New here.. need some advice! Sex life sucks :(

[hbhunny]

Hello! I just signed up today... I thought I'd sign up just for fun, and because my sex life sucks ass and I need advice. I have been with the same guy for five years.. I have A VERY HIGH sex drive, and I am always down to have sex and am very affectionate and adventurous. Our sex used to be so hot.. but he has become so boring. He doesn't want to have sex as much as I do, and when he does it lasts ten minutes and I don't get anything out of it. No foreplay, no fingerbanging, no licking, no orgasms, it just sucks. I don't mean to sound conceited or into myself but I know I can get men no problem, and have never had this issue ever in my life. I work hard on my body and got my boobs done 6 months ago. In my opinion, I look the best I ever have... I know it can't be he isn't attracted to me because I know he is.. but I really don't know what the hell is wrong with him? I find myself thinking about hooking up with other guys because he isn't satisfying me and sex is one of the most important things to me in a relationship. I have told him over and over again that I can't deal with this bullshit anymore, but I don't want to break up with him, I just want amazing sex again. What do I do? I don't want to cheat or hurt him but I need this to change!

 

[l33t]

You sound like me. What I did was to dump anyone sexually that wouldn't satisfy me sexually and keep them as friends and find new partners that share the same sex desires/drive. I am a person,though, that prefers to find new friends/partners ready for action than trying to make people change or put up with it. If I dont like something/someone its pretty easy for me to walk forward. I call this self-respect but many people will heavily disagree with me. Its ok, I understand.

Problem solved.

 

[iridescentblack]

You sound like me. What I did was to dump anyone sexually that wouldn't satisfy me sexually and keep them as friends and find new partners that share the same sex desires/drive. I am a person,though, that prefers to find new friends/partners ready for action than trying to make people change or put up with it. If I dont like something/someone its pretty easy for me to walk forward. I call this self-respect but many people will heavily disagree with me. Its ok, I understand.

Problem solved.

Amen

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Break up with him, and then date other people. Good luck.

 

[samnslumberland]

The more you bring it up with him, the more pressure you're putting on him to perform, and the less likely it'll be that you two can restore your sex life. If he isn't being receptive to your needs and is disregarding your talks, and you feel like you can't go through the same motions every day anymore, you should really consider going your separate ways.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

Are you the type of girl to initiate sex or are you one of the ones that waits for the man to initiate (every time)

I have to ask; how often do you try to get him worked up? I know you said there's no foreplay, but that's part of your job too.
One of the things that got me fed up with my ex was that I was always the one initiating (often turned down) and after several years it got tiresome.. that being said she was also overweight, abusive and boring in bed.. so begging for sex was so mot worth it.

Is this the only thing you really have an issue with regarding the relationship? Do you think there may be reasons for him to be losing interest in you ?

 

[llama112]

What does he say about this?

Have you initiated anything new?
Have you tried telling him what to do in bed? Some guys like that.

Have you considered going to something like a sex club to spice things up?
Have you tried new toys with each other?

 

[Meow1243]

I was in a relationship like this once but I was the one who didn't want to have sex as often as my partner did. During the honeymoon phase him and I fucked nearly every day, as the passion died down a bit so did the frequency of our intercourse (still about 2-3 times a week).

I was dealing with some stressful things in my life so that had a huge affect on my sex drive and coupled with the passion of the honeymoon phase dying down him and ended up having sex about once a week at that point. I think things would have picked up and gone back to normal (2-3 times a week) had he not been so pushy and demanding about sex. I ended up feeling as though sex was a chore and resented him for his pushiness.

The point I'm trying to make here is that maybe you're putting to much pressure on him to have sex so often. Although he may find you physically attractive that is not always enough. Like others have said though I would try to communicate to him in a level headed manner and see how things go, if there's no improvement then I think it's time to move on.

 

[CfZrx]

that being said she was also overweight, abusive and boring in bed.. so begging for sex was so mot worth it.

Lol, that sounds like a difficult part of your life

 

[hbhunny]

I always initiate the sex, and am always trying to touch on him and suck his dick. He is just boring, and I really have no idea why he would lose interest unless he wants someone else that isnt me who knows

 

[Meow1243]

Is everything else okay in your relationship? Do you guys still go out together? Make time for each other? Communicate well? Respect one another? It's easy for people to stop trying so hard to please their so once they've been together for a while. Ik that you're still trying when it comes to your appearance, but what about everything else? Are you still there for him emotionally? Do you think he is still happy with you aside from how you look? What about his mind set? Is he generally a happy person? Sometimes depression, anxiety, stress, etc. can really kill a person's sex drive.

Maybe he just never had a high sex drive to begin with, maybe he just put in all that effort in the beggining because he knew that's what you wanted, and now he's just grown too comfortable in the relationship and doesn't feel the need to do so anymore? There's so many variables that come into play here that it's hard to tell what the real problem is, couples therapy sounds like a good option here.

 

[wallywogs]

He is probably addicted to porn. Ask him.

 

[inyou]

1)...he might be getting it somewhere else...be prob got tired of hittin same box over and over...so he got something new...nothing like new pussy...
2)....u might not be doing something righr....get in the mans head...ans think like a man for a minute...do aomething crazy....lay on ur back on the bed with ur neck on the edge of the bed and let ur head drop...ans tell him..."come..
Fuck my mouth"


Just some crazy ideas

 

[John3five]

It's clear that the short answer is dump him. However with the years in the relationship, I wouldn't be so fast to act as such, specially if the overall relationship is fine... so with that in mind;

What does he say about this?

Have you initiated anything new?
Have you tried telling him what to do in bed? Some guys like that.

Have you considered going to something like a sex club to spice things up?
Have you tried new toys with each other?

Solid advice.

What I did was to dump anyone sexually that wouldn't satisfy me sexually.

I've also done that a few times. I strongly believe that two individuals have to relate on many levels to be together and one would be sexually (perhaps a top 3 even...). Well done on staying together for so many years, however dumping is, I'm afraid, an option. You would however also dump the rest of the guy and the relationship with him..

1)...he might be getting it somewhere else... [...]
2)....u might not be doing something righr....get in the mans head...

Definitely worth checking.

I also think "losing interest" is perhaps a precursor for something else. Clearly depending on age, there are testosterone levels that will change. Meds will also do that, "extreme" conditions at work, etc.

However perhaps he is simply no longer satisfied or interested. Clearly worth a good solid talk I'd say, potentially leading to action.

 

[socko]

Your sex drive is now higher than his. At the beginning, his was just as high. Something happened to lower his sex drive, but we don't know what. If you care about preserving the relationship, you might try to find out what it is.

It could be anything. Stress lowers sex drive. Is he doing ok in other aspects of life? Is he pressured about money or work or health? Maybe he's giving it all to other women. It could be porn or drugs. I notice your location is Huntington Beach. I've been to Huntington Beach - I had a job offer at a local pharmaceutical company. Nothign personal, but the women there were not my type. I was single and I got the fsck out. Yes I turned down a six figure job offer for that reason alone. Maybe he likes women who are more "earthy."

You could try a relationship councilor. Neither of you will be happy together if you don't solve the problem.

 

[RedRum OG]

Couple possibilities (in order of how likely/often this happens with guys) :

1) he jacks off a lot, and/or watches too much porn (very likely)
2) does he do drugs.? Street or prescribed? They can mess with libido
3) is he stressed or depressed? Rough time in his life? Dig deep and talk it out
4) maybe he has fetishes or interests he doesn't feel comfortable sharing
5) putting pressure on a guy to perform will destroy sex life. Kind of a catch 22
6) maybe he's gay or crushing on someone else (doubt it)

Try feeling these things out. Also, completely stop initiating sex or talking about it for a while .. Couple weeks, a month, and see if he says anything or tries to initiate.

Sometimes things just fizzle out. Happens in many long relationships. If you can't fix it, find someone else. Sex is clearly very important to you and there's nothing wrong with that, you will be very unhappy if you spend the rest of your life being sexually frustrated.

 

[BadHero]

I went through this situation quite recently with my partner. Let me take you back a few months

I shaved my head for a cancer charity. After losing my Godmother, I wanted to do something for a charity in her memory.
I did the shave in a pub with about 50 people watching. My partner walked out. He wouldn't come near me at all because of my hair. Our sex life literally nose-dived and burst into flames. He wouldn't even hug me.

I'm quite adventurous in the bedroom and my fella is quite vanilla. I have a high sex drive and he doesn't. From the word "GO", I was honest with him and told him fantasies, kinks, likes, dislikes, things I would try and things I wouldn't.

So when the physical contact stopped, I talked to him about it all. Then things started up again slowly but it was, as you said, no foreplay, in and out, done in 10, rolled off and went to sleep. Something still wasn't right so I wanted to talk about it again. This time, he went first. I told him that all I wanted was the truth. There would be no backlash and no repercussion if he said something to offend me. I wanted to know what was driving us apart.

It turned out to be something very simple.... The fault was with him. Since I had shaved my head, I was getting a lot more attention from both men and women. My partner knows I am bisexual but would never go behind his back with anyone. We agreed early on that if I had an itch that needed scratching with a woman, I had his blessing as long as he knew about it. He was so worried that I was going to leave him because he thought I was too good for him. He couldn't perform. He wanted to but there was so much self doubt that it wasn't happening.

You've made changes to your physical appearance. You're very confident and you know that you can click your fingers and get a cock to ride..... Do you have any idea how crushing that blow can be to someone who you say you love?

Don't throw away a relationship just because you're bored. In the nicest possible way, your confidence could be damaging his.

 

[John3five]

I went through this situation quite recently with my partner. Let me take you back a few months

I shaved my head for a cancer charity. After losing my Godmother, I wanted to do something for a charity in her memory.
I did the shave in a pub with about 50 people watching. My partner walked out. He wouldn't come near me at all because of my hair. Our sex life literally nose-dived and burst into flames. He wouldn't even hug me.

I'm quite adventurous in the bedroom and my fella is quite vanilla. I have a high sex drive and he doesn't. From the word "GO", I was honest with him and told him fantasies, kinks, likes, dislikes, things I would try and things I wouldn't.

So when the physical contact stopped, I talked to him about it all. Then things started up again slowly but it was, as you said, no foreplay, in and out, done in 10, rolled off and went to sleep. Something still wasn't right so I wanted to talk about it again. This time, he went first. I told him that all I wanted was the truth. There would be no backlash and no repercussion if he said something to offend me. I wanted to know what was driving us apart.

It turned out to be something very simple.... The fault was with him. Since I had shaved my head, I was getting a lot more attention from both men and women. My partner knows I am bisexual but would never go behind his back with anyone. We agreed early on that if I had an itch that needed scratching with a woman, I had his blessing as long as he knew about it. He was so worried that I was going to leave him because he thought I was too good for him. He couldn't perform. He wanted to but there was so much self doubt that it wasn't happening.

You've made changes to your physical appearance. You're very confident and you know that you can click your fingers and get a cock to ride..... Do you have any idea how crushing that blow can be to someone who you say you love?

Don't throw away a relationship just because you're bored. In the nicest possible way, your confidence could be damaging his.

Fucken. well. said.