custard
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 20, 2010
- Messages
- 151
Hello fellow bluelighters.
Here I find myself again, exactly one year later – my final transition into sober living. To summarize – have struggled with addiction to various drugs for about the past 7 years of my life, and quit everything one year ago when I hit bottom. Stayed clean for 7 months, then started smoking pot at night again in the summer, to help with insomnia/anxiety. Since then I’ve been smoking nightly, but a bad and lingering cough was the final catalyst that pushed me to quit for the last time.
I’ve been clean for one week now. I am happy that I made the choice as I know it is what I needed to do, but goddamn I’m exhausted. I’m a mess. I’ve slept very poorly every night this week, I’m hungry all the time, muscle pain is coming back, cough refuses to quit, just generally feeling mentally and physically very shaky. I guess I thought quitting would be easier the second time around.. perhaps in some ways it was, but this rebound insomnia is killing me.
So I’m looking for help. Feeling pretty desperate. I should also specify that I’m not looking for sleeping pill suggestions, but more CBT type suggestions with insomnia. Things I can think about or say to myself to ease my mind when I’m lying there in the dark. The part I seem to be struggling most with right now is falling asleep. It’s easy for me to get sleepy and start drifting off by reading a book before bed or listening to a guided meditation… But as soon as I put the book/headphones down and turn off the light my mind wakes up, even if I was on the verge of sleep.
I sleep with a fan on to create white noise and block out sound, as some of my roommates tend to stay up late and make noise. With the fan on I can’t hear voices, but I do still notice footsteps and doors closing one floor below. Sometimes I think I even imagine the sounds because I’m on such high alert. And white noise has a way of making it easier to think you hear something that isn’t really there. When I was stoned I would easily just pass out, but now that I’m extra anxious and sleep deprived it’s like I’m hyper-attuned to sounds. And my mind then goes and visualizes my roommates partying downstairs, being loud and wide awake and stimulating – which of course makes me even more anxious .. even if it is simply just a couple of people watching tv and moving about the house.
I need to find a way of protecting myself and not being so sensitive to external energy floors away that I can’t see and can barely hear. I think the sounds also upset me more because they are coming from people, so I start to feel irrationally angry, as opposed to neutral sounds you might hear in nature.
This has gotten rather long… thankyou if you have read this far.. so to summarize any suggestion of something I can focus on or tell myself or visualize to ease my mind and stop this horrible cycle would be muchly appreciated. I'm not very concise at 4am but I hope this was clear enough. thankyou.
Here I find myself again, exactly one year later – my final transition into sober living. To summarize – have struggled with addiction to various drugs for about the past 7 years of my life, and quit everything one year ago when I hit bottom. Stayed clean for 7 months, then started smoking pot at night again in the summer, to help with insomnia/anxiety. Since then I’ve been smoking nightly, but a bad and lingering cough was the final catalyst that pushed me to quit for the last time.
I’ve been clean for one week now. I am happy that I made the choice as I know it is what I needed to do, but goddamn I’m exhausted. I’m a mess. I’ve slept very poorly every night this week, I’m hungry all the time, muscle pain is coming back, cough refuses to quit, just generally feeling mentally and physically very shaky. I guess I thought quitting would be easier the second time around.. perhaps in some ways it was, but this rebound insomnia is killing me.
So I’m looking for help. Feeling pretty desperate. I should also specify that I’m not looking for sleeping pill suggestions, but more CBT type suggestions with insomnia. Things I can think about or say to myself to ease my mind when I’m lying there in the dark. The part I seem to be struggling most with right now is falling asleep. It’s easy for me to get sleepy and start drifting off by reading a book before bed or listening to a guided meditation… But as soon as I put the book/headphones down and turn off the light my mind wakes up, even if I was on the verge of sleep.
I sleep with a fan on to create white noise and block out sound, as some of my roommates tend to stay up late and make noise. With the fan on I can’t hear voices, but I do still notice footsteps and doors closing one floor below. Sometimes I think I even imagine the sounds because I’m on such high alert. And white noise has a way of making it easier to think you hear something that isn’t really there. When I was stoned I would easily just pass out, but now that I’m extra anxious and sleep deprived it’s like I’m hyper-attuned to sounds. And my mind then goes and visualizes my roommates partying downstairs, being loud and wide awake and stimulating – which of course makes me even more anxious .. even if it is simply just a couple of people watching tv and moving about the house.
I need to find a way of protecting myself and not being so sensitive to external energy floors away that I can’t see and can barely hear. I think the sounds also upset me more because they are coming from people, so I start to feel irrationally angry, as opposed to neutral sounds you might hear in nature.
This has gotten rather long… thankyou if you have read this far.. so to summarize any suggestion of something I can focus on or tell myself or visualize to ease my mind and stop this horrible cycle would be muchly appreciated. I'm not very concise at 4am but I hope this was clear enough. thankyou.
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