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my story whats happen to my brain?

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hardlife123

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 8, 2015
Messages
39
Hi guys I'm new here and here is my story : from 2013 january I started using MDMA and amphetamine I also taken weed from 2012. But I always overdosing MDMa I was young and stupid I didn't know nothing about MDMA I just love it and can't live without this. Every time I taken from2 to4pills at night I know that is horrible my record was 7mdma pills but it was because of bad MDMa I didn't felt nothing thats why I taken so much. Also I overdosing amphetamine about half gram at night. All drugs I stoped about 2013 june or july..I was using only 5 or 6months but not every day. Before stoping I felt strongest brain pain spasms I don't know if it was brain zap or what..but it was all day like epizodes If I moved fast or walk I get them it was with some light hard to describe..I even scream from the pain..after that day my life over..my vision after these zaps changed for 2years I seeing: verry low visual snow, shimmering flickering vision..if I look at walls it seems like all the white walls is shimmering or blinking..everywhere I look it's like constant blinking it's verry annoying at nights if I'm tired it get worse in dark room it looks like my door handle is moving verry fast up and down from shimmering..or like bugs walking verry fast it's because of this fast shimmering eye doc said that it's from my brain. Also later I start felt floating feeling like walking on a bot sensation..and it's everyday 24/7 for 2 years..now it's 2015 and my life is a hell..I was to hundred of doctors MRi scan is clear..doctors said anxiety but I'm not so anxious I just have mild depression from drugs. What they did what kind of brain damage it is? I know that is permament..because there is no improvement..my health is shit every morning I wake up and feeling like I drink last night. Every day I had head pressure..but the most annoying is vision and balance off feeling..is it will be the rest of my life?everything start after this strange pain or zaps in 2013 may..last time I taken drugs before 2years.. I'm so desperate and loosing hope..sorry for my english.
 
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Go to a doctor and run some more tests, including an appt to an ophthalmologist. If they are all coming out clear, then go see a mental health specialist. Psychology has a huge role in a person's physical well being.

Unfortunately, no one here can help you with this because that sounds like a lot. You need professional help. It's great that you're recognizing your own problems though. Though those kinds of problems are easy to spot for yourself or those in close proximity to you...

And lol at the hundreds of doctors. Even ten is overdoing it. You must be rich or have really good insurance coverage...plus a lot of time and lots of phone calls within 2 years...hmm.
 
^
Agreed. Also you might want a read of this thread. There you will find people who have experienced this before and could help you manage it. Welcome to the forum and good luck hardlife, I hope you're back to normal soon
 
Kl519- I did almost all posiblle tests..also eye doctors said that my eyes are good..they only see floaters but other things like blinking shimmering or snow it's going from my brain. I really don't believe that mental issue can cause this vision 24/7 for 2years. By the way I started SSRI drug for my mood. But what to do with my floating or ground soft sensation and vision problems I really don't know..and I'm not rich I just had good insurance. BlueBull thank you for welcoming me. I can't find in that thread if somebody have the same situation like me it seems like almost all have only mental issues but not physical like me.
 
You are lucky to be alive. With that much use you could have had worst problems. I´ve heard of mentally developed issues with MDMA.
I´d also suggest that you ask for more exams, including tests for labirintite as this floating feeling may have something to do with that.
Have you seen an neurologist. They are really good in case you need complementary brain exams IMO.
 
Erikmen- yes I really was dumb that I taken that much..I had all vestibular tests and it's clear. Also I was to 7 different neurologists and nobody can help me because they don't know what it is some say it's anxiety..but it really doesn't look for me like anxiety.
 
It may happen to anyone involved with substances. I´ve lost many years of my life and only time will tell if I can ever recover some of the damages.
I suggest you just give it sometime.
It´s part of our nature to heal and move forward. See the good things that has happened to your life.
Your decision to have a better life depends on you and the results may be beyond our control so try to relax, sleep and eat well, exercise if you can.
Wish you the best of luck!
Erik.
 
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Hard life you are the only person that has the exact same symptoms as me . I am on the mdma thread for recovery but you are the only one with the vision shimmering and shaking and i wake up like I'm drunk everyday . I'm fed up pm me yeah man I use to be a professional before this happened. Please pm me man
 
hardlife123 said:
Hi guys I'm new here and here is my story : from 2013 january I started using MDMA and amphetamine I also taken weed from 2012. But I always overdosing MDMa I was young and stupid I didn't know nothing about MDMA I just love it and can't live without this. Every time I taken from2 to4pills at night I know that is horrible my record was 7mdma pills but it was because of bad MDMa I didn't felt nothing thats why I taken so much. Also I overdosing amphetamine about half gram at night. All drugs I stoped about 2013 june or july..I was using only 5 or 6months but not every day. Before stoping I felt strongest brain pain spasms I don't know if it was brain zap or what..but it was all day like epizodes If I moved fast or walk I get them it was with some light hard to describe..I even scream from the pain..after that day my life over..my vision after these zaps changed for 2years I seeing: verry low visual snow, shimmering flickering vision..if I look at walls it seems like all the white walls is shimmering or blinking..everywhere I look it's like constant blinking it's verry annoying at nights if I'm tired it get worse in dark room it looks like my door handle is moving verry fast up and down from shimmering..or like bugs walking verry fast it's because of this fast shimmering eye doc said that it's from my brain. Also later I start felt floating feeling like walking on a bot sensation..and it's everyday 24/7 for 2 years..now it's 2015 and my life is a hell..I was to hundred of doctors MRi scan is clear..doctors said anxiety but I'm not so anxious I just have mild depression from drugs. What they did what kind of brain damage it is? I know that is permament..because there is no improvement..my health is shit every morning I wake up and feeling like I drink last night. Every day I had head pressure..but the most annoying is vision and balance off feeling..is it will be the rest of my life?everything start after this strange pain or zaps in 2013 may..last time I taken drugs before 2years.. I'm so desperate and loosing hope..sorry for my english.
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Although my past situation differs from yours in some ways, I once too experienced a midlife crisis after doing too much of a drug my freshman year of university. At first, I was not able to go to sleep due to getting nocturnal panic attacks. Eventually, I turned more introverted and only was sleeping about 3-4 hours a night for probably an entire month. Then, I was always thinking I was slowly losing my sanity and that I had something physically wrong with me. I often thought about suicide at times as well, and it really concerned my close friend. I also could not eat food for shit and probably lost ~10 pounds on top of that. You mentioned the levitation, feeling off balance, head pressure, vision snow... yes? I had all of those conditions too. I went to several doctors, but they all came to the same diagnosis: extreme anxiety. I am, however, not discounting either your emotions or experience at all. However, you should probably realize that the fact you are not convinced its anxiety or something more internal is another sign that it probably is anxiety. Anxiety can indeed impair your judgement in many ways. Things got better for me when I eventually realized I had to get it together or risk having to take a semester off freshman year. Yes, it is hard... but I totally empathize with you! Feel better and good luck. Sleep well, eat well. Exercise. Getting some professional help from a mental health specialist would also go a long way too (at first, I totally detested that shit... but it gets better). I am rooting for you.
 
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The above is spot on. I took an upper division health psychology class long ago, and I was surprised to learn how much our mental health can cause all sorts of physical problems. For example, stress and anxiety is very underestimated pertaining to the kinds of physical complications that they can cause. If you are sick, they can also cause you to stay sick longer or create additional problems. Not to mention that you can become ill from stress itself.

It's kind of a new area of study, and it shows because many people don't seem to be aware of it, or simply want to associate physical problems with only physical cures (like pills). Happiness really does cure a lot of things, most of them indirectly. That's pretty much the opposite of stress.

But if people are suffering physical problems and all of their physical tests are coming out clear, then it would be one's due diligence to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. It has a bad stigma attached to it, but mental health is real and millions of people seek help for it. Even though it was in my teens, I did too and there's nothing wrong with it. :)
 
Xelcesior said:
Although my past situation differs from yours in some ways, I once too experienced a midlife crisis after doing too much of a drug my freshman year of university. At first, I was not able to go to sleep due to getting nocturnal panic attacks. Eventually, I turned more introverted and only was sleeping about 3-4 hours a night for probably an entire month. Then, I was always thinking I was slowly losing my sanity and that I had something physically wrong with me. I often thought about suicide at times as well, and it really concerned my close friend. I also could not eat food for shit and probably lost ~10 pounds on top of that. You mentioned the levitation, feeling off balance, head pressure, vision snow... yes? I had all of those conditions too. I went to several doctors, but they all came to the same diagnosis: extreme anxiety. I am, however, not discounting either your emotions or experience at all. However, you should probably realize that the fact you are not convinced its anxiety or something more internal is another sign that it probably is anxiety. Anxiety can indeed impair your judgement in many ways. Things got better for me when I eventually realized I had to get it together or risk having to take a semester off freshman year. Yes, it is hard... but I totally empathize with you! Feel better and good luck. Sleep well, eat well. Exercise. Getting some professional help from a mental health specialist would also go a long way too (at first, I totally detested that shit... but it gets better). I am rooting for you.
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Hey thank you so much for support. But the thing is that I'm not extra anxious just sometimes,but symptoms 24/7 thats not since why they last 24/7.. Is your off balance feeling was epizodes or constant? And how is your vision is it back to normal? And for how long you had these symptoms?
 
hardlife123 said:
Hey thank you so much for support. But the thing is that I'm not extra anxious just sometimes,but symptoms 24/7 thats not since why they last 24/7.. Is your off balance feeling was epizodes or constant? And how is your vision is it back to normal? And for how long you had these symptoms?
Click to expand...

I understand why you would not think it is anxiety if you have had these symptoms every day for an extremely long time. However, you definitely do not have to be extra anxious 24/7 for anxiety-related symptoms to start physically manifesting at some level. I know that I was not definitely extra anxious all the time... there would be time periods in which I felt relatively calm, but I was still anxious to some level, which is all it really takes, honestly. My off balance feeling would come in episodes, especially whenever I was actually extremely anxious and losing my shit. I literally felt as if I were going to fall over all the time and sometimes I would miss a step walking... nausea, weakness, felt like vomiting, etc. My vision was not good, and that was probably due to severe sleep deprivation and anxiety combined. It would be blurry and 'snowy' at times. I still actually get 'visual snow' to this day... but I know it is nothing to freak out about... especially since all the doctors told me I was physically fine. I literally woke up one morning and felt like I could not breathe at all, and then I had 3 panic attacks that same day! I had these symptoms for about 2 months total.

If you are competent enough to post here, describe your problem on this website, and schedule all those redundant doctor appointments, odds are your brain is fine and it's just anxiety. I know you can and will get through this; you just got to get some professional help if it is accessible for you and tackle the root of the problem. Feel free to PM me if you want. Sending you positive thoughts. :)
 
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My vision is still weird / warped 2 years on. The night vision also massively deteriorated. This all happened after a one off (my first) mdma experience
 
Do you also feel that you are not really in the moment. In my opinion this problem (even the vision issue) is due to depersonalization/derealisation
 
kracke said:
Do you also feel that you are not really in the moment. In my opinion this problem (even the vision issue) is due to depersonalization/derealisation
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Yes man I'm feeling sometimes like I'm in dream and everything is not real. But can depersonalization cause the vision problems for 2years? And is it treatable?
 
By the way, saw that you tried to PM me but my inbox was full. Just cleared it out. (Tried to PM you but yours was full too lolll) Shoot me a message whenever you want.
 
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