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MDMA and MS?

Also I suppose to help fully round out a possible diagnosis. About a month before this I was on a pretty heavy course of antibiotics leading up to and after a wisdom tooth removal in August. It was a badly decayed tooth and I was in agony for a few weeks till I could get to the orthodontist. I was also taking a lot of ibuprofen. Throughout September I had a bit of digestive discomfort and distress but not a lot. But before I took the MDMA I'd been feeling relatively fine. I think the antibiotic was amoxicilin?

I don't know if this could play into it at all. One of my earliest symptoms after the MDMA was a massively bloated and painful stomach - I couldn't bend over at all, for about a week or two and terrible appetite. Then came the rest thereafter.
 
Some people are very into the whole "gut biome" thing, I'm not a huge fanatic of it but I do think the gut biome is important and a couple of the bacteria have been proven to make serotonin interestingly, so you could try some probiotics but probiotics only do so much. I would think about some yogurt that has decent cultures personally. I would also try 5-HTP in light of this antibiotic use and see how you react (95% of your serotonin is in your gut) and I do believe it is safe to take with a little Mirtazapine (a 30mg or less dose) I have taken it with Mirtazapine myself and it was fine. Fortunately Mirtazapine isn't a typical anti depressant so I wouldn't expect anything like serotonin syndrome.

I would say you likely have a classical neuropathy, very likely thoracic outlet syndrome with your anterior scalene compressing your facial nerves. I actually have this exact diagnosis. It is more common than doctors are aware of. Thoracic outlet syndrome is causing both my hand problems and my jaw/neck/head problems (the anterior scalene attaches right up into your jaw joint where your facial nerve exits essentially). I think this is a common diagnosis in people that have anxiety/chest breathing problems but doctors just aren't aware of it very much, sometimes medicine is just atrocious. And tests for TOS are hard to do (easier to diagnose if your arms go numb if you put them up over your head) but this is something that a physical therapist should be able to start addressing, a qualified massage therapist could work your scalenes as well and show you how to stretch them (though YouTube is a great source for self help in this area), just tell them you think you might have thoracic outlet syndrome.

I think you are physically (musculoskeletal/neuropathy) ill and a physical therapist would provide the most benefit, chronic pain/fibromyalgia/myofascial pain syndrome are big problems that seem related to MDMA abuse and if I were in you shoes I would be very weary of chronic pain. I think the inflammation from something like MDMA predisposes people to neuropathic pain so we need to do whatever we can to get your nerves free of mechanical irritation so they have a chance of calming down. Nerve inflammation really interferes with the nerves ability to send signals, I have a feeling that your nervous system is a little inflamed all over, your facial nerves could be extra inflamed from the prior dental problems as well and could be feeding into jaw pain. If you have musculoskeletal issues elsewhere I think MDMA has really kicked up inflammation in this areas where you had pre existing problems.

Exercise has been proven to reduce inflammation in the nervous system, I really think whatever level of cardio you can do could really help hit the reset button on your nervous system over time, it'll also help you keep from getting deconditioned (which I would also be very afraid of, if it hasn't happened already). Best of luck, I am an expert regarding TOS and physical therapy do if you ever have any questions fire away :)
 
Hola. My symptoms had been variable as ever last week but I had been feeling quite a bit better. My course of mirtazipine ran out last Thursday and then two days later everything seems to have flared up pretty shittily again. Shitty appetite, shitty sex drive, shitty stomach problems. Horrible if tolerable back ache and numbness.

I don't know whether to get another prescription or not. When the symptoms flare up again so badly like this, it always really depresses me. I automatically zap forward to seeing myself with a catheter and in a wheelchair barely being able to speak. I can't help it. I can deal with the continual up's and down's and relapses a little better but they still knock the wind out of my sails. I keep wanting to plan for the future in a positive light and then wham, nerve damage or neuropathy or whatever the fuck's wrong with me jumps back up to pulverise this hope for a better tomorrow into dust, almost like a response to it.

I don't quite get how some days I can be (relatively) fine, and others terrible, with no change in my life to facilitate it. I mean I'm glad, but the inconsistency is frustrating. Only thing that's changed bar ceasing the very low level of anti-depressants I was on was taking one small amount of over-the-counter painkillers for the first time since this flare up happened. I don't know what helps me or doesn't anymore. I just wish I could get some answers or something definitive.

I just don't know. It really fucking get's me down. I do my best to control the anxiety brought on by not knowing, it gets better every week but it still can't help but eat at me. I know coming on here and complaining doesn't help anyone, but it's the only place I can come to vent and have any hope of someone understanding. Venting genuinely does help me manage it.
 
It's 5am and I've been up 17 hours and I can't sleep.

That Mirtazapine and its wonderful sleeping pill side effect must have been masking the effects of this LTC more than I thought. I was starting to worry about literally drugging myself to sleep every night but god it was better than this.

I've never been this depressed before. I thought I knew what sadness or depression felt like, but this is the most intense I've ever felt it. Half the time I feel suicidal. Earlier just staring at the ceiling my body churning and vibrating and stinging and crackling with zaps and muscle weakness, I honestly thought 'If I actually just fucking slashed my wrists, would the doctors take me seriously when I say I'm really seriously ill? Is that what it would take to not laughingly dismiss my claims?'. Who the fuck even thinks like that? This is what I've been reduced too.

Laughing and smiling and trying to pretend my body isn't falling apart and that my mind and my dick and my stomach and every part of my body is healthy and functioning when they're all slowly failing.

How the hell did all this happen after taking one drug once? How is that remotely fair? I just want to be well or I want it to all just fucking stop. I can't take living like this any more for god's sake.

Thank you guys for your support and help and for providing me with a platform in times like this. This is the only place I can go to when I'm struggling like this, it really is.
 
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It's 5am and I've been up 17 hours and I can't sleep.

That Mirtazapine and its wonderful sleeping pill side effect must have been masking the effects of this LTC more than I thought. I was starting to worry about literally drugging myself to sleep every night but god it was better than this.

I've never been this depressed before. I thought I knew what sadness or depression felt like, but this is the most intense I've ever felt it. Half the time I feel suicidal. Earlier just staring at the ceiling my body churning and vibrating and stinging and crackling with zaps and muscle weakness, I honestly thought 'If I actually just fucking slashed my wrists, would the doctors take me seriously when I say I'm really seriously ill? Is that what it would take to not laughingly dismiss my claims?'. Who the fuck even thinks like that? This is what I've been reduced too.

Laughing and smiling and trying to pretend my body isn't falling apart and that my mind and my dick and my stomach and every part of my body is healthy and functioning when they're all slowly failing.

How the hell did all this happen after taking one drug once? How is that remotely fair? I just want to be well or I want it to all just fucking stop. I can't take living like this any more for god's sake.

Thank you guys for your support and help and for providing me with a platform in times like this. This is the only place I can go to when I'm struggling like this, it really is.
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hey man, i know exactly how u feel. feel free to pm me.
eat healthy, excercise everyday and be patient. it takes time but u will feel better. trust me i have been in ur place.
im now 4 months into this LTC and im much much better.
it also happend to me after one time of using mdma. and for sure its not fair. just give it time and focus on excercising everyday and eating healthy
u will feel much better mentally/physically and much more motivated. it cannot harm u, it can only heal u.
 
I'm sorry for everything youve been going through :( I really think you should get yourself into physical therapy and work on finding something that works for your sleep so you can recover and grow from the physical therapy better. Trazadone is worth a shot if you don't want to go back on Mirtazapine. A couple months into physical therapy I think you'll be feeling a lot better. It's incredible how important motion is to the entire body, GI tract included, it will also help your brain. Physical therapy for specifically the neuropathy aside cardio is so incredibly important to try for a couple months, it has endless benefits for the body. Depending on physical therapy's assessment you might need to see a specialist about your neck. Don't throw in the towel just yet, things will get better <3
 
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Hey guys, thanks for the words of support. It really genuinely means a lot. I've posted about it in a veiled way of my fb account and my friends were so worried about me they held a kind of mini-intervention. No one can really understand it.

What's worried me the most over the past week or so is I've been having the symptoms of Lhermitte's Sign. That crackling kind of electrical pain that goes down your spine and your arms when you bend your neck. It's gotten bad enough that it's waking me up again mid-sleep. When I eventually get to sleep, which takes forever.

This is apparently a super-common symptom of MS. It's also fairly common as a symptom from relatively sudden withdrawal from SSRI's which I've just done after about 6 weeks on them. I'm hoping it's the latter. Then I start checking and double-guessing myself. Classic OCD behaviour. I twist my neck suddenly and my spine fires off into sensation, then I have to try and mimic that incident and repeat it for certainty.

It's incidences like this which really scare me. New symptoms keep cropping up all of which correlate so badly with the disease it's hard to put it out of my head.

I mean, eye problems (though I've had that for years), stiffness and numbness in the mouth, poor appetite and bowel and digestive trouble , sexual dysfunction, tingling burning, numbness and muscle weakness over my whole body, this Lhermitte's sign, depressive and suicidal ideation and massively unstable mood, heart palpitations and more. It's like a diagnostic checklist of the disease.

Somedays I feel like I can take on the world, I go out and socialise in my own dorky way and for a time it feels like my symptoms aren't there, or are subdued. But it always rears it's ugly head again with a vengeance. I've actually made new friends lately. I get to feel normal for just a little while. I actually fear finding a partner again, cause it's kind of a dice role whether I have any sexual appetite or can even get an erection at all currently. Naturally feeling depressed, powerless and afraid doesn't exactly get your mojo running either.

Every time I seem to improve some other symptom manifests which knocks me back and puts a whole new level of doubt and fear into me. I am going to do a swimming class tomorrow to gently ease me into exercise properly. Get me out of the house, feel normal and part of the world. Ill go back my doctors soon and pretty much beg them for the appropriate tests. Make them take me seriously. I want closure. Then I'll look into the alternative treatments. I've had enough.
 
It can't be a coincidence though that I had terrible bowel and digestive problems at the start, and that most of your serotonin is in your gut, and having come off SSRI's I immediately struggle with appetite, mood and sleep troubles, and have certain digestive troubles - all symptoms which if not perfected were improved when I was on them.

Also apologies if this is idiotic, but, the night after I took the MDMA, it was that super blood moon. I was outside and had me head tilted vertically straight up for quite a long while. Is there even a minority chance I could have pinched or damaged a nerve during that process? Or at least added insult to injury from the drug incident the night before.
 
I really think you're having peripheral neuropathy issues and not a genuine demyelination disease like MS, your doctor should be all over a neck MRI for your neuropathy symptoms. You might need to get a new doc if they don't have the brains or care enough to connect pins and needles in the hands with a possible disc herniation and spinal stenosis. I would definitely consider finding a neurologist. I just turned 20 and I could probably serve you better than your doctor, that's a bad sign :p

By the way, when you woke up paralyzed that's called sleep paralysis, normally your brain paralyzes your body during REM sleep so you don't act out your dreams, sleep paralysis is when part of your brain is awake but your brain is still doing the sleep paralysis thing. It's not harmful or anything, I actually get it quite often sometimes and it does happen in healthy people just because of the way their brain does their sleep cycle, but it definitely is scary until you've had it enough to know what's going on.

If you have bad posture I absolutely recommend getting to a chiropractor and getting some physical therapy underway to build your postural muscles, this will help keep the pressure off your nerves as well as increase the space that your brain stem/cranial nerves have to come out of the base of your skull (your very top vertebrae is actually tucked up inside your brain, what's goes on posturally there is extremely important). I actually do think that looking up at the blood moon could have irritated your cranial nerves/craniocervical junction. Especially if you have forward head posture and you've been working a desk job and such.

Best of luck with the swimming! Expect to keep at it for a month or two before seeing a little improvement but you never know. The body is built to regenerate with motion. Try to see about a neck MRI with all your neuropathy symptoms. There is a chance a portion of the neuropathy symptoms are from your nerves not getting enough oxygen because of vasoconstriction (a serotonin antagonist like Mirtazapine would help with this) but you could also have something like myofascial pain syndrome, where the nerves are more easily compressed. A condition called thoracic outlet syndrome should be considered for your neuropathy if spinal stenosis and carpal tunnel/cubital tunnel/ulnar neuropathy have been ruled out with nerve conduction studies (which they should have done a long time ago if you're having neuropathy symptoms).

Either way I think cardio and exercise are going to be your savior, but massage, especially myofascial release (with a more experienced massage practitioner than say, Massage Envy) is great for neuropathy and figuring out what is causing your problems if you have a good enough masseuse. Lots of times in physical therapy your physical therapist will spend 30-45 minutes massaging you and doing trigger point therapy and such before they do the actual physical therapy with you, so doing physical therapy is a great way to get massages with someone who knows their stuff.

Best of luck, try the cardio for a couple months minimum!
 
Another night of no sleep :(. Cotcha, I know you place (understandably) a lot of emphasis on solid sleep as a founding principal of recovery or at least mediating symptoms. Do you think I should go back on the Mirtazipine again? I don't want to but I don't know how many more sleepless nights I can do before I crack.

My mum came into me lying in the dark with a totally flat expression on my face staring at the ceiling, and asked what was wrong and I just sort of broke down and explained all my fears and how I felt like it was all my fault and I've fucked my life forever. I think she's forgiven me for stupidly taking drugs now and is instead just concerned. Everyone is.

Tonight, my right leg feels numb and weak and twitchy, I still keep getting these damn neck/spine zaps, my stomachs like a churning pit and now my mouth feels all weird again. Sigh.
 
I probably just had the most savage panic attack of my life. My whole body squirmed and felt terrible and I still couldn't sleep, and then my stomach ached with pain and I just started hyperventilating. It was insanely intense I thought I was going to fucking die. I still don't feel right now. I'm so out of it and can't think straight. I had to cancel all my plans for today.

I'm yawning my head of but I literally, like physically can't sleep. My body just somehow lacks the ability to, I don't know, relax, switch off. Like a chemical that should be released to moderate sleep isn't. Friends want to do things with me this week, but I can't see how I can. I just want to be sedated and chill out in a room for a week with no social obligation or self to worry about.
 
This might have been a full on respiratory alkalosis panic attack especially if part of your body was going into spasm. Were you having muscle spasms and increased pins and needles, and a sort of lightheaded brain fog with pins and needles in the face and such? The most important thing in that situation is to BREATHE SLOW. People typically yawn because your brain is not getting enough oxygen, and respiratory alkalosis causes you to not get enough oxygen. It's counter intuitive how hyperventilating can deprive your cells of oxygen but trust me too much oxygen and not enough CO2 leads to your cells not being able to get any oxygen (because your body also needs CO2 to get oxygen into the cells). I think at this point you're having so many symptoms that are feeding back into each other, the main one I can stress the importance of from personal experience is chronic pain and neuropathy.

Not being able to get comfortable ruins sleep, it fragments it and the pain and stress fills your body with adrenaline and anxiety, and then the anxiety patterns stick. I know how it feels like you should be asleep because you feel absolutely fried but basically adrenaline is what's keeping you up. I can't stress enough how important sleep is, I'm sure you realize this by now. I really think if your doc has any brains at this point they will order a sleep study to rule out sleep apnea. Sleep apnea does cause sleep paralysis as well. There is also a connection between sleep apnea and MDMA (MDMA appears to cause obstructive sleep apnea), and yes skinny people do get it, I had it as a skinny young person myself because I had a deviated septum, and there is a connection between sleep apnea and neuropathy (and specifically thoracic outlet syndrome which might be contributing to your hand neuropathy, some thoracic outlet syndrome has been shown to get better when the sleep apnea is fixed). So a sleep study is very much in order to rule out sleep apnea. What's interesting is Mirtazapine is being investigated as a treatment for obstructive sleep apnea. Anyways, if I were you I would definitely go back on the Mirtazapine (if not Trazadone or low dose Seroquel). If you're in America and have a little money a new medication called Belsomra might be worth trying, it's nothing amazing and some people have bad reactions (at first I got increased sleep paralysis, though that went away) but it's not really addicting. If you ever get really suicidal and really need some sleep there is always Ambien extended release and Lunesta, combine that with Trazadone and you should be knocked out. Clonidine is definitely something you should try as well, and I would take it with extended release melatonin because Clonidine can mess with melatonin production (you should try extended release melatonin by itself anyways, it really helps some people after MDMA because MDMA seems to mess with melatonin)

I should mention at this point the chronic deconditioning is probably getting very real and lack of bloodflow is contributing to ALL of your symptoms. I really can't stress enough how important motion is for the body, and if done early enough in the day cardio has been shown to greatly increase sleep and smooth out sleep structure, and there are many many anecdotal reports of cardio helping with sleep. I know it's hard when you are injured and in pain to do cardio but at some point it might become worth it to bite the bullet and try it for a couple months and get the blood flowing: cardio tells the body to make new cells and regenerate the old ones. Being deconditioned will in general ruin your health but it will also ruin your sleep and make you prone to panic attacks and hyperventilation syndrome.

Most of your growth hormone is released during sleep so it's really important to get good sleep when you're trying to get the most out of exercising (and lack of sleep generally leads to deconditioning anyways). I would really view this time off of Mirtazapine is a little tolerance break, I would get back on the Mirtazapine and get a little sleep under your belt, the start digging into the cardio, mindfulness meditation with deep diaphragmatic breathing, and find a better doc! Massage and physical therapy should also be on your mind, mostly physical therapy. I can't stress enough how important it is to figure out where your neuropathy is coming from, it was a real chore for me to figure out where my neuropathy was coming from but it eventually turned out it was thoracic outlet syndrome.

The nerves to the arms/hands get pinched by the ribcage and breathing muscles and the nerves to the face can also get compressed by the breathing muscles in the neck that are called Scalenes, which currently I'm dealing with that and the resulting jaw problems from Scalenes because they attach up into your jaw area, which it sounds like you could be dealing with as well. This is common with people who have anxiety because of the breathing component. If I were you I would get some physical therapy and a neck MRI under way, if if seems your problems are from thoracic outlet syndrome then you should find a physical medicine doctor who can inject your scalenes with Botox so we can take the pressure off all your nerves for a bit. Many people report their jaw problems get better with scalene injections as well.

Anyways, we gotta get to the bottom of your physical pain, I think it's messing with your sleep and causing you anxiety. Take care of yourself, I hope you start to find some relief soon. Don't be afraid to take the Mirtazapine or stronger stuff like ambien once a week or on the day after you try to work out. It can help to know you have something on hand if you really need to sleep as well, or to know that you have something on hand to get some sleep after doing cardio so you get the most benefit from it.

Take care of yourself... <3
 
Afternoon people.

I've booked another appointment with my GP. It'll be the fourth one now, but it will be 10 weeks since I took the MDMA, so they must recognise I'm not fucking about by now. I'm going to plead my case and cry, beg and freaking scream if I have to. I also asked my therapist to refer me, she knows when I'm just being anxious and when I'm actually ill, we've been talking for the best part of half a year now, and she knows how much happier I've been when my physical symptoms have subsided and how seriously depressed I've been when they've re-emerged. Hopefully a professionals outside opinion will help me to get the help I need.

I got some over the counter sleeping meds for this debilitating insomnia. Short form, pack of 20, 'Extra Strength'. I think they helped last night. I'm scared of doing a Heath Ledger by accident but I'll try and be careful. I feel so much better with at least some sleep.

Stomach and appetite are still fucked. Feel sick and nauseous a lot. I can eat with some effort but it's not massively enjoyable. Yesterday I suddenly fell very ill, for like an hour or so. Had to lay on the couch with a feeling of coldness in my bones, like when someone has flu. Muscles were going spastic. Very often when trying to sleep or rest my limbs will just judder of their own accord, it's so odd.

What's most frustrating is my family's stubborn refusal to at least consider I've triggered an auto-immune disorder. I hope they're right and all my worst fears aren't founded but having been so ill for so long now I can't really fight it any more. I have to mentally prepare myself for the worst given such overwhelming evidence in its favour. I'm so beaten down by it, I don't care anymore, I just want definitive answers. If that MRI or whatever does come back with lesions on the brain then at least we know what we're dealing with and I can get medical and hopefully ultimately financial aid. If not, then I'll be relieved but also a new kind of stuck.

Naturally I'm scared and depressed and finding it hard to focus, my mind just keeps snapping back to the state I'm in. If I can suitably distract myself then my spine will zap with electricity or my leg will spasm or my arms will ache or my stomach will twist itself in two and remind me I'm fucked.

Too everyone else struggling with an LTC or whatever the fuck is happening to me, you have all my sympathies, I wouldn't wish this shit on my worst enemy.
 
I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion of a full on auto immune disorder like MS, I think you're having fasciculations/myoclonus (twitches/spasms) and they are really a sign of peripheral neuropathy but not a sign of a demyelination disease specifically like MS, more just regular neuropathy. Unfortunately these central nervous systems are very scary. Cardio is the best medicine for this sort of neuropathy, especially when associated with anxiety and breathing issues.

Anyways, I hope you can get a brain and neck MRI, if not to get a diagnosis just to rule the worst stuff out. If you get MS ruled out though I advise preparing yourself to face the music that you're having horrible musculoskeletal/peripheral nervous system problems and should begin the physical rehab. I think even if you have something like MS physical rehab is a must anyways.

Once again I must stress that you see a neurologist and not a GP. Best of luck, hope you feel better soon. Please consider the exercise if you can manage some swimming or something.
 
I have started trying to do half an hour of just walking a day, and a little weight training exercise. Build up to potentially heavier stuff. My legs keep feeling like they're going. This scares me, if losing my dick wasn't bad enough, now I might end up in a wheelchair.

I barely slept again last night, or the lightest, least consequential sleep anyway. Even with the meds. Worked relatively well the previous night but last night? Nah. Today I'm totally dead, no sex drive, can't get an erection, no appetite, can't really enjoy stuff. Don't know if this is mental or physical but I feel like shit. Oh well.

It is like my spine is damaged somehow, or the nerves. All the signals my body should be sending to me, to fuck and eat and sleep and you know, function, it isn't sending anymore, or they're compromised so badly. And some days it magically works..ish and others I'm a total blank. The inconsistency bugs me. I can't plan or really 'do' anything. If it's scarring, why can't it heal?

I can only probably see a neurologist having been referred by my GP, that's the problem. I don't know if it's different for you over there in the states but here in the UK that's kind of the system unless you go private which I cant afford to do really. Getting them to take you seriously when you have a prior history of anxiety is a fucking nightmare. I'm going, hopefully with my father tomorrow and stating my case.

There have been semi-miraculous stories of people making relative recoveries from MS. Or the periods of remittance being long and enduring ones. If I do have it, I hope that's the case, I hope, for once, I'm one of the lucky ones.
 
On a side note, a friend I'd chatted to online for years revealed to me she'd had Hashimoto's Disease for years. I'd never known. She was apparently unusually young to get it. Gave me some hope you can live with this shit even if I felt bad for her.
 
You'll be pleased to know Cotcha that hopefully next week I will be seeing a masseur. It's not physiotherapy but he should hopefully be able to see and help with anything obviously physically wrong in that regard at least, whilst I wait (hopefully, tomorrow pending) for an exam.
 
It is dispiriting. I'm sure this is it, I've got it. Reading hundreds of anecdotal reports and blogs and websites, how I've felt these past two months correlates so heavily with it. I'll be genuinely shocked if I don't have it or a similar condition.

I tried to deny it for so long. Pretend it was just the after effects of the MDMA taking a long time to work their way out of my system. Trucked on with my anti-depressants and so forth and tried to balance it out. But I can't ignore it any more.

It's slightly soul-crushing to be a virile, reasonably healthy and well built young man with something resembling a future one month to being essentially disabled with a degenerative disorder in such a short space of time. At twenty bastard seven.

The catastrophic shock and suicidal ideation is dying down now, and now I'm just mentally preparing myself for a life compromised even further. I spent most of my young life scared I'd succumb to some horrible illness, and now my dad has cancer and I have this. All my anxious fears have been realised.

Let's not fuck around here - I had very, very minor symptoms indicative of this before hand, but the MDMA use is what triggered this full blown explosion of illness off. And it was tested (eventually), genuine MDMA. I'm not saying it's a devil drug that will ruin lives, but it has mine, to some degree. Friend was fine, I wasn't. So it effects different people differently, like any drug I guess. But weed never did this to me, alcohol never did this to me. Only MDMA. It caused this horrible and probably permanent transformation, or accelerated a largely dormant one significantly.

And I'm fucking pissed that my natural fears were dismissed by my health care professionals, if being seen and diagnosed and treated earlier could have helped with some of my symptoms I'm going to be furious. But that's empty rage now, damage is done.

I'll have to redefine my life now. I've never had much success with women but try getting one with MS and a dick that takes minutes of encouragement and only half works at that most days, if at all. So I'll probably spend most of my life alone. Even more so. What hurts most is the guy who introduced me to this met someone shortly after we did it and is in a loving relationship now and I'm just fucked for life.

This is a guy whose done fucking DMT, and did so much bad acid once he forgot his own name and had to be rushed to A+E. Who took too many shitty protein pills when exercising once he couldn't shit right for a month. I do a little north of average dose of MDMA once, fucking once, and I get this shit. It's not remotely cunting fair.

Having largely abstained from anything for most of my life, I have one bad year, dip my toe into the pool of narcotics and its ruins my life. At least I'm not like one of those poor bloody kids who just straight up dies.
 
Let us know how tomorrow goes. I too feel that drugs have ruined my life from a young age, but we have to remind ourselves how fortunate we are to have lived at all, and like you said, we are not one of those kids that just dies. But we must do whatever is in our control to live healthily. I think for you exercise will be absoulutey essential and I still believe you could be having standard peripheral neuropathy and standard spine issues, mind you both are far from a walk in the park so don't think what you're experiencing is too severe to be explained by being really out of shape physically.

The musculoskeletal system and intertwined nervous system is a very complicated machine that needs to be kept well oiled, MDMA probably took the oil out of our machines. Physical therapy and exercise, especially cardio, can put some oil back in it. I wouldn't be surprised if you kept at the exercise thoroughly enough if your dick gets much much better, especially concerning pelvic floor exercises and cardio. If you're really worried about your dick I really recommend pelvic floor exercises, there are muscles that help your schlong fill with blood and if these muscles are deconditioned it's no good. Plus 65% of people who did pelvic floor exercises for 6 months saw a big improvement in their lower back pain. It's very likely related. Your not being able to get it up is very likely a musculoskeletal problem and not solely a mental thing though there might be that component. Cardio/motion is essential for your entire body and mind. Please don't throw in the towel without trying the physical therapy and cardio for a couple months minimum <3
 
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