Deep, Dark depression after ketamine

[psynce of sound]

I've just finally got my hands on some ketamine. A favourite of mine from years ago.
After enjoying a most pleasant few days I've been hit with a depression so deep it's scaring me. I've created a fool proof suicide plan in my head. I'm scared this depression will rob me of my senses and I'll carry it out.

I don't know where to turn to. The nhs has failed me time and time again.

 

[PaulyF]

I've just finally got my hands on some ketamine. A favourite of mine from years ago.
After enjoying a most pleasant few days I've been hit with a depression so deep it's scaring me. I've created a fool proof suicide plan in my head. I'm scared this depression will rob me of my senses and I'll carry it out.

I don't know where to turn to. The nhs has failed me time and time again.

Go to the emergency room. You will be glad you did. I regret all the times I have come close to committing suicide and you will too. I have never heard of ketamine making depression worse after it wears off. Is something else going on? Have you quit taking any other meds?
It may sound fake but... I love you. I really do. Be good to yourself.

 

[psynce of sound]

I've been taken off olanzapine annd mirtazapine.

Just an update.
I found it near impossible to raise myself from bed. I've been unable to stop crying since waking. I have such vivid dreams where I feel no pain and no anguish. It's waking from these that's doing it. I don't know how many times I can have those feelings torn from each time i wake. I don't know how much more I can face a 'reality' where I can only feel love in my dreams and happiness in intoxication.

 

[psynce of sound]

Go to the emergency room. You will be glad you did. I regret all the times I have come close to committing suicide and you will too. I have never heard of ketamine making depression worse after it wears off. Is something else going on? Have you quit taking any other meds?
It may sound fake but... I love you. I really do. Be good to yourself.

I have done numerous times in the past with the same condescension and none existent after care.
Thank you for listening and I appreciate the love.

 

[Mysterie]

when were you taken off olanzapine and mirtazapine? how come?

have you thought of keeping a dream journal, writing down everything your remember from your dream upon waking? that could help to ease you back into reality in a more grounded way.

if you really feel the k set off this bout of deep depression, it could be worth taking it easy for a while.. the feeling of complete hopelessness/devastation will pass with time. it is feeling that its never going to end which can make it seem unbearable.

stay strong, i think you are smart enough to find another way out of needless suffering rather than just ending the physical body.

 

[psynce of sound]

I was taken off as a kind of last resort. It was about a month or two ago. There was nothing more they were willing to prescribe me and what they would either made me crazy or didn't work.
I've been told that a lot and really should. It's difficult to do though because my mind and body wake in differing ways. Almost as if a part(s) of me are still in the other world.

 

[herbavore]

I think when the running away ceases to work even temporarily that it is a sure sign that it has become crucial to enter more deeply into whatever is at the root of this despair. By 'at the root' I do not mean to imply that it is one single thing, one simple explanation or event from the past. Perhaps it is perception that needs clearing up, or a creative harmony between your nature and the outside world. Anything is possible but one thing is for sure--when you feel the only way out of misery is to die, to kill your self, it is time to change direction and try something very, very different. Your life as you are living it is what needs to die but your young body and young mind and true spirit do not want to die! Pretend for one instant that you are a witness to yourself, a friend and someone with both sympathy and empathy for what you are struggling with. Would you advise death to this person or would you try to gently encourage a faith that peace is out there, just temporarily out of view.

Melancholy and sadness are a part of life--a very beautiful part of life except when they dominate our every waking moment, or at least enough of them that we can't breathe. Can you describe what you feel? Is it personal (discomfort with who you are)? Is it general (the state of the world)? Is it both and maybe even something else altogether? Sometimes it really helps to write. Surprising things come up when you just start writing stream of consciousness. Have you ever tried meditation?