my physical dependence lowered before I can go cold turkey... Please any thoughts ?!

I agree that's a big habit so slowly does it. Personally I was not able to transition to complete sobriety ever after heavy opiate use. Key is to find a way/medication/sub that makes it easier to stay off the opiates. Whatever that is. for me its the occasional benzo and dextroamphetamine pills. Definitely beats my $500 a day smack habit i had a while back.

 

[Sapphiresun]

First off Merry Christmas!!!! Right ... I've lowered my usage a lot but it's all most like having acute w/d cause I have anxiety don't sleep and when I do I have a lot of nightmares. I'm just not very pleasant to be around and I hate it... I'm hoping to get in a methadone program but there are waiting lists for all of them around here.

 

[What was it?]

Maybe ask a doctor if Lyrica plus a benzo is appropriate? For me, I just wanted off opiates at any cost. I'll take any substance before I touch that shit again. The mind-control and emotional-control of opiates is unparalleled. Once you are totally off you will be free.

 

[Sapphiresun]

I talked with my DA therapist and we think that going to a psychiatrist to get proper medication to help me successfully detox at home After I find a 7-10 day window I can escape from work and people. Honestly, subs really aren't an option because I'll be waiting for the dope to get out of my system before I can start and I go into w/d in 12 hrs and a little short of 24 is FULL blown w/d! Like the worst flu ever plus being a totally unbearable miserable bitch! I'll be shaking wiggling sweating can't breath since my nose is stuffed and actually from these weird sneezes... It's like hiccup sneezes they are intense and
sometimes don't finish and I'll have to catch my breath and of course serve body aches soo idk. I really don't want to take anything at all! And having troubles tapering my heroin use cause I get tempted to do it all rather than save it so it's not even working out as I've been trying that for a week. My next attempt which unfortunately can't be until after jan 11th due to the time I'll take to detox I'm planning on having seen a doctor for Xanax or whatever they think will help some pot and since I don't smoke it does help a lot

 

[What was it?]

Clonidine is another option often used in opiate detox your doctor might suggest. It helps with the sickness feeling of coming off. Have you ever tried that? omg, the sneeze attacks. I remember those. It's like your body takes over....reminds me of the Exorcist!!!