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GABAergic neurons dysfunction, or damage?

doubleheadedeagle

doubleheadedeagle

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I have had substance induced psychotic disorder last year, I am being treated with 300mg seroquel(quetiapine) 200mg depakine (valproate) and 10mg zolpidem for more than 9 months now, mentally I am very calm and my thoughts are well organized, but the problem begins with my inability to socialize ( I think that people think of me that I am weird)

Sometimes I abused zolpidem and ingested doses as high as 70-80mg and 26mg of xanax that for some people would make them unconscious for 3 days.
So I am a very hardcore sedative user and sometimes sedative naive.

I am in the last year of my local high school and feel very very uncomfortable around people and most of the time do awkward things like confusing greetings and some stupid things like this.
So I started using diazepam 75mg everyday but with little sedative effects, I would ingest 25 mg before going to school and other 50 mg in the school.
It helps me allot with anxiety but I am worried about my gabaergic neurons, because I don't get sedated at all.
Today I just ingested 25 mg diazepam 10 mg zolpidem and am about to drink bottle of red wine, maybe I would get sedated.

But I would really love if any of you that have pharmacological knowledge, tell me what is wrong with my neurons?
And has this happened to anybody else?
 
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PLEASE avoid the alcohol - that could end badly.

If you are taking a neuroleptic, it often causes anhedonia - the inability to take happiness.

The meds sound like a bipolar treatment and my advice to you is to take the Seroquil when you feel you need it. If the valporate is keeping your mood steady, you shouldn't even be on seroquel any more. Bad management. The fact your given so many GABAgenics also sounds like bad practice. Zolpidem in particular is known to make people do crazy stuff. Xanax is a much worse habit than H. If they suddenly took it away, you would be very ill. They should be swapping you to valium and very slowly reducing the dose.

I'm making a lot of assumptions here, but I'm worried that the mix means we might lose you - and that would be terrible.

I've been there so I know how bad it can get. No physical pain can match it. Just believe that it DOES get better and you will find your old, outgoing self is in there.
 
Sedatives aren't going to help you socialize, and in the long term will make your problems worse.

Your drug intake is actually extremely worrisome. Tolerance often does not occur uniformly to all drug effects, so you may not feel all that sedated but your body may still be very sensitive to drug-induced respiratory depression. Benzos seldom kill people by themselves, but they can be fatal in combination with other sedative drugs, and you seem to be mixing high doses with antipsychotics, valproic acid, zolpidem, and alcohol.
 
I had very awful problems in my life recently, and I do not want to go back to cannabis, as it induced my delusions and psychosis, I want to get a safe buzz, but the recommendation that I saw in different sites like here in bluelight, erowid and drugs-forum are very very small doses that I don't feel them at all.

As for tolerance I do not think that that is the case, because I only do zolpidem regularly the others once in a week sometimes 2 to 3 times.

Thank you all for your kind words.
 
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Well, I think we can all see you are blotting out something awful. I spent a year drinking 1.5l vodka/day to blot out what happened to me. It's only when I got sober & got to see a senior psychiatrist that I got well enough to carry on with my life. It took a year but all you do now is keep pushing it further ahead of yourself. The doses you mention are crazy and with alcohol could very well be fatal. It has to end. Getting the help is the hard part, once it begins, you will feel the benefits very soon.

Believe that you ARE worth it and get help. It sounds like someone has just piled you up with meds which are nowhere near as good as talking.
 
clubcard said:
Believe that you ARE worth it and get help. It sounds like someone has just piled you up with meds which are nowhere near as good as talking.
Click to expand...

I have been in treatment with a "professional" psychiatrist for almost 2 years now, but you are right my country is a fucked up state and people get their jobs without being really qualified, they warned me that if I quit taking my meds they will put me in an asylum and I have been there for 4 days and I almost lost my mind.
It is really hard to think of what to do, I am engulfed with hopelessness and the majority of my country are depressive and are post traumatic as the war just ended 15 years ago.

Shitty place, and shitty life to live.
As Clubcard mentioned I cannot feel happiness anymore, I am like a zombie and I am still a teenager.
I do not know what keeps me from doing suicide :( (Maybe because I have the ability to become a higher being and fulfill a certain mission) YEAH CRAZY TALK :|
 
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Well, at least you know why you no longer feel joy; and the answer to that problem.

Education was my way out. You need to figure where you are going, then all of the bad shit is just in your way - but the goal remains.

If your able to spot when you DO need the quietapine, then I can tell you, over 4 years of filling scripts, I've taken it for 4 months tops. Valporate is bad for the liver. I would ask if lamotragine is available. Lithium is the 'gold standard' but you have to be careful to stay hydrated and keep having blood tests. In SE USA where there is a lot of lithium in the water, suicides are fewer. 7up originally contained it.

You strike me as a smart guy - a little careful trial could help you find the best mental place the meds offer. I would have been suing anyone who gave me GABAgenics for so long. They stop working and you have a horrible habit.

I often considered suicide. I realized that my organs could save 5 lives (at least) but if you kill yourself, they cannot be used so those 5 people die anyway. That is what stopped me. I couldn't figure a way that my death could help others.

Just be sure to keep a diary. As you improve, you can look back and realize how far you have come.

I hope I have been a little help. All I ask is you keep off the alcohol. If cannabis sent you down this road, you better believe that the dirt-track of alcohol is a BAD detour!

I personally found that low-dose MDMA did help me but I cannot recommend that to others. For the first time in 5 years, I looked in the mirror and didn't hate myself.
 
From your posts doubleheadedeagle, I can feel, and empathize with your pain. I grew up in an abusive household and it left me scarred. I used opiates to help cope with my mental problems, and the abuse. It lead to nowhere good.

It took talking to a psychologist, and doing talk therapy along with prescriptions in order to lead a semi fulfilling life. You are young and have a lot to live for. I am 32 now, and I wasted lots of time being afraid and using drugs. You have a chance at true freedom.

Psychiatrists prescribed meds, psychologists offer therapy like cbt, emmersion therapy, or talk therapy. I would try to find a psychologist. One of the big things is to make sure you mesh well with them. Its hard to talk to someone you don't feel comfortable with, so hopefully you find one that cares enough about you to meet you on that level.

Good luck, you are in my prayers man.
 
Thank you very very much to all of you. You make me feel much better.

We live in a cruel world, and sometimes drugs can be an "escape". MDMA is hard to find here, cocaine is very expensive, weed makes me delusional and psychotic, so my only alternative is alcohol. (and I know all the evil that it has, cuz my father was an alcoholic abuser)

Beside the recreational ones, these horrible substances like seroquel make me like a zombie, my psychiatrist doesn't want to hear my concerns about seroquel as she says that those side effects are from your weed in your system, but it is been 7 months without smoking.
My sleep is completely messed up, sometimes I can not sleep at all even with very high doses of sedatives, sometimes I sleep more than 16 hours, sometimes I spend the night half asleep half awake.

I have learned to accept what happened to me in my past, but it is the present that is hunting me, (and the future as well).
 
I would ask your psychiatrist about temazepam for sleeping. If it is available to you it may help you sleep a lot better.

I was on zolpidem and I had similar problems with sleep. The temazepam works well, however I do need .5mg of xanax to get me to the stage where I can fall asleep. Night is the worst time for me, I am alone in my own thoughts and they tend to keep me awake, anxious and paranoid. Definitely see about temazepam instead of zolpidem.
 
manboychef said:
I would ask your psychiatrist about temazepam for sleeping.
Click to expand...
I asked a pharmacist that is a relative of mine, and he said that beside diazepam other benzos are extremely rare in every pharmacy here in my country.

and from the z-drugs here are available only zolpidem and zopiclone.

And if you stumble upon a pharmacy that do have stronger benzodiazepines, it is more easy to get trodone than any strong sedative.
 
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Man why don't you try something outside of drugs for recreation? You said you are drinking because it's the only alternative but you could try stuff other than drugs to have fun.

Cocaine is totally not worth it BTW, no matter the quality.

You can try reading, riding a bike, drawing, cooking, writing or learning about a subject that interests you. It sucks a lot in the beginning if you're used to mindless fun of being high but it's worth it, and won't hurt to try.

Stay safe
 
Neurotic
Man I do not remember when I had fun, I use drugs as an escape, but I found that they aren't, I started drinking just recently and it makes me forget those things that trouble me. I know for sure that tolerance will grow and I will have to stop using it, but unfortunately nothing gives me joy. ITS F*C*ED UP MAN
 
It is never a good idea to mask your feelings with substances. This is the leading cause of addiction/addictive tendencies.

I had some horrible things happen to me in my childhood, then in my mid twenties. I had quit using opiates in my early twenties, but the event that happened when I was twenty six brought it all back and I just started using to help cope.

Develop some coping skills my friend. It is hard, but will save your ass in the long run. PM if you want some help with a few that I use.
 
I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a hell of a fucking time Eagle and I'm sorry that they've loaded you up on so many drugs when therapy and meditation can help so much more long term with no side effects and dependency. I think that GABA drugs can definitely cause depression, they stop all brain cells from firing, "happy brain cells" included. They can definitely take you down a couple IQ points, I definitely wouldn't judge your own personality and hate yourself for who you are until you can get off drugs for a long time and let things normalize. Between the Valproate (which can really mess with your mood/hormones) and the Seroquel those two can really mess with you. I would highly recommend exercising as much as you can in a regular routine, specifically cardio/aerobic running and so forth. This can help your sleep and your mood, but mainly release hormones that tell your brain to grow new brain cells in the best of places.

There was an experiment done where they put rats in metal cages, then turned a light on and after the light turned on they would shock them. The rats learned to associate the light with the shock so eventually just turning on only the light was torture for them. They gave the rats a break from the light for a month or two, they had one group of rats run lots on a wheel (which helps create new memories and form new brain cells/connections) and they had another group just sit around. After a month they brought them back into the cage and turned the light on to measure their response, the group that ran a lot and grew new brain cells/memories was barely affected while the group that did not do cardio remembered the light very well and their fear of it never went extinct because they didn't grow new memories as well. I high recommend cardio. Something like 20-30 minutes 3-4 times a week would be amazing and I think you would feel less horrible about yourself if you were working towards something positive like that and it will help your entire brain and central nervous system as well.

You are still young and developing your full brain and all that jazz so I hope you can stick out until brighter days, you seem very intelligent and one day when you get through all this shit you will have a leg up on everybody else for having made it through in one piece. Goodluck with your education I hope you can find something you are actually interested in doing, you seem very intelligent though. Those drugs are serious though and I wish you luck in chasing sobriety down the road if that's what you wish. I know its tricky using psychedelics with mental illness in my personal experience it can make schizophrenia a little worse depending on the drug, but something like mushrooms could possibly help if used in the right context when you are more drug free, specifically free from Seroquel. I was on 300mg once too and boy I'm glad I got off of it. A low dose like 25mg can help some with sleep but the higher dosages are a different game. But psychedelics do help some people, a little MDMA can help too but can mess people up sometimes especially if you don't get pure stuff and it sounds like you're not in the best of places for getting quality psychedelics.

Ultimately cardio and mindful meditation, trying to quiet the voice and noise in your head is what I recommend most, and I do hope you can find a decent therapist that will hear you out. Your sleep is extremely important and meditation will be the main thing that will help with that although running will help with sleep too, unfortunately all the drugs you're dependent on really mess with your sleep and can stop your brain from doing the deepest and most important brain sleep REM sleep. I would recommend a very slow taper if you wish to stop them.
I wish you all the luck in the world man, message me if you ever have any questions or anything <3
 
mindful meditation is awesome. Had a counselor in rehab lead us in mindful meditation exercises. It really helped me come to grips with a few things in my life.
 
Thank you all, especially Cotcha Yankinov I think that you have experienced what I have gone through and you feel me, I do meditation from time to time but I have difficulties making it a habit, but now I will take it more seriously.


 
I took benzodiazepines for ~9 years since I was 14. Quit benzodiazepines and GABAergics like zolpidem as fast as you can. I managed to quit methadone, I managed to quit benzodiazepines, but now I have no interest in life whatsoever. I fucked up my studies and I know I could have been anyone I wanted now if it hadn't been for stuffing myself with drugs for years, I'm 25 now, lonely, studying with people who just finished high school and are having the time of their lives, stuck on Suboxone that I loathe but feel too tired to drop, pretending to be normal... I was just like you at the very beginning of my problems, feeling uncomfortable around people, not wanting to socialize, then I got hooked on benzodiazepines, then codeine, then morphine, then heroin. None ever made me a sociable or fancy person, just sucked life out of me, no chemical will help me now and I can't help myself either. I'm certainly not the right person to give you advice how to fix your problems, but I certainly feel obliged to inform you drugs will only make your problems worse at best and ruin you completely at worst. If you dull your negative emotions, you also prevent yourself from feeling any positive emotions, in the end you either can't feel anything or all the feelings that you hid deep inside yourself suddenly come to voice and they're so powerful you can't control them. Interpersonal bonds and relationships are deep emotional stuff and indispensable element of life, I don't know what's wrong with this world but most people fuck around as if they didn't know that pretending that their actions have no impact on other people or they really do not know, but if you're a sensitive person making decisions based on feelings, you're well aware of it. You should look into the roots of your emotional problems the moment you realize you have them.
 
theres a good chance that Honokiol might help restore your Gaba neurons if they are indeed damaged.
 
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