Depression 2.5 months after MDMA

[colin681996]

Need help as I have experiencing depression 2 months after MDMA use.

I have been experiencing depression for the last 2-2.5 months and has been apparantley been caused by MDMA. I have only had MDMA on 3 ocassions and 4 pills total in my life. These 3 ocassions were spread out over the space of 3 months. On both the first and third occasions I was under the influence of alcohol while popping the pills (half a pill on the first ocassion, a pill and a half on the third ocassion) Both the 1st and 3rd experiences were great experiences where as the 2nd time was not so great (feelings of emptiness + emotionless) Infact the day after the 2nd ocassion I felt a lot better than he did when he was under the influence. After the 3rd time Ihad the typical hangover the day after and a couple of bleak days after that. After these bleak days I began to feel back to his normal self, when suddenly a week or two later it seemed as if depression hit me out of nowhere. Ever since that day I haven't been quite the same (although in the pat few weeks things have been slightly better) I have drank 3 times since this and have also had a couple of cigarettes here and there. I encountered a panic attack in the first couple of days of this depression while lying in bed (tight chest, heavy breathing etc) which literally only lasted about a minute or two. My sleeping pattern was also messed up but that has improved over the past couple of weeks. I have also experienced numb feelings, blank thoughts (being in the moment) and lack of motivation. Also been having a serious lack of libido and some mornnigs I don't wake up with mornnig wood (which is happening more often than not). I have been trying my best to stick to a clean diet and exercise regularly also. Swiy would really appreciate help on this topic.

P.S - I do not want to be lectured on the mistakes he made and knows now, the mistakes he made. Swiy just wants people with helpful and hopeful answers

I really don't want to have to live the rest of life this way...... I just want to be normal again

 

[Strangestuff]

Ok--this is actually pretty common and it happened to me except mine was 3-4 weeks after.

You havent done any permanant damage but your body is probably out of homeostasis. Its likely hormone/nutrition related and knowing this now will help you. You could get it tested if you wanted to.

I suggest you read some of my past posts about this. The morning erection thing and libido really points to Testosterone problems. You are guna be ok once you get on the right track to recover.

Since its been 2 months Id advise you to get the hormone tests ive mentioned in other posts, and also add in some supplements. You should recover.

Some people will say "all in your head" but for cases like this with a totally delayed LTC it supports the hormone theory more.

 

[colin681996]

Ok--this is actually pretty common and it happened to me except mine was 3-4 weeks after.

You havent done any permanant damage but your body is probably out of homeostasis. Its likely hormone/nutrition related and knowing this now will help you. You could get it tested if you wanted to.

I suggest you read some of my past posts about this. The morning erection thing and libido really points to Testosterone problems. You are guna be ok once you get on the right track to recover.

Since its been 2 months Id advise you to get the hormone tests ive mentioned in other posts, and also add in some supplements. You should recover.

Some people will say "all in your head" but for cases like this with a totally delayed LTC it supports the hormone theory more.

Could you link me to a few of your posts? This really does suck, the things that bother me the most are the emotional numbness, lack of libido and lack of motivation. Can't drink for my 19th next week either which kind of sucks, but I guess I'll just have to give it a pass for my longterm health.

 

[Strangestuff]

Yea go look into this thread http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/757875-HPA-Dysfunction-(Adrenal-fatigue)-Discussion

Just go ask your dr for those tests I listed there---that should be the first thing done before pursuing any CBT or SSRIs or whatever. Cause if thats the problem--the treatment can be simpler with SERMs. When your cortisol/pregnenolone/progesterone especially are messed up you can get the numbing stuff and feel very "burnt out"/stressed for no reason.

Basically, for the testosterone problem, its probably due to GnRH downregulation caused by neurotransmitter dysfunction in the hypothalamus. There is a study in mice that documents this and it makes note of this as a possibility even for 1 time users. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18309234

 

[colin681996]

Yea go look into this thread http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/757875-HPA-Dysfunction-(Adrenal-fatigue)-Discussion

Just go ask your dr for those tests I listed there---that should be the first thing done before pursuing any CBT or SSRIs or whatever. Cause if thats the problem--the treatment can be simpler with SERMs. When your cortisol/pregnenolone/progesterone especially are messed up you can get the numbing stuff and feel very "burnt out"/stressed for no reason.

Basically, for the testosterone problem, its probably due to GnRH downregulation caused by neurotransmitter dysfunction in the hypothalamus. There is a study in mice that documents this and it makes note of this as a possibility even for 1 time users. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18309234

The lack of libido and the difficulty getting an erection has only been a problem recently.... I guess getting these tests done would not do any harm. What are these tests exactly? The way I think is not the same either. I used to think about the future and self improvement a lot, but i don't seem to think about that anymore, just blank thoughts really and nearly always assesing how I feel/think. Emotional numbness seems to be a problem too. I dont feel anxious or stressed. It just fucking sucks... it really does. Hard to believe that a pill and a half did this to me. I just wish I could have the old me back

 

[JWills20]

Ok--this is actually pretty common and it happened to me except mine was 3-4 weeks after.

C'mon now, BL is here to provide honest advice. It's not common at all that someone becomes depressed after using MDMA only three times. This is entirely misleading.

Its likely hormone/nutrition related and knowing this now will help you. You could get it tested if you wanted to.

Also unlikely and not likely. There's no convincing evidence anywhere other than rat studies which administer doses far higher than the typical human usage that very minimal MDMA use causes any kind of hormone/nutritional deficit. Misleading.

The morning erection thing and libido really points to Testosterone problems. You are guna be ok once you get on the right track to recover.

No it doesn't. Libido is far, far more complex than simply testosterone and instead a result of numerous factors. How horny you feel isn't simply a result of your testosterone level. I've found my libido has gone down too but this is perfectly normal as we begin to get older. Do I think MDMA caused me to lose libido? No I don't. I often don't wake up with morning wood whereas I used to. Do I think that's MDMA? No I don't. Things change as we get older. I'm no longer the horny 18-20 year old I used to be.

@OP I wouldn't bother going to your doctor to check your hormone level. I'd be very surprised if taking MDMA three times changed anything about how your hormones work on a daily basis. Remember that depression can be caused by all sorts of things most of which aren't drug-related. For example, I believe my depression stems from traumatic childhood experiences, lack of a father figure and an over-protective mother. Other causes of depression can be excessive amounts of stress, social withdrawal, bad sleeping patterns, poor diet etc etc. Have a think about your current lifestyle and you might find a reason for your current depression that's more realistic than your MDMA use. Especially since it all just 'happened' 2 months after MDMA. You could've got drunk 2 months before feeling depressed but would you be blaming your current depression on that alcohol usage? Probably not. Obviously I don't know you, but I say you might be using MDMA as a scapegoat reason for feeling how you are because it's easier than facing the real reasons? I used to do similar things just avoiding my issues instead of encountering them so I never really got over them. It's only now that I've had therapy that I'm beginning to tackle my issues and as a result becoming less depressed. But that's just me.

 

[colin681996]

C'mon now, BL is here to provide honest advice. It's not common at all that someone becomes depressed after using MDMA only three times. This is entirely misleading.



Also unlikely and not likely. There's no convincing evidence anywhere other than rat studies which administer doses far higher than the typical human usage that very minimal MDMA use causes any kind of hormone/nutritional deficit. Misleading.



No it doesn't. Libido is far, far more complex than simply testosterone and instead a result of numerous factors. How horny you feel isn't simply a result of your testosterone level. I've found my libido has gone down too but this is perfectly normal as we begin to get older. Do I think MDMA caused me to lose libido? No I don't. I often don't wake up with morning wood whereas I used to. Do I think that's MDMA? No I don't. Things change as we get older. I'm no longer the horny 18-20 year old I used to be.

@OP I wouldn't bother going to your doctor to check your hormone level. I'd be very surprised if taking MDMA three times changed anything about how your hormones work on a daily basis. Remember that depression can be caused by all sorts of things most of which aren't drug-related. For example, I believe my depression stems from traumatic childhood experiences, lack of a father figure and an over-protective mother. Other causes of depression can be excessive amounts of stress, social withdrawal, bad sleeping patterns, poor diet etc etc. Have a think about your current lifestyle and you might find a reason for your current depression that's more realistic than your MDMA use. Especially since it all just 'happened' 2 months after MDMA. You could've got drunk 2 months before feeling depressed but would you be blaming your current depression on that alcohol usage? Probably not. Obviously I don't know you, but I say you might be using MDMA as a scapegoat reason for feeling how you are because it's easier than facing the real reasons? I used to do similar things just avoiding my issues instead of encountering them so I never really got over them. It's only now that I've had therapy that I'm beginning to tackle my issues and as a result becoming less depressed. But that's just me.

Did you even read my post? It didn't just happen after 2 months this has been happening ever since a couple of weeks after my last roll. I have not felt the same since, there is definitley something wrong. BTW I am 18 and I shouldn't be experiencing this loss in libido. There definitley is something in wrong. 110%

 

[Strangestuff]

@jwillis

Actually this is not very well known but MDMA can cause HPA/hormone problems even after just 1 usage in people. Unfortunately, most doctors will dismiss you EVEN IF you get those tests cause the hormone tests will still technically be "normal" although when analyzed properly they wont be. Regular MDs dont do that--they look for diseases and thats not what im talking about.


Its the only way to explain depression in someone who is otherwise mentally healthy. Especially in these "delayed" LTC cases. It explains my case 100%. You need very astute physicians to diagnose this. Its not one of those LTCs that started directly after ecstasy either--it was delayed.

But once its properly diagnosed, you can get treated and recover quicker than if you did CBT or whatever.

The OP is absolutely right--the no libido/no morning erections is completely abnormal in a 19 year old. Loss of morning erection further would support physiological reasons so I suggest that the OP get tested without wasting time with CBT.

Also, after getting the tests, go to an anti-aging hormone MD not your run of the mill endocrinologist/family doctor cause they dont know this and will likely blame your problems as psychological.

Even without treatment you are young so should recover though. Libido is controlled by more than just testosterone though (the other hormones also come into play) so get the other hormone tests as well. Mucuna pruriens (L dopa) supplement may help with your mood/libido too so ask your dr about that.

At young ages, libido would generally be unaffected by "standard" depression or anxiety (unless on ssri). It is very unusual for someone between 18-20 to lose their sex drive based on "depression" alone which itself came randomly.

 

[Strangestuff]

Sorry I should be more clear about the nutrition part. What I meant is that if you have nutrition that isnt great (as in vit D deficiency, low zinc/magnesium, low ferritin, etc) then you become more vulnerable to this sort of hormone stuff or delayed LTC.

There are always biological predispositions to this. The stars align and its a perfect storm. So I encourage the OP to get this checked out.

 

[psyfiend]

Eye binged for over a month (daily). Somewhat OD'd near the end of that phase.

Aftermath: exercise helped more than anything. libido too. eye managed to fuxk for hours again on dissociatives/alkohol no problems whatsoever.

As for depression, it's a mental state. Yes the world appears to be dull without substances... you just have to re-discover happiness in mindless activities.

 

[colin681996]

@jwillis

Actually this is not very well known but MDMA can cause HPA/hormone problems even after just 1 usage in people. Unfortunately, most doctors will dismiss you EVEN IF you get those tests cause the hormone tests will still technically be "normal" although when analyzed properly they wont be. Regular MDs dont do that--they look for diseases and thats not what im talking about.


Its the only way to explain depression in someone who is otherwise mentally healthy. Especially in these "delayed" LTC cases. It explains my case 100%. You need very astute physicians to diagnose this. Its not one of those LTCs that started directly after ecstasy either--it was delayed.

But once its properly diagnosed, you can get treated and recover quicker than if you did CBT or whatever.

The OP is absolutely right--the no libido/no morning erections is completely abnormal in a 19 year old. Loss of morning erection further would support physiological reasons so I suggest that the OP get tested without wasting time with CBT.

Also, after getting the tests, go to an anti-aging hormone MD not your run of the mill endocrinologist/family doctor cause they dont know this and will likely blame your problems as psychological.

Even without treatment you are young so should recover though. Libido is controlled by more than just testosterone though (the other hormones also come into play) so get the other hormone tests as well. Mucuna pruriens (L dopa) supplement may help with your mood/libido too so ask your dr about that.

At young ages, libido would generally be unaffected by "standard" depression or anxiety (unless on ssri). It is very unusual for someone between 18-20 to lose their sex drive based on "depression" alone which itself came randomly.

The thing is I'm not quite sure if I'm mentally healthy..... And the depression didn't just come randomly. I started noticing it a couple of days/weeks after

 

[colin681996]

Eye binged for over a month (daily). Somewhat OD'd near the end of that phase.

Aftermath: exercise helped more than anything. libido too. eye managed to fuxk for hours again on dissociatives/alkohol no problems whatsoever.

As for depression, it's a mental state. Yes the world appears to be dull without substances... you just have to re-discover happiness in mindless activities.

Did you experience emotional numbness? Lack of motivation? Blank thoughts?

 

[colin681996]

Eye binged for over a month (daily). Somewhat OD'd near the end of that phase.

Aftermath: exercise helped more than anything. libido too. eye managed to fuxk for hours again on dissociatives/alkohol no problems whatsoever.

As for depression, it's a mental state. Yes the world appears to be dull without substances... you just have to re-discover happiness in mindless activities.

I hope I didnt do any permanent damage. If I did I might aswell end it........

 

[psyfiend]

^ check your pm.

 

[manboychef]

You cannot discount the fact that he may just be depressed like many other people, including myself. I have major depressive disorder, and OCD. Zoloft helps the depression and anxiety, and I use temazepam to sleep at night (helps turn off the obsessive thinking).

The OCD has been around since I can remember, but the depression came around the age of eighteen or nineteen. Life can be peculiar, but until you go seek proffessional, aka psychiatric help, you just have know way of knowing.

If you do get psychiatric help, they have laws that keep your information confidential, so definitely tell them about the use of MDxx and be completely honest about what you are feeling. I kept a journal of my thoughts and feelings, which helped with diagnosis.

Good luck.

 

[colin681996]

There were negative things in my life before ever using MDMA, but before my last roll I always looked to improve the negative aspects of my life. Now its like I don't give a fuck about them anymore. I feel depressed, think blankly, am basically emotionally numb and lack motivation over basically nothing. Im very worried about my mental health. I also have this weird tension/numbness in the right side of my head (Note: I did have this before in addition with tight neck and trapezius on the right side) Its like the joy has been sucked out of my life. I have lost love for the interests I did have. I fucking hate the new me. I really do.... I just can't believe how fucked up a pill and a half made me. I miss my life

 

[colin681996]

Yes I had similar symptoms last year which came on 1 month or so after usig once.

I really suggest you get those tests done and have them analyzed properly. "Normal" may not actually be normal with those tests so you have to push for answers and go for "optimal".

And in parallel you mighr want to see a psychologist/therapist. Tell them everything, including the low libido stuff and see what they have to say about this.

When your pregnenolone levels and cortisol levels are low, emotional numbing can happen easily.

What tests? I don't know what you are trying to direct me towards? and If all my hormones were in the 'normal' range then I would be 'normal'. I'd say the vast majority of the population are in the 'normal' range and are doing just fine. I'm just full of regret. Can't believe that this has happened to me. I well and truly have fucked up my life

 

[Strangestuff]

See the thread I linked to above. You primarily want to get your Testosterone, Cortisol, LH, FSH, ACTH, pregnenolone, TSH, free T3 tested.


Here is what I mean by "normal" not necessarily being "normal". The range for Testosterone is usually like 300-1200 ng/dL. However, if your level is like 400 ng/dL you can still have problems cause its low for your age. A 19 year old should easily be making 650-750+ Testosterone. However, the labs have not gotten to age adjusted ranges and so the "normal range" includes people from all the way up to 80 years old. Once you get the tests, you can look this stuff up and know what im talking about.

Another example: Pregnenolone range is <150. That tells us nothing though if your pregnenolone is like 20 you are "normal" but you really should be at the top like 150 and you can supplement pregnenolone yourself to see if it helps--its OTC. The test is meant to diagnose a tumor not this stuff thats why only the best drs (anti aging/functional) will interpret it properly and your regular MD wont.

Or cortisol: the range is 6-20 but if you are at the lower end then you can have problems still. Or if your cortisol isnt responding to the depression you are under (its a stress hormone and so it should go up with depression/anxiety). The best test is actually a 24 hr saliva test which gives your cortisol pattern all day and you can actually get one done yourself.

Read the adrenal fatigue thread. Its not fully recognized in mainstream medicine.

The main problem with the hormone tests is that to recover, you need to reset the levels to where they were before all this crap happened but the problem is nobody gets this stuff done before. Otherwise it would be easy to recover. So its really guesswork and trial/error with stuff like supplementing pregnenolone cream.

TLDR: Your body is out of homeostasis and now you have to repair it somehow by figuring out whats wrong and fixing it. It will take time to recover but you will get your old self back. go to a psychologist to rule out all the psychological stuff.

Any supplements you tried yet?exercise?

 

[colin681996]

Eye binged for over a month (daily). Somewhat OD'd near the end of that phase.

Aftermath: exercise helped more than anything. libido too. eye managed to fuxk for hours again on dissociatives/alkohol no problems whatsoever.

As for depression, it's a mental state. Yes the world appears to be dull without substances... you just have to re-discover happiness in mindless activities.

See the thread I linked to above. You primarily want to get your Testosterone, Cortisol, LH, FSH, ACTH, pregnenolone, TSH, free T3 tested.


Here is what I mean by "normal" not necessarily being "normal". The range for Testosterone is usually like 300-1200 ng/dL. However, if your level is like 400 ng/dL you can still have problems cause its low for your age. A 19 year old should easily be making 650-750+ Testosterone. However, the labs have not gotten to age adjusted ranges and so the "normal range" includes people from all the way up to 80 years old. Once you get the tests, you can look this stuff up and know what im talking about.

Another example: Pregnenolone range is <150. That tells us nothing though if your pregnenolone is like 20 you are "normal" but you really should be at the top like 150 and you can supplement pregnenolone yourself to see if it helps--its OTC. The test is meant to diagnose a tumor not this stuff thats why only the best drs (anti aging/functional) will interpret it properly and your regular MD wont.

Or cortisol: the range is 6-20 but if you are at the lower end then you can have problems still. Or if your cortisol isnt responding to the depression you are under (its a stress hormone and so it should go up with depression/anxiety). The best test is actually a 24 hr saliva test which gives your cortisol pattern all day and you can actually get one done yourself.

Read the adrenal fatigue thread. Its not fully recognized in mainstream medicine.

The main problem with the hormone tests is that to recover, you need to reset the levels to where they were before all this crap happened but the problem is nobody gets this stuff done before. Otherwise it would be easy to recover. So its really guesswork and trial/error with stuff like supplementing pregnenolone cream.

TLDR: Your body is out of homeostasis and now you have to repair it somehow by figuring out whats wrong and fixing it. It will take time to recover but you will get your old self back. go to a psychologist to rule out all the psychological stuff.

Any supplements you tried yet?exercise?

I dont have the money to be dishing out to get so many tests. I don't want to spend a load of money on tests for them to be ineffective. And ye Ive started taking a multi and a fish oil everyday. I do MMA, and get 2 hours training per day, except for sunday. I really do want to go to the doctor but many people say its pretty pointless, from searching through threads. I just don't know I feel pretty hopeless. When I felt normal, I was working on the problems that I do have, now this is thrown into the mix.....

 

[Strangestuff]

Well basically the thing to know even without tests is that if you do things to restore your hormones you will recover.

Technically, antidepressants (as well as therapy) also have effects on hormone levels. So you could look into that stuff if you dont want to go the direct route.

The problem is SSRIs will lower your libido further and may give you numbing. But you could look into other non ssri stuff with your dr?


I was in the exact same place as you were last year and now im a lot better once I got onto the right track. Theres lots of tracks to follow. 1) the hormone route 2) CBT (acceptance) 3)psych meds 4) Supplements--have you tried out magnesium or zinc?

So to recover you can go through any of those routes or combos.

Really suggest seeing a therapist+ KNOWLEDGABLE psychiatrist to get this stuff checked out. Most drs dont know about the effects of mdma but some psychiatrists out there would.