Mental Health MUM has mental health issues, won't admit it. So do I but she won't accept it.

[Jabberwocky]

Well as the thread states mum has had mental health issues ever since I can remember. She's never been one to seek treatment as she thinks crying every day, blaming stuff on others and never herself then having random outbursts and abusing family is the way to live life. Fortunately I haven't taken this path, I have chosen to get help but in doing so I've gotten no support from mum or dad. To them mental health is foreign. Dad gets it but mum because she's in denial herself won't acknowledge it.

Any how I am 30, turning 31 and I am at a crossroads on what to do? She does nothing but compare me to other kids who are doing well. I get it they are achieving, they are buying a house, are getting married and I am not. I did finish my Masters though 4 years ago and since then have slumped into a constant depression coupled with ongoing anxiety. I drink like a skunk and take anti depressants, have gotten counselling for the last 15 years off an on with minimum effect. I am now semi jobless and can't hold down work as when I have bad episodes I literally do nothing for weeks and everything is a chore including waking up. I hide from the house and go to the library or to the pub. Folks don't know I haven't been working for over a year and refuse to hear bout my mental health issues. I moved out of the home a year and a bit ago and lived in my car for half a year and other peoples houses then mum begged me to return even though she booted me out of the home.

Today she does nothing but cry and work most days. Just putting me, my brother and dad down because she has no control over us. Any ounce of depression she feels, we are to blame. She never mentions her father who abused her all the time and beat her up and treated her like shit. It's just us who are to blame. According to her she is now embarrassed to leave the house as I don't own a house or am not married. I am from Eastern Europe originally and came to Australia at a young age however mum and dad still haven't let go of the cultural stigma. The people they hang out with, everything is a dick sizing competition about who's kid is doing what. Because she has no control like the other parents she's crying daily. My brother is now moving overseas temporarily with his young family and this is a problem because he didn't ask for permission.

Am at wit ends on what the fuck to do? I would move out but have no cash, am stuck in a lot of debt from a car accident I was in. Life ain't ideal and I'm trying to regain strength but getting belittled daily and treated like shit the second I walk into the door without saying a word whilst trying to repair things is not helping. Have copped mental, verbal and pyshical abuse my whole life from my mum who doesn't acknowledge she has mental health issues. My brother is about to disconnect from her at the age of 35 as he's finding it harder to tolerate. Fortunately he didn't get the mental health issues I've copped and has managed to build a good life for himself.

Any how thanks for listening and would welcome some ideas. Am considering going to a detox facility and going in my own direction in life as after moving back home I see I've done something wrong now.

 

[Listening]

Any how I am 30, turning 31 and I am at a crossroads on what to do? She does nothing but compare me to other kids who are doing well.

This says a lot. She compares you to other kids? But... you are a full grown adult. Your mother has treated you and continues to treat you like a child, and so you are still acting like one.

As for your title, "MUM has mental health issues, won't admit it. So do I but she won't accept it." Again, you are an adult. 1) It is not your place to try to convince your mother that she has mental health issues. She is old. That ship has sailed. It won't help you or her anyway. 2) She may never accept that you have issues; even if she did, how would this help you? It wouldn't, since she is one of the major causes of your issues. It is useless to try to convince her that you have problems. You need to focus on yourself and forget about your mother for a bit.

I appreciate your comment about funds, but there is clearly only one path forward: You need to move out on your own ASAP. If your mother takes up this much mental space in your life (you titled the post to be about her, instead of about you!), then it seems unlikely that you can overcome these issues in the same house has her. You also need to see a psychologist regularly.

Sorry you've had to go through all this, and sorry if I don't sound sympathetic. I feel for you, but if you truly want some change, then it's time you take your life into your own hands.

 

[paranoid android]

Sounds like my mom. She suffers from some form of mental disorder (my guess would be Bipolar disorder or similar) which has been made worse through the years by her various addictions including Xanax, Hydromorphone and Alcohol. She is the only person i have seen get really vicious and vindictive on Opiates as well as at times completely incoherent. Needless to say the Alcohol makes her even worse and she can't handle her booze at all. 3 or 4 drinks and she is pretty well drunk and anything will set her off. During her periods of sobriety she get's somewhat better but still exibits signs of mental illness which along with Alcoholism and drug addiction run in the family.

Before she moved out the other year leaving me and my dad here i spent the whole time walking on egg shells as you never knew what could set her off. I thought i was going to lose it completely to be honest. In the past when she was like this i would go crash at friends places as i never had a shortage of places to stay. Howver as i got older i lost alot of friends to them moving away, accidents, drug od's and the Prison system so this was not a luxury i had lately.

You can't make someone get help if they don't want it. I know that sounds harsh but trying to help someone who refuses help is like beating your head off a wall. I would suggest focusing on your own mental health care and other issues as well as getting out of your moms house.

Good luck you you and i hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I appreciate the advice guys.

I definitely need to stop being a child about this and get on with it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

This says a lot. She compares you to other kids? But... you are a full grown adult. Your mother has treated you and continues to treat you like a child, and so you are still acting like one.

As for your title, "MUM has mental health issues, won't admit it. So do I but she won't accept it." Again, you are an adult. 1) It is not your place to try to convince your mother that she has mental health issues. She is old. That ship has sailed. It won't help you or her anyway. 2) She may never accept that you have issues; even if she did, how would this help you? It wouldn't, since she is one of the major causes of your issues. It is useless to try to convince her that you have problems. You need to focus on yourself and forget about your mother for a bit.

I appreciate your comment about funds, but there is clearly only one path forward: You need to move out on your own ASAP. If your mother takes up this much mental space in your life (you titled the post to be about her, instead of about you!), then it seems unlikely that you can overcome these issues in the same house has her. You also need to see a psychologist regularly.

Sorry you've had to go through all this, and sorry if I don't sound sympathetic. I feel for you, but if you truly want some change, then it's time you take your life into your own hands.

Thanks for the advice. I admire that you were upfront as that's what I was looking to get out of the thread.

Have booked myself in to see my old psychologist again. Now to get off the booze and focus on work.

 

[xxixamxninjaxx]

I know the feeling man and completely understand. My dad got sick when I was ten and went from the best dad ever to an abusive one, he had a brain tumor and some of his brain was removed thus making him volatile. It fucked me up bad and my mom felt so bad she treated me like an angel when I needed to be reeled in. I got on drugs and never looked back because the pain and depression was so much. I am 29 and live in a basement I rent out and raise my son alone. I needed my mom to love me and guide me in the right direction. The thing is instead she babied me like a kid and I just rode the train for a decade. I mean money on command and 100 other things all when I cry like a bitch. Then my dad passed and it changed me for the better. I got off the pills and I told my mom you have to tell me no and I love you more than anyone on this earth but you are letting me kill myself. We had a LONG conversation about my dad and my childhood and hashed everything out. I now do things for myself and remain clean for me and my son and it feels good. You can still turn that corner man because I did. I'm not rich or successful but I'm living life for once and I'm happy. I hope you can do the same, we all battle some serious ass demons man you just got to take everyday one at a time.