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Dreams coming back to haunt me !!!!

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posttrip

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 22, 2015
Messages
13
I am a 23 year old injection drug user and have been since I was 16. It seems that i've been hooked on every drug that is injectable at least once. Ketamine and Heroin are my preferences but I have recently moved the a place where neither of these two are easily acquired. However COCAINE IS EVERYWHERE!

I met a girl with the same sort of history who offered me some coke in exchange for me to shoot her up. This continued for months before I started going slowly insane from shooting blow every single day.

Needless to say this turned sour pretty quickly and since I have decided to steer clear of drugs all together.

I have been clean and sober now for about three months since I met a really great boyfriend who is aware of my situation and encourages me to keep working towards recovery, BUT THE DREAAAAMMMMSSS!!

I get very realistic and intense lucid dreams about shooting coke that make me wake up with and itch to get high. These dreams have been so bad that that on one or two occasions I have snuck out of bed, called my dealer to come see me and spent all night getting high alone. When morning comes I have to look my boyfriend in the eye and try to act normal all while feeling completely self defeated and guilty for my impulsive decision.

I have never had a preference for this drug yet it keeps pulling on me like no other! Even just writing this post is making me nervous. Whats happening??
 
I haven't used in over three years and sometimes still have dreams where I'm getting ready to smoke crack. It would piss me off waking up but eventually I didn't crave it so much. I never iv'd coke but my sister does and it really messed her up. What you're experiencing is normal, I talked to other people who have them too. Sure dreams can be very triggering and you can't control them but you can control how you react so you won't relapse. First thing I would do is delete those numbers from your phone. Meetings can be helpful when you need support and can meet others going through the same.
 
The dreams are one aspect of the problem. The other is the incredible strength of these cravings. Its physical most times. I get nauseous and light headed just thinking about the euphoria after pushing the plunger. This has never happened with certain drugs that I have been even more addicted to. I wonder if it will ever go away?
 
Also " I never iv'd coke but my sister does and it really messed her up" -how so?
 
posttrip said:
Also " I never iv'd coke but my sister does and it really messed her up" -how so?
Click to expand...
Where do I start? about 16 years ago, my sister was working as a surgical nurse and was caught diverting narcotic prescriptions. So she was arrested and lost her job and nursing license. Back then, she was just snorting/smoking and her husband who is a successful attorney begged her to get into a program so she could appeal to the licensing board. Instead, she left him, kept getting arrested, went to jail and never worked again (besides prostituting) My sister started injecting coke living in a Miami ghetto with her boyfriend who had full blown aids so she ended up with hiv and hep c. I'm leaving a lot of stuff out because it's turning into a novel. She was featured in a that NatGeo program, Drugs Inc. if you want to stream the episode, "Miami Vices". It's her fluffy version and not the real truth though. :(
 
Guess I just looking for someone going through/has already been through these crippling cravings.
 
In recovery, they tell you to avoid triggers that will cause you to relapse- ie. people, places and things. Anything can be a trigger like driving down a street where I used to cop. Or a certain friend calls and wants to hang out. When so much of your past involved using drugs, it's hard to break out of those old patterns because you're so used to having "something". You have to think of a strategy of how you are going to cope when the cravings take hold. You had three months clean. What happened?
 
Burning a couple j's of high grade indica before bed will help kill off the dreams.
Beyond that, just clean living, and getting pleasure from life in other ways.
 
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